Category: Neighbors

I grow a well-liked flower in my garden and often have 100+ flowers when it is season. I am also one of the few people in my town that grows this flower. In the past I have had no problem with neighbors asking for some of these flowers for their personal use……until this happened.

A couple of years ago I was approached by neighbor #1 that lives down the street asking me if her adult daughter could have some flowers from my garden. I did not know her well, but I had given her friend that also lives down the street (neighbor #2) flowers off and on for a couple of years for her personal use. I said that neighbor #1 could have her daughter come over and get some flowers. They came over and got 10-15 blooms, said thank you and were gone. A couple of days later the daughter messages me on social media and asks if she can have some more flowers. I thought this was odd but said OK as these are big flowers, so 10-15 blooms are a lot of flower. She came over and commented it was so great I was helping her out, got about 10 more blooms, thanked me and left.

After this I was messaged by several people on social media asking if I am now selling flowers to the new florist in town, because they are seeing the flower I grow all over her social media page. Yep, it’s neighbor #1’s daughter. She was using the free flowers I gave her in $60.00 plus flower arrangements to start her new company. I was not happy, and when neighbor #2 asked for some flowers later that same week I told her that I was not very happy her friend (neighbor #1) had used me to get her daughter free flowers. She hemmed and hawed, so I knew she was in on it. When confronted with this, neighbor #2’s only concern was if she could continue to get free flowers. Now neighbor #1 and neighbor #2 start backtracking. The daughter sent me one of her arrangements as a thank you (at least she made one that did not include my own flowers). I did not blame the daughter, I think she was told that I would be OK with giving her the flowers by her mother. At this point I thought it had blown over and I would not be giving away any more flowers.

But no….it gets better. The next week my new next-door neighbor (Ann) comes over to tell me a lady was in my yard on her red golf cart snooping around the yard when we were not home (middle of the afternoon on a work day). Ann comes over and asks her who she is and why is she in my yard. She tells Ann she lives down the street and thought she lost something in our yard? Ann tells her she doesn’t need to be in our yard when we are not home, so she leaves. It was neighbor #1. Yes-neighbor #1 came into our yard when we were not home snooping around trying to get some more free flowers, and got busted by Ann. After this neighbor #1 had the nerve to come back the next night and ask if she could BUY some flowers-my answer no. She also never apologized for being caught in our yard (I said something to her about it). She had the attitude she was entitled to be there. Have not spoken to neighbor #1 since then.

Now neighbor #2 who had been getting free flowers for her personal use decided last summer to act like nothing ever happened and ask me for flowers. My answer was No, that will not be possible. Neighbor #2 huffed and puffed and proclaimed that I owed her those flowers, that everyone in the neighborhood knew I had too many of them! No- was then my go to answer, and she did not get any flowers. Neighbor #2 now doesn’t speak to me either.

As for the daughter with the florist shop, she asked me last summer to buy some flowers. I did sell her a few but made it very clear to her that her mother would not be picking them up from my house. I am not sure if I will sell her any flowers this summer…. depends on the price.   0627-18

Everyone reading this will want to know what kind of flower this is that has the power to entice people to lie, cheat and steal to get it. Football mums? Peonies?

We live in a very large, but tight-knit community that stays in close communication via a private Facebook group. As one of the Administrators of the group, I’ve had the “pleasure” of creating and enforcing rules and boundaries in this online world. Over the years, rules and guidelines have had to be created and I’m pleased to say it is has become a fairly civil group that mostly self-enforces kindness, courtesy and consideration of neighbors.

One common-themed argument has come up several times in the last month. Whenever an ambulance or fire truck is seen in front of a house, neighbors take to the internet to immediately ask what is going on and if everyone is alright. Many folks have such care and love for their neighbors that they really do want to know if everyone is alright. If it is someone they know (and even someone they don’t), they want to know if the family/person needs help or assistance. Others feel this is a huge invasion of privacy. While there have been elderly neighbors who have fallen, and then appreciated the outpouring of support while they recover, there are also neighbors who have undergone trauma or loss that is understandably something they want to deal with privately.

One way we Admins have dealt with this is to make a rule that house numbers and addresses are not allowed to be posted unless approval of the homeowner has been given. Block numbers are allowed, but no pinpointing of exact neighbors. We ask that all neighbors communicate via private messaging about personal information and we do delete posts with sensitive information about neighbors. Again, this information must be approved by the neighbor before posting.

Despite a pretty good record of kindness this past year, last month (in the course of two days) we lost two community members to suicide. I woke up to the group FILLED with questions about “who died?” “I heard there was a suicide! Who was it?” and this month, once again, “I hear there was a homicide at [exact address], does anyone have details?”

These community members all have family on the page. I cannot in my right mind fathom how neighbors can have such a lack of empathy and respect. A few close friends found out about the death via these kinds of posts. We admins deleted these posts and privately messaged the posters. We requested that they keep their questions silent out of respect for the family and to allow them the privacy they deserve during these tough times. Most people were very understanding. Some seem confused as to what the problem was. Invariably, the families came forward and posted information about a the upcoming viewing and funeral for those who want to attend. Better connected neighbors sent out requests for food delivery or other support as needed.

In this world of instant gratification of knowledge, it is nice–on one hand–to know that neighbors still deep down care about one another. But for the love of your neighbors… take a moment to privately ask a friend or a neighbor for information or have patience. I cannot imagine the pain of going online only to read unending questions about your loved one. 1102-17

I am also on a community forum but, as yet, we have not had to deal with this issue.   The closest situation was about 6 weeks ago and I posted the inquiry.  I had witnessed a horrific accident right in front of my house and was a first responder on the scene. The vehicle turning left into the subdivision across from my house had been hit so hard that it had flipped upside down crumbling the small pick up truck’s roof.  We could not get the driver out and waited for the fire department to use the jaws of life.  He was alive when he was removed. I asked our group if he was a resident in the subdivision or a service vendor (within a larger context of discussing the dangerous intersection and what we need to do to fix it).   The family then replied with the information of who he was and the extent of the injuries.

I live on the second floor of a three-plex. My roommates and I had the following letter placed in our mailbox (one of them threw it out before I got to it to make this post, so this is transcribed as best I can remember):

Dear Residents of [Our Address]:
We have a concern we want to raise with you. We are asking you to please be aware of when and how much you walk around in your apartment, especially at night when the noise makes it hard for us to study and sleep, and especially on the right side of the building.

Thank you,
Your Downstairs Neighbors

Now, I would understand if we were stomping around or blasting music, but all we were doing was walking! Now, this apartment is rather old and creaky (and believe me, it’s as annoying for us, since we’re still below another apartment, as it is for them), but we weren’t doing anything particularly out of the ordinary, the floors were carpeted, and none of us were even in the habit of wearing shoes in the apartment. The right side of the building was also where all of our bedrooms were, and the only hallway leading to the bathroom, so it wasn’t like we could stay out of that part of the unit.

To her credit, my roommate replied with a very courteous note that was basically a longer version of the Ehell-approved “I cannot accommodate your request” (detailing briefly the fact that one roommate had a very early class, two of us worked until after 10pm, and one roommate’s dog occasionally needed to go out in the middle of the night, and also saying that we were sorry for the problem and see what we could do), but I was shocked by the person or people who would send a request like that. What do you think? 1216-13

I think it’s always better to communicate rather than have neighbors who say nothing but instead retaliate with amplified noise making of their own or who complain continually to the landlord.