Christmas Karma

by admin on December 15, 2010

This is the tale of my first and only roommates. A little background: my parents kicked me out at 16, and I had been living with my boyfriend (who was 18) for a year. We were trying to shape up our act, but still partying a little more than we probably should have. Our major wake-up call came when I was 17, right before I graduate high school. He got 2 DUIs and some drug charges, and the judge decided a 9 month prison sentence was in order. I was devastated, and we vowed to stop our lifestyles and start from square one when he got out. This didn’t change the fact that my part time after school job wouldn’t be able to support me enough to keep our apartment for the 9 months he would be away. So I made arrangements to move in with some guys I knew who went to a local college for the 9 months, and kissed my boyfriend goodbye for the better part of a year.

I had graduated already when he had to report for his sentencing, and had enrolled for the summer semester at the community college and taken on my part time job full time. I should have known the situation was trouble my first night with my roommates when they wanted to get me wasted drunk to “celebrate never having to see *that guy* again”. I explained I was not leaving him, nor did I want to get drunk and put myself at any risk of getting arrested. They seemed rather pissed. Between full time college and full time work, I had very little time at the house. When I was home, I usually filled my time with homework or studying. I would shut the door to my room and try to ignore them out in the living room being loud as they got progressively more drunk and coked out. They tried almost every night to get me to party with them, to which I replied “no” over and over.

About a month after I lived there, letters stopped coming from my boyfriend. I had been sending him letters daily as he had been me. One night I had gone down to the basement since a fuse had blown and I had no lights in my room, and found my letters in the “trash pile” they had down there. As I read them, it became clear to me, my boyfriend hadn’t gotten any of my letters in a week or so (they were taking them out of the mailbox). I got a P.O. Box, and told him to send letters there, and I started mailing my letters from the mailbox in the parking lot of my work. Problem solved, or so I thought.

My roommates, figuring since letters stopped coming, that we had broken things off, started trying to hook up with me, hook me up with their friends and just being general perverts.I told them to back off, and that My letters were coming somewhere else now. They got really pissed about that, and reacted by pouring alcohol into my bottle of OJ in the fridge (as if I wouldn’t notice). I got a mini fridge, and put a outside locking lock on my door, for which I had the only key. They reacted to that by offering me a sub from Subway, it seemed innocent enough, and I thought perhaps they felt bad I had been eating food from the dollar store. Wrong again! After I started feeling funny, they informed me they had put acid in the sub, because they felt they needed to “force me to have fun”. I immediately called a friend who I could trust who came, explained the horrific situation I was in and she came and picked me up. Apparently, when my friend went to the bathroom, I disappeared, and woke up in the middle of a field in the pouring rain covered in mud. At this point, I wanted to move out and call the cops. Not only was what they did highly illegal, but I could no longer trust these bastards. But seeing as I had nowhere else to go, I locked myself in my room at all times I was home, and tried to be away as much as possible.

It finally ended one night when I came home later than normal because I had been studying for a big exam with a classmate. This was 3 months after I moved in, I had done nothing wrong in those 3 months, paid all my rent and utilities, done nothing illegal (except when they drugged me, and that was certainly not willingly), and had been a good roommate. When I got home, all my stuff was outside, and they informed me their new friend had moved in, and there was no place for a girl who didn’t want to be “a member of their family”. I put what I could in the trunk of my car, and told them to kiss my a**. I lived in my car for the next 6 months, freezing my butt off at night because it was fall then winter. I had to buy a membership at the Y to take showers,  I had no access to a phone, so I lost contact with all my friends (this was the days before cell phones) and I still maintained full time school and work. It was the most miserable time of my life.

But Karma has a funny way of getting people back. My boyfriend got out of prison, we lived briefly at his mom’s while we saved money, and got our own place again in the spring. We both graduated college, got married and he got a great job, despite his past. Fast forward 15 years since the whole roommate disaster happened: my husband is a successful businessman, we have the luxury of me being a stay at home mom with our 3 beautiful children, and while we’re not rich, through smart money management, we live very comfortably and are very happy. Last Christmas, we traveled home to see my in-laws, and on the 2 hour drive from the airport, the kids got hungry. We stopped at this little no name greasy spoon by the side of the freeway. Some overweight, unkempt 40-s something guy comes up to inform us he was our waiter. After he took our drink orders, he paused and said “aren’t you (Jane Doe)?”. Now I haven’t been called by my maiden name in so many years, I was somewhat taken back as to how this man knew me from my past. I cautiously said, “That used to be my name, who are you?”, and he gleefully replied, “I’m (Bob Smith), your old roommate! Remember me?”. I replied, “O ya, how could I ever forget, you stole my mail, tried to break me and my husband up, drugged me, and threw me out on the street”.

He no longer bore any resemblance to the young man I once had as a roommate. I guess years of hard partying takes it’s toll and lands you in a dead end career. After I said that, he moped about as he brought us our food and check. What him and his buddies did was unforgivable, and I guess the universe saw he got the punishment he deserved in the end. 1002-10

{ 74 comments… read them below or add one }

Emmy December 15, 2010 at 4:41 am

This really isn’t a breach of etiquette, more a not so bright young girl not learning her lesson. I’m sure that sounds harsh, but I’m 19, and I can’t imagine any of this. The idea that “after vowing to shape up her act” and “start from square one” she moved in with several males makes no sense. Then, after they continually harass her, take her letters, and even put alcohol in her orange juice, she still continues to live with them. Even worse, she still trusts them, and although they’ve doctored her food before, and are using drugs, she takes food from them! There was no mention of the police being called, which certainly isn’t smart. And still she continued to live with them. Part of “shaping up” and “starting from square one.” is not putting yourself at risk by living with people who are under the influence of drugs and alcohol, and could possibly harm you.

Reply

lkb December 15, 2010 at 5:51 am

OP: I salute you and your husband for persevering and getting out of a very bad situation. You obviously have more strength and character than any 50 people I could name — myself included. You also handled the “reunion” with your roommate well.

Admin: Is the reunion part the “etiquette” part? It all seemed simply “hell” to me.

Reply

Bint December 15, 2010 at 6:11 am

Yeah, but you said you *knew* these men before you moved in with them. What they did was appalling, but the warning signs should have been there from the start. And given your boyfriend went to prison and you’d been ‘partying hard’ (do you mean taking drugs?), it’s not surprising they expected you to be right up for everything. You moved in with massively irresponsible druggies and were surprised their behaviour was criminal?

I’m very glad everything worked out for you. Seriously, though, you could see this one coming a mile away, and you’re very lucky you were able to get out of the trap ‘Bob’ fell into. There but for the Grace of God go you…

Reply

karma December 15, 2010 at 6:57 am

Ah….okay.

Reply

Katniss December 15, 2010 at 7:21 am

Someone feeds you LSD, and you still have to wait for them to throw you out the house?

Reply

A December 15, 2010 at 7:48 am

Well…that was a little more than being simpley rude on their part! I would’ve gone to a different restaurant since who knows what that guy would’ve done to your food…Congrats to the LP for turning her life around.

Reply

Amber December 15, 2010 at 8:37 am

Eh, I don’t buy it. Sounds like a movie of the week.

Reply

samihami December 15, 2010 at 9:00 am

I can’t judge her for not leaving the situation sooner. Remember, she was still a kid and didn’t have anywhere else to go. At 17 and in a desperate situation with few resources, I can understand why she tried to tough it out. I only wish she had called the police about the drugging, but it would have been difficult to prove. I am just glad that ultimately she and her husband made it through okay and have a good life now.

Reply

Alexis December 15, 2010 at 9:06 am

I would have called 911 when they fed me LSD. (Well, actually, I wouldn’t have eaten food that they offered after everything preceding that event.) Let the cops explain to the idiots how illegal and dangerous that was. And let the criminals explain it to the courts. This isn’t a problem of etiquette. It’s a problem of law as well as unbelievably naive behavior on the OPs part. Glad you escaped those dirtbags!

Reply

Chocobo December 15, 2010 at 9:17 am

Give the girl a break! She was only 17 at the time, thrown out of her parent’s house, and from what she says about herself, rather troubled at the time. Of course she should have called the police/moved out/gone to a shelter/never moved in with these crazy people, but I don’t think too many 17 year olds in her situation would have too many options or think that clearly.

What’s more important to me is that in the end, she DID move out, even though her choice was to become homeless. That is one tough decision for a young woman her age. I can’t imagine making these choices either, but I haven’t been anywhere close to those kinds of circumstances, so I can’t say what I would have done. Hindsight is 20-20.

Good on you, OP, for straightening your path out and not giving up, obviously your dedication to improving yourself together with your husband paid off in the end. I hope that you can pass your story on to other young people in your situation to help them learn the same lessons you had to learn the hard way.

Reply

KB December 15, 2010 at 9:20 am

This whole post is just crazy….I don’t see the etiquette part here either, and I agree with Emmy’s comment.

Reply

Giles December 15, 2010 at 9:21 am

I think people here are underestimating how expensive housing can be, especially for students. I wish I had pictures of me and my husband’s first apartment. We stayed after someone in the apartment next to us was shot because it was all we could afford while in school.

But after the LSD, I would have gone straight to the police. Depending on your state they could have been charged with assault.

Reply

Amber December 15, 2010 at 9:39 am

Okay, excuse me, but some of the responses here are indicative of people who have never been in a hard place. The woman was tossed from her parent’s house at 16 and had nowhere to go after her boyfriend was locked up. She was in a desperate situation, and made a desperate decision to stay with these losers for three months, probably thinking that she could slog through the hard times. And I think that the fact that she LIVED in her CAR for SIX MONTHS shows that no one was willing to help her out and that she couldn’t afford to find a place of her own to live in. These guys were her only option.

A desparate girl with nowhere to go is at fault for snapping up the only option she has to live in an actual building even though the roommates showed signs of being unpleasant? And then she’s chastised for sticking around, AGAIN when her only other option wass her CAR? Talk about blaming the victim. The roomies should be scorned for their behavior, not the girl who made some bad decisions in her past but was working hard to make a change and had to live through some hard times to do so.

Reply

AS December 15, 2010 at 9:43 am

I agree that the OP should have moved out when the supposed roommates were treating her so badly. But that easier said than done. OP seemed to be in a very desperate position at that point. She really needed to save money, keep a full time job and work through college. Maybe, given her previous lifestyle, she had not yet made friends better than these, hence she’d have had no other place to go to (except for staying in the car, which is what she finally did). She couldn’t even go back to her parents. Maybe she should have called the police; but from my experience with the law, it is awfully difficult to prove anything, and would take off hell lot of one’s time. (I have once had an extremely valid case where a travel agent withdrew money on my debit card twice, and refused to refund for the second time. Even the AG’s office said that they tried to negotiate, but that is all that they could do. And I am a full time grad student, and it took quite a toll on my time trying to get the paperwork done to submit to AG’s office). Even if she proved her case and these guys got out with only a warning or something, they might have made her life even more difficult. In retrospect, it is easy to claim that she should do this and that (left the house to go stay with someone else, stay in her car, visited the College’s help centre, etc.). But in her situation, I don’t see anything better that she could have done. This is a 17 year old trying to turn a new leaf and survive, and having no place to go.

Hats off to you, OP, and your husband to take the right path, and end up with a good career and a happy life. It is nice to see that your love survived this ordeal, and you have found a beautiful life together.

Reply

BB/VA December 15, 2010 at 9:55 am

What Chocobo said!

She may not have known her roommates very well when she moved in – you never know anyone really well until you live with them. This lady was in an awful situation and was trying very hard to avoid being homeless. Her story takes place 15 years ago – that long ago and where she lived, there may not have been shelters available. She was extremely fortunate to have good friends who helped her when she needed it, as well as in-laws who were supportive.

She was in the right and she did prevail! Well done, OP!

Reply

Xtina December 15, 2010 at 9:58 am

I think people are being rather hard on the OP. True she made some awful, awful decisions and I hope the only reason that she did not move out of a house filled with monsters of this sort sooner is because she had absolutely NO alternative place to go–understandable since her only other choice was being homeless–that could certainly color a person’s perception of what they would be willing to put up with. That said, I certainly agree that she could have handled things better and police needed to be called/a safer place to live should have been researched (even if a local homeless shelter), but if you’re 17, alone, and scared, then you’re probably not thinking clearly.

I do commend the OP and the BF/husband for not falling back into their old ways, especially when faced with temptation of this sort–it would have been very easy to do exactly that and make the OP’s home life a lot “easier”, so to speak, when living with those men. Congrats on being able to do what so many people in that kind of lifestyle are unable to ever find the strength to do–break the cycle.

And yes, time always catches up with those kinds of people– I firmly believe that what goes around comes around.

Reply

Felice December 15, 2010 at 10:10 am

I’m upset by the victim-blaming here. Shame on you.

Reply

Shiksagoddess December 15, 2010 at 10:23 am

OP: Good for you for pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I understand how you might have felt you had no choice but to stay put with your low-life roomies. I hope you and your husband continue to lead the responsible life you have been, and you both serve as a role model for those young people who feel trapped in an unhealthy lifestyle.

I think being drugged and thrown out by your roommates goes faaaaaaar beyond an etiquette situation, and borders on the criminal.

Reply

Jen December 15, 2010 at 10:41 am

I never realized that slipping LSD into my roommate’s Subway meatball sub could be considered rude. I feel so embarrassed now.

Reply

--Lia December 15, 2010 at 11:03 am

Not an etiquette problem. More of a making a bad choice when good choices weren’t available problem. We all do the best we can with what we’ve got– including the guy in the greasy spoon. Be glad you had more (inner) resources. Be sorry his drug problem was as bad as it was. Be glad he’s recovered so well as to be able to hold any sort of job now.

Reply

Just Laura December 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

Emmy,
I’m glad you do not have the problems the OP faced (being kicked out by her parents at so young an age, obviously having no financial assistance, suddenly losing her roommate and having to find new ones to make rent). I’m glad that you can call this person, who completely turned her life around, a “not so bright girl.” People with colorful pasts may be afraid to go to the police, worried that the police won’t believe them, or that the police can’t do anything, which leads the perpetrators to attempt revenge (one of my roommates is a sergeant with our state university’s police force, and tells me this is common). In addition, where is she going to suddenly get all these upstanding friends after her life of partying? I can see why there might not have been very many people in her life on the ‘straight and narrow.’ In the end, she DID move out and choose to be homeless over living with those people. I don’t know that I could have done that.
I am not yet 30, but I was once 19 and had jobs through college and graduate school over a thousand miles from my family. I struggled in paying my own bills, but I still had parents who cared about me. I can’t imagine having to go through college/job/bills having no family I could trust or who loved me.

No, I never did drugs/drank underage, but that’s because I was raised differently. We are all given different choices, and I applaud the OP for making the right choice before it was too late.

Reply

Auryn Grigori December 15, 2010 at 11:16 am

Kinda harsh Emmy! Hell, I have had roommate situations that in hindsight I should have seen coming a mile away, and didn’t. One of them (I’ll call this one “Ann” as in Anonymous) was my friend in high school. I had gotten her a job (I’ll admit, it wasn’t the best of jobs, but it did bring in a paycheck, albeit small). Then we decided, finances being what they were that we should move in together. Red flad #1 I was responsible for getting the apartment ready. Electric and cable/internet were not included, so I had to call the services that did that. Okay, fine. I did that, I payed my rent, we moved in, it was a great month. Red Flag #2 Then on the second month of the lease the first eviction notice came. Apparently her paycheck had not gotten to her bank in Texas yet (why she was using an out of state bank is beyond me). Okay, I payed the 300 dollar late fee, effectively emptying out my savings account. Red Flag 3 She insisted that the electric goes all in my name. Oh she would pay it, but it would have to go in my name. Okay. Red Flag #4 Second eviction notice. I did not have the money to pay for it this time, and since my boyfriend was moving in, he did the generous thing and loaned us the money.

Things like that started piling on until it became very clear that she was a horrid roommate. And sometime people are more afraid of being homeless then of being poisoned. Also, I am assuming that they did not give any indications that they were going to drug her.

Also, guys are not necessarily bad roommates. My boyfriend is a better roommate than most of my female roommates. She may have been a tomboy who was more comfortable with guys than with girls.

Reply

Calliope December 15, 2010 at 11:34 am

The only question I have is whether the OP actually said to Bob, “I guess years of hard partying takes its toll and lands you in a dead end career.” It was hard to tell from the way it was written. The OP was clearly the victim in this story, and I don’t have any problem with her calling out Bob for the awful things he did to her. It does seem like a strange thing to say in front of children, but I honestly don’t know what I would have said in the OP’s situation, and given the circumstances, she seems to have handled it well. However, I do think that saying the bit about hard partying landing him in a dead-end career would have been rude. Just working in a restaurant doesn’t prove that someone’s a lifelong loser, and working in a restaurant isn’t necessarily a dead end. Obviously, the OP and her husband have changed a lot since their youth. It’s possible that Bob has, too.

Reply

Liz December 15, 2010 at 11:56 am

I agree with Chocobo, give her a break, obviously she had no other choice but to live with those guys because in the end she had to live in her car for 6 months after they kicked her out. Even though it was miserable, it was still a roof over her head. Regardless I would have called the police on the drugging but I can understand perhaps why she didn’t. Maybe she has a history with drugs of that nature and was afraid of getting in trouble herself. In the end it would have been the guys word against hers in that scenario. Kudos for climbing out of rock bottom, I’m sure you’re a stronger person for it. On another note, I would have also left the restaurant after the run in with the old roommate, after having served food, I would hesitate to ever shame my server and then stick around.

I guess the guys were breaching etiquette left and right when she lived with them and then her remark was also a breach of etiquette (not not undeserved). Sounds like a terrible way to learn a lesson in the end.

Reply

Jolie_kitten December 15, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Before jusging the OP, may I notice that we do not know under what circumstances she was living and where this was happening. I was baffled about her not calling the police after being drugged, but then again I thought that, sadly, not everywhere the population’s trust in the authorities is the same- in some countries there is this mentality of -”Oh, don’t go to the cops, they’ll just shrug it off and say they don’t have enough proof”.

Reply

mmaire December 15, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Everyone commenting ‘why didn’t you move???’ and blaming her for her past behavior and saying that ‘she should have known’ are clearly privileged enough to never have been in even a comparable situation and should be ashamed of themselves. She was seventeen, alone, and without options. When your choice is a horrible environment (but with plumbing, heat, and kitchen facilities) or LIVING IN YOUR CAR IN THE WINTER, don’t you think you’d tough it out for as long as possible? I’m lucky enough to have never faced such a choice, but it is not at all hard to see that a roof over your head is preferable to a car, even if there are a bunch of raving lunatics under that roof as well.

She made something of her life, kudos to you OP.

Reply

Kat December 15, 2010 at 12:24 pm

OP – you were putting yourself at risk by living with people you knew were using illegal drugs. I assume there was something ruling out your “friend you could trust” as a possible roommate?

But I think some of the commenters are being pretty harsh. It seems clear from the story that the OP didn’t have many (if any!) options. Was she supposed to live in her car for the entire nine months her boyfriend was in prison? This isn’t an issue of bad judgment or lack of intelligence, but of desperation.

However, I do agree that it’s not really an etiquette issue, but a criminal one. Slipping drugs in her sandwich? Oh my, bad form!

Reply

Jenny December 15, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Apparently we all don’t remember what it was like to be 17 and have not money. Having no other place to go would have kept me there too. She had a bedroom that locked and was warm…a lot better then living in her car(which must have been the worst 6 months of her life). Seriously, would any of you find it appetizing to live in your car in the dead of winter or deal with a bunch of idiots? I pick the idiots…but I wouldn’t eat their food :) Lesson learned there.

Reply

chelonianmobile December 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm

The LSD thing may have been difficult to prove after the fact – I don’t know enough about LSD to know whether it would show up on a blood test after the dose wore off – and while she was waiting for an unwillingly-administered drug to kick in it would likely have been hard to think straight, but the friend probably should have taken her to hospital as soon as she was told she’d been given the stuff.

Reply

chelonianmobile December 15, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Sorry, sent that comment too soon. I should have added; I’m so sorry this kind of thing happened to you, and it’s good that you’re happy now.

Reply

irish December 15, 2010 at 12:59 pm

OP, I just want to say I am hugely impressed and humbled by what you and your husbands have done to turn your lives around, particularly after a difficult past. It’s obvious that you were in a truly desperate situation such that few of us have to experience in this part of this world, and I commend you for making your way to a good and happy life. And no, I don’t think this post really has anything to do with etiquette. Do I care? Not particularly. This post is a reminder that some people have suffered beyond what I can imagine, and still have the strength to move on and the capacity to love.

Reply

Jamie December 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Criminal issues are just ettiqutte issued taken to their natural conclusion! I think this story belongs on here.

As someone who has known several people in the exact same position as the OP who completely failed to change their lifestyles in any way whatsoever, I say give the girl three cheers.

Reply

bookworm December 15, 2010 at 1:08 pm

It sounds like you lost your trust in those people a little too late in the game. You should have been out of there as soon as you realized their partying wasn’t going to stop, ESPECIALLY with the path you had chosen to walk from then on out. You should have pressed charges on them for drugging you.

I’m sorry, but everything that happened to you at that house was a direct result of you not putting your foot down and stand up for your chosen lifestyle by leaving that situation. It’s clear that those people never had your best intentions at heart, and you just went along with it.

Reply

bookworm December 15, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Felice: It would be victim blaming if she had had no indication that this would have happened. She said she knew these people before this incident. She walked right into this one.

Reply

Meow December 15, 2010 at 1:18 pm

The only thing I find more disturbing than this tale of horror is the blame the victim mentality.

It didn’t sound like she had a lot of options. I didn’t even like getting into my car this morning (took 20 minutes to warm up to the point where I could take my mitts off) I can’t imagine voluntarily sleeping in it when I have the option of a nice warm (lockable) room, albeit surrounded by idiots.

Kudos to OP for making it. You’ve got to work with the cards you’ve been dealt. Many a lesser character (myself included) could have crumbled and faded away, but you and your husband made the choice to become successful.

Reply

bookworm December 15, 2010 at 1:21 pm

And everybody saying that she didn’t have options: clearly, her boyfriend’s parents were willing to take them in after all was said and done. Was there any reason that she couldn’t have turned to her partner’s parents before then? I certainly don’t see any.

She CHOSE to live with drug abusers even after she knew that that wasn’t the lifestyle for her. Surely those rotten people weren’t her only friends.

Reply

Candra December 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

I completely agree with Amber. I can’t believe half of you are blaming the victim of the situation? It reminds me of a man in my town who was hit and KILLED by a car; the story was in our online newspaper, and there was a section to comment. Almost all of the commenters blamed the “stupid cyclist” (police confirmed there was no fault of his) for “getting in the way”. Obviously, there was no sympathy offered to the family. It shouldn’t, but it still amazes me how rude people – even E-hell”ers”- can be.

Reply

Jillea December 15, 2010 at 1:36 pm

I get it – those days were soooo different. You beat me – hands down – in the worst roommates ever contest.

Reply

MOB December 15, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Xtina and Shiksagoddess said what I was thinking.

I am glad the OP was able to overcome those obstacles and make her life what she wants it to be.

Reply

Jessie December 15, 2010 at 1:57 pm

I don’t think this is supposed to be an etiquette story so much as a “what goes around comes around, so watch how you act” story. Which, in my opinion, CAN be defined as etiquette when it involves people acting horribly and eventually getting their just desserts.

I am ashamed to see so many people blaming the OP, but anything I could say in her defense has already been said by others.
But I CAN say this: I have been in the unfortunate situation of having to either live in a horrible situation with horrible people (thankfully nobody drugged me), or be homeless. I can almost guarantee that when being on the streets (not even in your car, I do not have one) instead of just toughing it out as long as you can because there is a roof under your head and bed to sleep on is your only choice, not many would choose to abandon their warm bed and dry home. And think of this: This girl didn’t just give up on her life when she became homeless, either. She CONTINUED TO WORK AND GO TO SCHOOL. AND she was obviously paying her own way through school, so you can bet that she wasn’t left with all that much money to live on. At so young an age, how many people can honestly say that they wouldn’t just stop going to school to make their lives a bit easier? This girl weathered her storm like a real soldier, never giving up even when doing so may have bettered her chances of survival or having a better life until her boyfriend came home. I can certainly admit that I would not have been able to continue going to school under those conditions, I would have dropped out to make things easier and to have more money to live on.

Kudos to the OP for giving it her all until she could no longer accept the awful behavior, and for sticking it out even when she was living in her car. There are not many people in our world who could have made it out of that situation alive and/or well, but she DID and went on to make a good life with her now-husband and children.

Reply

spookycatlady December 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm

In my view, the etiquette in this story is *very* clear. The letter writer was able to act and behave civilly towards a person who had behaved in a criminal manner against her. She also did not absolve him and be *nice* for the sake of being nice. Bob didn’t behave rudely in the face of her clearly, calmly and clearly stated denunciation.

Reply

Simone December 15, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Everything has pretty much been covered here – put me in the box with the people saying that the OP obviously had no better option etc etc

What I’d like to add is that from years of teaching teenagers it is rare to find one with the maturity, strength and grace to make it through school without parental support. And to do it while living in a car with nowhere else to go absolutely blows my mind.

OP, I’m giving a standing ovation to your teenaged self. I am so impressed.

Reply

gramma dishes December 15, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Just out of curiosity, I’d love to know if this girl (now adult woman) has any relationship at all with the parents who threw her out at such a young age?

Reply

Abby December 15, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Give the OP a break, people. Really, Emmy, she was asking for it because she moved in with guys? Judgemental much? I lived with no one BUT guys when I was in college and they were great roommates. I definitely didn’t have any of the problems the OP did.

I agree the roommates’ behavior moved from rude to illegal with the acid sub, but I can see why she chose to not make trouble by calling the cops, and why she stayed until she was kicked out, since her other option was living in a car in the winter.

OP, I’m glad you and your husband got to see for yourselves exactly where that jerk wound up! Good for both of you for sticking to your promises to turn around your lives.

Reply

karma December 15, 2010 at 5:34 pm

Hmm..I think some of you are swallowing anything you are told. Hook, line, and sinker. Sorry, but this story reeks of embellishment and omissions. Not buying.

Reply

Jack December 15, 2010 at 5:40 pm

In regards to not knowing someone until you move in with them; a few semesters ago, I had the most atrocious suite mates possible(both were extremely messy to the point of pure, abject horror and the new lifeforms that were sprouting from their spills and dirty dishes, and one of the two was and still is one of the biggest drug pushers on my college campus.) I had NO idea how bad they were until I moved in with them. This is including the fact that one of them was a fairly good friend of mine and I had a very decent and blooming friendship with the drug pusher.

This isn’t quite on the same scale as the OP, but really almost nothing can compare to that. Don’t be so quick to judge her and her actions! When you have no where else to go, even the most unappealing, grotesque and unsafe places become havens.

Congrats on making it through the mess OP!

Reply

David December 15, 2010 at 5:47 pm

OP, I’m glad both you and your boyfriend have made a good life.

Reply

Pam December 15, 2010 at 7:26 pm

It’s easy to look at the situation as an adult and say “this is what you should have done” but I say that for 17 years old, you were amazing. You held a job, went to school, studied and graduated, resisted a ton of peer pressure and tried to hang on to a place to live. Your room mates went beyond bad manners – glad things worked out well for you!

Reply

Kriss December 15, 2010 at 7:30 pm

The important thing is that both you and your husband turned your lives around. Not many people make it out of a serious partying lifestyle. I had my share of druggie friends and I can’t say a one of them would drug my food (what’s the point of wasting it on someone that doesn’t want it? That stuff is expensive!) so I can’t say you should’ve seen this coming. Sometimes when we make a move for the better life gets worse for a while. Your old friends reject you and you haven’t made any new ones yet. It’s hard to not become discouraged, give up and give in to the old lifestyle again. Good for you OP.

Reply

--Lia December 15, 2010 at 7:55 pm

What would have happened if the OP had notified the police after being drugged? Under the BEST of circumstances, they would have believed her, pressed charges against the offenders, and left her with … housemates on whom she’d just called the police. Do we think they’d be nicer to her after that? If they’d done jail time, she would have been left … no housemates with whom to share the rent. I don’t see how that’s an improvement over moving out to live in your car while skipping the police-calling step. Maybe there’s a better case scenario that involves HRS getting involved enough to find a teenager some foster care, some place to put her head while she’s going through hard times, but that would have involved our knowing why the parents kicked her out, and that too isn’t an etiquette question.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: