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I’ve come across an unusual situation, I am Bridesmaid to a long time friend of mine this year (and very happy to be one too!). She’s a wonderful friend and I’m so very very happy she’s getting married. She has asked us to pick our dresses from a selection of 3 (different styles of the same dress). These dresses are a little pricey and start at $500 dollars for the basic, the style I’ve chosen is an extra $150 but much more flattering. Bride is paying for the basic cost but has said we pay for the tailoring & the extra for a different style (around $250 total). I am happy to pay this as I actually really like my dress and would be able to wear it again, and not just to a wedding.

Here’s the catch! Bride has now said she intends to sell our dresses after the wedding, meaning we have to give them back so she can sell & keep the profit. I have clarified this with her and she fully intends to keep any money made (no reimbursement to us) and expects to get about $250 per dress. I’m a little gobsmacked, and really not sure I’m happy with this? Is this normal? Am I being a snowflake or is this an etiquette breach on her part?

For the record, at my wedding I bought all the dresses, paid tailoring and hair & makeup. I also paid for cottages for my bridal party (and partners) for the night of the wedding so they wouldn’t incur any hotel costs. Should I suck it up? Would it be wrong to offer to pay $200 for the dress, it feels like I’m throwing away the money I put in if it’s just sold. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Think of the situation as a business deal. The bride invested $500 into the base cost of the dress and you invested $150 plus the cost of tailoring in order to achieve the final product that meets with the bride’s approval. You and the bride are mutual partners/investors. If the bride sells the dresses, she’s not reaping a profit but rather being reimbursed for the cost of the dresses. However, she is not the sole owner of each dress. You own part of the dress you paid into. It is not fair for her to recoup part of her expenses while you are denied any part of that.

The bride should split the money earned …perhaps keeping 2/3rd and giving you 1/3 of the sale revenues. Or you offer the buy the dress from her.


The Bad Boss Who Thinks She’s A Doctor

I worked for a company for nearly 15 years.  I started out as full time, then hours fluctuated due to economic issues.  (Some weeks, I worked without knowing when I would get paid again).

In 2013, my stepdad passed away from cancer.  My mom and I were, naturally, devastated.  I called my boss to let her know that I would not be in on Monday. (He died on a Sunday).  She told me I could have Monday off with pay, but she wasn’t paying for any other bereavement time because he died on a weekend!

Come to 2016.  My mom died unexpectedly at home early Saturday morning, midnight.  I was completely destroyed, understandably, having been an only child and her dying in my arms.  I called to tell her and let her know I would not be in Monday.  Same thing.

Christmas Eve the same year.  I was visiting my old neighbor, dropped off presents for the grandbabies and visited.  My text was going off like crazy, but I ignored it.  I stopped at a restaurant for dinner (was a family tradition) and checked messages before I went in.  Her daughter ordered something for her son and it didn’t arrive.  I had to go to the office and figure it out for her daughter (who is my age, 40’s).  I ended up missing my church service because of it.

The best is yet to come… I had been having a lot of pain and only working half days because of it.  I finally called in sick and asked my neighbor to bring me to the ER because I literally fell on the floor in pain.  (I crawled to my front door).  I ended up being admitted, and found out I needed emergency surgery.  I got a call the day after I was operated on, pain pump, drain, whole 9 yards.  She wanted to know when I was going back to work!!!  My co-worker brought me flowers and said that she suggested that the office send me flowers.  “It costs too much”.  I was in for a week.  No visit, no further calls.  She called me at home almost every day with questions.  Note that we don’t have short term disability in this state and I wasn’t getting paid.

A few months later, I went to my doctor.  I was having a lot of pain and he wanted me to go to the hospital because I needed my gallbladder removed.  I had to call the office to see if I could get a ride to the hospital, he didn’t want me to drive.  My co-worker put me on hold to ask boss, who started to scream at me.  My doctor heard her and asked for the phone.  He told her I needed to go to the hospital, he was afraid of my gallbladder bursting.  She told him that it couldn’t.  He asked her where she got her degree!!!  She finally gave in.

Needless to say, she replaced me 4 months later.  New girl informed me, in the parking lot (I was training her) that my last day was Thursday.  This was on a Tuesday and I was off the following day.  My replacement left in March, after completely changing everything and donating things she wasn’t supposed to. 0121-19


Re-Couping The Cost of The Coop

This happened a couple of years ago, but it still amazes me. My soon to be ex-sister in law “Sandy” was getting divorced from my husband’s brother after many years of marriage. This was all amicable on their part and we were still friendly with her. Sandy was a bit entitled though, and over the years had asked me for free art and design services. I always tried to help her when I could because she was family, but she could be quite demanding and acted like she had actually “hired” me (plus the art/design thing is a side gig-not my full-time job). I learned very quickly to never order fabric or wallpaper for her though, because she tended to be slow in repaying me.

So fast forward to my husband building a nice chicken coop (on wheels) that we could move around our yard. It matches our house-right down to the siding and roof (he used leftover lumber/materials from when we built our house). She saw it on social media and messages me after months of no contact wanting one for her son. I replied with OK-I will have to ask my husband and get back with her. I ask him, and he begrudgingly says yes …. but tells me that he really doesn’t think she wants it for our nephew, and she will have to buy all the lumber/supplies before he makes it (approximately $300.00-$400.00), but he will not charge her labor. That seems fair to me, so I call her and tell her this. I get dead silence on the phone…. followed with, “Why do I have to buy the lumber and supplies? Can’t we use some of the lumber leftover from when we built our house to make her one too?” My reply-“No, we don’t have enough lumber for that.” Then she asks can we buy the lumber/supplies and she will pay us, and my reply to that was also no. I ended the call with “think about it and get back with me”. She never did get back with me. She got her mother to buy the nephew a pre-made coop that lasted for about 4 months before they no longer had an interest in chickens, and she gave it away. 0107-19

Yeah, there are people in this world who think supplies and materials grows on trees and magically appears when asked for.

In regards to Sandy’s “quite demanding” behavior and “acting like she had actually ‘hired’ ” you, in the rare situations where I have donated my services and labor and in return I’ve been treated like the hired help, my standard reply is, “I”m sorry but the privilege of speaking to me in that manner will cost you $XXXXX.” You want to talk down to me like the hired help? That will cost you.


Feel Good – Perfect 10.0

WOW! Katelyn Ohashi received a perfect 10.0 score for her floor routine at the Collegiate Challenge in Anaheim, CA on January 12, 2019.


My grandson has been away at college, and we’ve barely seen him in months.   Some weeks ago, his parents sent out the information for his graduation, which will require a 6-hour car drive and a hotel stay of at least one night.    The graduation is Friday morning.
Last week we were given more information.   He is free all day Thursday, but will have to leave immediately after graduation on Friday, and we won’t see him again for several months.
So, yesterday I get a text from his mother.   They are requesting that only his “immediate” family (mother, father, younger siblings) spend the day with him on Thursday, the rest of us are invited to dinner Thursday night.   Now, I don’t care because I won’t be arriving until late Thursday afternoon anyway, but his other grandparents had planned to go earlier to spend more time with him. 
To me, this is a slap in the face to his other grandparents,  who practically raised the boy until his parents finally got their act together. 
Thoughts? 0116-19

I’ve seen this done with “small, intimate” weddings where allegedly only immediate family are invited but grandparents are excluded.

So, a parent or the parents inform extended family that the graduate will be home all day Thursday prior to graduation day and then a week later inform these same family members that they are now excluded from Thursday visitation. That’s inconsiderate, at best. The first announcement has the implied message to guests to make their travel plans accordingly in order to have time with the graduate on Thursday. Once those plans have been made, a new message is sent explaining that family guests are not welcome to show up on Thursday after all.

There is also an underlying assumption that the parents can act as their adult son’s social secretary, screening who can socially interact with him. While parents can dictate their own house rules and hosts can set the guest list, what a 22 year old man does outside of the parental home is not under parental control. In other words, grandson is quite capable of meeting grandparents for coffee or a short lunch outside of the home on Thursday.

So OP, what does your grandson have to say about this? Is he on board with the idea of not seeing any grandparents prior to dinner?