Bouquet Toss Incites World War 3!

by admin on June 15, 2010

Please, ladies, have some self respect and decorum. Even it hadn’t been fought over, it’s still just a bunch of flowers that will look like crap by the end of the day. After this arm-to-arm combat for the bouquet, what is left to the “winner” is a mutilated, broken handful of pathetic floral misery.

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Dave June 15, 2010 at 5:01 am

So, if catching the whole bouquet means you are the next one to get married, what does being slid across the floor while the bouquet is destroyed piece by piece mean?

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Chocobo! June 15, 2010 at 7:53 am

This is why I’m not even doing the bouquet toss in the first place. The whole concept of forcing my single friends to point themselves out and then act as though they are desperate to get married is just degrading.

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Caitlin June 15, 2010 at 8:11 am

Tacky.

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gingertwinge June 15, 2010 at 9:56 am

boring. boring. boring. same scene repeated at millions of the same boring weddings the world over.

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Bint June 15, 2010 at 10:01 am

Klassy.

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Gee June 15, 2010 at 10:39 am

WOW is all I can say!!

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Miss Lady June 15, 2010 at 10:47 am

At my first wedding, when I was 20, a tossed my bouquet, which was caught by my then 21-year-old friend. That friend is now 47 and has never married.

At my second wedding, when I was 44, I decided to give my bouquet to my six-year-old niece, and then to dance with my niece to “You Are My Sunshine.” My friend who caught the bouquet at my first wedding said, “If (my niece) doesn’t get married for another 23 years, that’s all right.”

Just this month, I attended a wedding where the bride’s pre-teen nephew (who’d caught the garter already) caught the bouquet, twice. He wasn’t trying to be the next bride, he was just showing off that he could catch things.

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NotCinderell June 15, 2010 at 11:31 am

They were both smiling. I’m willing to bet this was a pre-planned joke.

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Shayna June 15, 2010 at 11:40 am

I knew there was a reason why I didn’t do a bouquet toss…lol

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tryst June 15, 2010 at 11:40 am

I would never do this at a wedding or participate in it. I think they are just joking, though, right? End of the night, everyone is drunk? Or was the garter catcher super hot or something?

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Louise June 15, 2010 at 11:55 am

This doesn’t bother me that much. I think it’s undignified behaviour, but it seems like it’s all in good fun. People are laughing and taking pictures, and it appeared to me that the girls were putting on a show. I certainly wouldn’t classify it as “arm-t0-arm combat”; the previous video with the bust-up in the bridal shop, yes, but not this. If this is an etiquette violation, I think it’s a pretty harmless one.

Chocobo, how can you force your single friends to act as though they are desperate to get married? Isn’t the way they act during the bouquet toss on them?

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Margaret June 15, 2010 at 12:02 pm

From they way they were dressed, you’d think they were trying to be elegant. But all I could think while watching the clip was, “Drunken bozos.”

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Alexis June 15, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Obviously, the bridesmaids were chosen for the grace and dignity they brought to the event.

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Cady June 15, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Well, if you’re the kind of person who behaves like that, I can see why the bouquet catch’s “guarantee” of impending marriage would be important to you. After all, you’ve probably had trouble keeping a man around for more than a couple months.

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Calliope June 15, 2010 at 12:38 pm

The woman being dragged on the floor looks embarrassed. In fact, neither bridesmaid looks like she wants to be doing this at all. So, why are they doing this? I really hope the bride and groom didn’t ask for this display, hoping for a viral video or something. The fact that the video is titled “Cat Fight at Our Wedding” makes me think that’s exactly what they were going for. I would call this video “Penelope and Melinda Half-Heartedly Star in a Video.”

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Elizabeth Bunting June 15, 2010 at 3:05 pm

I always thought it was a stupid, unladylike custom. When I got married, my grandmother was the only grandmother there, so I gave her the bouquet. She was great at gardening, so she took slips of some of the flowers and planted them, along with her African violet collection.

A worse custom is the smearing of cake all over the bride and grooms faces. It is an American custom, as we do not do this in Canada.

Of course, we have some even sillier customs up here, one that comes to mind is all the guests keeping on banging their cups with spoons for the bride and groom to kiss during the dinner. I’ll think of some more because I am sure we have them.

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Gloria Shiner June 15, 2010 at 4:13 pm

My first reaction was that this was rehearsed. It still seems that way. Wonder what the purpose was? Maybe now the florist can make a bride’s bouquet, a bouquet to toss, and one to be fought over.

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Fanboy Wife June 15, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Before I got married, I always “had” to go to the bathroom or get something out of my car during the bouquet toss. I’m sure it was rude of me to leave and not watch, but I never wanted to participate and there are always a handful of aunts that literally drag all the unmarried women to the floor. While I would politely decline to participate, I would get harped on until I snuck out of the room. It is usually uncomfortable for everyone involved, except for the aunts who find it entertaining.

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CreativeCat June 15, 2010 at 5:25 pm

This particular toss is definitely embarrassing, but I don’t think it’s a bad tradition. It’s generally all good fun. Now, I do find the Garter Toss to be somewhat embarrassing, if the DJ orders the groom to remove it with his teeth… yikes!

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Patty June 15, 2010 at 7:00 pm

Ah, it looks like all in good fun. BUT, lately I’ve noticed the bouquet is getting tossed less and less.

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Dan June 15, 2010 at 7:08 pm

This video proves once again why the “traditional” or “formal” wedding is not worth the time it takes to organize it. Most people don’t know how to behave. Don’t have one if, excluding the “Prom,” you and your families have never attended a formal dinner dance. Otherwise you are only showing off.

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Me June 15, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Elizabeth Bunting, the cake smearing custom is huge in Australia. Unfortunately.

One of the most disgusting bouquet tosses I’ve ever witnessed involved not a tussle over the bouquet but a rude and clueless bride. After announcing the bouquet toss over the microphone, she stood there and said IN TO THE MICROPHONE things like, “C’mon up Sally, we all know you’re getting divorced – Jane, you don’t get out of it because you’re a lesbian, you’re still single.” I wish I was making this up.

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Tara June 15, 2010 at 8:21 pm

Yes, the smearing the cake thing is waaaaaaaaaaay tackier than “fighting” over the bouquet. I thought they were just being silly, not desperate. For the record, my husband and I did not do a bouquet/garter toss, as we had no reception, and no ceremony for that matter, and we also didn’t to the cake smearing thing either. We had a quiet dinner out with our parents, and it was nice.

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Casey June 15, 2010 at 9:03 pm

When my older sister married I was 9 and my younger sister was 7. Big sis had planned (and made it known at the reception) that she would toss two bouquets and the other ladies would pretend to try and catch them but let us “win”. Unfortunately 2 women didn’t get the message and mowed us down to get the flowers. I could understand if they didn’t know but that still didn’t excuse knocking my sister and I to the floor and stepping on our legs and hands to catch a handful of flowers. The bruised knees and hurt feelings were made better when BIL and sis let us split the top cake tier though :)

My cousin chose to forgo the tossing all together and instead chose to lay her bouquet at her father’s grave.

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PrincessSimmi June 15, 2010 at 9:15 pm

We have a word for people like this in Australia. Bogans.

Wait, I take that back. Labelling these fishwives as bogans is an insult to the true bogans.

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Mary June 15, 2010 at 10:20 pm

Not everyone in America does the cake smear traditon. Out of the 40 some weddings I have been too, it was probably done at maybe one or two. And definitely not at my wedding. But we did the bouquet toss due to the fact that I was one of the first of my friends to get married. There were probably close to 40 single females going for the bouquet. If I had gotten married even 2 years later, I would not have done the toss.

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Munky June 16, 2010 at 4:40 am

My actual bouquet is being placed on my grandfather’s grave. Since my future husband wants to do a garter toss, I am getting a small throwing bouquet. If he even THINKS about smashing cake into my face, it will be cause for a swift annulment.

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Susan June 16, 2010 at 7:57 am

I didn’t see any ‘catfight’. I saw two girls playfully wrestling over the bouquet with smiles on their faces.

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madame-mim June 16, 2010 at 8:05 am

So, Dan, what type of wedding would you consider more appropriate for those of us who didn’t grow up frequenting “formal dinner dances”? Gettin’ hitched at the drag races? One doesn’t need a long history of gala credentials to show some decorum in public. What’s more, while I’m not especially fond of these bridesmaids’ display, a visit to the EHell archives might be in order to remind us that wealth and privilege are not reliable markers for class, good taste, or simple decent behavior.

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yarngirl June 16, 2010 at 10:24 am

Oh, the cake smear is far worse. At my cousins wedding the bride was glaring daggers at the groom while his friends chanted “do it do it do it!” when they cut the cake. Not only did he smoosh it in her face, he took a handful of icing and attempted to stick it down her bosom!

When he finished laughing and turned to look again at his bride, with bright red icing smeared all over the bodice of her wedding gown, his smile fell. I think he realized she was still holding the knife at that point.

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ferretrick June 16, 2010 at 10:30 am

At the time of my sister’s wedding I was single, and when the garter toss happened, it turned out I was the only single male in the room, except for a couple small children. Cue my public humiliation. I was not pleased.

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LovleAnjel June 16, 2010 at 11:11 am

I’ve always thought cake smearing was a passive-aggressive behavior that fulfilled a need to strike out at a partner. No one truly entering into a loving relationship should commit an act of humiliation like that.

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surlychick June 16, 2010 at 11:46 am

Cake smearing leaves a lasting impression. An old co-worker was doing the cake cutting with her new husband, and her aunt and cousin decided she needed cake smashed in her and her husband’s faces. The photos show her looking angry, and in fact, she was still angry years after the fact. I can’t blame her.

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Elizabeth Bunting June 16, 2010 at 1:36 pm

I would like to address my comments to the people who remarked upon “formal wedding.” It has been MY observation, only at the weddings I have attended, that people who are not churchgoers or formal people in the slightest should NOT undertake something that is out of character and experience for them.

The guests usually act inappropriately for a church – i.e., talking out loud and standing up and waving at their friends during the prelude.

The bride and groom reciting their own vows containing remarks about always putting the toilet seat down. The bride giggling and saying “WHAT?” in a loud voice when asked to “Repeat after me.” This is a binding contract and a formal occasion. If they had to recite the marriage vows set out by the church, perhaps they would think twice before getting a divorce. Or before getting married in the first place.

If the terms of “the contract” are only to keep the toilet seat down, then whoever breaks the contract can easily walk away from the marriage. (I am being facetious here!)

I think a casual, easygoing family would feel more comfortable in a hotel or beach setting where the Word of God and the binding commitment of the Church of God and the people of God are not present nor expected.

Now I will get a torrent of replies about how beautiful and spiritual some personal vows are, how wonderful and spiritual some weddings are even though not held in church, etc., etc., etc.

I am only suggesting that those who are NOT familiar with nor BELIEVERS in a religion would be better to have an informal wedding. Tha is all!

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Elizabeth Bunting June 16, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Mary, I think the cake smearing thing might be regional in nature in the United States. My friend Frank was a wedding photographer for over 40 years in Cleveland, Ohio. I used to love to look at all the proofs of the wedding photos that he took. I had never seen this custom before, but every one of those weddings without exception did the cake smearing gig. I thought it was gross and inappropriate.

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Chocobo! June 16, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Louise — Ferretrick’s answer is exactly why I don’t do the bouquet toss. Making singles identify themselves and then putting them through a ritual which makes them compete to catch a magical flower/ piece of clothing in order to get married next — humiliating.

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AS June 16, 2010 at 3:09 pm

@Elizabeth Bunting:
I am not sure what you mean by “formal” and “informal weddings”. Does not being Christians/religious, subject a couple to not being able to have a black tie formal event?
I agree with you that couples who haven’t set their foot in a Church should preferably keep away from getting married at a Church (any other religion for that matter). A wedding should reflect what the beliefs of the couple. But Church/religious weddings are not the only form of formal wedding. One can have a registry (or whatever nomenclature is used in their respective countries) followed by a catered black tie reception which requires high levels of conduct from the guests.
Guests who are brought up with manners should not talk loudly in a Church. I am not a Christian, but I was taught not to speak loudly at any place of worship as it is plain rude. I have been to my very religious friend’s Christian wedding, and I knew how to behave myself.

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LovleAnjel June 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Elizabeth, I would politely disagree, since people who are not religious (or are non-denominational) can, in fact, behave themselves in public. I (atheist) have much better manners than my (Baptist) in-laws, as demonstrated on multiple formal occasions (weddings and funerals included). I had a wonderful, formal, non-religious wedding, where all of my atheist and agnostic friends behaved properly (and in some cases, better than some of the religious folk there). Being gauche is not caused by religion, class, or socioeconomic status.

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Enna June 16, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Why don’t unmarried men try catching the flowers? I think it should be done as light hearted fun.

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Simone June 16, 2010 at 4:33 pm

@yarngirl Are they still married? My husband would literally have spent our wedding might alone if he had done that!

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Bint June 17, 2010 at 5:00 am

Elizabeth, your post simply makes no sense. Most civil weddings are formal events in every sense that a church wedding is. Putting ‘formal’ and ‘churchgoing’ together is just bizarre – not to mention rather rude in its assumptions about the non-religious.

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Elizabeth Bunting June 17, 2010 at 10:13 am

Fortunately, I knew I was going to get nailed for saying this. If you will re-read my post, it said that people who are “NON-RELIGIOUS AND INFORMAL” would be better to have a non-religious and informal wedding which would reflect their personalities and beliefs. I, at no time, meant that non-religious people could not behave properly at a formal wedding.

I also agree that there are some religious people who can never behave properly in church. They have to be talking “ALL” of the time. It is very rude IMHO to do this during someone’s wedding.

I hope that clears up any misunderstanding.

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yarngirl June 17, 2010 at 11:09 am

Simone- the marriage lasted a few months. He kept complaining she was a nagging shrew, she took solace in complaining to her friends that he was a neanderthal. After he spent the reception complaining about how his wife was mad at him “for no reason” and telling everyone what a shrew she was being, it didn’t take long for the bride to tire of the match.

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Kim June 17, 2010 at 1:55 pm

I have to say that having my 3 year old niece and 5 year old nephew in our wedding was a huge success, but mostly because I told my brother and sister in law that I didn’t care if they participated or not.
My nephew loved his tux, and we told my sister in law just to buy any dress for my niece (who then said it was the most beautiful dress ever). Mostly we wanted some pictures with the family all dressed up.
When it came time to walk down the aisle – my nephew was so excited to be one of the big boys, and we told my SIL that if either of them didn’t want to stand up there, they were free to sit down at any time, if they didn’t want to walk down the aisle, that was fine too.
The key of the whole thing was being relaxed and not really caring if they made it down the aisle or not, just as long as our families were together and we got married.

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Simone June 17, 2010 at 4:10 pm

@yarngirl Wow. What a sad story. I hope they both learnt something from the experience and used the knowledge to build future happiness :)

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June June 18, 2010 at 9:09 am

No WAY is this a proper cat fight. There’s no hair pulling or anything.

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Xtina June 18, 2010 at 12:26 pm

I’ve never attended a wedding where women fought over the bouquet. The bouquet toss (and to a lesser extent, the garter toss) are “old standards” and I don’t think they’re bad if there isn’t a huge tussle or fight over it.

I don’t like it when the garter-catcher has to put the garter on the leg of the bouquet-catcher. That was done at my wedding (I had not thought to tell anyone NOT to do it, and before you knew it, it was going on!) and it just seems degrading to me. I absolutely loathe the cake-smearing and my husband agrees. That just seems the height of tackiness, not to mention making a mess of the couple.

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Elizabeth Bunting June 18, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Bint,

I did not even mention civil wedding in my post. I only mentioned church being formal for example, beach or hotel being informal for example.

I did not mention, for the sake of brevity, all of the different situations that could present themselves. My caveat was IMO and the weddings that I have attended. Rudeness was never intended.

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Bint June 21, 2010 at 9:00 am

Elizabeth,

I understand you didn’t mention civil ceremonies, but I quote directly from your post:

“I am only suggesting that those who are NOT familiar with nor BELIEVERS in a religion would be better to have an informal wedding. ”

I can’t see the qualification here of ‘if they want to marry in a religious place’ (which I think you did mean). On its own, therefore, this statement implies that anyone wanting a non-religious ceremony ‘would be better’ to be informal. Which is pretty rude because it suggests that non-religious people are less likely to handle a formal wedding.

This is what I was explaining earlier. If you didn’t mean the qualification then fair enough, it’s your opinion.

I don’t think anyone should marry in a place of worship to which they don’t belong, but if an informal family wants to be formal for a major event, what’s the harm?

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yarngirl June 21, 2010 at 10:12 am

Elizabeth-

Before asking others to re-read your post, please do so yourself. You are quoting yourself in your defense, but using completely different phrasing. Quotes do not work that way. You cannot quote yourself and completely change what you said to claim others are over-reacting.

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