Who Is The Bride Here?

by admin on June 16, 2009

My sister-in-law has a large family and had been planning a large but low-key wedding when she set out to marry my brother several years ago. All seemed to be going smoothly until my sister-in-law’s stepmother announced that she planned to wear her old wedding dress to the wedding. She seemed to think it would be a fine idea for her to look like a bride on her stepdaughter’s wedding day!
 
My sister-in-law politely but firmly said that she didn’t think it was appropriate for her stepmother to wear the wedding dress, and asked that she would please choose different attire for the wedding day. The stepmother was somehow mortally offended by this sentiment and refused to attend the wedding unless she was allowed to wear the dress. My sister-in-law would not yield (good for her!). Unfortunately, my sister-in-law’s father refusd to attend the wedding as well in order to show solidarity with his wife. My sister-in-law was devastated that her father would not walk her down the aisle.
 
While to my side of the family and roughly half of my sister-in-law’s side of the family it was perfectly clear that it would be tacky and tasteless to wear your old wedding dress to somebody else’s wedding, several other members of my sister-in-law’s family disagreed and there were arguments about who was in the right.
 
My sister-in-law became so stressed and upset about the arguments that she ended up cancelling the wedding and reception she had planned and instead she and my brother were married in a different state with only my side of the family and some close friends in attendance. It still ended up being a lovely wedding, but I know my sister-in-law has never gotten over how she missed out on having her father walk her down the aisle because her “wicked stepmother” had to have things her way… on someone else’s special day.   10-14-08

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Erica June 16, 2009 at 10:46 am

The kind of father who doesn’t see how absurd that is is probably not the kind of guy you want “giving you away.”

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artk2002 June 16, 2009 at 2:55 pm

Although I get angry when I read stories like this, I also have a bit of pity for the perpetrator. How miserable and small must that StepMonster’s life be that she had to make a battle over a dress. Especially when the dress was clearly inappropriate by almost anyone’s standards. Of course, it really isn’t about a dress, it’s about controlling things. Controlling her husband and controlling her step daughter.

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Hellbound Alleee June 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm

I don’t know…why not just “pick your battles” and let her wear it? It’s still the Bride’s Day. She’s still getting married.

If she made such an ultimatum, why not just suck it up and let the Mom do what she has to do? If she’s already been told it’s inappropriate, then it’s her choice to look the fool.

Cancel the wedding over a faux-pas, and then exclude a whole family over it? I’d say just be the gracious bride and Let. It. Go.

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TylerBelle June 16, 2009 at 7:37 pm

If I were the bride and someone pulled a stunt like this, I’d be like fine, you want the spotlight on yourself, you can have it. And at the reception I would have it set up that an actual spotlight shined upon and followed the person wheresoever they went. Only in the restroom or leaving all together would free them of the light.

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Emma June 18, 2009 at 7:24 pm

On the other hand, the bride missed an opportunity to have the commiseration of all parties. Yes, it was her special day. And if her stepmother had attended, dressed ever-so-inappropriately, it could only have reflected well on the bride’s own grace and forbearance.

Doubtless, the other guests would have been shocked at the stepmother’s dress (and might have told her so)! One cannot fault the bride, however, for a guest’s notions of propriety.

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Jordan June 22, 2009 at 11:17 pm

The only thing I was wondering, was if the stepmother’s dress was a dress she wore to her wedding or a real Wedding Dress. Obviously, the poster believes it to be the latter, but if that’s the case, then these people are all insane. It’s such a bizarre thing for the father and stepmother to do, and the fact that there was some disagreement as to whether or not his was appropriate made me wonder. I would really like to see a picture of the dress. I’ve seen people get married (especially second weddings) in dresses that would be appropriate to wear at another person’s wedding.

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Alexis July 6, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Good for the bride for not allowing her father and stepmonster to bully her. On the other hand, I agree with Emma. Let the old bat show up innappropriately dressed. She’d have looked like the self-centered idiot she was. The only thing I would have done would be to instruct the photographer and the DJ or band to ignore them completely. No family photos with them, no photos of them at all, no special dances with them, no announcing their arrival at the reception and I wouldn’t have allowed either one of them in the recieving line. The only person in the recieving line who should be wearing a wedding dress is the bride.

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Skippy July 8, 2009 at 6:56 pm

If this loon [the step mother] wanted to wear her wedding dress to the wedding I am under the impression it was definitely not a sedate, second wedding type of dress – I am assuming she insisted the FOB give her a huge shindig and of course the dress matched.

For the FOB to take his wife’s side says a lot for the poor bride’s relationship with her father. He should be ashamed.

And, again – I have to ask – why should the bride have to show grace and fortitude in the situation? This is her wedding and it isn’t outside of the realm of good taste and decorum to ask her step mother or any guest NOT to wear their wedding gown to her wedding.

It is kind of like wearing a floor length white dress, as a guest, to a friends wedding. Completely tacky [and yes, I have seen it done]

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Ally November 23, 2009 at 10:17 pm

All I can see when I read this story, is my horrible stepmother and the hideous gown she wore when she married my father. Am very glad they are not a part of my life, as I just know that the wicked woman would have tried to pull off something like that.

Although I understand why people are saying she should have just been the more gracious person and let her do it, I totally side with the bride. If someone, especially your own father, is going to demand such thigns and not come to your wedding because you dont cave in, they obviously have no respect for you. Peoples true colours come shining through in these situations. Unfortunately for the bride, it happened at a time when she most wanted her dad there.

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livvy April 29, 2010 at 10:49 am

Hmmm – I guess I don’t see where it’s the Bride’s call to dictate what her guests wear to her wedding (other than giving them direction formal, casual, etc.). Granted, a poofy white wedding dress would be very inappropriate, and I think the stepmom is psycho, but her inappropriate attire wouldn’t be a reflection on the bride – just the guest. I didn’t even think to ask my mom, step mom, FMIL, etc what they’d be wearing.
I think it’s regrettable that the Bride let her desire to be the only one wearing a wedding dress ruin her relationship with her father.
BTW, my own dearly-loved MIL wore her wedding outfit to my wedding – but she had been married (recently) in a semi-formal two piece outfit.

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Kim May 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm

@ TylerBelle… what a hilarious and fitting idea!

If my step mother had forked over a large check to cover all my wedding expenses, she could wear a burlap bag and I would’ve been fine with it. If not, grow the heck up, you’ve already had your wedding (as evidenced by aforementioned wedding gown).

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RP October 28, 2010 at 10:38 pm

I think it’s regrettable that the Bride let her desire to be the only one wearing a wedding dress ruin her relationship with her father.

@livvy – That’s just ridiculous. Even if the bride was unreasonable to want to be the only one in the wedding dress (which she wasn’t, BTW) the bride’s father was *at least* as much to blame for ruining their relationship.

He chose to take a side and he chose to disregard his daughter’s feelings. He could have tried to mediate the disagreement or simply refused to take sides. He didn’t have to let a disagreement between his daughter and his wife prevent him from participating in the wedding.

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PO'd reader November 5, 2010 at 1:42 am

Did everyone who dumped on the bride miss the fact that her OWN FAMILY took the WHORE’S FROM HELL AND BEYOND’S side? I’m sure the bride knew exactly what WHORE wanted to wear because if it caused that big of a ruckus WHORE probably showed her and told her it was her way or no way. WHORE AND FOB SHOULD REMEMBER WHY THEY’RE LEFT OUT OF GRANDCHILD’S LIFE. I certainly would not allow either of them near my children because they’re likely to say mommy didn’t let them go to the wedding and all the boo hooing.

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Javin October 7, 2011 at 10:58 am

I just don’t understand all of the posters saying the bride should have “sucked it up” or “picked her battles” etc.

If there was EVER a battle to pick, this is it. By allowing the step-mother to thrash the bride’s wedding (do you HONESTLY think it would have stopped with the step-mother wearing a wedding gown?) a precedent would have been set that dictated their relationship with this beast for the rest of their lives. The bride has absolutely EVERY RIGHT to pick THIS battle as the one to show she will NOT be a doormat. And as I’ve said before, if the bride HAD let the Step-Mom be the monster, the same posters saying she should have bent over and taken it would be the ones accusing her of being a doormat and “spineless.”

GOOD for the bride and groom for sticking to their guns and THEM setting the precedent that this monster will not be ruining their future lives together, or those of their children.

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Gracie C. October 7, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Just seeing this thread for the first time, and I’m sorry, but was “PO’d reader”‘s post really necessary? The stepmother was out of line, and it’s a shame that the father took her side, but wow, I’m not sure that language is called for.

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