Have Baby, Get Food

by admin on July 20, 2011

I don’t know the couple in question very well (they are friends-of-friends) but I have heard that they had a baby recently, and I just saw this facebook request from the father of the newborn (below.) The father is also a doctor and could probably afford a personal chef, if getting takeout from one of the many healthy, vegetarian-friendly restaurants in town was too much work.

We are requesting 2 weeks of dinners from our friends, and a prefect chance to stop by and see baby Fifi!

Rules:
Local foods if at all possible.
Heavy on the veggies, no top carnivore fish (mercury) and light on the meats.
Feeding 4
Better be good or we will hunt you down and cook you with the love, care and dignity you should have shown the food you served us… no pressure.
:)

The contributor of this story also included a screen shot of the Facebook event to back up the story. Due to the large amount of personal identifying information, I can’t display it so you’ll have to trust me that the story is accurate. The new father created a Facebook event called “FamilyName Food Tree”, invited 31 friends to “attend”, i.e. make a dinner for the family.

The problem with this is that food and the labor it takes to prepare it are a gift of time and money. One cannot go asking people to give you gifts, and certainly not specific gifts. It’s a lovely gesture to volunteer to serve new parents with a hot meal each day for the first few weeks after a baby’s arrival but the initiative to serve in this manner must come from the giver and not the recipient. Sorry, but having a baby is not a free pass to suspend etiquette nor does it make you entitled to being served.

Addendum by admin:  Hey, y’all, no more comment approvals from me today.  I’m off to the hospital to welcome my first grandchild into the family!

{ 102 comments… read them below or add one }

Wink-n-Smile July 20, 2011 at 11:36 am

Louise – I LOVE that! Sounds like a spicy recipe.

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HonorH July 20, 2011 at 11:38 am

Sheesh! My SisE is one of those people who organizes food drop-offs when someone has a baby or is otherwise hospitalized, but that’s out of the goodness of her heart, not the demands of the new family/injured party. This family is just–I dunno, I can’t even call them “entitled” because it’s too mild a word. They specify what kind of food they want, and then, to top it off, say, “It better be good!” As if they have a right not just to demand food, but to then reject it if it doesn’t measure up. I dearly hope some good friend calls them out on it. If they have any good friends left.

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Shiksagoddess July 20, 2011 at 11:50 am

Funny you should print this today … I just signed up on “Meal Train” (www.mealtrain.com) for a co-worker. Anyone can start a schedule for a new mother, someone who is ill, etc. It’s strictly volunteered, and you can schedule yourself on any date that’s convenient.

This Dr. should view this site and learn there are better ways of asking for help.

– the shiksagoddess

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Laura July 20, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Definitely a rude, gimme pig of the worst kind. However, just because he’s a doctor does not mean they’re rolling in the dough and/or could afford a personal chef. MANY doctors have hundreds of thousands of dollar’s worth of student loans to pay off.

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Riri July 20, 2011 at 12:01 pm

“Better be good”?? Pft! After this demonstration of entitlement, they should feel lucky to get ANYTHING!

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Hemi Halliwell July 20, 2011 at 12:08 pm

To @LeeLee & Lilybell- I’ll chip in a few bucks and we can all send them a box of vienna sausages & crackers. :)

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Aje July 20, 2011 at 12:17 pm

It’s all in how you say it.

1: Thank you to the many people who asked what they could bring! (WIFE) and I are so exhausted, we feel we might take you up on the offer. Our only concern is some allergies our family has to __________ & _________. Other than that, anything local is fine.

2: I’m really bad at this ‘Mr. Mom’ thing. Especially the cooking. There’s a spot on the ceiling from when I tried to make meat pies. (hint: HELP!)

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The Elf July 20, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Congratulations, Admin! Now you just need to update your facebook to put in your very specific requests for the food that SURELY your friends are dying to bestow upon the parents of your grandbaby!

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LC July 20, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Really? Really? You publish this particular story and then announce that you are suspending comments in the same breath as stating you are off to welcome a new baby into the family?

The joyful fun that we, your faithful readers could have had creating a menu/meal plan specifically catering to you and your family has been rudely curtailed. I call that an etiquette blunder of the highest order.

But seriously, congratulations on your first grandchild. Enjoy and rejoice.

Leslie

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Carnation July 20, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I’d send him a few packets of instant oatmeal (plain, it’s gotta be healthy) and one of those heating elements on an electrical cord things.

But that’s just me.

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Louise July 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Congratulations on becoming a grandma, admin! I hope your daughter (daughter-in-law?) has a safe delivery and everyone is happy and healthy.

Now, tell us what meals we can bring you. :-D

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Tammy July 20, 2011 at 2:56 pm

I read this, then went to Facebook and searched “food tree” then limited my search to events and this came right up, I could see the perpetrators in question. The friends don’t seem super receptive, but a couple are willing to help. The only possibly redeeming thing is that the new father also posted a comment on the event wall that names a friend as the coordinator. Now maybe it was the friend’s idea in th first place, but the dad shouldn’t have taken over with creating the fb even and posting the rules himself. Or maybe the dad started it, and made a third party be a coordinator so he wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of organizing people to help them. Tacky and greedy.

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Sharon July 20, 2011 at 3:32 pm

OH MY GOODNESS! Who cares what the man wanted his firends to do??? You are getting a grandchild???? That is ALL I can think about right now! Congratulations!!!!!!!!

There is nothing on this earth that is better than being a grandmother. I mean NOTHING!!!!
(I am doing my happy dance for you in my head!) LOL!

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Thel July 20, 2011 at 3:48 pm

My, my, what fine specimens of the Special Snowflake species. I really hope enough people declined this “honour” to get them thinking maybe this was not such a great idea.

***Congratulations*** on the birth of your grandchild!

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ladycrim July 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Does that mean you won’t be taking this idea for your new grandbaby, Miss Jeanne? ;-)

Congratulations on your newest family member!

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Numa July 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm

What an idiot! However, and much more importantly, my sincere congratulations on the new addition to your family!

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Vicky July 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Wow – ehell for the husband.

I remember when I had my daughter. Prior to giving birth, I stocked up my freezer with tomato sauce, chili, onion soup, broccoli soup, etc to defrost for my husband and I to eat in those early sleep-deprived days. Well all good plans….my husband could eat it but I was breast feeding and my daughter did not react well to any of that. No one warned me (she was my first) and I was put on the blandest of bland diets until she was a little older and more developed.

It is possible that his intent was good and it just came off badly. But still, I would never dream of being so presumptious. Heaven help his wife. And I still wonder who is the “4th”

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David July 20, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Wow, entitled dad is entitled.

And congratulations, Admin!

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The Other Me July 20, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Congratulations on your grandchild admin, and I hope you make the parents some nice freezer meals – veggie heavy and light on meats, of course :)

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Sarah Jane July 20, 2011 at 6:54 pm

This’d be a sure-fire way to get me off this guy’s friends list, and not just on Facebook.

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Angeldrac July 20, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Reminds me of when my friend was organizing a meal roster for a girl in our bible study who had just had a baby. The email came from my friend, not the new mother, but included a list of almost TWENTY FOODS that the new mother “doesn’t like”. Not allergic to or intolerant to, just “doesn’t like”. And it wasn’t just exotic foods, the list included “peas”, “raisins” and “cheese”.
Initially, as I was new the the church, I had been keen to help out but when I saw this list, I was so sure that I’d cook something wrong, I didn’t bother.

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gramma dishes July 20, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Admin: Congratulations on becoming a Grandmother for the first time! The name Grandma (or any of its variations) is a really awesome designation and I highly recommend it! You will have a whole new definition of the word “pride”!

Aje ~~ Now if he’d asked THAT way, he’d have been inundated with full meals for six consecutive months! Love your creative way of pleading with a humility that no one could possibly resist! ;-)

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Riva July 21, 2011 at 12:37 am

Congratulations on your first grandchild, Admin!

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Kendra July 21, 2011 at 12:57 am

Admin, your first grandbaby!! How wonderful. I wish a safe delivery for both mom and baby, and may you get to welcome many more grandbabies to your life.

PS. My mom says grandbabies are the BEST. I’ll have to take her word for it as I haven’t been blessed yet. :-D

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PrincessSimmi July 21, 2011 at 1:25 am

Congrats, to Admin and family! Keeping my fingers crossed for a safe delivery and a healthy baby and Mum.

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LovleAnjel July 21, 2011 at 9:27 am

Congrats to the Admin’s family! Enjoy the squishy cuteness!

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LilyG July 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm

What. A. Jerk. I was happy to get anything from anybody post partum. We got some really great meals we wouldn’t have ordinarily eaten: kapusta, golobke, spectulata(?), black bean lo mein, real shepard’s pie, etc.

Right now I’m in a group bringing meals to a family who lost a child in a terrible accident. They have been very appreciative and never put any terms on the offerings. If anybody has a right to, they do.

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LilyG July 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm

@ Sharon: you made me laugh! My mother would certainly agree with you.

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Michelle July 21, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Apparently y’all gave him ideas! He’s now signed his family up for mealtrain…himself. *Oy*

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Emmy July 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I find this to be a huge turnoff as well. The threat to hunt volunteers down and ‘cook’ them if the food didn’t have the “love, care, and dignity” they felt they were entitled to was really the kicker. The idea that somebody would judge the food that somebody else took the time and expense to prepare and threaten them if it wasn’t deemed good enough is really appalling. I can’t help but to wonder how many people RSVP’d ‘yes’ to the honor of make a meal for such a demanding and rude person. I am a expecting a baby in a few days myself and I am spending time making and freezing my own food. I would be pleasantly pleased and honored if somebody wanted to make food for my family during this time, but I certainly would not expect it. If we had a long list of food dislikes or were otherwise difficult to cook for, I feel it is better to politely decline offers rather than make a long list of demands for anyone who volunteered to cook for us.

I also organize food to be brought to people in my church and have often made food myself. I’m glad to say people have been gracious. Nobody has made special demands unless it involved allergies and people seemed happy and grateful to even receive meals. When I have made meals, I have always gotten a ‘thank you’ note.

Also congrats on your granddaughter :).

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Kat July 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Wow. As a regular volunteer for my church’s baby-meals program (we bring meals to families with new babies), someone just isn’t getting it. Asking for help is one thing, but this is silly.
For the previous posters who were upset about a list of things that the new mom “didn’t like”, it seems unkind of you to be so harsh. No one was making you cook for this young woman (and, as you stated, you chose not to) and it’s not very helpful to bring someone a meal they aren’t going to eat, so it makes sense to ask for preferences when you are coordinating meals for someone. I personally find them helpful—I’d hate to be the one who brought bacon to the kosher household or macaroni and cheese to the vegans.

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AS July 21, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Admin, congratulations on the arrival of your first grandchild. I hope everyone is doing fine. Please post something baby-themed this Friday so that we can congratulate you on a “feel good” page rather than after reading about some etiquette challenged boors.

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AS July 21, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Commenting on the story, I think people are usually nice; and if you don’t make demands, the society rises up to help someone in need. It is a basic human nature to be feel like you helped someone. And you never know when you’ll need the help of others.

My mother was very ill when I was around 10 years old. Our relatives stayed several hundreds of miles away from us, and I was not yet old enough to cook full meals. The first few days that she was hospitalized, my father used to be at the hospital all night, go to work, come home and cook for me and again go back to the hospital. He never thought of even requesting someone to cook for us/me. But guess what? Once our neighbors found out about my mother, they’d come over with food and told me to let my father know that they’ll take care of providing food for me and dad (though dad often ate in the hospital with mom). And someone or the other actually give us something or the other every day until my mother was well enough and didn’t need to be taken care of much. One of our neighbors (whose daughter was of my age, and a good friend of mine) used to tell me to go home and sleep with them. In fact, my friend’s mother would come over to my house every night before going to bed and take me with her because I was too shy back then to as for favors from people (we lived in an apartment, so she didn’t necessarily have to come).

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Enna July 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm

The Dr would like me – I’m a vegitarian and I’m good at healthy stuff: nice loaf of granary bread I’m a dab hand at beans on toast (beans are healthy) cheese on toast (put some tomarto on top, it’s like a topsy/turvy pizza – fresh veg and cheese for protein) scrambeld eggs on toast (fry up or roast some veg first then put in frying pan with egg and cook YUMMY) mushrooms on toast (hobbit favriote!).

Hoenslty. Some people. I maybe veggie but if I had a firend like this who was making requests like this I’d back away.

Congrats on the grandchild Admin, hope grandchild and daughter/DIL is well (do they fancy something on toast?).

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Just Laura July 21, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I’d like to point out that after some very cursory research (i.e., I looked at the guy’s profile), I’d like to let you all know that he’s not a doctor. Nor does he claim to be. He has a Masters. I am always a little suspicious when an OP claims that someone else has money (do you have access to his checking account?) or degrees and so the bad behavior is somehow worse.

I’m not saying this food-tree entitlement is good, but making up facts is also wrong.

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Dr. Daden Titlement July 21, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Presumptions can be a major handicap.

Very fitting for the post following this one.

This has been mildly amusing. However, my wife feels a bit violated as per our family and friend privacy… a lesson on Facebook etiquette… set events to Private if you don’t want them paraded around the internet by those with more time on their hands than sense, good judgement, sense of humor and general decency. Here goes:

1. I am not a doctor. I am a director of a non-profit and have never earned over 25k per year, my entire life. I do have a Masters Degree, so I am in “poverty by choice.”
Regardless, I am rich due to my community and friends.
2. The idea for the event came from numerous requests on our birth announcement post. A friend volunteered to organize if I got together the contacts interested.
3. These are my FRIENDS. They know my sense of humor. I am sorry you misunderstood it. It is easy to take things out of context, when you were never meant to see it in the first place.

I suggest those getting their righteous indignation jollies at the expense of real people with real lives and real feelings, you heed one of the oldest and most tried and true tenants of etiquette.

“If you do not have anything good to say about someone, say nothing at all.”

My sincerest best wishes to the moderator on his/her new addition to the family. What an amazing thing it is!

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SeaSprite July 21, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Congratulations on the new grandbaby!!

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Lizajane July 22, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Dr. Daden Titlement,

Who’s the 4th meal for?

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Echo July 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Dr Titlement, I think most of the ‘righteous indignation jollies’ come from the sheer audacity of the request, regardless of how it was presented. You just. don’t.

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Tarina July 23, 2011 at 7:33 am

@Dr. Daden Titlement

One of your friends who know about your sense of humour found the facebook event offensive, and sent it to this site’s admin. We didn’t go dig it out.

I have to say I don’t know about the ‘tenants of etiquette’ either. Who’s their landlord, and how much rent do they pay? Well, you learn something every day, I guess.

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Cat July 23, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Be easier just to charge money to see the new baby and then take the family out to eat.

My private school principal refused to pay me a supplement to which I was entitled. I had counted on that money to get me through the summer. I took what money I had and bought a large frozen turkey. I cooked it, froze it into portions, and ate no other meat for nearly three months. I did not ask anyone to feed me nor did I threaten to turn cannibal on those who failed to meet my expectations.

This country has turned from rugged individualism to a bunch of over-indulged people with their hands out at every opportunity: it’s my birthday, pay for my party; it’s my baby shower, pay for what I want; it’s my wedding, pay for it or, better yet, just send me money. The proper response, except for things like sickness and death, is, “That’s very kind of you, but totally un-necessary.”

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--Lia July 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm

The worst thing this person has done is misspell “tenet.” The person who sent the story in is not a real-life, face-to-face friend. The OP is a friend of a friend on facebook who heard that the couple had a baby and then saw the facebook request. It’s like walking by my picnic table, peering in, then complaining that I’m serving red wine with fish. You may have a legal right to see what you’ve seen, but commenting that my manners are wrong is over the top. The request for the delivered food was for intimate friends who understood and apparently didn’t mind. They all understood. I understood. (See my earlier post.) I’m not saying that I would have appreciated the humor if the request had gone out to me, but it didn’t, and that’s the point.

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Dr. Daden Titlement July 24, 2011 at 1:05 am

Tenants… that was funny. I should have proofread. I am updating this from my phone and it autofills more common words… sad in many ways upon reflection.
I am mainly writing to reflect on this experience, offer a few observations, and apologize for the snarkiness of my first post. I did not take my own advice about speaking… things break down when you feel attacked.
First, I am not sure who saw my event on my or my friend’s wall, but I can assure you they were not one of the 31 friends I invited. It was never meant for anyone but my close group of potluckin friends/ families. Usually 10-15 of us get together in one form or another weekly. To be frank, it was truly non of this person’s business. Why they would even click to look at an event they were not invited to is beyond me… but heed this lesson, set your events to private. What if this were posted on a wall of militant neo-fascists who hated people in the go-local slow-food movement…. I would be truly scared for my family (me, wife, 2 children = 4 to answer that question) Truly, some of the comments here were disturbing and really freaked out my wife. Not about tuna and cheezewhiz… just the tone, the vitriol, the intense judgement…. Our nation is falling apart because of this, people are killing one another over differences in opinions about recreational sports and things of even lessor consequence. Things can get weirder, even faster, on the internet. Is this what is happening to kids today? Internet bullying?
Regardless, I hope you can empathize.
Again, this food tree was not my idea, I never asked to be served. I love to cook and am quite competitive… but what if it was? What if I was just another clueless dult not worth the food I eat… would I be any less human and deserving of a respectful correction of etiquette, rather than a barrage of insults? Where is all this hatred coming from?
I noticed much ado about my “Doctor” status… was this some undercurrent of leftist classism? Or maybe it was anti-intellectualism ala Nazi and other far right political punditry?… was it just jealously?
I too am terrified of the direction of this country. The very poor and very rich alike seem to have fallen to the drug of entitlement. It is perhaps a fundamental/pre-requisite of consumer culture, along with endless growth, and the abject valuelessness of anything outside the market.
Our poor can’t farm the land and instead farm an economic system.
Our rich invest offshore, short markets, erect market barriers, externalize costs, buy politicians through lobbyists to codify and protect such practice.
The vast majority of the rest of us are too busy watching tv and worrying about the next American Idol to notice we are failing as a nation, as a people, and, likely, as humanity.
So, what are you doing about it?

I am trying to figure out the same thing for myself… one local, home cooked, friend and family enjoyed, meal at a time. But I am open to suggestions. And I truly wish people were more versed in the etiquette of a truly functional society… another lengthy topic.

Oh, and local food is not that expensive if you live in a good community, especially if you consider health care savings.

Local and Organic: its what our grandparents called food. (i love that one)

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Angeldrac July 24, 2011 at 2:48 am

@Kat –
I wasn’t intending to be “unkind”‘or “harsh”, we simply thought it was kinda funny. I’m not a great cook at the best of times, so this was just a bit too much for me, especially when I had met the girl all of two times and knew full well that there were heaps of people volunteering to help.
I agree that knowing someone’s food preferences is helpful, but surely you would be a little taken aback if one of your mothers didn’t simply say “I’m not really keen on fish”, but instead listed 20 foods that she could’t possibly eat around when someone, out of the goodness of their hearts, presents them with a free meal. A tad different to cooking kosher for religious reasons or gluten-free because someone has coeliac disease. I think it’s a bit childish that someone can’t just be grateful for what they have been given and just eat around the peas and enjoy their baby.

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the-Not-So-Divine-Miss-M July 25, 2011 at 8:50 am

@ Dr Daden Entitlement:
First of all, congratulations on the newest addition to your family!
Secondly: It’s very understandable that you feel shocked and dismayed by finding your private event discussed by people on an etiquette site, denouncing it as uncouth and rude. Especially since you apparently have a sense of humour shared by your 31 friends but not the people on this site. Fair enough. However, try for a minute to stand back from your own feelings of hurt (again fair, since you didn’t ask for this) and look at what was written in the event. Now, if you weren’t the one getting hurt by confidences betrayed, wouldn’t you react to the tone of that description?
There is absolutely NO need for you to defend yourself, your choices, your sense of humour, your tone with potluck friends nor your food choices. It’s simply not the business of anyone outside the 31 friend-wide circle of friends. And there is absolutely no need to take your defense into the sphere of lamenting the downfall of our great nation or worrying about it. What happened was that somebody read that event, took offense at the tone, and posted it here. Others read it, agreed that it was indeed E-hell worthy, and commented upon (please note also the commenters that place absolutely no value on speculations about your title or income). Again, I’m quite sure that if you read the event description without the “these are my friends, this is our tone”-filter, you would find that rude. However, you are wearing that filter, and once it’s been established that you’re not rude and that you share that humour and tone with your friends, and the e-hellions have been informed of that fact, let it go and I’m sure most people here will too.

I really am sorry that your time with your newborn has been marred with this nonsense but now that you’ve explained yourself, just let it go. Spend some time with your wife and children and enjoy it.

And fellow e-hellions: Can we agree on two things? A. if this was sent in dire earnest to friends and acquintances, it would indeed be e-hell worthy. B. It wasn’t but it WAS sent to a group of friends sharing a sense of humour and tone of voice (and the dissenter was not in the group but somebody outside who had access to it) and it has been explained to us, and is now no longer our beezwax. Agreed?

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kingsrings July 25, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Dr. Titlement – regardless of what your reasoning is for the way your event was worded, it was just plain rude. I understand that you were putting this together at the request of your friends, but it was very uncouth to make it in the form of such demands, and then “threatening” if the food wasn’t up to your standards. Even if all the invitees thought it was funny and acceptable, that doesn’t change the fact that it was rude in the first place. As for the privacy of this, as long as it’s posted on a public forum such as Facebook, there is no such thing as privacy. As long as you set the event so that anyone can view it, that is exactly what will happen. You don’t like that, then in the future, set it to private, although I’m not sure that’s entirely possible with Facebook event invites. For instance, if a friend RSVP’s or writes on the wall to the event, a friend of theirs can gain access to the event from seeing the activity of them responding/writing on their wall.

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Natalie July 26, 2011 at 11:19 am

Very well said, the-Not-So-Divine-Miss-M.

@ kingsrings:

“Even if all the invitees thought it was funny and acceptable, that doesn’t change the fact that it was rude in the first place.”
I disagree. Etiquette is a social pact and changes depending on the group. There’s no single external standard by which to judge this guy. (Consider that different societies have widely different etiquette rules.) If this is acceptable within the dad’s group of friends, there’s no other standard to fairly measure him to.

And you will note that he has acknowledged the Facebook privacy issue repeatedly. Your mention of it makes it sound like you didn’t actually read his comments.

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Goldie July 26, 2011 at 4:22 pm

My two cents…

1) The whole Facebook event would’ve looked very differently if posted by the friend that had volunteered to organize, or, honestly, anyone else but one of the food’s recipients. Somehow “our friends had a baby, let’s bring them food” has a better ring to it than “we had a baby, bring us food”. And if the friend is too busy to create the event, then, well, event doesn’t get created and life goes on.

2) I did not see the magic words PLEASE and THANK YOU on the invite. Were they maybe cut off when the invite was reposted here?

3) It is very cool of Dad to come back to “apologize for the snarkiness of his previous post”. However, I’ve never before seen an apology contain words like “hatred”, “barrage of insults”, “leftist classism”, “right-wing punditry”, and my personal favorite “anti-intellectualism ala Nazi”. I must’ve missed the last edition of Miss Manners where all these were listed as proper ways to apologize.

Having been a new parent myself (twice), I’m inclined to write it off as a side effect of sleep deprivation, but, really, Dad, you can do better next time.

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Enna July 27, 2011 at 12:33 pm

@Dr. Daden Titlement

Congrats on the new member of your family. Clearly there has been hiccups with this post, I’m sorry that you and your wife have been offended by this. There are some issues with the terminalology used such as the lack of “please” and “thank-you”. However from my own expirence I do know that sometimes when people have babies they can get a bit forgetful. I had one firend who left her handbag on top of her car and drove off! In my post when I said “some people” this is what I would say about my firend’s situation as in “honestly some people are so scatty.”

You are right that posters who think that you are rich and well educated enough to know better and to buy better are being snooty and judgemental – I would say the OP who posted it is even more worthy of E-Hell because s/he made some serious errors and assumptions. I agree with the-Not-So-Divine-Miss-M and Goldie.

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Enna July 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm

P.S I’ve never used events on facebook as I can’t get my head round it. However if I’m going to meet up with firends and organise a get-together I just message them – it keeps it personal and there is no way anyone can gate crash. I know you are pretty peeved at what happened here but at least you didn’t have a greedy guts gimmie pig guest turn up uninivited in the hope for a free meal.

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