*That* Relative…The One That Can’t Keep His Trap Shut

by admin on July 15, 2010

Does anyone have that relative? The one who thinks they’re being funny when they’re really just being rude and tacky? Well I now have that relative in the form of my Darling Husband’s “Uncle Joe”.

I first met Uncle Joe right after my husband and I became engaged. He has an odd sense of humor and a tendency to tell off-color jokes, but was otherwise very sweet to me and supportive of our upcoming wedding. We invited Uncle Joe and his family and they happily RSVPed.

Not surprisingly, the whole day of the wedding was quite hectic, but really lovely. Of course inevitably some things did not go exactly as planned, and that included Uncle Joe. The ceremony was outdoors and I had quite a way to walk to get to the spot where the ceremony took place, so I wasn’t aware at the time of all the goings-on. Apparently, as my nervous husband-to-be was standing with our officient, Uncle Joe decided it would be funny to taunt him in front of the other assembled guests by shouting at him to run while he still could! I’m told he did this at least twice. When I finally reached the alter with my father, who was escorting me down the aisle, and then turned to hug him before joining my fiancé, Joe again shouted. During this beautiful moment he yelled to my soon-to-be husband, “Too late to run now!!” This one I heard. But honestly I was so nervous and excited at that moment, it really didn’t faze me. Looking back now though, it was completely inappropriate.

I’ve been told by certain individuals who were present that quite a few family members on both sides of the aisle were offended by Joe’s behavior and were giving him dirty looks the entire time. I thank my lucky stars that we chose not to hire a videographer to record the ceremony, otherwise it would have been ruined in that very instant. Thankfully, the rest of the ceremony continued without interruption.  My husband and I don’t plan to ever say anything to Uncle Joe about the incident; the way we see it, we’re married and that’s all that matters. In our memories, it was a perfect day and we wouldn’t change a thing, not even Uncle Joe.

Hey, at least I got an EHell submission out of it. ;)   0628-10

{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Simone July 15, 2010 at 5:31 am

My mother has often told me the story of how when she and my father married one of my father’s uncles-by-marriage turned up to the wedding ceremony (in a church) slightly…er…under the weather. He then proceeded to very audibly say unflattering things about my father’s side of the family throughout the ceremony. His wife resolved the situation by travelling to the reception with another family member, leaving him at the church with no idea where the reception was being held.

Even though my parents divorced many years ago, my mum still remembers this as a funny story. She certainly didn’t let it ruin her day either :)

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josie July 15, 2010 at 5:40 am

Maybe uncle Joe felt it was okay to be more “casual” since the ceremony was outdoors….wonder if he would of behaved that way in a church or a more formal setting. Either way, his comments were totally rude and uncalled for. Every family has one of these nuts in their family tree.

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Princesssimmi July 15, 2010 at 6:25 am

Yeah, everyone has that relative. My one happens to be my Mum and I thank my lucky stars every day that I no longer have to live with her.

Completely inappropriate to shout something out during a wedding ceremony, made even worse by what he actually did say. I would have said to him “you had your chance, I’ve made my decision, be quiet”. Saying nothing is probably politer though. :)

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surlychick July 15, 2010 at 6:43 am

Oh, everyone’s got a relative like that. He sounds harmless; sure, the comments were in bad taste and he should have shown more decorum, but to be offended is an overreaction.
Also, this:
“I thank my lucky stars that we chose not to hire a videographer to record the ceremony, otherwise it would have been ruined in that very instant. ”
Seriously? Lighten up, people!

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Shannon July 15, 2010 at 7:45 am

Oh, wow. Heaven save us from incompetent comedians.

My fiance has one or two of these in his family, and you better believe I am appointing friends to sit near them during the ceremony. These friends will keep the ‘comedians’ quiet, by force if necessary. (I’m no prima donna, people can be off-color or tacky at the reception all they want. But the ceremony is serious business.)

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Interestinly Laura July 15, 2010 at 8:11 am

Surlychick,
Respectfully, you think she is overreacting when a guest at her wedding starts yelling for her husband to run away from her? Weddings are already stressful, and hollering negative guests probably don’t help matters. No, I can see why she wouldn’t want that preserved on video.

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Interestingly Laura July 15, 2010 at 8:11 am

And, of course, I misspelled my own name.

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Laura July 15, 2010 at 8:38 am

I think your reaction to good ‘ol Uncle Joe was spot on. I don’t blame you for being annoyed by him and I think you handled the situation perfectly. I also support what you said about being glad you didn’t hire a videographer. I wouldn’t have wanted to hear that every time I watched my wedding video. And try to remember it could have been a lot worse. A friend of mine was married 10 years ago, and during the vows, before he said, “I do”, he took a flask out of his inside pocket, took a swig and then said, “I do.” I felt awful for his bride and I’m surprised she even talked to him the rest of the night.

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Gloria Shiner July 15, 2010 at 8:59 am

So, family members “were offended by Joe’s behavior and were giving him dirty looks the entire time”. If they were that offended, why not quietly ask him to stop saying those things? Why are people such wimps?

As for this type of thing “ruining” a video, that’s what editing is for.

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Casey July 15, 2010 at 9:02 am

Even if Uncle thought it was informal and that he only meant to be funny the bottom line is he made OP look like a bad catch. He told his nephew to run before being attached to an undesirable woman. At their wedding. In front of the entire crowd. He might have thought he was being funny but that could’ve been a very humiliating situation for OP and her husband. Not everyone is thick skinned and can take a public put down like that (or being heckled) in stride. Ball and chain jokes are so old they aren’t funny anymore (if they ever were) and I’m sure Uncle didn’t think OP personally would become a fat nagging harpy that sucked the life and soul out of her DH but that’s what he was implying by telling DH to run while he had a chance.

There’s a time and place for that kind of joking. The bachelor party.

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Voice of Reason July 15, 2010 at 9:38 am

Surlychick, a lot of people would not want a record of being insulted on their wedding day. For some it’s a serious, sacred moment. Just sayin’.

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gingertwinge July 15, 2010 at 10:01 am

Yeah, I agree with surlychick. Big deal, everyone’s got one like that. We actually would have thought it pretty funny in our family. This kind of personality is the one who needs the attention and always thinks the party is about them. there is nothing you are going to do to change it and since he’s family, you suck it up and accept it as the way it is.

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jenna July 15, 2010 at 10:16 am

Oh, I have one of those too!

And I used to be one, before I learned more about good manners!

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Michelle Prieur July 15, 2010 at 10:36 am

Every family has one of those. Yes, surlychick, having a so called loved one repeatedly shouting anything offensive during a wedding would have put a serious damper on the wedding.

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Shayna July 15, 2010 at 10:40 am

To each his own, but I don’t think I would have been offended by this. I would probably have had a chuckle about it. If the man has always been kind to you, then I’m not sure why you would take offense. What did offend me was my MIL crying (not tears of joy either) when we were pronounced as Mr. and Mrs. So-And-So, nor that she frowned in all of my wedding photos, except the ones I wasn’t in.

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Annie July 15, 2010 at 11:04 am

One of my uncles by marriage is like this, my mother’s BIL. He’s rude, brash and gets drunk at any family gathering he attends, which thankfully aren’t many. He also embarrasses my aunt by making snide comments about her looks and her weight. The comment Uncle Joe made in the letter sounds like something my Uncle would say, too. Probably paired with a “Don’t make the same mistake I made, man! It’s easier to get out now!”

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Chocobo! July 15, 2010 at 11:18 am

Haha, I know exactly who this is in my family. It’s really too bad that none of the family — especially DH’s family — didn’t tell Uncle Joe where to stuff it. Obviously, no one ever has because he still does these things thinking people enjoy them. Though that doesn’t always help…

Still, I don’t think the moment would have been ruined had it been on video tape. A) it’s annoying and rude, but not earth-shattering to ruin a whole tape and B) videographers put music to your video anyway. A nice musical flourish over father-daughter embrace would have done the trick.

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seancal July 15, 2010 at 1:24 pm

@surlychick Maybe you missed the part where the OP said “In our memories, it was a perfect day and we wouldn’t change a thing, not even Uncle Joe”

And let’s imagine you or some close friend of yours is getting married, are you seriously saying you wouldn’t get offended if someone was heckling you or shouting at the wedding party to run? Really? I wish I had your patience. I think the OP handled it in good spirits and with a good sense of humor.

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kingsrings July 15, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Any other EHellions having reminders of the famous ‘Aunt Babes’ EHell story?? Were any tampons present, heh.
I wonder what it is about weddings that make some family members fly off the handle like this and act inappropriately. To me, exhibiting this kind of behavior smacks of jealousy and envy of someone’s special day, and this is the passive-aggressive way it is expressed.

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Bonnie July 15, 2010 at 4:47 pm

Also, surlychick and gingertwinge, there is a big difference between the slightly vague and rosy memories of your special day and getting to experience being heckled in full Dobly Digital Surround and High Definition. I’d definitely say that she is spot on in her assessment of the “ruin” of her mythical wedding video.

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Louise July 15, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Hey, some good-natured ribbing of the groom about how his freedom is over is just fine in my books, but calling out like that at the ceremony isn’t. The time to make those kinds of comments is in private. Sounds to me like Uncle Joe wanted a piece of the attention everyone was giving the bride and groom.

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CriticalThinkingChick July 15, 2010 at 11:30 pm

Completely out of line and definitely worth being offended by. A wedding ceremony, regardless of the setting, is a very important and meaningful occasion and absolutely no place for heckling.

I attended a wedding like this – my sister and brother in law’s. Although I must have met brother in law’s brother in law (if that makes sense) once or twice before, I’d never realised just how much of an awful person he was. The wedding was small (destination wedding, only about 30 guests) in a beautiful, serene location, and he yelled out and heckled several times during what was otherwise a beautiful and heartfelt and formal ceremony. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t being told to stop by anyone near him, especially his wife, the *groom’s sister*.
I saw several other examples of what sort of a person he was throughout the day including some pretty awful ribbing of his young son, who was in the wedding party, warning him not to do various things lest he become “a girly man”. His son is now approaching teenage-hood and people say he’s starting to get a bit of a teenage attitude, but I suspect my worst fears are the more likely reason – he’s learning to act like his father. Which means a few years down the track this poor lad will probably be heckling at his sister’s wedding. And the cycle will continue. There is no excuse for this sort of behaviour, and it needs to be nipped in the bud before it continues, generation after generation.

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Elizabeth Bunting July 16, 2010 at 12:20 am

It sounds like Uncle Joe is an a*****e, though Miss Manners would give me a rap on the knuckles for saying it. I’m with Gloria when she said guests sitting close to Uncle Joe could have stopped him.

Weddings do tend to bring out the best and the worst in people!

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AS July 16, 2010 at 11:34 am

I can understand such comments during a bachelor party – I can see men making fun of the groom and telling him to run away (though I’d personally prefer positive fun making than negative ones, but I digress). But during the wedding – in front of everyone…! As an earlier commentator said, Uncle Joe probably was fishing for attention! Someone should have told him something – but on the other hand, probably his family members have already found out that it falls on deaf ears, and have given up telling him to shut up. It is hard to stop a grown up man who thinks he is saying the funniest thing on earth!

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Xtina July 16, 2010 at 2:20 pm

This is a common sort of joke made to those getting married, but not actually during the ceremony. Uncle Joe picked the worst possible time to make his joke. I would have overlooked it and not worried about whether or not it was in the video (after the fact, it’s memorably funny in an annoying kind of way), but I, or someone, would have made it a point to seek out Uncle Joe and tell him that the B & G, as well as some of the guests, did not find his timing appropriate for a joke of this sort, and to please refrain from such things in the future.

Somewhat related in that it’s “one of those” family members, after my brother’s reception when the staff and the family were cleaning up the venue, the “drunken uncle” was spotted helping himself to the unused bottles of wine from the bar and taking them to his car (yes, that would be stealing). Some people! I gathered all that was left (he was coming back for more) and hid them. My brother had paid for all the alcohol and they would have been refunded for anything they returned. How awful for someone to do that.

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Shalamar July 18, 2010 at 7:47 pm

When one of my friends got married, her younger sister was a bridesmaid. Someone sitting behind my mother and me bellowed “HEY, (Sister’s Name)! Where’s your horse?”

The sister loved horses and loved to ride, but still – what a dumb comment to make!

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Caitlin July 19, 2010 at 4:30 am

The day we got married, the Icelandic Volcano blew. Several people made the comments that, as a result ‘It was too late for a plane to mexico’ and ‘It was clear that our wedding was the first sign of the apocalypse’

We thought it was great. But, none of them actually shouted it during the ceremony. I think I’d have had a sense of humour failure.

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Enna July 20, 2010 at 11:52 am

The joke was out of context. You’d have to know someone VERY WELL to pull it off – in a few families it might be taken as a funny joke but in most families that kind of thing is inappropiate. If “Uncle Joe” had whispered it to the person next to him it would be a cheeky joke but not as bad as shouting something like that out.

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Amava July 21, 2010 at 12:16 pm

I think he should have been escorted out. I have absolutely no patience with such boors.

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RP July 21, 2010 at 2:24 pm

I’m sure the guests would have stopped him if he’d tried to keep going but I’m sure no one thought he’d actually yell something during the ceremony. I know that would have taken *me* by surprise.

For all we know someone did try telling the uncle to knock it off when he was saying it earlier.

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EmmaP July 22, 2010 at 12:58 pm

It’s a good thing that Uncle Joe wasn’t invited to a funeral.

Seriously though, my father is like this. He wasn’t at my wedding (we made it geographically undesirable for a lot of family and had a reception for them later – for this reason.) His thing is inappropriate remarks/jokes to strangers in public. Waitstaff seem to get the brunt of it for some mysterious reason. I am terrified to take him to any formal function – especially if there is alcohol. So far he has behaved at weddings, but generally will make inappropriate remarks about the bride before or at the reception.

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T. Nielsen Hayden August 8, 2010 at 11:38 pm

A dear friend of mine shot his mouth off during my wedding ceremony. Fortunately, it was a funny and truthful remark. Nevertheless, as soon as the ceremony was finished, I threw my bouquet — overhand, straight at his head.

It didn’t work. He’s still not married. But we do occasionally laugh about it.

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