My husband and I got married a few years ago shortly after he’d completed his BA and just before my final year of my degree. We had a few, close mutual friends from university, but not very many. We didn’t want a huge wedding, and so were primarily restricting our guest list to family members, friends from church, a few former coworkers, and those friends from university that we were close to (e.g., had taken trips with or were former roommates). However, before our invitations went out, a fellow classmate of ours — let’s call him Ryan — told us he wanted to come to our wedding. He tried to make it sound all cutesy — “I HAVE to be there to shower rice on you guys!” or “I want to see you feed cake to each other!” and even, “I can’t wait to dance at your reception!” — but his message was very clear. He wanted to be invited to our wedding, and not just that, but to our reception too. We were friends with Ryan, but we’d never, say, done anything with him outside of school. If he had an event going on, we weren’t invited and vice versa. When we talked with Ryan, it was primarily about school subjects, and while the chats were good, they weren’t the conversations of very close friends. However, after many of these broad hints and a lengthy discussion between my then-fiance and I, we decided to invite Ryan to the wedding. Ryan was a close friend of my two roommates at the time, so we knew he’d have people to talk to at the wedding reception.
Fast forward a few months when the RSVPs start coming in and, guess what, no response from Ryan! I email/call those who haven’t responded to find out whether they’re coming or not. Ryan finally RSVPs a week before the wedding saying that yes, of course he would be there! He was so excited! Our wedding is beautiful. We’re surrounded by family and friends and everything’s perfect. But guess what? No sign of Ryan. We arrive at the reception hall and still. . no Ryan. We find out later that he’d been scheduled to work that day. I don’t know why he didn’t at least send apologies along with my former roommates who both sang at my wedding and did the flowers. Our wedding wasn’t extravagantly expensive, but we did pay $30.00 a person for a plated service. Maybe, when Ryan finally gets married, he’ll realize that it’s a bit of faux pas to invite yourself to a wedding and then not show up.
We’re still friends with Ryan. We stay in touch through Facebook and have come across each other a few times at various events. But neither of us ever go out of our way to get together with each other because that’s simply the way our friendship has always been: pleasant, but not very close. 0513-10
Previous post: Feel Good Friday