A little bit of background: Two years ago, I was friends with a woman, we’ll call her “Jean”, and through Jean I met another woman, we’ll call her “Susie”. We were also all Facebook friends. Jean and I had a falling out (long story and irrelevant to this tale), and ultimately Susie decided to cut contact with Jean. A few weeks later, Susie ceased contact with me, I was defriended on Facebook, and I learned she was friends with Jean again. This did not bother me in the least. Truthfully, I had a difficult time interacting with Susie as I found her to be very immature for her age (mid-20s – I was only in my late-20s at the time, so not that much older). She is one of those people where a group could be gathered talking about cooking and she’d suddenly say, “Oh, my eyes are blue.” No matter how often the conversation was steered back to topic, she’d come up with some doozies. So, it didn’t really concern me much that Susie was no longer speaking to me.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I suddenly get a text message from Susie saying that she was stupid for taking Jean’s “side” in all of this and that it was only because of her that she’d chosen to stop speaking to me. Apparently, the friendship between them had fizzled when Jean commented to Susie that she felt giving a key to her “boyfriend” of two weeks, we’ll call him “Bobby”, so that he could use her apartment while she was out-of-town was a bad idea, which, in grand Susie form, she perceived as “telling [me] how to live my life.” (I know the basic details of this stuff because of what Susie told me herself, and Jean’s mother, “Betty”, is one of my nearest and dearest friends, so I also heard tidbits from the other perspective.) To be honest, I just rolled my eyes at this because, quite frankly, I also thought this to be a dumb thing to do, especially considering she’s a single mother of two (both from the same father, whom she’s currently separated from). I mean, who does that? But according to Susie, he was “the one”. I had the fortune of being refriended on Facebook again and all is well. One night, I even got a text message from Susie, at 12:34 am (and of course, I’d forgotten to set my phone to ‘calls only’, so the notification chime woke me up) asking, “Are we friends?” All I could think at the time was, “Holy high school, Batman!”
Two weeks ago, I decided to throw a dinner party. Two of my friends, a couple, “Connie” and “Tim”, are also friends with Susie, and I am ashamed to say that I seriously considered excluding them from the party because of Susie. I had a feeling that if I invited them, Susie would beg for an invitation and I would have to turn her down. Having her here would be very uncomfortable, given that Betty was going to be here, and my own husband really doesn’t like Susie very much anyway, so I had no intention of having her in my home. Some of the other guests also know Susie (but only as acquaintances), and like myself, have a difficult time interacting with her, so I knew it could get uncomfortable for a few people. Anyway, I wrestled my conscience about it, realized that excluding two friends because of one woman was just wrong and extended the invitation to Connie and Tim.
Within a day of Connie accepting, I see a Facebook status update from Susie saying she “hates feeling left out, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I not important enough?” I contemplated this for a bit, wondering if it was about my recent invitation to Connie (no, I didn’t invite through a Facebook event, but it’s an informal dinner party, so I did invite everyone through email, and I can only assume the reason Susie knew about it in the first place was because Connie mentioned it, which is fine.) I wasn’t sure, but if it was, I certainly wasn’t taking the bait. Just yesterday, I receive a Facebook invitation from Susie to attend her son’s first birthday. The invitation includes the following note: “I’ll serve cake. Eat lunch before you get here. I’m not sure if I’ll have snacks. Coffee and juice provided.” (Not those exact words, but you get the idea.)
The date was for the same day as my dinner party, so obviously, I responded in the negative. At that point, only two people had yet said no (the other person would be out-of-town on that day), one had confirmed yes, and one had been maybe. Within minutes of my response, her Facebook status update is changed to read “I hope more than my parents show up for his party. He only turns 1 once, people!” That’s a little too rude and demanding for me (I’m of the belief that first birthday parties are really more for the parents than for the child), so I commented on it and said, “Sorry, I’ve had plans for that day for over two weeks now.” Her response was, “I’ve been planning this for months, I just had to wait and see where I’d be living first.” So, what? Am I suppose to magically read her mind and know this was the day she would be holding her son’s first birthday? Even through the months that she didn’t speak to me? She gets dibs on a whole day for a birthday party?
I emailed Connie and asked if she would still be attending my dinner party, just so that I could plan accordingly, and she said yes. I wanted her to know that if she chose instead to attend the other party, I wouldn’t be offended or upset with her (I knew what drama could come of it if she refused an invitation to this birthday party, and she has a child about the same age as Susie’s son), but she said no, she was attending both because the timeframes allowed it.
My “punishment” for this? Being defriended again. Connie asked her why. Apparently, I “exclude her from everything” and I “argue with her” too much. Oh, and I forgot to mention, Susie and Bobby (“the one”) broke up about a month after she gave him her key. 1031-10
Sorry, OP, but no one can be hurt, manipulated or be involved in stupid Facebook games if one chooses to ignore the “friend” request. This sounds like a tempest in a teapot that could have been avoided by not accepting Susie’s second friend request. Your very first paragraph details Susie’s deficits that justifies in your mind why you are not ripped to shreds over Susie’s defriending of you yet within a short period of time, for no apparent logical reason, you accept a new friend request from someone you appear to dread interacting with in real life. The “Ignore” button is your friend.