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Showered With Uninvited Guest

I have to rat on myself for my severe breech of etiquette at a friend’s baby shower some years ago. I was still in high school at the time, and very prone to making social gaffes!

A very sweet young woman at our church (“Sara”) became pregnant out of wedlock, but the women in our church supported her decision to keep the baby and threw her a shower, inviting all the women in the church (so it wasn’t the most formal event). The shower was hosted by one of the deacon’s wives at her home, and my mother and I were invited. However, Mom couldn’t go, and I had a party with some friends scheduled a couple of hours after the shower’s start time. I considered not going, since I was giving my friend “Rachel” a ride to the party. Somehow in my stupid sixteen-year-old brain, I finally decided that it would be okay if I took Rachel with me to Sara’s shower for an hour or so, and then we would leave early for the party. Not a problem, right? Rachel and Sara sort of knew each other from school…several years ago… (Note: Rachel did NOT attend the same church as Sara and myself)

Rachel reluctantly agreed to attend the shower, and I think she even managed to find a small gift, despite my asking her at the last minute. Sara looked a little surprised to see Rachel there, but she graciously thanked us both for coming. An awkward situation of my own making, to be sure, but it got even worse for poor Rachel. During the shower games (a pox upon the crass inventor of the “identify-the-candybar-microwaved-in-the-diaper” monstrosity), Rachel proved to be particularly adept at a baby-ified version of “concentration,” and ended up winning one of the prizes! The poor girl was mortified, as she had been trying NOT to win, and she intentionally left her prize on a side table when we departed a little while later.

At church the next Sunday, one of the women handed me Rachel’s prize, sweetly informing my that my friend had “forgotten her candle holder.” I decided to spare Rachel any further embarrassment, and gave the gift to my highly amused mother. I have since profusely apologized to Rachel for putting her in such an awkward spot, and we laugh about the incident now. I learned my lesson though, and I will never again invite a friend to someone else’s shower, no matter how “informal” it is!   0513-10


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  • mommaknowsbest May 27, 2010, 10:25 am

    Oh that wasn’t such a bad thing, it was a church shower and as such, any number of any sort of folks can and do show up at those–at least here where I am. No one probably even realized your friend was’t a “member” (here you don’t have to be a member to attend a baby shower) or thought she was perhaps in the youth group (which consists of kids that don’t necessarily attend church.) Im not sure why your friend was so upset she won a game, big deal? And here when you win a prize, you give it to the honoree anyway, you don’t take it home with you. But I certainly agree with the whole dumb baby/bridal shower games, who thought up the poop in a diaper bit? wow.

  • M. May 27, 2010, 11:04 am

    (a pox upon the crass inventor of the “identify-the-candybar-microwaved-in-the-diaper” monstrosity)

    Uh, eww. What? Seriously?

  • AS May 27, 2010, 3:41 pm

    I am not sure how informal church showers are, but given the case that your friend did not want to get a prize, she could have sweetly given the gift to the mom-to-be. Not sure if you were aware atleast back then that you can do that (I wasn’t untill recently). I suppose it was a very early experience for both of you… and it seems to have pretty well handled for teen agers. Given that you can laugh over it now, it seems like a bonding experience too 🙂 .

  • PrincessSimmi May 27, 2010, 5:34 pm

    The first I heard of the chocolate in the nappy game was when I was sick and somehow ended up watching an episode of the playboy mansion where they were having a baby shower. There’s class for you. Thank goodness it’s not a custom in Australia- we pin pegs on each other and you lose one each time you say the word ‘baby’. The person with the most at the end of the day wins.

    Now, I don’t see it being such a big issue bringing your friend to an informal get-together. If it had been a formal sit-down dinner I could understand your embarrassment. Your friend knew the honouree, she brought a gift, etc. Still, best to not do it again to be on the safe side.

  • cal May 28, 2010, 12:08 pm

    Yea, the first time I saw the guess the candy bar in the diaper thing was on that show with the Duggars. We’ve always done the clothespin/pegs thing at our family showers as well.

  • aventurine May 29, 2010, 8:36 pm

    Candy-bars-in-the-diaper, oh, yes. Isn’t it charming? *eyeroll* I’ve only encountered that one once, and that was once too many. Great diet aid, though.

  • Starr May 30, 2010, 11:40 pm

    At a baby shower I co hosted we played the diaper game and it was a huge hit with our guests..young and old! But we personally knew everyone who was going to be there (really close friends and family members) and we knew that they would fund it funny..they all asked for pictures. I don’t think I would plan that game for a group of people I didn’t know too well though!

  • Bonnie June 1, 2010, 12:31 am

    PrincessSimmi – I have played the chocolate in the nappy game at around 4 baby showers…and I’m an Aussie! I’ve been to so many baby showers I think I have played all the games out there, and I honestly don’t find the chocolate one as bad as some of the boring ones.

  • Rita June 4, 2010, 3:47 pm

    Just one more testimonial as to why any shower I’ve ever hosted has been billed as a “No Stupid Games” shower.

    Instead, each guest tells how they know the honoree, how long, etc.

  • KittiPaws June 5, 2010, 7:38 am

    I avoid baby showers at all costs, so I have never heard of the microwaved-chocolate-in-the-diaper game. That sounds hilarious! I also laughed hysterically at the scene in “Caddyshack” in which everyone scrambled out of the swimming pool screaming after the chocolate bar flew in, so that gives you an idea of where my sense of humor is at.

    Anyway, don’t be too hard on yourself for this one. You were sixteen, and the faux pas wasn’t that bad since all the church women were invited. It’s not as if you took your friend to a small shower meant for family/close friends.

  • yojiji June 26, 2010, 2:09 pm

    ugh, the poo diaper game. i’m hosting my sister’s baby shower alongside my mother and our other sister this weekend, and i had to fight with my hosting sister about that game. unfortunately, we had to have our guest of honor finally tell her it was gross(she wouldn’t listen to me, her co-hostess) and that we didn’t want to play it!

  • Lenera August 15, 2010, 6:22 am

    I supose some people might find the “diaper candybar” game amusing, but I wonder about the mother-to-be. Most pregnant women I’ve known have had some sort of nausea throughout their pregnancy (morning sickness being only a severe version of it), and it seems like a sure-fire way to make the GOH run for the nearest toilet, hand clasped over her mouth. I’m sure there are dozens of other games that are equaly amusing without crossing over into the realm of potty – or, in this case, diaper – humor.

  • Frogs August 20, 2010, 10:03 pm

    I’m also not a fan of the “where was the baby conceived” game. It may be just me. But I don’t need nor want to know.

    The last shower I was at was a nightmare. Overdone with the favors and food, and it seemed to go on for bloody well ever. They seemed to want to play ALL of the baby shower games that have been played in the last 50 years. There were huge meals served. And with all of the really disgusting and annoying games. I noticed that my now-departed grandmother went to sit out on the screen porch, and, I feel a bit bad for leaving the party, but I did so under the guise of keeping grandma company. And I was honest about that with grandma, too. I said, “I don’t want to know where and when the baby was made. I’m going to stay out here with you.” She said, “Yes, me neither.” My grandmothers were both extremely proper women.

    We had a good talk about how showers used to be. There was a dessert, a small round of small gifts, a bit of chit chat, and everyone went home. No one felt obligated to make the party last until midnight, nor to play any baby shower games at all. Then she told me stories from her childhood. I now have wonderful memories of that day because I spent it with my grandmother. I try to push out the fact that I did end up overhearing the “conception location” anyway due to being so close to the room.

  • Michelle P September 11, 2010, 11:34 pm

    There’s actually a game (or discussion at all??) at baby showers about the conception location??? Good grief!

  • gramma dishes September 12, 2010, 2:32 pm

    Seems to me like a total waste of perfectly good diapers — and perfectly decent candy bars!! I think if I were the honoree, I’d prefer to have both without either having been introduced to the other! 😉

  • PO'd reader November 5, 2010, 5:24 am

    Never heard of melting candy in ‘diapers’ as a game. We would make mini diapers for the guests to wear and mark the inside of one with mustard or something else to indicate poop as a random gift but I can’t think of anyone who would want to guess what the inside of a diaper was.