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The Faux Pas Writing On The Wall

I had been friends with a woman we will call Lisa for almost 17 years. Although she was not known for being the most polite of people. The last incident resulted in me distancing myself from her and eventually terminating the friendship.

Lisa was pregnant with her second child by an abusive husband. I was worried for her but she seemed confident and happy with her decision so I tried to show as much support as possible. Lisa threw herself a very extravagant baby shower (guests were mostly friends of her mother in law and a few co-workers) which I was not able to attend due to work (I was a divorced mother of two small children).

After the first baby shower, Lisa complained that there were “too many old people there”. I was a bit confused at this since she created the guest list herself and was in full control about who could and could not attend. Nevertheless she felt the need for a “girls night out shower”. I quickly set about putting this into motion.

I put together a small guest list (about 6- 8 people) because I did not want to re-invite people that were in attendance at the first baby shower, I thought that would look very greedy. Two of the guests were pregnant as well and I set about trying to find a fun but mild atmosphere where they would enjoy themselves. I settled on a cozy little restaurant with top rated food and a live jazz band but that was in a very nice part of town that would not attract a rowdy crowd. I also inquired about the food preferences of all the guests (numerous times) to ensure this restaurant offered something they would like. ( I know how funny the taste buds of pregnant women can be). The grand tally for what ended up being 4 people (two simply did not show, even though I had already paid for their food and drinks) was just shy of $700.00. I assumed the mommy–to–be would have a nice time….I was wrong.

The day of, was a barrage of complaints. Her husband dropped her off and she wanted to know why we were in the quiet side of town as opposed to the party area, although I sent her the extensive menu of things to choose from for our prix fix menu, all of a sudden she did not like the selection. When she finally made a choice, she complained that the portions were too small. She did not like the band. The music was too loud. The waiter irritated her. She wanted to know why the other guests did not show up. She didn’t like her gifts. At the end of an exasperating dinner, when her husband came back to pick her up, she complained that she just wanted to go home and do something fun. She gave a halfhearted “thanks guys” and drove off. I never received a Thank you card.

Needless to say, that friendship is over.

That the mother-to-be hosted her own shower was the writing on the wall that the OP either didn’t see or didn’t take seriously.    There is a saying among horse people that the horse that kills you has warned you first.  We should have a similar saying such as, “The Gimme Pig that eats you out of house and home while urping with ingratitude has warned you first.”     Looking for suggestions, readers.

Lisa sure is one unhappy person to be that miserable about other people’s generosity.


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Enna August 13, 2011, 10:08 am

    @ Bint: $700 is a lot of money with lost of effort to invest in a special evening and have it flung back in your face, no matter if the OP had that kind of money to hand or not. Okay Lisa may be a bit stressed out due to pregnancy hormones but if she is suffering from an abusive relationship too that could explain her behaviour. OP should keep an eye on Lisa and maybe Lisa might see she was out of line.

  • Toya August 31, 2011, 3:59 pm

    It’s obvious that mommy-to-be wanted a big to-do baby shower otherwise she wouldn’t have thrown her own baby shower (a big no no) in the 1st place. The OP got off easy (despite the $700). She could have invested faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar more into this woman.

  • Teddah July 14, 2012, 1:34 am

    Oh heck to the no, sounds like a diva and she’ll bring that baby up to be one too if it’s a girl. Sounds like my niece right now though she’s not hosting her own shower. Her friends are acting like her baby is something to take out and play and then put away. She knows I’ll babysit when she goes to school but then I’m sure I’ll get the, hey I’m stoping at … will be home soon and grandparents will be there first.

  • Heather March 21, 2013, 12:36 pm

    I know this is old, but am I alone in having seen plenty of red flags in Cat’s original story? This aunt “hated staying with relatives and living out of a suitcase.” How did Cat know this? How on earth would she know this except that the aunt told her? To me it sounds like a quote, and “My aunt didn’t want to stay with relatives for long periods of time and be always in their way” would have indicated good motives to me, but the statement as it stands hints at selfishness.

    Also: her son couldn’t afford to buy her a condo? Cat simply makes this statement as if it’s a given that if he could afford it it was his job to do so, but since when is it his job? Of course it’s a wonderful thing to offer your parents large gifts in gratitude for having raised you, and I do believe children have a duty to provide for their parents in old age if their parents can’t provide for themselves… but a condo in Florida is a luxury, not a necessity. I’m not blaming Cat–to me it reads like someone who has been listening to her aunt and taking what she says at face value–“Oh, my son should buy me a condo but he can’t.” So I suspected from the first that the aunt had actually had this expectation of her son, and it turns out she had indeed asked him to buy her one. Yeah, that’s entitled behavior; it would have been wonderful on the part of her son to do it, as it was wonderful on the part of Cat, but this is not something even a parent is supposed to *ask* for. To me it sounds very similar to hosting your own shower. Listen closely and you’ll hear the gimme pig grunt.

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