The Newly Hired Teacher Shower

by admin on August 26, 2010

As part of my job (I am a journalist), I recently sat in on a training seminar for around 70 new teachers. During one portion, the teachers were reading and discussing a section on preparation for a new school year from a popular educator’s book. Each group then presented an idea from the book that they liked to the crowd. Several of the groups selected a “new teacher shower.”

You see, what the book suggests is that once you’ve obtained a position at a school you “ask a friend or family member to host a new teacher shower” so you can stock up on filing cabinets, folders and other supplies.

From what I could tell, I was the only one in the room who thought it was an awful suggestion. I’m marrying a teacher next year and have written about education for several years so I know all about the out-of-pocket costs many teachers face for supplies. But can you imagine asking your friends and family to buy you gifts because you got a job and have secured a regular paycheck? 0825-10

The idea of a “new teacher shower” and the person who dreamed up this “gimme” belong here…

{ 69 comments… read them below or add one }

Simone August 26, 2010 at 6:22 am

What? What? What? Can I just quickly defend (some of) my profession and say I have *never* heard of this before. And I think it’s a horrible idea!

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Mom2PBJ August 26, 2010 at 6:38 am

Even if someone did do a shower and they got their room supplies, I’m sure they will still send a list home with each student for more supplies to be kept in the room and shared with every student.

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QueenofAllThings August 26, 2010 at 6:40 am

When a friend or family member gets a new job, the appropriate gift is a hearty “congratulations!” – or, if it is particularly momentous, perhaps a bottle of champagne. The only possible exception I can imagine is when the new job is a first job gained by one’s child, in which case assistance with the proper wardrobe and/or accessories is a nice gesture.

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Fifthmarch August 26, 2010 at 6:49 am

Huh?

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lkb August 26, 2010 at 7:22 am

While I would never consign such a person to the netherworld (I know, I know, its just a phrase, not to be taken seriously), I agree with the OP. We are fortunate in our town that we have a bookstore that sells a lot of teacher supplies. For years, our Christmas and end-of-year gift has been a gift certificate to that store to help the teacher pay for supplies for the classroom. But a shower for a new teacher? No way!

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Typo Tat August 26, 2010 at 7:25 am

Oh. That’s nice. Can you also have a “new plumber shower” and “new dentist shower”? Gimme gimme gimme.

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Skoffin August 26, 2010 at 7:26 am

….I….I have no idea what to say.

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HonorH August 26, 2010 at 7:44 am

Y’know, it would be wonderful if your family and friends spontaneously threw a party for you and gave you gifts you’ll need for your classroom. Asking for a “shower,” though? Tacky!

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Katrina August 26, 2010 at 7:57 am

If they would just leave out asking for the shower. It is a great idea for those who know a new teacher! Perhaps a tradition to start at a school for when a new teacher is hired? An awsome graduation present? Perhaps if a student teacher has been fabulous, maybe the mentor teacher could throw one?

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Rachel August 26, 2010 at 8:01 am

I see this as sort of a lesser sin- after all, the teachers aren’t asking for gifts for themselves, it’s for things for the classroom and the kids.

A better way to get that sort of thing though, would be to reach out to local organizations for help, rather then stick up their friends. I’m a member of a music sorority- we donate money for supplies to our sisters who have recently started teaching, because their budgets are just that awful, and they don’t have money for basic things like sheet music.

If you want your friends to really help, though, encourage them to vote in local elections to make sure essential funding doesn’t get cut!

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shorty j August 26, 2010 at 8:06 am

I still think this is tacky, but at the same time, as mentioned… one of the things new teachers often struggle with is supplies–budgets are being slashed left and right, and teachers are often left to buy school supplies out of their own pockets because their school won’t provide them with basic stuff, like pencils and paper. It’s ridiculous, considering how little they’re paid to begin with. I don’t disagree with the concept of helping someone who is a new teacher buy supplies–I’d gladly donate to my friends if they needed it. But yeah, the shower thing is a bit much.

On the other hand, is it better or worse than these new school supply lists some places are sending out which require new students to bring, for example, a ream of copy paper with them on their first day?

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Xtina August 26, 2010 at 8:15 am

Seems like a bad, bad idea to me. In theory, it’s really no different from bridal or baby showers, where people you know who had nothing to do with your personal choices are invited to possibly give you a party/gift to support your new circumstances in life, but this is just taking it too far–I mean, this is a job we’re talking about, where you’re paid and supposedly better off financially for the position (even if there is some out-of-pocket expense for the teacher).

Ms. Jeanne–wow, that’s some vision of h*ll! ;-)

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Daisy August 26, 2010 at 8:16 am

The “New Teacher” shower, brought to you by the folks who gave us Sweetest Day, Boss’ Day, Secretary Day, Grandparents Day, and every other occasion specifically designated as an occasion for which you’d better buy a gift. My personal favourite has always been the “New Puppy” shower, where you can honour little Fido with a selection of lovely, overpriced squeaky toys and other canine essentials.

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SHOEGAL August 26, 2010 at 8:20 am

This is over the top – we have to draw the line somewhere. For instance – it takes some substantial start up costs to begin a new sport – such as hockey – the skates, the padding, the stick, gloves, etc – why not throw a shower for it!!! I’ve just learned a new hobby – I need all the essentials to start knitting – the needles, the yarn, patterns, a how to book – let’s throw a shower for it!! Bad idea – do we really expect other people to help finance everything we do in life?

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Laura August 26, 2010 at 9:09 am

I asked my mother, who has been a teacher in the Dallas area for many years, what she thought.
While she says that she spends way too much money in school supplies (most of her students are from families with modest or no income), she says, “That’s why I fill out grants every summer – to help defray the costs of supplies. I don’t have time to go around shopping for ‘teacher showers.’ I have my own shopping needs, the needs of my students, and lesson plans to make.”

For those who may not be aware, Wal-Mart is actually a really good resource for teachers needing supplies: http://walmartstores.com/communitygiving/238.aspx?p=8979

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AS August 26, 2010 at 9:17 am

Bad idea!
I agree that teachers have a lot of out-of-pocket costs for a comparatively menial wage. But a shower is TACKY! Chances are that there might be guests who are not even earning themselves yet!
As Rachel said, we should rather encourage people to vote for the right people so that school budgets are not cut any more.

Daisy – puppy shower??? Are you serious?!!??!? Maybe I should consider that as an alternative from keeping me away from getting a puppy as I cannot afford the maintenance costs yet ;-) !

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Sarah August 26, 2010 at 9:18 am

I have had four job changes through my career. Throughout that time, never once was anything supplied to me (no, I’m not a teacher) and I’m talking about the basics like a pen and notepads. I have brought my own stationary supplies and even had bosses comment on how they should order a pen, sticky notes or divider I have purchased. In my most recent employ, I purchased my chair, simply because the chair provided was one step away from the garbage truck. Never once did it occur to me that anyone other than myself should foot the cost for these items. And like a teacher that transfers schools and takes their posters, rabbit cage and bulletin board borders, I will take my items with me when I leave.

Additionally – I have two children in school and receive the laundry list of school supplies. I’m not sure what it is the teachers are paying for (aside from the decor items they use for their rooms, which I know from my aunt, is considered part of the job – you do it for yourself AND your students). I’ve purchased hand soap for my staff washroom occassionally when it runs out. I buy my own Kleenx too.

I do believe actions like THIS are what give this profession a less than professional reputation.

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summer August 26, 2010 at 9:18 am

Shoegal – people may not throw a shower for things they need, but they don’t hesitate asking for them for birthdays, etc. is there any difference?

A couple of things I’dlike to mention -first, in our grand state of Illinois, our local school district has been stiffed over $300,000. People got laid off. And you can certainly know that teachers are not getting needed supplies for their classrooms. These our all our kids, if they need supplies, why not a “teacher” shower? People get baby showers all the time, why not a shower to help the kids get the supplies they need, especially if it’s an inner city/low poverty rural school where most of the kids can’t even bring in any of their own supplies? That said, as a sometimes teacher, I would not ask anyone to hold a shower for me, and it just goes to show also that some people will put anything in a book and others will read it and think it’s the greatest.

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AM in AL August 26, 2010 at 9:21 am

Tacky, yes, to *ask* for a shower, but… of the teachers I personally know, not a one spends less than $1000 a year out of their pockets on copy paper and other basic supplies. I wouldn’t compare it to a “new plumber” or “new sport” shower.

In a perfect world, school budgets would have room for things like copy paper, chalk, Kleenex, art supplies, etc….

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Jillybean August 26, 2010 at 9:22 am

Ok – I’m sorry, but I laughed at this. I wasn’t outraged (though it’s certainly a bad idea), but amused, mostly because I doubt it would catch on, and in my head, I started to picture this shower. As if typical showers aren’t tedious enough, I can just imagine try to oooh and aaah over school supplies and it made me chuckle. “Oooooh, pencils.” “Wow! Notebooks!” “Crayons and markers!” “Oh, and someone was a big spender – thanks for the lesson plan book and gold stars!”

Reminds me of a Tupperware party I went to years ago. I sat there while the woman did the presentation, and each item got passed around in turn. Even if we had just seen 4 of the same item only in different colors, all of the attendees were oohing and ahhhing and examining each item, and in my head I was screaming, “It’s a freaking bowl!!!!” haha. Nothing against Tupperware, mind you, I think they have some great products, but some things just don’t lend themselves to a festive atmosphere – I have to think school supplies fall into that category.

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DGS August 26, 2010 at 9:38 am

Certainly, teachers make very little money and funding cuts don’t help – that can be changed through becoming involved in local politics and state politics, voting, etc. I also have no problem with attending a school-based fundraiser organized by a PTA. I do, however, have a problem with a “new teacher shower” – why not a “new doctor shower”, a “new engineer shower”, a “new hairstylist shower”? Enough with the gift-grabbing. Now if someone wants to give you a present (for your birthday, Christmas, or even to celebrate a new job) and asks you what you might like, it would be perfectly fine to say, “I appreciate the thought, and while a present is not necessary, if you are so inclined, I would truly appreciate a gift card to a local teacher supply store” and follow up the gift with a thank-you note. However, no more gift bonanza parties, please.

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Cady August 26, 2010 at 9:41 am

Not cool, but I do think it reflects the sad state of our education system when the school district can’t provide the materials teachers need to do their jobs.

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i_love_penguins August 26, 2010 at 9:48 am

I first heard of a teacher shower on Dear Abby a few years ago. (Google “Dear Abby” “teacher shower” to find the article.) Abby said she loved the idea. As a recent graduate of a teaching program, I can’t believe some people think this is OK. Fortunately, I haven’t heard of anyone actually having one in my area.

I agree that teaching is very important, and teachers often dish out money from their own pockets. I received (unsolicited) many nice books and supplies from teachers where I student taught. (I did send thank you cards.) Any new hiree in any field are probably going to have to spend some of there yet unearned money to get ready for their new job. But to have friends/family have an actual shower is just…ugh. And where’s the line of worthy/unworthy careers that need a job shower? Doctor/nurse? Police officer? Garbage collector?

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Gloria Shiner August 26, 2010 at 9:49 am

OK, so everyone gets a shower for everything (if you follow the reasoning as expounded by summer and others) because no one can afford to: outfit their nursery/baby, stock their new home, pay for their vacation, provide inventory for their classroom, etc., etc. By the time we each get done paying for someone else’s “needs” we might as well pay for our own “needs”.

It’s out of control, and the “teacher shower” proves it.

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Fox August 26, 2010 at 10:29 am

So if I get a job at an office, can I throw myself a shower to get some new snazzy business-appropriate clothing?

I had several menial, minimal-wage summer jobs when I was a teenager, and they all required me to pony up for something up front – one demanded black collared shirts and khakis every day, one wanted white trousers and required me to pay for my uniform shirts, etc. It does feel unfair to ask for you to give money in order to get money (especially when you haven’t gotten that first pay check yet), but demanding/expecting your loved ones to shoulder the costs? Tacky.

Families should support each other, and often that means financially. But I’d be pretty put out if one of my loved ones said “I need XYZ for work, so could everyone please chip in?”

(And yes, I feel horrible for teachers, who do not earn nearly as much as they deserve. But I think a previous commenter is on the right track suggesting that they apply for grants. I might even be okay with requiring each student to get one additional low-cost supply to be used by the class/teacher. I recall all through elementary and middle school we were required to buy a box of tissues to be used by the class.. why not a pack of file folders or pens or whatever else?)

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Fox August 26, 2010 at 10:44 am

Summer -

There are two differences between showers and birthdays:
1. A birthday is something outside of the birthday person’s control, in a sense. It just happens, like any other holiday. They don’t suddenly decide to have a birthday in order to get stuff. (Although some may decide to throw a party for that reason, but throwing a party for oneself is just as tacky as holding a shower.)

2. Everyone has a birthday. As such, it’s sort of an equal-opportunity gift grab. I’m NOT saying that you shouldn’t give a gift unless it will be reciprocated, as that’s not the spirit of gift-giving at all, but there is that sense of “balance.” And you can give someone whatever you think they would like as a birthday gift – you don’t feel obligated to provide them with something that they “need” (generally, if they have been polite about any wishlists). In a shower situation, your options are limited and especially with registries, you feel that your “gift” is just another check on a list for the recipient and they likely won’t even remember who gave them what. I prefer for gifts that I give (and receive) to be heartfelt and memorable, and a pack of diapers or file folders, which certainly appreciated, doesn’t give the same sort of satisfaction, I think. (And I won’t even get started on brides and grooms who look upon “useless” gifts, ie, anything not on their registry, with disdain.)

One of the few episodes of Sex and the City I have seen involved the lead feeling upset that she, as a single woman, had had to spend so much money on gifts for her friends for bridal showers, weddings and multiple baby showers, but she didn’t get a shower when she had a major life change (moving to a new apartment, changing jobs, etc). I sympathize a bit with this feeling. On the one hand, we “choose” to remain single or (sometimes) not to have children, but on the other, why should someone be rewarded for making a life choice that will be more expensive than they can afford? It’s like the new puppy shower mentioned above. People seem to forget that the purpose of a shower is to celebrate a joyful event and give a gift out of love that you think will help out the new couple/parents.. it’s not a mandatory event for getting all the things one needs for free.

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BusyBee August 26, 2010 at 10:45 am

What? Hey, I’m a journalist too, maybe I should ask my friends to throw me a shower so I can get one of those fancy digital recorders I’ve been wanting!

Seriously–how bizarre, and how sad that OP was the only person in the room who recognized the etiquette breech.

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Dear! August 26, 2010 at 10:54 am

I have never heard of this before. Really? Really?

So, it’s the duty of friends and family to respond to the “gimme” request of yet another facet of life. You got a job, Im very happy for you but where does the profession handouts end.

I saw on the news today(headline news) that a school district is considering giving parents cash incentives (put into an account) for parents to attend school functions.

It’s as if everyone has lost their mind, and have forgotten that it’s their duty to support themselves and other people have jobs to support themselves, not you.

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madame-mim August 26, 2010 at 11:14 am

Asking for a “new teacher shower” is admittedly tacky. But how about the tackiness of asking new teachers (many of whom are up to their ears in student loans and oh, by the way, have been paying tuition for the privilege of an unpaid, forty-plus-hour workweek to fulfill their student teaching requirements) to shell out money they haven’t earned yet for basic classroom necessities to teach other people’s children? How about the tackiness of teachers having to go out and beseech parents time after time for ever-increasing lists of supplies, or of the grumbling that often ensues? I think there’s a communication gap between teachers and the public at large about exactly how much it takes to keep a classroom operating these days, how much it costs, and who pays for it. I can see taking offense if someone wanted to throw a shower for himself or herself, or if you’re equally opposed to bridal or baby showers, but I also think that how offended you are by this depends at least in part on who you think should pay for the basic tools to educate our children.

Baby and bridal showers, at their best, celebrate and welcome a new family member. A new teacher shower, spontaneously thrown by a mentor teacher, could thank a good student teacher for his/her hard work, add a degree of ceremony to the end of the student teaching experience and welcome a new member into the profession.

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Margaret August 26, 2010 at 11:25 am

I’ve been a teacher, and I’ve spent a lot on classroom supplies and materials. I think this is a terrible idea!

What I thought the teacher shower was going to be was all the teachers getting together and giving the new teacher copies of lesson plans or unit plans or long range plans or access to their teaching resources. THAT would be valuable.

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Princesssimmi August 26, 2010 at 11:27 am

Wait, does that mean I can throw myself a shower because I need a new laptop?

What a load of codswallop.

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RP August 26, 2010 at 11:50 am

A better way to get that sort of thing though, would be to reach out to local organizations for help, rather then stick up their friends.

@Rachel: Yes, THIS!
We just adopted a school where I work through an organization dedicated to helping kids make it through school. There are non-profits dedicated to this sort of thing and even where there isn’t many businesses and organizations do charity and volunteer work.

people may not throw a shower for things they need, but they don’t hesitate asking for them for birthdays, etc. is there any difference?

@summer – Yes, there are a couple of differences. For one thing, throwing the shower would be an additional, separate gift giving occasion specifically for school supplies. A birthday party is a celebration because you like the person who’s made it to another year. A teacher shower is a request for items because the district is broke and/or cheap and it’s for the kids. Partying and gift giving to celebrate an event is not the same thing as giving someone something because they need it.

I get that the budget issue is a problem, I just don’t think framing the solution as a party is the right way to go about it, at least not among friends.

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aka Cat August 26, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Here are some of the things teachers I know have had to purchase for their classroom:

Copier paper.
Copier toner (or a Kinko’s card if the school’s copier is dead or non-existent.)
Writing paper and pencils.
All art supplies (construction paper, paint, glue, crayons.)
Textbooks. (When the geography text is 30 years out of date and the school board won’t buy new ones.)
Toilet paper.
Soap.
Paper towels.
Cleaning supplies.

I won’t argue that a new teacher shower is tacky. But a new teacher, just out of college with student loans, starting at a school in a low income area, isn’t wrong to ask for help.

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X August 26, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Tacky tacky tacky. I DO think that providing a new teacher with some supplies is a great idea — when my sister was hired in her position, I bought her some supplies — but doing as a shower and therefore adding a level of obligation to supply-giving is tacky.

It is expensive to set up a classroom. File cabinets, pencils and paper, classroom decorations, art supplies, teachers’ guides for various lesson plan ideas, etc. But from what I’ve seen w/ my sister, mother, and friends who are all teachers is that people are willing to help by giving away books they no longer use in their classrooms, or photocopying lessons/activities that they’ve found particularly useful. There’s absolutely no shame in helping out a new teacher — there IS shame in a new teacher playing the gimme game.

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SHOEGAL August 26, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Summer – there is a difference – I’m not soliciting people to spend money on my birthday for the things I’d like or need. They are gifts – given willingly.

I’d like to know who is being invited to the teacher shower? All the other teachers??? Family? Friends? The students? The family of the students? Who should foot the bill for these supplies?? Everybody else except the State?

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MeganAmy August 26, 2010 at 3:03 pm

I think it’s highly presumptuous for someone to think that they deserve a shower for a new job (in any profession) just because their chosen profession doesn’t pay well and requires them to spend a lot of their own money. I could list many professions where people pay out of their own pockets for clothes or for their own meals when they take clients out to meals. If you have a problem with the requirements or pay of a job, then you should study something else and go into another line of work.

Definitely, there’s something wrong in the US where we value the educators of our future leaders so little and pay entertainers (movie stars, sports players) so much more. But we should set out to fix that problem and that attitude instead.

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Sharon August 26, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Teachers are a very under-appreciated group. I taught for 4 years myself and I had to pay for many of the things other teachers have mentioned here. I would have been embarassed beyond the pale if anyone had a “shower” like this for me.
People starting up a business need supplies, too. Whether it is a restaurant, a travel agency, a day care, or any other business. Starting a new career is hard and it is expensive. But, everyone is having a hard time making ends meet.
If I got an invite to a shower like this I would be embarassed for the guest of honor.

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LilyG August 26, 2010 at 4:04 pm

OK, I’m sticking my neck out—I think it’s a lovely idea. That being said, several caveats come to mind:
-the invitees shouldn’t be young and/or penniless themselves
-you probably shouldn’t “beg” for a shower for yourself and
-you had better be willing to throw your own money in where your mouth is amd buy some supplies.

I think labelling this “tacky” while correct is losing sight of the big picture. Perhaps you aren’t familiar with the expenditures teachers have out of pocket. Some of the children come to my mother’s classroom without socks or mittens much less pencils or paper. Teachers are forced to buy minimal supplies for students just to keep the learning going.
My mom is the class volunteer/room mom and she goes to sales to buy mittens and knits hats, scarves and little throws in her spare time so the kindergarteners won’t freeze. My sister in law has a closet full of paper, notebooks, pens, pencils, etc for the impoverished 4th grade students who can’t afford them and are not subsidized by the school district. And even with a seemingly inexhaustible supply, she has to husband her stores to make them last. I might throw a shower for her!

In short, I respectfully disagree.

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Simone August 26, 2010 at 4:19 pm

@AS Just as a side note I’d like to compliment you on your responsible attitude. I hope that one day, when the time is right, you and your dog have a lovely life together :)

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Sharon August 26, 2010 at 4:58 pm

I agree, this is tacky. I would much rather give to a site like http://www.donorschoose.org, where teachers can write proposals to ask for what they need (even down to paper and pencils), than buy supplies for a “teacher shower.”

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Me August 26, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Wow. No. Just no. But maybe it’s different in Australia – all of my teacher friends claim their classroom expenses when they do their tax return.

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Kimberly August 26, 2010 at 6:34 pm

I’ve participated in a nice tradition. When we have student teachers on our campus, a box for each is placed in the workroom. When you do a cool project, you put a copy of the lesson plan in each box. The teachers they work directly with often get together and purchase a gift certificate to a teacher store.

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ashleighlauren August 26, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Maybe I should have a shower. I think this is likely to be a sore subject with me because I get really frustrated when my teacher friends complain to me about the low pay/cost of paying for supplies. Not because it isn’t true, but because I get paid less than a teacher and spend the same amount for my job. I’m a social worker, and I easily spend over $1000 a year on meals for clients, office supplies, supplies for the visit room, needed school supplies for my kids that they aren’t getting, toiletries when my kids move to a shelter with no warning to pack, and clothing to replace what they’ve lost. All that for the princely sum of $27,500 a year. It seems like a slippery slope. A lot of people spend money out of pocket for work; we can’t subsidize each other.
Plus, I hate showers. They’re boring and tacky. We don’t need to encourage the growth of a new kind.

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Simone August 27, 2010 at 12:59 am

@Me – I think it’s definitely different over here. My expenditure tends to be limited to stickers, stamps, spare calculators & pens to LOAN students etc for extras, and reference books, courses and so on for my own professional development. I’ve certainly never paid for photocopy toner out of my own pocket, and the school welfare fund or the Smith Family (an excellent charity btw) covers warm clothes etc for any students who need them. And, as you say, all this is tax deductible (as are professional expenses for any job).

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Anonymous August 27, 2010 at 1:00 am

Anonymous, this is, sad to say, part of what someone signed up for when they became a teacher. It’s not like teaching has been touted as some sort of get-rich-quick scheme; pretty much everyone knows it’s a low-paying job which requires some ongoing expense. Let’s say I plan to spend my winter knitting hats for the homeless. Should I have a Knitting Shower and strongarm all my friends and family into subsidizing my life choice by buying me needles and yarn, no matter how worthy the cause?

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etimodnar August 27, 2010 at 1:10 am

@Me, from my understanding, the tax laws in USA differ from state to state and are very different. While we here in Australia don’t mind paying a slightly higher tax to get more back from the government, I get the feeling that Americans are very against that and would prefer to pay less tax, but generally pay for more themselves.

There are pros and cons to each system, but as a poor Australian university student looking to be a primary teacher (and thus never a high wage earner), I feel so so so blessed to be living in a country that takes care of me, in providing financial aid whilst at uni, no-interest student loans for my education, claiming back tax on items I will buy in my classroom (in the future), slashing my student debt if I teach in rurally, free health care, significantly reduce pharmaceuticals… we take SO much for granted here!

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Rug Pilot August 27, 2010 at 12:54 pm

As a long time tax practitioner, I can tell what level a teacher is teaching by how much is spent on supplies:

Elementary school: $2000 – $3000

Middle school: $1500 – $ 2500

High School: $500 – $1000

The $250 adjustment on the front page of the tax return is just a drop in the bucket. Eliminating teachers’ taxes in CA was a big help, to the teachers. The rest of the taxpayers in the same 9.3% tax bracket had to pay all their taxes.

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Emily August 27, 2010 at 8:08 pm

I am a teacher in a poor district and I would be MORTIFIED to ever ask for such a thing. A teacher shower is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of.

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Me August 27, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Plus etimodnar, the maternity leave is so good!

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lequinn August 28, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Never heard of this, but I don’t think it’s as bad as a bridal shower in this day and age, when most couples already have basic household items. The difference is, a bridal shower is generally expected, so the bride usually doesn’t have to ask for it even if she doesn’t actually need a thing. If you take out the asking part (which there is no defending), it’s no more offensive than a first baby shower, IMO. I wouldn’t be offended at being invited to a New Teacher “shower,” if it was a surprise and the gifts were school supplies for the class.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a shower supporter in general. This type just doesn’t seem any worse than any other, and it actually makes more sense than most.

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