Feel Good Friday – It’s a Beautiful Day

by admin on February 23, 2018

…you’re going to be just fine.

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Translation Frustration

by admin on February 22, 2018

My husband and I love, love, love to travel. We take 2 trips per year, always by ourselves for our anniversary and then sometimes with my family for the other ones.

We would travel regardless of my family but they love to travel as much as I do and we enjoy traveling together very much. My husband’s family has expressed hurt feelings that we have never taken a trip with them. This surprised me because none of them travel often and also traveling takes some planning and not a single one of them are good at planning.

My husband has decided that we will take a family cruise this year. His thought is that this way no one has to be the hostess and with a large group we can be together as much or as little as we like, separating during the day to do activities we enjoy but eating together in the evening.

I think this is a fantastic way for a large family to travel and I think this would be a lot of fun.

Now to the problem. My husband’s family is from another country. Although they have all lived in the U.S for close to 20 years and speak English fluently on a daily basis, when they are together they speak in their native tongue. I understand why but this often leaves me feeling like an outsider and frustrated. My husband, try as he might, always forgets to translate as they speak and I have to constantly nudge him. I finally gave up on that and often just sit with a large group of people feeling like I’m just listening to noise. I’m learning the language but it is extremely difficult and I only catch words here and there and can’t follow the conversation.

They have even done this in my home, which is very rude in my opinion, and my husband had to keep reminding them to speak English. He feels comfortable doing this in our home but not anywhere else. (I need to add he is the youngest and quite shy).

When I think of spending a week of my hard earned money and time sitting there in a huge group not knowing what’s going on, I can hardly stand the thought. How miserable I would be!! As it is now I only have to put up with it a few hours at a time.

I have asked my husband if I could invite my family along so I would have someone to talk to and he thinks his family would be upset by that because we would be intruding on their family time. I explained why and he understands but thinks it would cause tension.

I only get to travel twice per year and I am not willing to give up one of those trips to be cut off from communication.

Any advice for how to approach this? 0425-17

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A friend of my sister’s got married on New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago. As was expected, everybody there had a really nice time, stayed up very late and drank far too much. My sister and her friends all had rooms at the hotel and were planning on staying the night. The sister of the groom, Lilly was there, of course, with her young son, Jack (about 4 or 5) and husband – they also had a room.

It was about 2 am and the guests were still at the hotel ballroom partying including Lilly and Jack. Jack, at this point, was dead on his feet and was whining to leave but Lilly wasn’t finished partying and ignored him until . . . one of the guests, Billy, was joking around (beer in hand) telling a rip roaring good story with a string of expletives that clearly wasn’t meant for Jack’s young ears. At this point, Lilly sprang into action, ripped Billy apart for swearing in front of her young son. Billy felt absolutely terrible about it and apologized up one side and down the other but Lilly would have none of it. She continued to berate and humiliate Billy in front of everyone and then stomped off with Jack in hand. After that, Billy and companions all left as well, that clearly ended the party.

My sister felt that Billy really didn’t intend for Jack to hear what he said – and at this point (2 in the morning) didn’t think his story was being told in the vicinity of young children who should have been in bed. Lilly should have dutifully put Jack to bed at a more appropriate time (perhaps midnight since it was New Year’s Eve and his uncle’s wedding) or sent Jack home early with family (like her husband’s parents) or at least, told Billy quietly and nicely that Jack was still there listening instead of humiliating him. 0117-18

Lily had an obligation to provide care for her pre-school-aged son, Jack, who clearly needed to be in bed asleep at 2 a.m.   It sounds to me that Lilly has internal anger or guilt at having this conundrum (enjoy the party while Jack whines to go to bed or be the parent and retire to the hotel room so that Jack can sleep) so she lashes out at Billy.  In a sense it is easier to make Billy the bad guy who forces Lilly to leave the party in the name of defending Jack’s ears from hearing expletives rather than Lilly leaving to take care of her son.

Regardless, it’s boorish behavior that cast a pall over the other wedding guests.

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Expressions of Gratitude For The Win!

February 20, 2018

Hello, I’ve got a question on thank you notes. Growing up we weren’t expected to send thank you notes. I’m now 26 and trying to rectify that. I’m aware that after a wedding you should send thank you notes, but I was recently told by someone that past twenty one or so thank you notes […]

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Wedding Wednesday – Pumping, Snacking And Baby

February 14, 2018

Dear Miss Jeanne and readers of e-hell, I have a dilemma and I need some etiquette advice! I gave birth to my second son 14 weeks ago, next week there is a family wedding. Children are not invited, which is absolutely fine – my parents have agreed to take care of both of the children […]

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