Category: Etiquette…In General

The current hugging phenomenon annoys me to no end. I am not a hugger and yet I have to field off hugs from well intentioned people who want to comfort, express affection, or greet me with full frontal hugs. It seems a little too personal given the actual degree of the relationship. I hug close family, usually sideways, but almost never hug people outside of my family.

And the use of hugs in a professional context is an odd considering that the action is of a personal nature in a non-personal environment of business. I do not need a hug from work colleagues, any service provider or vendor or my boss (assuming I had one). A good, solid handshake will do just fine. Given the recent emphasis on work place sexual harassment, it baffles me that anyone in a work environment would hug anyone. Just don’t.

The video below offers some creative ways to avoid a hug without causing a scene or hurt feelings.

Hello, I’ve got a question on thank you notes. Growing up we weren’t expected to send thank you notes. I’m now 26 and trying to rectify that. I’m aware that after a wedding you should send thank you notes, but I was recently told by someone that past twenty one or so thank you notes are no longer necessary for gifts. Is this true? I’ve started sending them for birthday and Christmas gifts for more distant connections, like my step aunt for example. Often these gifts are gift cards and I was also informed you “never thank someone for a gift card with a card”. I’m second guessing this and I wondered what the consensus is? I’m enjoying writing out thank yous so I hope I’m not cast into the flames. 0111-18

Society has sunk to a new low when thank you notes are considered poor or unnecessary etiquette.

Here’s the scoop on thank you notes.  They are always a “win” regardless of whether they are written to express gratitude for the receipt of a gift or a service/kindness done for you.  Obviously wedding, shower, Christmas and birthday gifts should be recognized with a thank you note.   The only caveat to this would be if the gift giver hands you the gift, you open it in their presence and then effusively thank that person for the gift.   Christmas gifts opened on Christmas morning in front of the gift giver deserve a verbal thank you but no need for a written one. Same goes for birthday gifts.

If someone does a favor or kindness for you, a thank you note expressing gratitude for the time and thoughtfulness that person expended is very good manners.    In business, it can advance your career.

But even if the thank you note recipient thinks notes are unnecessary and pointless, do them anyway and here is why.   Just the action alone of writing a short note of appreciation and thankfulness puts you into a grateful state of mind where you assume nothing is owed to you and you appreciate it all.   That is a WIN for you!

With the start of the new year, gyms suddenly become more crowded as people join wellness centers and gyms to put action into their resolutions.   I can guarantee the pool at my local wellness center is going to be packed with added newbies.  So, here are one reader’s gym etiquette suggestions…

I was just wondering if you could post some rules about gym etiquette? There seems to be a total lack of knowledge in my experience!

1) Please dress appropriately. I know that gym clothes tend to be fairly skimpy, and skin tight, but please wear appropriate underwear, and make sure that nothing is hanging out.

2) Please bring a small hand towel to mop the sweat from your hands/face so that it doesn’t drip all over the equipment!

3) However, please don’t use that towel to wipe down the equipment after you’ve finished. Most gyms provide hand wipes for this, but paper towels are also acceptable.

4) Take your time using a machine if you need to, even if there are people waiting! But please vacate a machine if you’re not using it to exercise, but to rest, or check your phone. It’s very frustrating for people waiting.

5) Please don’t take too long in the shower, especially at busy times of day. There are always people waiting for a changing room.

6) Please remove weights from a machine when you are finished; the next person may not be able to lift them! And please put them back in the right place.

7) It’s fine to ask other people for help using a piece of equipment, but wait until they’re not busy working out. And always be prepared to take “no” as an answer.

8) Don’t drop any equipment, particularly weights. Not only does this damage the equipment for everyone, but is also extremely dangerous.

This is a fairly basic list, but I have seen so many people break at least one of these, I felt the need to create a PSA. Thank you 10-12-17

A few years ago I moved to a new town, where you can walk to school, friends, grocery store, restaurants and more. In addition to all the residents walking, we also get a large number of tourists here, from both the United States and abroad. They also walk around.

When I walk with other people, I always make sure we “single file up” when passing people. I am almost never given this same courtesy by those walking in groups. They stay two to three across, leaving no room on the sidewalk. At first I would step into the street, but I quickly grew tired of that. So I would stay on the sidewalk and angle my shoulders so that there was at least minimal contact made. But even that wasn’t enough, as not only would the majority of people not angle their shoulders, but they wouldn’t move bags or purses so I was being hit by those too!

To me, proper etiquette is that both people try to avoid touching the other person, or forcing someone off the sidewalk (with obvious exceptions given for people in wheelchairs, walkers, and when you are trying to pass someone). And that no one has “right of way”. But am I wrong? Is there a right of way? Or does walking mean playing one never ending game of chicken? 0221-17

I encounter this more frequently in grocery store aisles where one or more people have stopped their carts to either peruse the shelves or to chat with a friend and they are completely blocking the aisle.  I typically just stand there patiently, sometimes clear my throat, or say “Excuse me”.

And yes, I do think walking on crowded sidewalks is somewhat of a game of chicken.  When approaching a cluster of people who are so engaged in talking among themselves or gawking that they appear to be oblivious to others,  I do look straight ahead and right into the face of whomever happens to look at me first.  People will look up to see where they are walking and by me making eye contact first,  I’m sending the undeniable non-verbal message that I am paying attention to where I am walking with the implied subtext that they should be, too.   When you make eye contact, you can also command the “conversation” by being the first to say, “Excuse me”.  On Ehell, it’s all about being in control of the situation and therefore waiting and hoping someone catches your mental vibes isn’t being in control.