This story is actually currently happening as a write this, and I’m not entirely sure how to deal with it. (I’ve never been good with confrontation or saying “No.”) My good friend, let’s call her X, and I are both upperclassmen in high school. X happened to have a birthday coming up this Thursday, the 21st. I’m no good with dates, so unfortunately I had no idea until about 10 days before. She mentioned she had no plans for the day, so I suggested we plan a small get-together of good friends.
Later we started planning a guest list which probably had no more than five or six people on it, not including X and myself. She had to leave to go home later that night, and said she’d text me about the details. I completely forgot to check my phone that night, so I was very surprised to check my Facebook the next day to find an invitation to her party, with the location listed as my home. On top of that, the number of invites had grown from six to thirteen. (12 of which have RSVP’d that they are coming.) Several of the people invited I have never met.
Afterwards I checked my phone to find she had texted me asking if her party could be at my house. When I saw her again a few days later, I brought up that I had no idea the party was going to be at my house until the Facebook invite. She apologized but said she didn’t know where else to hold it. She asked if that was okay, and being completely spineless, I said it was.
Since I suggested the get-together, should I be the assumed host? I understand most people my age don’t host their own parties to avoid being a “Gimme-Pig” as it’s been called, but putting hosting responsibilities on someone else without consent seems just as rude. 0718-11
It sounds like an epic communication failure. I do wonder whose home you thought this party should have been when you suggested it because you reacted with surprise at the news it was being hosted at yours. If you suggest a get together to honor a friend, I think you need to follow through and assume from the get go that you are the hostess and it is your home being offered or another location of your choice as the party venue.
It appears to me that there was a failure of hostessing leadership when you did not take the lead to make arrangements for the event location and X stepped right into the leadership vacuum and made decisions you should have. X was very wrong to do that. She wasn’t happy or was confused about the management of her party in the hands of someone she didn’t trust enough to follow through with planning details. X should have let the party planning chips fall where they may since taking hosting of one’s own honorary party into her own hands was pretty tacky.