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I’ve browsed through the collection of stories on this website before, and I have always silently congratulated myself on avoiding such boorish and awkward behaviour. I thought that, while I may not be the most polite, well behaved person in the world, I was exceptionally polite for someone my age.
I no longer feel that way.
A few days ago, while out Christmas shopping with a friend, we stopped to have a snack and a rest at a local cafe. While I was there, a lady with a large scar down her face walked in, and seated herself at the table opposite me. I am pleased to say that nobody in the cafe gawped, and the waitress was calm and professional as she served her. I felt a rush of happiness to witness the impeccable manners of those around me. It was not to last long.
After our snack, my friend excused herself. Bored in her absence, I began to daydream, staring off into space.
A deliberate cough returned me to reality. To my shock and horror, I had been staring, almost gawping, directly at the lady with the scar! She was understandably upset, and quickly left the cafe. In my shock and embarrassment, I did not manage to explain to her what had happened.
My friend returned to find me silent and shocked, while most of the cafe patrons shot me disapproving and even openly hostile looks. I felt like an insensitive boor.
What should I do if this ever happens again? What should I say if I encounter the lady again – should I explain what happened, or simply let it go? 1220-11
While you did not mean any harm, every observer around you interpreted your actions to be rude. Just suck it up as a consequence of being inattentive to where your eyes were focused and rest in the knowledge that you were the sole catalyst for a cafe full of people believing they made the world a better place with their unified disdain to perceived rudeness.
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This Facebook status above recently appeared on a friend’s status. I think we could make the argument that bragging about your good manners is, in itself, bad manners, and people raised to be tactful do not go publicizing this in a way that is not tactful. It could be argued that people have the right to make whatever declarations they wish from the pulpit of their Facebook status as well. I draw the line of free expression at using it to manipulate people into taking action that serves the purposes only of the manipulator. I cannot begin to say how offensive this Facebook Status is. To declare that people who do not re-post the statement into their own statuses must be proof of their poor upbringing is over the top in guilt manipulation and wrong assumptions. It casts aspersions on every parent out there. I do not see any positive value that would edify people who read it. It furthers nothing but arrogance and disdain.
I’ve finally opted to block the person on my friend list who keeps publishing these manipulative declarations to her Facebook status. A prior private appeal to stop has gone unheeded and to be honest, I choose to not expose myself to people who seem intent on promoting the negative as opposed to being a positive influence.
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My mother survived her battle with breast cancer last year and is, in every way, an inspiration. Likewise, my father beat colon cancer and, in the process, lost his foot to cardiovascular disease but hasn’t let it stop him in any way, shape or form. I note this only because everyone has their own stories, their own inspirations and their own causes.
For those unfamiliar, on Facebook, occasionally you will get an “in-box” message from a friend telling you what “code” to use to post cheeky status updates in support of ___________ (insert cause here – breast cancer, multiple sclerosis, shingles, etc…). Likewise, you will often see people post status updates in support of the causes that they are fond of, asking others to also copy and paste the verbiage in their own status update.
Sometimes, I play along, other times I just pass right by them…
I have one friend, Sally, who, each and every time one of these pops up, feels compelled to respond with something akin to: “Sorry, Betty. This ain’t my cause and I will do nothing to support it, regardless of how it may or may not have affected your life. My cause is Sally’sCause and Sally’sCause only and I can do, say or type nothing in support of anything other than Sally’sCause. Sorry if that upsets you, but that’s the way it is.”
I have no issue with her choosing her own worthy cause to support and, the cause that she has chosen, she does often raise money for in various ways and she is not, in fact, pushy or over-the-top in her solicitations. My issue is only with how snarky and borderline nasty her response is each and every time someone posts something or solicits donations for a cause other than the one that she has chosen to favor. Our one girlfriend’s father recently passed away after a debilitating illness and when my girlfriend chose to participate in a fundraising walk in his honor, Sally responded to her exactly the same way as she always does. I so badly wanted to call her up and scold her for being so insensitive and inconsiderate, but then decided that I might then be at fault for butting in.
Is she wrong for doing this? Is there any way that I can get her to understand that she doesn’t HAVE TO respond and that her lack of response will serve as her declination AND eliminate the possibility that she look like an insensitive louse? Please know that this particular friend is confrontational to the extreme, so treading carefully is absolutely necessary. 1107-11
I really dislike those guilt manipulative Facebook statuses that describe some heinous situation or cause and end with some guilt manipulative command that to copy this text into your own Facebook status with the implication that if you don’t you are are a callous, evil, indifferent person. A friend of mine does this type of Facebook status very frequently. When she posted one that said, paraphrased, “If you had cancer or know someone who has cancer or died of cancer, copy and paste this into your status. Real friends and loved ones who deeply care about their friends and family will put this in their Facebook status but only 10% of you actually will do it.” I privately emailed her writing, “I have had cancer, my sister-in-law and my father have died of cancer, my father-in-love has cancer and to imply that I do not care about them because I do not wish to cut and paste your status into my status is guilt manipulative and hurtful.” She replied that her status was meant for a broader audience and that she wasn’t targeting me. I am fully aware of that but that “broader audience” is her friends and family, not the general public. She still posts statuses like this and I ignore them.
Is Sally wrong to reply as she does? You betcha! She’s involved herself in a Facebook status charity warfare pitting her favorite charity or cause against everyone else’s. It’s one thing to use your personal Facebook wall to push your personal agendas but it’s entirely another “thing” when you traipse over to other people’s walls and push your personal agenda there. Sally should learn to let it go and mind her own charity on her own wall.
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