Hi, can I ask your reader’s advice?
A few years ago my best friend was going through a tough spot, so I let her join in on a gift for another friend’s wedding. I paid the lion’s share, she chipped in a few quid, and we said it was from all four of us (partner’s included).
She’s on her feet now, earning as much as I do, but she still wants to carry on this arrangement. We’ve got another wedding coming up next month where they’ve asked for monetary donations towards a new sofa. That’s fine, I was going to put in about £70 ($100 approx). She’s just e-mailed me to say she wants to put in £20, and can it go with mine as usual? She knows I like to be generous, and I won’t decrease my part of the gift just because of her.
How do I tell her to stand behind her own gift, and stop being so cheap? Or am I just being petty in letting this bother me? 0625-10
1. I’ll assume that the information that the couple wanted money for a sofa was acquired AFTER you and friends asked the couple what they would like for a wedding gift. (Just because someone asks for something does not mean one is obligated to give it, btw.)
2. What you give as a gift to someone is no one else’s business. You can eliminate 99% of the problem by not sharing any information as to what you are giving or how much you are giving. If your friend asks if you are giving a wedding gift, you demure by saying, “I hadn’t given it much thought yet.” If she presses asking what monetary amount you plan to contribute, you again demure saying, “I think that is between me and the recipient. Would you like some bean dip?”
It’s very common among my circle of friends and church community to give group gifts for wedding and baby showers. The unspoken and firmly upheld rule is that the organizer of the group gift NEVER reveals the amounts people contribute for the gift to each other or the recipient. That’s private information that serves no one to know.