Hello there, I’m hoping to get some insight into a small problem I’m having with a good friend.
I loaned my good friend around $500 in January. We’ve been friends for years and she’s normally very responsible and a loyal friend. The job market for her field isn’t the greatest, so when she was job searching last autumn, she was only able to find a job that gives part-time hours to new hires. I loaned her the money, and she assured me that she’d pay me back within two months, once her situation evened out and she accrued more hours. My husband and I had no problem with these terms.
That was a few months ago. She paid me a small sum of money in February, but she still owes me a few hundred dollars. In the past few months, she’s flown across the country for a weekend trip and then invited me on another trip she’s planning in a few months. She’s also posting pictures rather often on Facebook when she’s out at bars, restaurants and clubs. I have no problem with her having fun, but I know that going out twice a week can get expensive, especially if you factor in dinner and a cab ride. When we talked about her paying me back (one month ago and then a week ago), her reasoning is always the same; she said she still needs to get her finances in order and she’s really embarrassed that she owes me money.
I guess I’m feeling a little judgemental that she’s “living the high life” (or at least giving the impression on social media), but still owes us hundreds of dollars. We are trying to save up for a down payment on a house, and right now, every penny and every point on our credit score counts. I’m just not sure how to address it with her that I think it’s inappropriate that she’s spending all of this money and still owes us. I know it could always be worse, it IS only a few hundred dollars, not thousands, but it’s also the principle of the matter. But I don’t know what to say to her that expresses that the grace period has come and gone, and we’d like the money back based on the terms we agreed to.
Thanks so much for any insight 🙂 0427-15
You should accept the fact that you will never see that money again, write it off as a lesson learned and never, ever loan this person money or anything of tangible value to her again.
This topic is a bit lowbrow, but here it is:
I just used a ladies’ room and someone had “hovered” and not wiped the seat. Ugh. But that reminded me of a situation at work a few years ago….
I worked at a manufacturing site, in the admin building. The entire site had about 15 buildings, widely scattered on the grounds. About 18 women worked in the admin building with 25 men. The admin ladies’ room had three sinks and three stalls. There was very low employee turnover, so we were all used to each other’s restroom etiquette, and we were a neat group, wiping up splashes on the counter top, refilling paper towel and tp dispensers when empty, etc.
This day there was a meeting in one of the conference rooms in the admin building, and two of the attendees were women who worked in other buildings as managers, which meant they “out-ranked” all of the women in the admin building. The meeting lasted all day, taking breaks and a lunch hour. One of the admin regulars told me, as I entered the restroom mid-morning, “Don’t use the third stall! Someone “hovered” and wet the whole seat!” Wet seats never happened with our normal group, so it had to be one of the two females at the meeting. At lunchtime, another co-worker stopped by our office and said that TWO seats were now all wet. By mid-afternoon, all three toilets had wet seats. Apparently, the hover-er had moved on to a clean stall each time, until all were soiled, leaving us to either clean up her urine or hike five to ten minutes to the nearest building with a bathroom. A few of our group finally located some gloves and attacked the seats with cleaners and paper towels so we could use the bathroom.
So rude! 1113-18
I love this. Just goes to show that sometimes humor can be a more effective means to get a point across.
I have a question for e-hell. I have a co-worker who I manage (she reports to me). She is currently pregnant and going on maternity leave soon. She is a very sweet girl from a personality perspective (to other people) but is a NIGHTMARE as someone to work with. She is exceptionally lazy, doesn’t get work done (which I have to then do to avoid missing important deadlines), she comes in to work late and leaves early, spends all her time talking on the phone or surfing the ‘net, she has even fallen asleep at her desk before. She doesn’t have a medical condition, aside for being pregnant, but she milks it where she can. She takes time off for every tiny reason, including tummy aches and headaches and is pretty much the worst worker I have ever known.
The problem is she is generally popular in the office because no one but me experiences her bad behavior. I am always doing her work, because as her manager I am the one who will get into trouble if it isn’t done. She has also lied to me on a few occasions. Recently, a close friend of mine passed away and I couldn’t be at the funeral because she had let me down for a deadline. I therefore don’t personally like her very much and don’t feel hugely generous towards her. I remain civil with her, but I am not taken in by her “bubbliness”.
My problem is that, because she reports to me, people expect ME to throw her a baby shower. This would have to be done at my personal expense (to buy decorations, food and a present) and I unfortunately am having financial issues. I might be inclined to borrow money if it was someone I really loved and wanted to throw a shower for – but how should I handle this when I don’t want to reward her bad treatment of me in the first place??? I am getting nasty comments from people about how mean I am being by not setting a date for the shower and organizing one.
It’s been my opinion for years that work-related wedding and baby showers should either be an employer provided benefit that is done on company time and company expense or it is a private affair planned and paid for by individual employees interested in hosting a shower off the clock and off property. If your company protocol for years has been that management hosts a shower at the manager’s expense and on company time, you are screwed. You cannot now play “non-favorites” and decline to benefit one particular employee. If the protocol in your company is that individuals can plan showers for fellow co-workers off the clock, by all means encourage one of the employees to own that hosting duty. Ignore people who want all the fun of someone else working their backside off to host a party they are not willing to host themselves.