Nominee For The Worst Wedding Rug Rat Ever?

by admin on September 7, 2010

Back in 2006 my best friend, Sarah, went with her then boyfriend Ryan to the wedding of his first cousin, John, to his fiance Mary. The wedding was being held at the home of Ryan’s aunt and uncle who were the parents of the groom. The ceremony was to be in their garden and the reception also outside behind the house.  It was a very large old house with balconies and a wrought iron fence around the grounds. The whole affair was apparently really classy but intimate, with only family and close friends attending. Ryan had warned Sarah in advanced that there was some tension between the bride and her sixteen-year-old daughter Ella and it might come up in the wedding. Two days before the wedding it had come out the Ella had been involved with an older boy she knew from school. Mary and John didn’t approve of this guy, as he was over twenty and still in high school and known to be involved with drugs. Ella was told she had to break it off. Apparently Ella had refused and ran off to stay with her grandmother, the mother-of-the-bride. There was some concern Ella might not even come to the wedding and the whole family was aware of the situation. They had even gotten the groom’s sister to try on Ella’s dress in case she refused to come.

Ella did arrive with her grandmother and was maid of honor. Everything seemed to be going according to plan. Ella seemed polite and decent with everyone, though apparently she was overheard to make some snide comments about her mother’s white dress (the bride had been married twice before and obviously had a child) and said the groom was too much younger than her. All was well until the reception. According to the mother of the groom, Ella approached her and asked if she could say a few words (she was supposed to give a toast but they had decided against it as she was too young to drink and there wasn’t a suitable non-alcoholic substitute for champagne) from the second-story balcony that overlooked where the reception was being held. She said it would make it easier to see her as she was very petite.

Ella went up to the balcony, which was off the guest room. She locked the guest room door. The mother of the groom gave her a cordless microphone and paused the music, saying the maid of honor was going to speak. And speak she did. Ella addressed all the guests, her voice carrying loudly even after her mic was cut.

She started off with, “I just wanted to tell you a little bit about the couple who’ve gotten married today…”

Then came the revelations. It sounds like a bad television show plotline.

1. That Mary had slept with John’s brother. (The groom’s sister later told Sarah this was true but that it happened three years before the wedding and John knew about it, the bride’s mother on the other hand said it was completely untrue.)

2. That Mary had had an abortion two months before the wedding so she’d “fit into her dress”. (The groom’s mother and sister said this happened, the bride and groom themselves said it didn’t.)

3. That Mary had repeatedly lied to Ella about who her father was before admitting she didn’t know. (Everyone admitted this was true.)

4. That John and Mary had gotten involved while Mary was still married to her second husband and John was dating someone else. (Everyone already knew about this, even some second and third cousins who didn’t know about the situation with Ella.)

5. That John had paid for the wedding with money from his company he’d embezzled illegally. (Completely untrue and Ella even admitted that but said she wanted to get John fired as his boss was in attendance.)

The entire time the whole wedding party was trying to get Ella to stop talking. They cut the power her mic and attempted to go upstairs and pull her inside. There were later rumors that they had tried to drown her out with music but that the mother of the groom had turned off the music equipment and sent the DJ inside to eat and no one could figure out how to get it on. Mary apparently still feels the mother of the groom had been an accomplice in Ella’s plan.

As far as I know, Mary and John are still married, though I don’t know that happened. Ella was pulled out of public  school after her little stunt and sent to a really strict Christian girls school even though neither Mary, John, or Ella are practicing Christians. I really don’t know how Mary could overcome her daughter doing something like that and I imagine there’s still a lot of tension in that family.   1017-08

{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }

josie September 7, 2010 at 7:10 am

Wow, a strict Catholic school was probaby even too kind of a punishment for the kid. I’m sure the parents/grandparents/guests in general were mortified by her speal.

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Typo Tat September 7, 2010 at 7:53 am

I think LW’s friend Sarah is a snoop and a gossip.

Not only did she felt the need to interrogate the bride, groom, groom’s mother and groom’s sister about which parts of Ella’s little toast were true, but she also spread the gossip around.

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Cordelia September 7, 2010 at 8:11 am

If everyone was aware that Ella might make a scene at the wedding, surely her mother could have picked another maid of honor.

Ella may be incredibly uncouth and have no regard for the consequences of her actions, but considering the kind of mother raising her, I can’t say that I blame her for not knowing any better.

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DGS September 7, 2010 at 8:59 am

Not sure who is worse, Ella, her mother or their cousin who interrogated everyone to validate the spiteful, hateful gossip…hopefully, the entire family has since had a chance to address their grievances in family therapy, or at the very least, to have learned how to behave more appropriately.

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Laura is Glad She Wasn't @ This Wedding September 7, 2010 at 9:26 am

It seems that there has been a lot of instability for Ella, what with several different men coming in and out of her mother’s life. One wonders if the mother has constantly put her daughter second (I mean, she has lied to the poor girl her whole life about her father, and rather than work it out, she let her kid go live with relatives), which could have bred this level of animosity. I noticed that Ella was also banned from toasting with everyone else because there wasn’t a “suitable non-alcoholic substitute for champagne.” I’ve been to two weddings where the M-O-H was only 18, and both young ladies used fruit punch for their toasts because it’s the spirit of the toast that matters, not the spirits consumed. This just keeps sounding like this poor girl kept getting slighted by her mother.
That being said, I don’t mean to say that this was acceptable behavior on the part of Ella. Of course it was not.
I am with TypoTat, and also curious as to how Sarah was able to verify all the points Ella made – surely she didn’t ask the family members?

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Threepenny September 7, 2010 at 9:34 am

@ Typo Tat – I completely agree. This post is second-hand hearsay at best.

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SHOEGAL September 7, 2010 at 9:53 am

Not that there is any excuse for Ella’s public rant – but obviously there were some MAJOR unresolved issues in this mother/ daughter relationship. I sort of feel as if the fault is Mary’s for not sitting down and being 100% honest and upfront with her daugther and dealing with these issues before with counseling. Instead, it appears she swept it all under the rug and for appearances chose her daughter as her maid of honor. Ella is obviously hurt that her mother and this new “father” telling her she can no longer see this boyfriend – but Ella is young and I believe is having a hard time dealing with all of her feelings. This young 16 year old girl probably felt betrayed and wanted to strike back. If there was indeed a healthy relationship between mother and daughter – Ella would not have wanted to ruin the wedding and her relationship with her mother in this way. That is my take on this – but what do I know?

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Gloria Shiner September 7, 2010 at 9:57 am

So, this is all second-hand, and filtered through a non-objective storyteller. It included all kinds of irrelevant details and unsubstantiated claims. I’m not even sure why the story was posted.

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AS September 7, 2010 at 10:12 am

What Ella did was very uncouth, but her mother does not seem to be devoid of problems either – and I am not even going into the moral aspects of the story.
A 16 year old has several problems and will try to be rebellious. The parent or parents will have to be the authoritative figure who can put them in place so that they grow up to be a fine adult. It seems a little weird that Ella preferred to stay with her grandmother (who does not seem to mind her staying either) when she fights with her mother.

From the story, it seems that in Ella mind, she just followed her mother’s footsteps (like in dating whomever she likes, even though he is a good-for-nothing person because she saw, or at least assumed her mother had sex with his future BIL; didn’t know who is the father of her daughter; had an abortion to look good in the wedding; wearing white even though it was her third wedding and she had a daughter, etc.) and was confused when she was told not to do that. In her mind, that is like setting up double standards, and leads to her being rebellious. Young girls look up to their mothers. The mother has to set an example for her daughter. And if she has done something in her life that she’d not like her daughter to do, she’ll have to explain nicely to her why it is not good for her. From the story, it does not seem that Mary is doing that well. (BTW, I am not sure why she admitted to a young girl that the mother didn’t know who her father was. Maybe explaining it to her when she is old enough to understand would have been better – but I digress). Children often resent to their parent’s second (or more) marriage, but this doesn’t seem to be the case with Ella. She seemed to resent her own mother. It does not matter whether other people knew about what Ella said or not. Had it been done by an adult, it is unpardonable. But this was told by an adolescent. It is just the resentment in an adolescent’s mind towards her mother that is being manifested here. I am no psychiatrist, but I think that Mary will have to work on herself and work proactively to build bridges for a good relationship with her daughter.

I am also curious how the LW or LW’s friend knew about what each person in the family thought about everything said. Either someone was being sneaky, or the family was being uncouth to discuss it as a group.

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Mechtilde September 7, 2010 at 10:56 am

Yes, Ella’s behaviour was apalling, but I agree with the other posters who suspect that there be more to what was going on than we realise.

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Amazed September 7, 2010 at 10:58 am

I’d like to hope that at the strict Christian girls’ school, Ella finally got loving, corrective discipline that she so desparately needed. It might have been the best thing for her, considering her home situation.

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Shayna September 7, 2010 at 11:04 am

Sorry to say, but this post automatically makes me wonder what kind of mother Mary is.

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Cordelia September 7, 2010 at 11:52 am

As to how Sarah validated all of this, it’s possible Ryan or someone else in his family told her.

I think the story was posted because the focus is on Ella ruining her mother’s wedding reception, since the title focuses on her transgression. However, I think the real story here is Mary’s lifetime of incredibly crass and selfish behavior coming back, in the form of her daughter, to bite her in the tush.

Ella is probably seeing the older guy out of desperation for a father-like figure, but one who won’t disappear with her mother’s lies or a negative paternity test. Poor thing.

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aka Cat September 7, 2010 at 12:10 pm

So… I assume the OP is asking whether it’s correct for Sarah to be spreading this gossip? The answer is no.

Unless she changed all of the names, and other identifying details. In that case, I’d be a bit more lenient in the interest of a fascinating story.

OT: Since when is a 16yo a rug rat? Is it a regional thing? I’ve never heard the term used for a teenager before.

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Louise September 7, 2010 at 2:08 pm

I don’t think it’s fair to label Sarah a snoop and a gossip who was gauche enough to interview the wedding attendees to find out which parts of Ella’s speech were accurate. I bet all the guests were buzzing about the speech, and I think it’s natural for them to speculate whether any of it’s true, even though that’s not polite.

If the story is true — and honestly, it has a sort of third-hand information feel to it, in my opinion — Ella is a severely messed up young woman, and I agree that her mother hasn’t been much of a role model. Ella left etiquette so far behind it’s in another solar system with that speech.

But there’s a good chance Sarah kept her mouth shut and her ears open as the gossip around her flew, and maybe Ryan filled her in. I don’t think that’s rude. Is it rude for Sarah to tell her friends and family about what happened? Well, if she and her family are strangers to Mary, John, et al., I don’t see how it matters. If they are all acquainted, I bet the story’s gotten around anyway.

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LovleAnjel September 7, 2010 at 2:09 pm

The truth of a rumor doesn’t justify it’s being spread. The truth of a statement does not justify its being made. The daughter’s behavior was repugnant. It doesn’t matter if the bride was the real JFK assassin, brought AIDs to the US or caused the BP oil leak, such things do not belong in a wedding toast.

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Lianne September 7, 2010 at 2:10 pm

I don’t quite understand why the focus on the commenters here is on whether or not the rumors were validated. We don’t know how or why or who validated the rumors and that’s clearly not the ultimate point of the story.

The young lady was rude. Period. She pretended she was going to do a loving gesture and then took it upon herself to air her family’s dirty laundry out of sheer spite. Deplorable.

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Fox September 7, 2010 at 2:46 pm

1. You don’t have to be perfect in order to get married, and if you’re not perfect (as most of us are not), it doesn’t mean you deserve to have someone attempt to ruin your wedding day by pointing out all your flaws. I agree that the toasting thing was a bit weird, but having her give a little speech seems to me like that is pretty much a toast.

2. No woman goes through the extremely unpleasant process of aborting a pregnancy just to fit into a dress. She obviously did not want another child (and who could blame her). I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing that any woman is this flippant with her body or major life decisions.

3. I second aka Cat – 16 != rugrat! I wouldn’t even classify preteens as rugrats (12+), as by that age they should know how to behave in public.

4. Giving Sarah the benefit of the doubt: the OP is her best friend, probably half the reception was buzzing about each allegation, and it seems like most everyone already knew about Mary’s past. Still completely inappropriate to bring up at a wedding, but I think OP was just trying to show exactly HOW the daughter was tarring and feathering her mother. Yes, she could have been far less detailed, but from her tone I think she expects us to be more shocked that you’d “out” the bride for that at her wedding (rather than that she did that on purpose.)

5. Cut Mary some slack. I don’t condone cheating, but we don’t know the details – maybe her previous husband was abusive. We have no way of knowing that just because she has made poor decisions or had bad luck in her love life, she MUST be a bad mother. As for her daughter’s boyfriend: yes, kids can sense hypocrisy, but cases of “do as I say, not as I do” are invariably in the KID’S best interests. Maybe unknown dad was older than Mary and had drug issues, so she’s particularly afraid her daughter will wind up doing what she did (getting pregnant). A rebellious teenager is not proof of bad parenting, it’s a fact of life.

6. Since when do we actually take the notion that only virgins can wear white seriously? And is that the kind of thing ANYONE would want “enforced”? (Surprise mom and dad, I’m in ivory because I’ve had premarital sex!) I really hate this trope, as the fashion of wearing white wedding dresses is quite a modern one, and it was a matter of fashion before they tacked on the symbolism. Let’s just let it go, ok civilized world?

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TheBardess September 7, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Wow. They just all sound like absolute *gems.* <——- dripping sarcasm

But honestly- assuming all this is true (because, as other commenters have pointed out, there’s a lot of second-hand gossip here), Ella’s behavior was abhorrent, and yet I still find myself feeling sorry for her. Mary sounds like an incredibly selfish and self-centered mother who has continually failed to put her daughter first. Ultimately, none of them sound like people I’d want to know or be friendly with.

And if it IS true that Mary had an abortion to fit into her wedding dress- ugh, the thought of that makes my stomach turn!

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Threepenny September 7, 2010 at 3:02 pm

@ Cordelia – since this is a second-hand story at best, how can we know Mary REALLY had a lifetime of “crassness”? The OP never even met her!

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Sharon September 7, 2010 at 3:35 pm

I agree with Gloria Shiner and Typo Tat.

I also wish that I could give my brain a bath after reading that nasty mess.

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TheBardess September 7, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Fox- the bride in this case had been married twice before. It is generally considered poor etiquette (even among those who don’t link white with virginity and dislike that connotation) to wear white when it is not your first wedding. Although the faux pas of wearing white at her third wedding pales in comparison to the behavior of the bride’s daughter.

And while I agree that “do as I say, not as I do” is almost always in the best interests of the child, the parent generally needs to explain WHY. If a parent just says “Yeah, I did X, but you can’t,” with no explanation as to why X wasn’t okay then and isn’t okay now, or why the parent shouldn’t have done X, all the kid is going to see/hear is hypocrisy (granted, that might be what they see/hear anyway, but an explanation makes it slightly less likely). The explanation doesn’t have to be super-detailed and full of deep, dark secrets, but kids generally need some sort of basis for the rules they’re being given, not just (what they perceive as) arbitrary, perhaps hypocritical, demands.

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Simone September 7, 2010 at 4:09 pm

@Fox Thank you, you said everything I wanted to.

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KJ September 7, 2010 at 4:10 pm

I feel sorry for both mother and daughter. The mother because no one deserves that on their wedding day. But the daughter too, because she was obviously very hurt by her mother’s actions and had never received help for the way she was feeling. And that is the mother’s fault- she should have done something about the daughter’s obvious pain. Parents owe their children that.

I do think that, while Ella’s behavior was outrageous, she was crying out for help, in the only way she knew. She rebelled and ran away and still her mother didn’t seem to be paying that much attention. This was, I’m sure in her mind, the next obvious step- it was a very public plea for help. Rude yes, but I don’t think this makes her a horrible person- it makes her a teen who needed help. Sadly, I don’t think sending her to an all-girls christian school is much of a solution, unless she also got counseling and the family had therapy together.

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Wheelchair Bling September 7, 2010 at 5:22 pm

This one goes past etiquette. I think most of the bad etiquette examples posted here are about people who got too involved in the occasion, and were too self-centered. They may have ruined other people’s day, but at least that wasn’t their plan.

But this…this is someone who deliberately set out to ruin her mother’s life, and wreck her entire family’s reputation and trust in one another. I think she went way beyond “bad etiquette” and into “evil”. Don’t have enough evidence to speculate on whether her family taught her that level of hatefulness, of course…

As for the behavior of the guests, the only appropriate thing I can think of would be for them to have walked out en masse. But in the shock of the moment, I would probably have stood around open-mouthed, listening to people gossip, too!

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LilyG September 7, 2010 at 8:16 pm

Dear Jesus, Please bless Mom and Dad and all my friends and family and thank you SO much you didn’t send me to this family. Amen.

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Cooler Becky September 7, 2010 at 8:17 pm

Seriously, all the warning signs of this whole speech being awful were everywhere. There were already rumours that Ella wasn’t going to attend the wedding AND Ella had moved in with her grandmother and (presumably) was on less than speaking terms with her mother.

With all these warning lights being hit, why on EARTH did they hand the microphone to Ella?

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Calliope September 7, 2010 at 9:39 pm

This whole story is awful, but for some reason, what really jumps out at me is the point that the bride had the groom’s sister try on Ella’s dress in case Ella didn’t show up. I was under the impression that a couple selects family or friends as members of a wedding party because they’re important to them, not because they’re needed to fill necessary slots. If the groom’s sister was close enough with the bride to potentially participate as the maid of honor, why not have her in the wedding party to begin with? And if she wasn’t that close, why have her fill in if Ella didn’t show? Compared to the other problems with this wedding, it’s a small thing, but it bugs me.

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Amanda September 7, 2010 at 10:53 pm

This is horrible, but I don’t understand why the poster is going “this is true/not true”. What’s the difference? The girl shouldn’t have announced all that whether it was true or not. She especially shouldn’t have announced it if it was true. It was nobody’s business but the bride and groom’s. Maybe the poster was trying to paint the girl as a liar, but I don’t think it was necessary since it was inappropriate even if the girl wasn’t lying.

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jess September 8, 2010 at 1:19 am

I understand that this is an etiquette website, and so we are supposed to pick up the etiquette flaws, but to the first comment (josie) and to others who solely point at the daughter for her poor behaviour…at 16, she had to learn her ‘skills’ from somewhere *cough* her mother….

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Bint September 8, 2010 at 3:38 am

I agree with Wheelchair bling. To do this was evil regardless of what Mary had done – not least because it didn’t just hurt Mary, but many of the guests there. A sixteen year old knows what she’s doing with this.

And for everyone talking about ‘passing on gossip’ – please. Submitting a post of something that happened to a friend is not an etiquette faux pas, and after such lurid accusations at a wedding, I’m not surprised people were trying to find out whether or not they were true. If someone accused one of my friends of half of this stuff, of course I’d be concerned whether it were true.

And of course I’d share this with my friends. Anyone who finds that shocking, why are you reading the posts in the first place? Isn’t posting it here the same as telling a friend? We can’t know who these people are.

Second Fox on the white dress though. Making a statement of virginity isn’t something everyone cares about. The idea one shouldn’t wear a colour due to one’s sexual status really strikes me as outdated, sexist and rather poor taste.

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MissMash September 8, 2010 at 6:05 am

By the sounds of it, poor Ella has been passed over all her life by Mommie Dearest and being young, troubled and naive, saw this as a perfect opportunity to air her grievances at what she perceives to be much hypocracy. When you’re troubled, ettiquete doesn’t come into it. Poor kid has been lied to all her life re who her father is, living with relatives and now sent to a strict school and that’s from what we know. Mommie Dearest should hang her head in shame and get therapy and as for wearing a white dress on her 3rd attempt and not even letting her daughter join the toast and forewarning people about Ella’s behaviour… Words cannot express how crass Mary and groom are.

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kingshearte September 8, 2010 at 7:06 am

I know this wasn’t the point of the story, but I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who wondered about the “no suitable substitute for champagne” thing. They weren’t serving, say, gingerale? Or, for that matter, any non-alcoholic beverage at all? I mean, for heaven’s sake, if someone underage really wants to make/participate in the toasting, are there no taps?

Like I said, I know that really wasn’t the point, but it just struck me as such a bizarre statement, and I definitely agree with those who believe there’s way more to this story than what’s above.

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Simone September 8, 2010 at 4:28 pm

On the subject of white wedding dresses – I always believed that the white wedding dress started as a way to show off affluence – “Look at me, I can take a carriage to church and have a gravel sweep and all other kinds of things most people don’t have, and you can tell because there’s NO MUD on my white dress! Also this dress is so impractical I probably won’t get to wear it very many times. But I don’t care because I’m RICH!” Sort of early bridezilla behaviour, really.

The virginity thing was tacked on later. So it’s hardly a precious tradition. And even if I’m wrong can we all get OVER judging a woman by her status as sexually active or otherwise?

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Cooler Becky September 9, 2010 at 2:10 am

Simone: Almost correct, but not quite. The White Wedding Dress tradition was started by Queen Victoria, who wore one because she didn’t look good in silver – the traditional colour for royal brides. Prior to that, wedding dresses were any colour you wished them to be. It was not so much a show of opulence as it was just her way of looking pretty.

Of course, it caught on, because white was a lot cheaper than a lot of other cloth dyes.

And now you know the rest of the backstory. Good day!

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Twik September 9, 2010 at 6:19 am

There’s a difference between judging a woman for being sexually active, and judging her for repeated infidelities.

In any case, I’m astonished by the amount of gossip that goes on in this family. The OP gives as one example “John and Mary had gotten involved while Mary was still married to her second husband and John was dating someone else. (Everyone already knew about this, *even some second and third cousins who didn’t know about the situation with Ella*.)” It seems that Ella did little than openly state what everyone was already talking about in private.

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Anonymous September 9, 2010 at 9:53 am

Also, the rich tended to already have white “everyday” dresses, so it’s not like they were buying their first and only “impractical” white dress for their wedding.

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Psyche September 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Methinks maybe next time there’s a wedding maybe you shouldn’t bring the angry teenaged girl? Just a thought.

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Cordelia September 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Threepenny: By your logic, how do we even know any of this story is true at all? Does that prevent anyone from critiquing the behavior of the people described therein?

I can’t say for sure how well this relates to whatever real human hypostatic entity is behind the “Mary” pseudonym, but the Mary presented in the story has led a life of extraordinarily crass and selfish behavior.

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Burris September 9, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Assuming this actually happened, I feel sorrier for Ella than for Mary – and I think Ella got the best of that bargain in being sent away.

Yeah, what Ella did was rude, but it seems the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree in this case.

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Lilya September 9, 2010 at 3:05 pm

There’s a time and place for everything, family problems included and that’s *not* during a wedding reception.
I agree that this girl probably doesn’t have a good relationship with her mother, but her little stunt will hardly improve it. Also, it sounds like a very spiteful thing to do.

By the way, white doesn’t mean virginity: that’s the veil. White was a sign of whealth: it meant that the family could afford to shell for a very delicate dress that probably would never be worn again instead of making do with Sunday clothes.

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PrincessSimmi September 9, 2010 at 9:51 pm

Ok *cracks knuckles* Let me get this right.

Here, you have a 16 year old girl who has been overlooked by her mother for years. She doesn’t know who her father is. She’s unstable, looking for a ‘daddy replacement’ and is dating a boy unsuitable for her.

After many years of what is probably both mental and emotional abuse, the kid snaps. And she lashes out by trying to make her mother understand how miserable and unloved she feels. She believes the best way to do this is to destroy something her mother wants- a beautiful wedding to a man she loves.

Firstly, if you’re not prepared to care for a child, and that’s not just feeding it but loving it and spending time with it and getting to know it, don’t have a kid. If you can’t afford it, don’t have a kid. If you’re having second thoughts, don’t have a kid. And some people just aren’t good parents and should not have children.

Secondly, honesty is the best policy when it comes to children. If you’re going to lie to them it will come back to bite you in the arse.

Thirdly, children learn by watching their parents. It’s all good and well to say ‘don’t do this, don’t do that’ but when they’re empty words and you’re doing it yourself they’re going to ignore you.

I’ve been there. I grew up in a household with a mother who was more interested in going out drinking, dancing and wearing revealing clothing with a different alcoholic/drug abuser/physically abusive/verbally abusive/just plain old and rich bloke every week. I’ve been pushed backwards down the stairs, groped and had a chair thrown at my head. The only reason I’m still sane is because my Gran took me it when I was 15.

Don’t judge the poor kid. What she did was wrong, but for a 16 year old kid there aren’t a lot of options to get their parent’s attention. Wish I could give that poor girl a hug.

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Mrs ST September 10, 2010 at 9:01 am

Poor Ella. I say “poor Ella” b/c she is obviously dealing w/ a heart full of hatred and resentment. I too question Mary’s parenting skills. I humbly disagree w/ those who feel this is the perpetuating of gossip. It was put out there for all to hear by Ella. (Of course, she was wrong for airing personal family business, though I do see based off of what I have read, how she could do it.) At that point, when very personal things like that are revealed, expect plenty of questions, especially when they are revealed in such a dramatic, spectacular fashion. Now personally, I would NEVER ask questions in such a sensitive situation – I have been taught that it is a shame to continue to talk about such personal things, revealed or not – it is just poor form, no matter how much detail was already given. However, you average person, especially if the have not learned the finer points of dignity and manners, will proceed to ask many questions…they don’t see thenselves as doing any harm, b/c they perceive the situation to already be out there, as I said above. Picturing the whole scene in my head makes me cringe…..

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chelonianmobile September 11, 2010 at 5:58 pm

I have to object strenuously to a sixteen-year-old being referred to as a “rugrat”. A sixteen-year-old is almost an adult – and old enough to know better.

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Michelle P September 11, 2010 at 11:28 pm

@PrincessSimmi, my heart goes out to you for what you went through. I have to agree that the girl may have just had enough, but also have to say that a sixteen year old is old enough to know better, even if she hadn’t been shown the best of values.

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Maryann September 12, 2010 at 11:24 am

I’m with PrincessSimmi and others. I feel deeply for this girl. I don’t think there’s anything bad about her; boorish as her behavior was, the failure here is on the adults. It sounds like she’s had a crappy life and a lot of bad examples. I’m not shocked she’d act out when given such a grand opportunity and venue, or that she’d look to an older and unstable man as a suitable partner. I hope her new school gave her a better environment and better opportunities.

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Maryann September 12, 2010 at 12:09 pm

PS @ Bint and others: Indeed, at sixteen, Ella was old enough to know better, and almost certainly did (she was intentionally acting out, after all, and she couldn’t intentionally cross the lines without knowing where they are.) I think it’s highly dubious, however, that she was raised to care. Important distinction.

Look at this family she’s from, where she’s sent away because of behavioral problems her mother can’t or won’t handle, where her mother’s been married multiple times but this girl doesn’t even know who her father is and, worse, has been repeatedly lied to about it, and where adultery appears to be bog standard.

It’s dysfunctional to the point of unstable, and it doesn’t look like she’s been treated with much consideration, so why would she consider it important? Where on earth would this child (and at 16 one still has about a decade before one’s brain is fully developed) have learned to care about others’ feelings, let alone those of the authority figures who’ve let her down and hurt her? Who could expect her to behave herself when the adults in her life won’t?

It’s true that what she did was not okay and I hope she’s learned to treat others better than she has been treated herself, but frankly, it’s just a wedding. One ruined “special” day in exchange for sixteen years worth of ruined life? Mary got the better end of that deal.

Have some sympathy for the kid. She’s troubled. She needs help, structure and love, not punishment and admonishment. She’ll never learn what empathy is unless she’s shown some.

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shane September 13, 2010 at 5:24 pm

“Trailer park trash” behavior from all involved……..What should they have expected?

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emm September 16, 2010 at 3:11 pm

1) who cares what’s true or not?
2) I think there’s a bit more than is worth blaming the mom for going on here. She’s 16 – old enough to do crazy shit all by herself no matter what her upbringing. I don’t think it’s fair to blame the mom for the twisted things coming out of the girl’s mouth. I think you’re all being way too harsh on her mom. I, too, came from a super dysfunctional family (as did my parents blah blah blah.) I’m 20 now and I’ve gotten the chip off my shoulder. She got caught for being in trouble and she did what she could for revenge. They were dumb to trust her but she’s not stupid. I’m tired of people making excuses for others because of upbringing. I feel no sympathy: She’s 16 and a vindictive little beast- no excuses. Play like a champion. A few decades ago, she’d be almost ready to have her own family by now. We don’t give kids responsibility for their actions and then complain about them being irresponsible and immature. I don’t get it, but I’m tired of the age of expected maturity getting older and older…
3) What a mess! Glad to not have been watching a throwdown like that….

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