Wedding Guests Foot The Reception Bill

by admin on June 19, 2009

I received an wedding invitation from a friend who is a professional woman who owns her own business, for which she works hard and is successful. Divorced herself, she took up with a man who already had three previous marriages. The invitation invited me to attend a buffet dinner to celebrate the happy day to be followed by dancing with a DJ. Then (and I paraphrase, as I have since thrown the invitation in the garbage) seeing as it was her second marriage and his fourth (!), no gifts, the presence of their friends and loved ones was a gift enough. How lovely! How touching! This was then followed by, “$25.00 for adults, $12.50 for children under 12. Checks to be made out to [bride-to-be].”   We, the guests, were paying guests, funding their party. TACKY. Yes, I attended but I left as soon as I could. No, I did not get my money’s worth. 10-05-08

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Kit June 22, 2009 at 4:36 pm

Why in the world did you attend?

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Alexis July 6, 2009 at 1:40 pm

I’d love to know how many people were invited and how many actually attended. People tend to get jaded after the 2nd wedding. By the time the groom is up to number four(?!!)there usually aren’t many people left who are willing to witness the whole charade again.
So, why DID you go?

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Vicki July 14, 2009 at 9:09 pm

I agree with the previous posters – why DID you go? It wasn’t as though this was a first wedding for either party.

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rebekah July 20, 2009 at 3:14 pm

that’s so silly to enable such behavior by actually paying the money to attend. and then turn around and complain about it. if you think it’s tacky, don’t make the bride/groom think that kind of thing is perfectly okay by going. ::smacks forehead::

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Alexis July 23, 2009 at 11:51 pm

The tempting response would sound something like this:
I regret that I will be unable to attend your wedding, but I will still send you a gift.
$25 per person. Checks to be made out to me.

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Izzy February 10, 2010 at 12:19 am

I don’t think $25 is unreasonable for a reception, but asking for it is a little tacky. As a general rule my mum always told me to give $50 for just the wedding and $100-200ish if i’m invited to the reception (Although I’ve never been to any “Second/third/fourth” weddings so I don’t know if the etiquette changes). Not that it’s about the money, just to help cover costs. So if that was my friend i would have been more than happy to give her the cash – as long as she didn’t ask for it. Then it would just be weird.

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livvy April 29, 2010 at 10:26 am

@Izzy – for anything other than a charity event, asking for ANYTHING from invitees other than an RSVP is tacky. If I throw a party (especially one in my own honor!) I don’t charge cover.

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Splendidissimus May 4, 2010 at 3:54 am

I imagine the poster went because the bride was her friend. I can’t imagine not going to a friend’s wedding because they were tactless enough to charge $25 for the privilege; asking for the money is galling, but probably not worth scarring a friendship over.

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Tsunoba August 1, 2012 at 1:30 am

I know this is an old post, but I’m exploring the archives here, and I saw Alexis’s comment and had to reply. Even if he/she* never sees it. Specifically, this bit:

“By the time the groom is up to number four(?!!)there usually aren’t many people left who are willing to witness the whole charade again.”

My stepfather’s marriage to my mother is his fourth. Sometimes it takes a few tries. I can’t speak for him, since I barely knew him when he was married to his last ex-wife, but I can definitely tell that my mother is happier with him than she ever was with my father.

That said, charging for the reception is extremely tacky.

(*Yes, I know Alexis is normally a girl’s name, but I have met two male Alexises in the past, so…)

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