Second, Third and Fourth Baby Showers

by admin on July 12, 2010

The following was actually a comment sent in reply to one of the blog posts.  It so succinctly addresses so many issues why people feel a mother should be entitled to multiple baby showers that I decided to respond to it specifically.

Point 1)  Uh. Since when is it ‘wrong’ to throw a shower for a second baby?

Uh…it’s been in etiquette books for decades.   And baby showers per se are fairly “recent” in US history.  Try finding any example of baby showers prior to 1900.  The ladies magazines of that era and before do not address baby showers because they often were not done.  Amazingly, babies have been happily born into families for thousands of years deprived of special parties and heaps of material goods.   And you’ll discover reading the Ehell forum that not every country or culture has showers of any kind yet somehow these babies are received into families with plenty of love.

An important rite of passage into adulthood and specifically parenthood is the ability to financially support oneself and a family.  A baby shower for the first infant in a family can provide the new parents with the basic needs to prepare for parenthood.  But a shower of gifts is not a right one is owed merely because a sperm and ovum happen to have conjoined.   The problem is the attitude of defiant entitlement reeking from every jot and tittle of your comments.

Point 2)  Since when is the second baby less awesome than the first? Or less in need of stuff? New baby equipment and safety stuff is coming out all the time, improving the quality of life for moms and tots, and I can’t see how it could ever be a BAD thing?

I doubt the second, third or fourth babies will care that their “awesomeness” is not celebrated with a bunch of new material possessions they will never remember.   Shame on parents who continue to conceive and bear children they cannot afford to keep in safe, new equipment so they have an expectation that their friends and family will cough it up for them.   Nothing is stopping YOU from purchasing gifts for your family and friends but you would be in a serious breach of etiquette if you encouraged them to think they are entitled to receiving new equipment for each new baby via a shower.

Point 3)  I have -never- heard of a second baby shower being wrong. Ever. Why the hell shouldn’t a woman feel special every time she has a baby? Hell, I have no babies, but I have a lot of friends with them, and I’ll go on throwing parties for each one.

Your ignorance of etiquette does not negate the fact that the etiquette does exist.    From a 02/28/2010 Miss Manners column:

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I have been invited to a baby shower for a friend’s second child. The first one is just turning 2 years old. I always thought baby showers were for your first child and you used the baby items again for your second child. To me it seems they are begging for gifts.  My daughter claims this is the norm these days. What is your opinion?

GENTLE READER — That your daughter is right: Begging for gifts is normal these days. It is also vulgar, of course. You are also right that baby showers are supposed to be for the expectation of a baby’s appearing in a household not already over-run with baby equipment.

But Miss Manners makes an exception for an informal gathering of the expectant mother’s close friends who are moved to make a fuss over her a second — or fifth — time. However, the plea that a more formal gathering for the lady’s entire acquaintance, complete with those detestable gift registries, would enable the guest of honor to parcel out her shopping is not charming.

Ooo!  Vulgar!  Begging!  Detestable registries!  I love how Miss Manners doesn’t mince her words.

Why must a party celebrating the birth of the second and third baby focus on the acquisition of material goods?  What is preventing you from hosting a celebratory party in honor of the baby’s birth and leave out the gift giving?  Friends of mine hosted a “shower” for my second child (a different gender from the firstborn, btw) which had yummy food but no gifts.  Instead we all learned infant CPR by a trained Red Cross volunteer.

{ 79 comments… read them below or add one }

Dannysgirl July 13, 2010 at 11:23 am

I also want to add that I don’t understand some of the attitudes I see posted here. DH and I waited until we were financially stable and had a good home before trying for a baby. DS is the first grandchild/great-grandchild/nephew to be born on my side of the family. People wanted to give us gifts. They wanted to throw a shower. I don’t appreciate the implication that because I said yes to a shower, that makes me greedy and that I had a child I couldn’t afford. Yes, the help was appreciated, but if DH and I felt we couldn’t afford a child, we wouldn’t have had one.

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admin July 13, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Dannysgirl, a shower for the first baby is fine. It’s the second, third and fourth showers for subsequent babies that begins to characterize a mother-to-be as a greedy and appearing to not be able to financially support more than one child.

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Dannysgirl July 13, 2010 at 11:27 am

@amy: That’s why close friends and family should be invited to showers. As the GOH, you control who is invited. You don’t have to invite people you barely know to showers. That is the point where it becomes a gift-grab and quite rude.

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L. July 13, 2010 at 11:40 am

A baby shower is supposed to be to welcome a woman to motherhood. I hate how the gimme pigs expect a shower for each pregnancy. Even more than that, I hate the emotional manipulation of “but doesn’t this baby deeeesserve a shower?” If the shower is for the kid, hold it when the kid is ten years old and can enjoy it.

If a family has lost everything in a fire, their friends and family should help them regardless of whether they’re having another baby or not.

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Oxymoroness July 13, 2010 at 12:00 pm

@NKKingston: The showers are actually for the mother, not the baby. That’s the reasoning behind the “once and done” rule for showers (wedding and baby).

The whole concept of a shower started in poorer communities in the US. When a couple got married or started their family, the community would get together with basic necessity -type gifts so that the young couple would have a good start. The idea was based around the whole “strength in numbers” thing.

That’s the spirit of the concept of a shower — it’s a show of support. Not meant to be extravagant or grabby. I’ll happily go to any shower in that spirit be wedding, baby or otherwise.

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NotCinderell July 13, 2010 at 12:40 pm

I’m of a culture that doesn’t do baby showers. Even so, I was always told that the proper baby gift was an outfit or a toy, something that didn’t break the bank. I don’t understand the attitude of “every baby is entitled to X number of big-ticket items, and every expectant mother is entitled to have her extended family and friends buy these items for them.”

I wouldn’t mind being invited to a second, third, etc. baby shower, even knowing it’s a faux pas, because I’d buy the same thing that I would for any baby: an outfit or a toy. I’d spend the same $20 or $25 that I always do, shower or not. I’d be offended if anyone expected more from me.

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Tyler July 13, 2010 at 3:25 pm

@Dannysgirl: If you had a difficult pregnancy, why were you out driving and shopping by yourself? If it was that bad, you should have had someone go with you with a wheelchair in tow so not to put both you and your unborn baby at risk. Sorry, toots, but you’re not getting any sympathy from me.

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TheBardess July 13, 2010 at 3:43 pm

That being said, I completely agree about second, third, seventh, etc. baby showers (excluding special circumstances, such as the children being considerably apart in age or cases of real need). As far as I’m concerned, after the first baby, you “Shower Ship” has sailed. Although maybe we could cool it a bit with the “if you can’t support a child, don’t have one” comments? I’m not saying people should be irresponsible about having kids and start breeding willy-nilly with no thought to finances or anything, but let us remember that accidents happen, and even the best, most carefully practiced birth control isn’t 100%. For all you know, that couple could have been trying very hard NOT to have a baby, and just had the luck to get one of the pills that failed or one of the condoms that broke. Also, sometimes the rug gets pulled out from you unexpectedly. My husband lost his job in December of 2008. Only a few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant (conceive while DH was still employed). So there we were- unemployed and pregnant, having a baby with no income and no health insurance, not through any sort of irresponsibility, but simply through the quirks of fate. I would really hate to think people were going around behind our backs whispering about how we had no business having kids, etc., etc. (oh, and I never asked for, expected, or received a baby shower. We scrimped and saved and made do as best we could, and did receive many generous gifts from friends and family, but no shower.)

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Dannysgirl July 13, 2010 at 9:23 pm

@Tyler: I didn’t go shopping by myself. DH went with me. He made me take rest breaks, and made sure I stayed hydrated. Believe me, I rested a lot more than I shopped, but someone had to make sure DS had everything he needed. Besides, what I did or didn’t do while shopping
still doesn’t excuse your parking where you don’t belong. I don’t want or need your sympathy, I need you to mind your manners.

@admin: I totally agree with you that subsequent showers are rude. I just felt there was a vibe on here that just one shower is greedy and implies financial irresponsibility. There are posters on here saying they would *never* attend a shower. That’s the attitude I don’t understand.

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Alison July 13, 2010 at 9:59 pm

I don’t think that’s completely fair to characterize the mother as greedy if someone gets invited to a shower for a later baby. I remember when I was 5 I went with my mom and dad to the hospital that my dad was a doctor at for one my 1st grade shots and a prenatal test for my mom.

The nurses there, who knew my mom and dad, had thrown her a surprise shower and were really enthusiastic about it. That was actually how I learned my little sister was a sister, the nurses knew because they had handled some testing and she got lots of little girl things.

Similarly, my mom’s fellow Navy wives threw her a shower after my older sister was born. My mom was extremely sick after she was born (my older sister was born at home due to a detached placenta, and they actually both almost died). Since she was early, my mom didn’t have any little girl things and they surprised her with a shower. My older sister was a second baby.

So don’t call the mom’s so greedy, how do you know they even know in advance? Most of the showers I have been to have been surprises for the moms. My mom certainly wasn’t angling for gifts, the one for my little sister was a surprise thrown by the nurses because they knew we would be there (my dad didn’t know either) and the one for my big sister was also a surprise by friends because she was early and my mom was too sick to do much shopping. So be fair to the Moms.

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Mimi_cat July 13, 2010 at 10:33 pm

I have never not given a gift for a subsequent child – somehow I managed to figure out how to give one outside of the context of a shower.

I’ve never really known anyone who actually had a formal shower for anything other than their first. I’ve been to work showers, where none of us knew the MTB when she had earlier children and wanted to do something small.

I really do dislike comments such as the OP’s about how ‘every mother should feel special’. If she needs a party and gifts to ‘feel special’ then she’s got bigger issues. I also dislike the whole ‘every baby should be celebrated’ mentality, or the worst, IMO: ‘I don’t want Baby#2 to wonder why the shower pages in his/her baby book are blank and feel left out!’ Because that’s how serial killers get started.

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Dannysgirl July 13, 2010 at 10:57 pm

@Tyler: I am sorry for being rude to you. I should not have called you out on your rudeness. I read E-Hell, too, and I should know better. We will just have to agree to disagree.

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amyl July 13, 2010 at 11:48 pm

I recently threw a second baby shower for someone. Just hear me out!
She was single when she had her first shower. She was on her own and disconnected from part of her family. When she got pregnant a second time, she was married, with a husband whose mother and sisters did not get to come to the first one, but who had embraced that little child as their own flesh and blood. We essentially threw the shower as a “welcome” to her new in-laws, in honor of her husband, and new life, recognizing that they had not been able to be a part of her first baby’s party. Her in-laws missed out on the first one, but everyone bonded at the second. Everybody loved it. Another excuse to drink wine and laugh. So sue me.

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Kovitlac July 14, 2010 at 12:52 am

Third, fourth, fifth I can understand being way too many. But I fail to see how having a second shower justifies bringing forth the wrath of the Etiquette Gods on some poor, unsuspecting person. Disregarding any excessive behavior (demanding gifts, a certain amount of money, etc) that would be offensive in ANY case, why is a second party so horrible? My mother has thrown second showers for people (and in one case, a shower for a third child when the mother had never had a shower before). It was more about the celebrating then getting gifts.

And if you’re going to insist that showers are not necessary to raising a child, you must then remember that having any sort of wedding ceremony at all (be it a black-tie affair or a backyard BBQ) is not vital to being married. Yet wedding ceremonies are not scorned upon for such reasons (they are scorned by different reasons entirely). Celebrating a graduation is not vital to living a successful, educated life, yet I was thrilled to celebrate my recent college graduation with my friends and family.

Celebrating a birthday every year and receiving gifts is not necessary to my continued survival, and yet I greatly appreciate what my friends and family do for me each year.

I think you get where I’m going with this. I may be a ‘youngster’, but I was raised well by my folks. There’s far worse etiquette behavior out there then someone getting a party because they’re giving birth for the second time.

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Twik July 20, 2010 at 9:49 am

I think you misunderstand. It’s not the party that the problem. It’s the expectation of presents. And a shower is the only type of party where it’s pretty well mandatory that the attendees bring presents.

If people want to have a celebratory party for a new or soon-to-arrive second (or 12th child), that’s fine. Just don’t call it a shower. And if you want to give the new baby a present, you can do it without having to have a shower to justify the expenditure.

The original point of a shower was to help (presumably impoverished) new parents put together enough essentials to care for a baby, when they might not be able to afford it otherwise. It was *not* a celebration of a birth. It was a fundraiser for what were considered one-time expenditures.

That’s why the family has never been considered appropriate hosts (unless only family is invited). it’s grabby to announce “I want everyone to come and give my daughter/sister/niece presents! If you’re friends with me, you’ll fork over the good stuff.”. Much nicer to announce “Hey, our friend is having her first baby, and I thought we’d get her some things she’ll need. Anyone want to go in with me on that? She’ll be so surprised and happy we thought of her!”

There seems to be a growing belief that one can only furnish one’s home or care for one’s infant on the generosity of others. Perhaps if we weren’t all spending big bucks on wedding and baby showers, we could afford to buy our own stuff.

(BTW, I’m perplexed as to why a shower for a second child would be considered to be OK, and yet for a third is “way” too many.)

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admin July 20, 2010 at 10:07 am

You tell them, Twik! For my second baby, we “celebrated” him by hosting what we called a “Julius Caesar Party” two days before my scheduled C-Section. I made lasagna, salad and garlic bread for 22 close friends who all came in togas. We had a costume judging contest and played a version of Double Dare using c-section and Caesar trivia. Best party ever and not a present to be seen.

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Sarah July 20, 2010 at 7:23 pm

Wow, Miss Manners hit it right on the head. Totally cool to have a party for subsequent children, but a full shower with registry etc is tacky. Also, I hate registries, especially for baby showers. “Celebrate my child by buying me these specific things!”

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N Monster July 28, 2010 at 1:40 pm

I have a question, which arises purely from my lifelong curiosity about cultural practices. Where in the scheme of things do Christenings, Brises, and other types of religious and/or culturally-specific baby-welcoming ceremonies fit? It seems to me that before the advent of baby showers, Christenings were likely normal and expected in Christian societies? I don’t know whether this is true, hence the question. And I have heard of other cultures’ ceremonies – the one-year ceremony among the Chinese, a Hindu ceremony, whose name I don’t recall. There does seem to be a common thread of ritually welcoming new babies into their family and community. Gift-giving may be a part of these rituals, as indeed, gift-giving is an ancient practice, but this can vary from token monetary gifts to religious items and beyond, and do not seem to be at all focused on ensuring that the newborn’s parents were given modern baby care equipment. Christenings, and other ceremonies, are also held several months after the baby is born, not the least of which because it was once far more uncertain as to whether the child would survive, and superstition forbade naming the child too early lest it call down poor luck.

I would argue that if these are indeed the pre-modern forerunner to baby showers, it is illustrative that their main focus was on the *baby* and not the mother, and on fostering the community’s shared commitment to the upbringing of children. Furthermore, child-rearing necessities were more likely passed down between generations or hand-made by close relatives, which ties in to the longstanding ban on the hosting of showers by the immediate family. Close relatives *do* share some historical obligation in ensuring the survival of their loved ones’ progeny – their grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and cousins. Therefore a shower hosted by family and inviting non-family represents an attempt by relatives to shirk that responsibility and request that unrelated people shoulder the expense, and/or an attempt to cadge gifts that the family itself cannot afford.

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Kendra August 5, 2010 at 12:24 am

Admin,
Please correct me if I am wrong, but according to the bit of research I have done, but baby showers didn’t become popular until the 1920s to 30s. Also, back then, showers didn’t include gifts. Showers were basically the expectant mother’s family, friends, & neighbors (all female) at the expectant mother’s home, mid-afternoon on a weekday (so the men are at work), enjoying tea and talking with the mother the joys/challenges/science of being a mother, while the children play in the background. It was to “induct” the new mother into the “secret society” of motherhood. I think it would also be so the expectant mother could ask questions/get advice from “experienced” mothers. It would then make sense that there would be no need to have a second shower for the same mother. She would then be one of the “experienced” mothers giving advice to the “new” mother-to-be.

Gifts apparently didn’t become part of the “shower” until the 1940s to 50s. The main purpose was still to introduce the expectant mother to the joys/mysteries of motherhood by women who had been there/done that. I believe the gifts were to help the young couple get started, and provide things that the young couple probably would never have thought of. It wasn’t until much later that showers became about celebrating the baby. It was to help the new mom prepare for motherhood. So, as far as second showers go, how can you be a first time mom more than once? The other thing about the gifts is, it used to be small gifts, things the mom would find useful, and not being experienced, she might not have thought of.

I am the oldest in my family, so I asked my mom what she remembered about her baby shower when she was expecting me. She said a friend hosted it, she mainly remembers that the cake had little blue, pink & yellow booties on it and they played silly games. They things she recieved were a silver baby spoon & cup in her pattern, a baby book(the kind you record everything in), lots of bottles, diaper pins, & onesies, a diaper hanger(remember everything was cloth diapers then), a diaper pail, burp cloths, those cloths you put under the baby at night to keep the crib sheets clean, stuff like that. She said that a lot of that stuff wouldn’t have occured to her, but the best thing was a baby food warmer. She and my dad actually outfitted the nursery themselves, as was proper. She didn’t have another shower, even though I have three younger sisters, and there is 13 years between me and my youngest sister and 5 years between my second youngest sister and my youngest sister.

Anyway, baby showers weren’t about celebrating new life, they were about celebrating a young woman’s entry into motherhood. You can only enter motherhood for the first time, once. As far as “baby showers” to help people who have been hit by disaster, they have been doing that for ever. Back in the prairie days, if someone’s house burned down, the neighbors got together and helped them build it, and gave the family clothing and such needful things for the entire family, including the new baby. They just didn’t have a party. It’s called being a good friend/neighbor. However, how many second showers are really because of disaster? If you are really set on celebrating the new life, there are plenty of ways to do it , without calling it a shower.

Unless it really is just about getting everyone you know to support you baby each and every time. Then, I guess it’s never too early to teach your children to be entitled gimme pigs.

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Tori October 3, 2010 at 10:50 pm

My cousin has 3 kids. She has had a shower for each of them but she only got the presents at the first one. Her invites for the second and third actually said no gifts on them. They showers were more just parties celebrating that more children were going to be in their family.

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admin October 4, 2010 at 5:49 am

Parties to celebrate the safe arrival of baby should not be called “showers” as that word clearly implies a gift giving event in Western culture. Don’t confuse guests so instead call the party something else like “Meet Our Newest Darling Celebratory Dinner!”.

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KJKJ January 10, 2011 at 10:54 am

I have gotten the point that second baby showers are a faux pas… are there any exceptions to this? I am married to my second husband ( my first walked out on me when I was 5 months pregnant and never looked back ) and five years later I married my wonderful husband ( and no, I did not have a second wedding shower)… This is our first baby together … a friend of ours offered to throw a shower for us and I am honored to have the opportunity to share this experience with my husband and our friends… I do not, however, want to do something seen as rude or a breech of proper etiquette! I do not expect any big ticket items and would be happy just to celebrate our upcoming arrival with friends and family… any gentle thoughts on this subject?

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gramma dishes January 10, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Personally I think the fact that your friend really truly wants to throw you a baby shower is very sweet and I don’t think there is any reason you should not graciously accept. This is not your first baby, but it is your husband’s. (And you don’t mention whether or not there was a shower for your first child.)

I think the fact that you see it as just a celebration of new life and aren’t particularly interested in the gift aspect shows that you’re on the right track. New Daddy, new friends, even new relatives! Please don’t deprive you friend of the opportunity to do this for you.

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julia January 10, 2011 at 3:11 pm

KJKJ – don’t let your friend call it a shower. Have the invitation include a “no presents, just your presence” line.

Some people may still bring gifts, but that’s their choice.

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mother.of.mayhem October 26, 2011 at 8:46 pm

I don’t think that even a first shower should mean that guests buy big ticket items for the parents-to-be. To me, a baby shower is an excuse to shop for cute baby clothes, give parenting advice, possibly help out a little (depending on how well you know the parents and how much spending money you have) with smaller items (like diapers, wipes, bibs, bottles, etc), have a good time and make the parents feel special.

I see no real reason not to have subsequent smaller showers WITHOUT registry. It should be clear that it is more of just a welcoming party than a “baby shower,” and that no gifts are necessary. I think our society moves slowly away from the traditional rules of etiquette because there are so many special cases. I resent the idea that baby showers are simply about gift giving. People who host parties simply to get free loot are really low. So are the people who assume that gifts are the only reason a person ever holds a baby shower.

There are a lot of people out there who just want an excuse to throw a party. Isn’t celebrating a new life a good enough reason?! So what if they want to call it a “baby shower?” I say if you don’t like what you see happening, either don’t attend or just don’t bring a gift! Problem solved! BTW, in order for a person to even care about baby shower etiquette, they first must know it EXISTS. I’m sure many people do not. Hey, let’s all get mad about it.

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mother.of.mayhem October 26, 2011 at 8:55 pm

As for me, I don’t see the point of a subsequent shower for myself. When my 2nd child is born, I will be needing new items for my toddler since she will need a larger bed, car booster seat, double stroller, etc. The only items the new baby will need are associated with diaper changing, and some boy clothes once he’s older and out of the gender-neutral newborn onesies. A shower at this point would seem wasteful unless people decided to combine resources and just get me a ton of diapers OR just show up and play those stupid shower games and pass me some good feelings and well-wishes. :)

I have no problem going to another person’s 2nd shower. They just better expect a little token gift and possibly a pack of diapers at the most.

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Alexa November 25, 2011 at 11:37 am

Whar happens when the second or third child is unplanned? Why,if a baby shower is to help prepare a parent for a child is a second one bad etiquette especially if most of the items from the first baby have been given away?This antiquated advice is insulting. Society has changed since the baby shower began and obviously some people are not sophisticated enough to change outdated perceptions of correct ettiquette.

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Am January 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I find all these comments fascinating. I am pregnant with baby #4 and have never once asked for a shower, ever, with any child. I have never helped to plan a shower for myself, or even suggested a guest list for a single baby shower. However, wth my first baby I had multiple showers (family, work, grad school friends) that were all completely planned and coordiated by others, and I also had at least one shower for baby #2 again totally unplanned by me. They just asked me for dates I had opened. For baby number 2, 3, & 4 I will have been in 3 different cities, with 3 different churches, 3 local sets of friends, and different local family who all want to celebrate. I tried to say “no” to a shower for my 3rd child and then had a big group of friends plan a “surprise” shower for me anyway. It was so touching, I had NO idea it was even happening and never felt more loved in my life. Now, in my our 3rd place in 8yrs, my mother-in-law & sister-in-law are local for the first time for this 4th child. They have never been able to attend any showers for me (for wedding or for any kids) are insisting on throwing a shower here. I have come to learn the following in trying to say no to showers, etc: etiquette or not, family and friends want to celebrate a baby. Whethere it’s just with a party , with gifts, with providing meals for the family after the baby is born, family and friends want to be involved, to help, to celebrate, etc. Also, many times they will feel badly if you say no. In my opinion it is probably in bad taste to ask for, hint at, or request a shower, and even to “register” for gifts for a subsequent child. However, if you have friends/family who are really excited about putting together a shower or a party for you & baby, I don’t think there is anything wrong with going with it, celebrating, and setting up the boundaries that make you & your guests comfortable. I love going to showers for 1st babies or 6th babies. There is always something you can bring to shower a new mother and baby with love, whether it’s a pack of diapers, or a frozen homemade meal for them to prepare in that chaotic time after the baby is born. If you are uncomfortable attending a subsequent shower, don’t go – however I would not rob loving & excited friends and family of an opportunity they are really excited about if it is their idea.

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Carla January 30, 2012 at 4:37 am

I definitely agree with AM. I’m also on baby #4. I had a shower for my first 3. I did NOT ask for one, plan one, or assist in the planning or guest list of ANY- not even the first! Granted, my last child was 12 years ago so I did not keep any baby stuff, BUT I’ve already purchased things myself- particularly big items- so I KNOW that people will not attempt to buy me these things. I’ve always LOVED the games at the showers, hanging out with my friends/family, the food, but didn’t much care for the buying of the big things. I do NOT do registries of any kind (just feels so rude- buy me this specific item!) and I like to pick those things out myself. (And am no good at taking things back and exchanging cause that feels rude to me too…) So perhaps all of this bitterness directed at mothers “for having 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc showers” is a bit misdirected. Yell at the family and friends that THROW the showers! After all, etiquette states that the mother not throw her own and I’ve personally never known ANYONE that threw her own shower! And no, I’m not interested in participating in the shower planning at all by telling someone what to write or not write on the invites…or telling them they’re not “allowed” to call it a shower. I would not be so ungrateful and unthankful. My best friend is a Puerto Rican from Brooklyn. If I tried to tell her that she’d come thru the phone and bite my head off! (And I’m sure she’ll plan a SHOWER for this new little one, too. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. We’ll have fun without you!) But I make sure and tell EVERYONE when I buy something for the baby. So they know not to buy anything like that. The moral is, if subsequent showers make you mad, either spray it to the planners or keep your trap shut. It’s not the mothers attending that do it.

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