Facebook Frenemies

by admin on December 2, 2010

A little bit of background: Two years ago, I was friends with a woman, we’ll call her “Jean”, and through Jean I met another woman, we’ll call her “Susie”. We were also all Facebook friends. Jean and I had a falling out (long story and irrelevant to this tale), and ultimately Susie decided to cut contact with Jean. A few weeks later, Susie ceased contact with me, I was defriended on Facebook, and I learned she was friends with Jean again. This did not bother me in the least. Truthfully, I had a difficult time interacting with Susie as I found her to be very immature for her age (mid-20s – I was only in my late-20s at the time, so not that much older). She is one of those people where a group could be gathered talking about cooking and she’d suddenly say, “Oh, my eyes are blue.” No matter how often the conversation was steered back to topic, she’d come up with some doozies. So, it didn’t really concern me much that Susie was no longer speaking to me.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I suddenly get a text message from Susie saying that she was stupid for taking Jean’s “side” in all of this and that it was only because of her that she’d chosen to stop speaking to me. Apparently, the friendship between them had fizzled when Jean commented to Susie that she felt giving a key to her “boyfriend” of two weeks, we’ll call him “Bobby”, so that he could use her apartment while she was out-of-town was a bad idea, which, in grand Susie form, she perceived as “telling [me] how to live my life.” (I know the basic details of this stuff because of what Susie told me herself, and Jean’s mother, “Betty”, is one of my nearest and dearest friends, so I also heard tidbits from the other perspective.) To be honest, I just rolled my eyes at this because, quite frankly, I also thought this to be a dumb thing to do, especially considering she’s a single mother of two (both from the same father, whom she’s currently separated from). I mean, who does that? But according to Susie, he was “the one”. I had the fortune of being refriended on Facebook again and all is well. One night, I even got a text message from Susie, at 12:34 am (and of course, I’d forgotten to set my phone to ‘calls only’, so the notification chime woke me up) asking, “Are we friends?” All I could think at the time was, “Holy high school, Batman!”

Two weeks ago, I decided to throw a dinner party. Two of my friends, a couple, “Connie” and “Tim”, are also friends with Susie, and I am ashamed to say that I seriously considered excluding them from the party because of Susie. I had a feeling that if I invited them, Susie would beg for an invitation and I would have to turn her down. Having her here would be very uncomfortable, given that Betty was going to be here, and my own husband really doesn’t like Susie very much anyway, so I had no intention of having her in my home. Some of the other guests also know Susie (but only as acquaintances), and like myself, have a difficult time interacting with her, so I knew it could get uncomfortable for a few people. Anyway, I wrestled my conscience about it, realized that excluding two friends because of one woman was just wrong and extended the invitation to Connie and Tim.

Within a day of Connie accepting, I see a Facebook status update from Susie saying she “hates feeling left out, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I not important enough?” I contemplated this for a bit, wondering if it was about my recent invitation to Connie (no, I didn’t invite through a Facebook event, but it’s an informal dinner party, so I did invite everyone through email, and I can only assume the reason Susie knew about it in the first place was because Connie mentioned it, which is fine.) I wasn’t sure, but if it was, I certainly wasn’t taking the bait. Just yesterday, I receive a Facebook invitation from Susie to attend her son’s first birthday. The invitation includes the following note: “I’ll serve cake. Eat lunch before you get here. I’m not sure if I’ll have snacks. Coffee and juice provided.” (Not those exact words, but you get the idea.)

The date was for the same day as my dinner party, so obviously, I responded in the negative. At that point, only two people had yet said no (the other person would be out-of-town on that day), one had confirmed yes, and one had been maybe. Within minutes of my response, her Facebook status update is changed to read “I hope more than my parents show up for his party. He only turns 1 once, people!” That’s a little too rude and demanding for me (I’m of the belief that first birthday parties are really more for the parents than for the child), so I commented on it and said, “Sorry, I’ve had plans for that day for over two weeks now.” Her response was, “I’ve been planning this for months, I just had to wait and see where I’d be living first.” So, what? Am I suppose to magically read her mind and know this was the day she would be holding her son’s first birthday? Even through the months that she didn’t speak to me? She gets dibs on a whole day for a birthday party?

I emailed Connie and asked if she would still be attending my dinner party, just so that I could plan accordingly, and she said yes. I wanted her to know that if she chose instead to attend the other party, I wouldn’t be offended or upset with her (I knew what drama could come of it if she refused an invitation to this birthday party, and she has a child about the same age as Susie’s son), but she said no, she was attending both because the timeframes allowed it.

My “punishment” for this? Being defriended again. Connie asked her why. Apparently, I “exclude her from everything” and I “argue with her” too much. Oh, and I forgot to mention, Susie and Bobby (“the one”) broke up about a month after she gave him her key. 1031-10

Sorry, OP, but no one can be hurt, manipulated or be involved in stupid Facebook games if one chooses to ignore the “friend” request.    This sounds like a tempest in a teapot that could have been avoided by not accepting Susie’s  second friend request.  Your very first paragraph details Susie’s deficits that justifies in your mind why you are not ripped to shreds over Susie’s defriending of you yet within a short period of time, for no apparent logical reason, you accept a new friend request from someone you appear to dread interacting with in real life.   The “Ignore” button is your friend.

{ 93 comments… read them below or add one }

Giles December 2, 2010 at 7:01 am

This is why I only use Facebook for viewing relatives’ baby photos, wishing people a happy birthday, and making sure my oldest daughter isn’t wasting her college tuition partying.

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Skoffin December 2, 2010 at 7:36 am

Sorry Dame, but I’ve actually had more drama over ignoring friend requests than from just accepting them. Crazy drama people will react over anything. Not sure if the OP just ignoring it would have solved all the problems just like that.

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josie December 2, 2010 at 7:47 am

Susie is a “high maintenance” friend…..and high maintenance people can drain the very life out of you. Move on.

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The Voice of Reason December 2, 2010 at 7:51 am

I’m glad you invested the time to share this tale with us. So enlightening!

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padua December 2, 2010 at 8:01 am

i agree that the OP shouldn’t have accepted the request for friendship. what’s more, responding to the status update and trying to explain why you couldn’t go to the party was like rubbing salt in the wound. if you’d just let it go, it may not have gotten blown out of proportion. “sometimes you gotta know when to walk away, know when to run.” it sounds as if your instinct was telling you to keep away, yet for some reason you let yourself get sucked in. hopefully that’s a lesson learned.

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T December 2, 2010 at 8:14 am

Actually, hitting “ignore” allows the person to keep requesting. I learned that the hard way. As my friend says, just leave them in “friend limbo” and don’t do anything.

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Bint December 2, 2010 at 8:23 am

For goodness’ sake, what a silly, pointless little drama. All this he said, she said – I could hardly keep up with this story, didn’t understand the big problem, and think the OP is buying into this high school behaviour every bit as much as Susie.

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bookworm December 2, 2010 at 9:11 am

This is why I don’t bother with social networking sites. Everybody who needs to contact me and whom I like to stay in contact with has my email address and phone number anyway. What else do you really need?

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bmyster December 2, 2010 at 9:26 am

I agree with the admin here. If Susie creates so much drama and grief in your life, why exactly would you want her as a Facebook friend? There is a lovely “Ignore” button for friend requests for a reason.

Politeness and etiquette don’t mean we need to allow everyone into our lives. We always have the right, and I’d say the responsibility, to politely but firmly exclude people from our lives we don’t want in them. This minimizes conflict and drama—which, I think (hope?), is what etiquette is for in the first place.

If Susie has an emotional meltdown because you don’t ever accept her “friend” requests, that is her issue to deal with (or not). It doesn’t need to include you.

That’s a basic boundaries issue, not an etiquette one.

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Just Laura December 2, 2010 at 9:28 am

As the Admin said, I’m uncertain why you clicked “Allow.” There are people from my high school who try to friend me every week. We graduated 10 years ago and weren’t really friends then! Some even go so far as to message me, “Hey, I saw you didn’t add me yet.”

That’s why I click ignore. To do otherwise is inviting these annoyances into my busy life.

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Annie December 2, 2010 at 9:31 am

As a member of the Facebook generation (born late 8os) I have had to “defriend” a couple of people just to avoid drama. I’d rather have someone who I only see a few times a year (or…never) be mad at me for not being their friend, than having to deal with their self-made issues on a regular basis.

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JS December 2, 2010 at 9:38 am

OP, why do you care? You clearly don’t want to be friends with Susie, so…don’t be friends with her. She’s already defriended you on Facebook, so that’s half the battle. Just, be done with her. You’re getting too caught up in her drama–who cares who she’s mad at? Who cares who she’s dating? That’s her life, in which you are not interested. And that’s fine–just go ahead and live your life.

Remember, just because someone hands you a big bag of poo doesn’t mean you have to take it.

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Daisy December 2, 2010 at 9:53 am

Good Grief. Will someone explain this fascination with Facebook? No one needs this nonsense in their lives. High school was bad enough the first time around. What keep reliving it?

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Daisy December 2, 2010 at 9:55 am

Soory – typo there. I meant “Why” keep re-living it?

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Alexis December 2, 2010 at 9:58 am

The only FB arguments my friends and I ever have are political, and even those are vary rare. Mostly it’s a giant love-fest or I wouldn’t bother. Miss Jeanne is right. The ‘ignore’ button is your friend.

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Gloria Shiner December 2, 2010 at 10:03 am

I am many years out of my 20’s, and I use Facebook often. If the OP were to leave out references to FB and just talk about actual friendships, my response would still be the same: you all need to grow up.

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MOB December 2, 2010 at 10:04 am

Facebook….blah! I use it, but I am very picky about who I add to my friend list. I don’t have one hundred former classmates from 25 years ago on there, I have people I actually know and interact with. I do have a couple of older family members who make me a bit nuts with all the application postings and a former coworker and her husband who are ooooooh so dramatic and the solution was to hide them from my newsfeed. I can still go look at their walls whenever I want to check in and can still get private messages from them, but I don’t have to see the daily dose of nonsense out of them. I have been defriended by a friend’s young 20’s daughter a few times, but I didn’t dare ask why. When she requested me to be her friend again, I happily accepted and didn’t have hurt feelings. Of course, she defriended me again soon after. Thankfully I am old enough and mature enough that it doesn’t faze me. My adult children have been through a couple of “you defriended me!” dramas and their attitude it generally the same as mine. “Huh…I got defriended….oh well!”

My only truly horrible FB experience was with a sister in law we no longer have contact with (because of HER bizarre actions.) She befriended me over FB, chatted with me regularly, tried to fish for info on various topics pertaining to our shared inlaws. She also added my children and husband to her list as well. She did some creepy things to my husband, I protested and suddenly she had defriended me AND blocked me from seeing her actions. She was able to comment to my husband and children and I was unable to see it. My family, naturally, felt this was bizarre and removed her from their list. Something about her being able to snoop into our children’s lives, while I could not see what she was saying or doing just didn’t seem right. If she had been in her early 20’s, her behavior would have been considered childish, but not unexpected, but this woman is 40 years old!

Needless to say…I am even more cautious about my list.

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Cymraes December 2, 2010 at 10:28 am

I avoid Facebook as much as possible – I only joined because, when my husband’s job was suddenly transferred recently, and we did not have adddress details, I knew it might be the only way of keeping in touch with friends some 200 miles away. I loathe every “friend” request or suggestion that flags up on my email, not to mention the event invitations or other rubbish that appears on my “wall”. The only way is to completely ignore every message or note that is not given in response to a private message from yourself.

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SHOEGAL December 2, 2010 at 10:29 am

Sounds to me like the OP doesn’t have a “real life” relationship with Suzie – it is all through the computer or text messages or emails and everything she hears from other people??? Sorry – NO FACEBOOK for me – I prefer to be friends with people in person.

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OP December 2, 2010 at 10:33 am

I do realize that I could have simply ignored the friend request, Admin, and will do for any future requests from her. There was a very good reason why I accepted this one, though, and while I need not get into any detail about it, it had to do with a very rare medical condition which both I and her youngest child happen to share. I had hoped to be somewhat of a support system for her child if the need arose.

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Kris December 2, 2010 at 10:34 am

Facebook never ceases to amaze me, especially in the ways of passive-aggressive arguments. I had a similar issue at work, where a co-worker routinely complained about myself and another co-worker in her updates. She then asked me afterwords why I unfriended her!

Agree with the poster above, keep only close friends and relatives on Facebook.

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winter December 2, 2010 at 10:36 am

Oh these kinds of posts wear my brain out tryinig to figure out who did what to whom and why ALL ON FACEBOOK.

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Ali December 2, 2010 at 10:37 am

Seriously, don’t rise to the bait. You don’t have to answer your phone OR facebook messages. I half think the OP wants the drama.
Yeesh.

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mommaknowsbest December 2, 2010 at 10:38 am

Don’t live your lives on Facebook, folks.

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Xtina December 2, 2010 at 10:47 am

I also don’t get very involved on FB or Twitter or any other social networking sites–any of my personal business is conducted off the internet.

This was a very long and detailed story fraught with a lot of unnecessary drama from all participants, and quite frankly, the OP would be wise to take the high road, live her life and throw her parties without a thought to someone as immature as Susie, and quit worrying about what Susie (or anyone else) would think what he or she is doing. No matter what a person does, the Susies of the world will continue to thrive on drama and exalting themselves by making others miserable. Learn to identify people like that, keep them at arms’ length, and know when to walk away.

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DGS December 2, 2010 at 11:08 am

Sorry, OP, but I’m with Miss Jeanne on this one. You accepted the 2nd friend request, so you’re being subjected to the drama-filled high schoolish shenanigans by someone who clearly enjoys creating problems where there aren’t any to begin with – I would limit contact with her from now on, ignore her status updates (if you don’t want to see them, you can click on the X by her name in your feed, so you will still be ‘friends’ with her but without having to be subjected to the daily drama report) and respond in the most benign and ambiguous way possible whenever she initiates contact with you, i.e. “I’m doing fine, thank you, and hope you are, too”, “How nice”, “Uh huh”, and “I won’t be able to make it to little Junior’s birthday party, as I already have plans”, etc. Distance, distance, distance. And don’t take the bait and engage in the “Are we friends” or any other hashing and rehashing of issues – eventually, she’ll either get the point or permanently defriend you. Either way, you’re better off.

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many bells down December 2, 2010 at 11:17 am

I operate on the assumption that unless someone is speaking TO me, they are not speaking ABOUT me. Otherwise I would feel that I somehow inspired every vague passive-aggressive status from my friends. If someone wants to tell me they feel left out or whatever, we can discuss that. Until then, wall comments addressed to the ether are not my concern.

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Elizabeth December 2, 2010 at 11:25 am

This is where I agree with the admin 100%. I kept wondering while reading why she wouldn’t just unfriend once the drama got heated. I admit I’ve accepted request to be polite, but I usually hide their feed so it doesn’t clog my page. Facebook is usually drama that is very easy to control and extinguish, you just unfriend, block, and move on.

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Elizabeth Bunting December 2, 2010 at 11:38 am

It reminds me of the old song:
I you knew Susie like I know Susie
Oh, Oh, Oh what a gal.

Susie sounds like a 10 year old to me. Never getting involved with her ever again is a great idea. She jerks you around and all your friends and then gets annoyed because you won’t re-arrange all your plans for some one-year-old’s birthday party???? How immature and self-absorbed can one person be?

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TheOtherAmber December 2, 2010 at 11:43 am

I have to disagree with our esteemed Admin about ignoring the friend request. It’s not like an email that might possibly have gotten into a spam filter. If you choose to ignore a friend request then the other person, if they have half a brain, knows that you’ve chosen not to interact with them.

The fact that the LW and Susie have mutual friends, and she’s known to be a drama queen, make intentionally ignoring her something of a dangerous gamble. There are some people you can safely ignore, there are others that will strive to make your life as difficult as possible if you do. While this may or may not be the case in this situation, I don’t think one can make blanket statements about ignoring friend requests on Facebook. I can ignore one from a high school acquaintance without much consequence, if I ignore one from my aunt then I’ve ignited a family feud.

There are times when one puts up with a minor annoyance in order to avoid a bigger scene.

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AS December 2, 2010 at 11:45 am

OP, I think you are right about your assessment Susie – she is way too immature for her age. I remember myself behaving like Susie, wanting attention all the time; and I now think that I was immature for my age – but I was only 13 then (and of course we didn’t have facebook then; Mark Zukerberg is younger than me). But this woman is in her mid-twenties! I have often been left out of parties now for no apparent reason (facebook invited ones at that). All that happens is that I know who think of me as being in their close circle, and who don’t.

You seem to be good at holding your post in real life. Maybe as the admin said, don’t accept her as a friend anymore, even if she tries to add you again.

I like facebook to an extent in that I have been able to reconnect to some of my old middle and high school friends I had lost touch with, and also being in touch with friends in general. But I find it awkward when people take it too seriously, or take off their grudges on facebook (which I think is quite underhand).
BTW, a funny story – a friend of mine once told me that a relationship is serious if it shows up on facebook.

@Giles – I liked your statement “…and making sure my oldest daughter isn’t wasting her college tuition partying.”

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K December 2, 2010 at 12:26 pm

“Holy high school, Batman!”
Pot, meet kettle.

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OP December 2, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Hmmm. I don’t think I did a very good job of writing my post in a sarcastic tone. No, I really don’t care about being defriended. My post was simply to share with you a tale about Facebook drama. However, I know this “Susie” quite well, and as a previous poster said, she could cause more stress if I ticked her off enough. She’s done it before, to other people that I know, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

@K – you don’t know me, and if you did, you’d find out that I am not a drama queen. However, I tread lightly with those who are in my life because of mutual friends.

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OP December 2, 2010 at 12:57 pm

>>And don’t take the bait and engage in the “Are we friends” or any other hashing and rehashing of issues – eventually, she’ll either get the point or permanently defriend you. Either way, you’re better off.<<

I didn’t take the bait. I ignored it. I had no intention of responding at all to the text. My honest response would have simply been “I don’t fit your definition of a friend, so why would we be?”

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Harry December 2, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Facebook (and all those other social sites) are ridiculous.

Those so called “friends” are not your real friends.

Call your “real” friends / relatives on the phone. They are the ones that matter in life.

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OP December 2, 2010 at 1:09 pm

>>and “I won’t be able to make it to little Junior’s birthday party, as I already have plans”<<

I did do this, and was told I was rubbing salt in the wound by another poster here. I’m not sure why it would be considered that, because I simply gave her an explanation of why I wasn’t able to attend.

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RP December 2, 2010 at 1:28 pm

Actually, hitting “ignore” allows the person to keep requesting.
@T: It is possible to block people so that they can’t do that. You don’t want to leave them in limbo because Facebook has changed things so that people in limbo can see your latest status update.

I can ignore one from a high school acquaintance without much consequence, if I ignore one from my aunt then I’ve ignited a family feud.

@AS: I thank G-d every day for my sane relatives. I hear what you’re saying about wanting to avoid a larger scene but the result is that you’re allowing others to dictate who you associate with. It smacks of them just wanting to control you and it may be worth the larger scene to make it clear that you won’t have that.

@OP: It’s sweet that you want to help Susie’s youngest but FB friending Susie sent mixed signals. She thought you were friends again and clearly you weren’t. It would have been better to message her that you’d like to help out her youngest if needed. It doesn’t look like you ever clarified what your relationship was with her. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, of course.

Also, I’m not sure how supporting the child would work if you want to avoid the mother.

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Chelsey December 2, 2010 at 1:28 pm

I agree with the Admin. I have very few Facebook friends because I only accept people I know and like. I know many people who friend EVERYONE, whether they know them or not, whether they like them or not. So many problems could be fixed if people wouldn’t treat Facebook like it’s some kind of popularity contest.

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Rug Pilot December 2, 2010 at 1:35 pm

I received a FB request from a woman who did her best to destroy our church community when she and her family attended. I recently friended her husband because he was making political/economic comments that I wanted to respond to. After I ignored the wife’s request she sent me a message asking why I had ignored the request and apologizing for any offense she may have made but didn’t remember. Isolating our late choir director from visitors during the last few months of his life, claiming that I was singing off key in the choir when she was singing another part that didn’t exist, trying to take over my friends’ wedding and keeping them from associating with the rest of the church…. These offenses against the entire congregation and especially the choir require much more than a slight apology. We were all so relieved when they stopped coming to the church. They had been asked to leave their previous parish. Needless to say I ignored her message. This is the first time I have ever been asked why I did not friend someone. I am not in a race to see who can get the most friends on FB. My friends are people I know who know me and with whom I would like to have conversations. I unfriend people who do not comment on their pages, whose remarks I can’t understand or who talk constantly about things I have no interest in.

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DGS December 2, 2010 at 1:45 pm

In my personal experience, FB is great at allowing me to keep in touch with those friends that I seldom have a chance to visit with in person (they live across the country/world), at allowing me to view pictures/offer congratulations on people’s developmental milestones (weddings, graduations, babies, etc.), and swap recipes through an online group of several girl friends that share my passion for cooking and baking, and that’s about it. I have found that it’s best to not engage in political debates, interersonal arguments, or to take the bait, like Susie was offering in using her status updates to air out her grievances. I simply choose to stay out of those type of interactions (thankfully, they are few and far between in my group of friends).

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portianay December 2, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Well, when I was in my twenties and even thirties, this would probably have become the same sort of issue for me; however, now, at 52, I don’t give a rat’s patootie about what manipulative controllers are doing. Susie is still caught in the coils of her own mental quirks. She needs professional help, and that is not OP’s responsibility.

I ran into a similar situation with a Facebook “friend,” a person I do my best to avoid in “real life.” She used the same tricks: wounded status statements on Facebook, coy statements on MY Facebook page.. she even went so far as to start attacking, on their pages, many mutual Facebook friends we had, I can only assume to try to draw me or anyone else, into her weird games. I just ignore her. Consequently, she has unfriended and refriended me so many times, I have lost count.

When this happens to you a few more times–and by that I mean, the event of meeting social “vampires,” who suck you dry and still want more, feeding on your misplaced guilt–you will get a sixth sense about them, and head them off at the pass.

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Lisa December 2, 2010 at 2:13 pm

I disagree with Admin that ignoring a friend request, in general, avoids all drama. People who thrive on drama will create more drama due to the potential friend’s declining of the request.

However, in this specific case, I think the OP was nearly as into the drama as Susie was so she doesn’t get a lot of sympathy from me.

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T December 2, 2010 at 2:13 pm

@RP: Thanks for the heads-up. I was not aware of that. I checked in Facebook’s “help” and limbo people can actually only see things you post that you’ve designated as “everyone.” Anything that’s set to “friends only” they won’t be able to see. I’m going to be sure to keep things that way.

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Kat December 2, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Yes, Facebook is kind of prone to drama, but you can’t really go around feeling superior to everyone who uses it. At least, not unless you enjoy feeling superior to millions of people. Which, I guess, is your own business. I don’t use it myself, but that’s because I feel it’s a violation of my privacy. My friends are all members, so I maintain an account, and put up with occasional harassment to change my status, post pics, play Farmville, etc.

Anyway. OP, clearly Susie is using FB to play passive-aggressive games with you (all the friending/defriending, planning her party on the same day as yours, etc). However, I get the impression you posted details about your party on facebook where Susie could see it. Is that correct? If so, that was also kind of a passive-aggressive move. If I’m reading that wrong, though, let me know.

I suggest letting her play her friend/defriend games. Don’t participate. When she friends you, accept. When she defriends, take it in stride. Don’t try to find out why. If you don’t react, she’ll get tired of the game.

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Simone December 2, 2010 at 3:19 pm

I like facebook, but like any other social interaction you need to manage it. If your aunt wants to friend you and it will start WWIII if you don’t; friend her and create a group called “family” where she only ever gets to see your posts about Christmas plans (or whatever you choose to share with her). Or just hide posts from someone if they irritate you but you don’t want to defriend them.

I personally am very very hidden. Even if I told you all my personal details you still wouldn’t be able to find me on facebook. (In my case it’s because I’m a teacher – I like my students but don’t want them seeing into my private life via facebook). As a result of this I have very few ‘friends’ but I’m happy with that. My real ones all know where I am.

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AS December 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

@Harry: my “real friends and relatives” live half the way across the world. Can you imagine how costly it would be to call them to catch up frequently enough? Why not just add real friends and relatives on your facebook rather than calling all the “friends” on fb to be not real friends.

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AS December 2, 2010 at 3:49 pm

@TheOtherAmber and @OP: It didn’t occur to me before you said so that ignoring fb requests can ignite unnecessary feuds. Maybe I have been lucky enough not to have such friends as yet, but that sounds scary!

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whiskeytangofoxtrot December 2, 2010 at 4:01 pm

It appears that Susie is going to be the star of her own soap opera, whether OP accepts future friend requests or not. “Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t” being the case, I’d opt for the easier choice, and refuse/block the drama queen. IMO, no need to voluntarily leave oneself open to someone else’s passive-aggressive bullying.

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--E December 2, 2010 at 4:05 pm

I tread lightly with those [drama queens] who are in my life because of mutual friends.

–>If your mutual friends aren’t smart enough to keep away from the drama queens, then you might want to reconsider their value as friends, too. I’ve managed to surround myself with people who recognize when others are just stirring up drama, and they all just roll their eyes and don’t get involved.

…was told I was rubbing salt in the wound by another poster here. I’m not sure why it would be considered that, because I simply gave her an explanation of why I wasn’t able to attend.

–>Never explain yourself to drama queens. It just gives them more ammunition with which to create drama. You can’t make it to her party, and that’s all she needs to know. If she hasn’t the grace to accept your response properly, that’s her problem, not yours.

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Chicken December 2, 2010 at 4:47 pm

I agree with some of the others on here, ignoring a friend request can be more trouble than its worth. I was friends with a great girl, she got married and really changed. Once she got back in contact with everyone and I had her new number she wouldn’t return my phone calls and only called me when she wanted something. So when I moved I just changed my number and stopped talking to her. Then she found out I was on facebook and she started to harass my friends and family members trying to get me to add her. I finally did just so they could have some peace. When she comments on my posts and I’m polite but I do not engage her the way I do my relatives when they comment and I do not post on her wall.

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