I was just wondering when people stared thinking it is acceptable to cross personal boundaries as long as you get what you want?
A friend of mine, “Tisha”, gave birth to her first child over the weekend. She sent me a message letting me know and asked if I would mind letting some of our mutual friends and her former (my current) co-workers know. She had been in labor for 22 hours, so I agreed to share the happy news on her behalf. She also asked that I tell people that she and her husband, “Matt”, would be resting and would let them know when they could visit the new baby and parents at home. Just to be sure, I asked if that meant she did not want visitors to come to the hospital. She said yes, she did not want people to visit at the hospital. Not only had her labor been very long, in the end she required the help of a vacuum extractor to deliver the baby.
It seems like a common sense to me that if you are not family or a close friend that has specifically been invited, that you do not go to the hospital to visit a newborn. Most new mothers who have just been through labor do not want Jane and Jill from work in their room. The way I was raised, you wait until you are invited to the home to see the baby. Moms and babies need bonding and adjustment time.
So I wrote a nice message letting people know that the baby had been born, her name and all the vital statistics- height, weight, length, hair/eye color- as well as Tisha’s message that she would let people know when she was ready to receive visitors at home.
I sent the message to the people she requested. One of those people, “Cara”, replied to my message with “Who is this?” I messaged her back, “Melissa, the office manager that you work with and see everyday”. I was surprised that she did not recognize my number because all staff has it; I get calls all times of the day & night, even when I’m supposed to be off, and she has called me numerous times. She then replied, “Oh, I already knew”. Hmm? She already knew? I sent her a message that said, “Ok, I just sent it on Tisha’s behalf because she said she was not feeling well enough to contact everyone”. No response from Cara.
The next day I am working and my phone buzzes. It is 2 pictures messages from Cara. Even though Tisha had requested no visitors at the hospital, Cara took it upon herself to go to the hospital anyway and take photos of the child. I also find it a bit odd that I was the only one she sent the pictures to. It felt like she was trying to make point to let me know that she went to the hospital.
The following day, Cara returned to work. Not only had she taken the 2 pictures she sent to me, but she had taken dozens of pictures as well as about a half-hour of video! She also relayed that Tisha and Matt had been napping when she arrived and the baby was in the nursery, so after she woke them, she (Cara) used the nurse call button to have the baby brought in the room!! She said that Tisha and Matt seemed a bit confused at her visit and Matt, in particular, was impatient and rude to her.
Well, let’s see- she came uninvited to the hospital even though she knew Tisha and Matt requested no one visit; she woke them up during a time when they needed rest the most; she called the nurse station to have their child brought to the room so she could hold her and take pictures and videos of her instead of viewing through the nursery window or waiting to be invited to the home like the parents wanted, so yeah, I guess Matt would be impatient and rude to her. His wife had been through a day of labor, had to have assistance to deliver and then a former co-worker barges in because she wants to see the baby? I would have asked her to leave if she had called the nurses to bring my child to the room for her to see.
She downloaded all the pictures and video she took to a work computer, attached the pictures & video to an email that said, “Guess who I saw?”, along with the baby’s name & vital statistics (which I had already sent out) and used the company email address list to send it to everybody – and I do mean everybody, even the people who work at our parent and sister locations who did not even know Tisha. The email was so large that it temporarily crashed our email server! Cara is lucky that her step-father-in-law works at our parent location or she would have been fired.
It’s amazing to me that people think they have a right to invade people’s privacy, particularly at a time like that. I guess if Cara had known Tisha was in labor, she would have sped to the hospital to film the birth in living color! 0421-11