I guess I’d like a bit of guidance because I am uncertain if this is a faux pas or not.
I have known my significant other for over a decade. Circumstances separated us (I went to college in New York, he went to Iraq for several years), but he found me online and we started talking again. Fast forward to today, I left my job in NY to move in with him in Oklahoma, and he has announced to his many friends that he intends to propose to me soon (his dear friends are the ones who informed me of this bit of joy). I have since attended several events and weddings with him. My point in saying all of this is that I believe I’m more than just a fly-by-night girlfriend.
The other day, he received a lovely wedding invitation from one of his male friends whom I’ve not yet had the pleasure of meeting. My significant other asked if I were available to attend with him that day. I checked the invitation, and informed my significant other that I was not invited. He said, “Of course you are. They know we’re together. I’m sure it’s addressed to ‘John + Guest.'” I assured him that it was only addressed to him. He says that I should come anyway, but I replied that I cannot because there was no provision for him to bring anyone.
I feel offended. Am I wrong to feel offended? I will accept your judgment. Thank you for your time. 0408-10
Being left off an invitation in this manner could be explained as the host/ess being too lazy to find out the current relationship status of their friend. I just had a bride ask me last week about a similar wedding invitation situation. She wanted to invite her married co-workers but wasn’t sure of the etiquette.
Dame: “You must invite the husbands as well because they are a social unit.”
Bride: “I’ve never met their husbands and I don’t know their names. Can I just write ‘and Guest’ on the envelope?”
Dame: “Absolutely not! Are you sure you want to invite these co-workers considering the fact that you have no social life with these woman outside of the work environment? You are not obligated by etiquette to invite them.”
Bride: “Yes, I want to invite them.”
Dame: “Well, then, you need to find out from these ladies what their husbands’ names are and properly include them in the invitation. One of the biggest offense I hear about are people who are dismissively invited as ‘and Guest’. Men may not notice or care but trust me, the women and wives do.”
Bride: Exasperated sigh of tiredness
So, brides and grooms can resort to lazy methods of extending invitations. My suggestion is for your SO to call his friend, explain the status of his relationship with you and inquire as to whether you can be included as well.