I am currently in a horrible situation where I feel etiquette has been breached.
I am a resident at my college, and my roommate and I have been close all year. What happened the other night changed all that.
We had agreed in the beginning of the year that we would not entertain male guests overnight, as it made me uncomfortable, and feel morally wrong. My roommate, E, began dating a young man (whom I don’t care for) during the school year, and had asked for him to stay a few times, which I allow due to extenuating circumstances, and out of respect for our friendship, although I was uncomfortable.
E Facebook messaged me the other night, when she was at home, asking how I’d feel if she brought him home. I said it would make me uncomfortable, as I didn’t want to be taken advantage of yet again. She continued to force the issue, calling me. I told her that if he came down, he would need to sleep across the hall in the boy’s room (co-ed dorms; I have asked the occupants if it was ok). She freaked, cursing at me, saying she would “never forgive me for this,” “F- you, you’re being f-ing unreasonable, we’re coming whether you like it or not.”
Well. I was horrified, having never been spoken to like this, least of all by her. We have been very close, and I couldn’t believe she was reacting like this. She did bring him back, but they slept elsewhere. She refuses to speak to or look at me.
E’s boyfriend goes to a different college, about an hour away from our school. E didn’t tell me her whole story; apparently, her BF had no ride to his school. She could have either dropped him off, and come back, or stayed there. She instead decided she must have both, because she wanted to go clubbing with a friend that night, and be with her BF. She wanted me to be miserable so she could get what she wanted.
I believe her behavior is way out of proportion, and childish. She knows I dislike her boyfriend (he gives me the creeps, and other friends are in agreement, and he cheated on her multiple times), and I was not going to go sleep elsewhere, and be kicked out of my home because they wanted to have sex, and I believe I had the right to. I feel very disrespected; both as a friend, and as a roommate whose contract has been breached. I’m terrified to even speak to her, and don’t even want to be in my room anymore due to the hostility felt. She also blocked me on Facebook, and when I told her I wasn’t here to fight, but that I needed to protect my privacy, she ignored me.
So she asked me a question, expecting an answer, but got one she didn’t like, and threw a hissy fit. I know there are only a few weeks left of school, but living like this is not fun. 0322-11
When you allowed the “contract” to be breached due to “extenuating curcumstances”, your roommate had already tested the boundaries and found them weak. So, the first step is to figure out where your line in the sand is and then don’t cross it. Your line keeps shifting which somewhat negated the social contract you had, at least in the mind of your roommate.
When you revert back to the original contract agreement, all hell breaks loose because E has been allowed to get away with murder, she likes this arrangement and boy, is she going to fight to keep it that way. E morphs into one of the weirdo aliens from Planet Booron and throws a tantrum of galactic proportions. Poor baby. Her wings got clipped and she’s a fluttering frustrated moth.
No one should feel guilty for having a polite spine. We should be the calm in the storm of self-absorbed tantrums, blissfully carefree as to the drama unfolding around us by those with less refined restraints on their emotions. One should become like the Margaret Mead of etiquette…quietly, with academic stoicness, studying the odd behaviors of alien beings as if conducting field study for an anthropology degree.