I had to fire my MOH. I know that sounds like I am the Bridezilla, but once you read this story, you will understand.
The MOH, whom I shall refer to as Betty, was my future SIL. She was a bit younger and immature, but we were good friends and wanted to be the MOH so I figured it would work out fine. Well, things did NOT go fine. The first sign of trouble was when we went dress shopping for the first time. The bridal salon had big private rooms, and all the dresses would be brought in. Then everyone could try them on in the room. We discovered, to our horror, that Betty was NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR. To try on dresses! It was disgusting! She seemed to think this was normal. Now, if you don’t want to wear underwear, fine, but when you are going to be trying on a bunch of different dresses and changing in front of people, for the love of god put on some underpants! My other two BMs were pretty scandalized.
Things got worse. She was supposed to be hosting the shower. (Terrible, I know, but she wanted to do it, and in my in-laws family, it is the custom that the family hosts the shower. I don’t know what to tell you.) She made zero preparations for the shower, and basically spent all her spare time (there was a lot of it) complaining how busy she was with her first-year community college classes, and how she had no spare time, and that she couldn’t possibly do any of the preparations for anything. At that point, I asked her if she just would rather be a BM instead, and I would have my friend Marcy be the MOH instead. (Marcy was a BM already). Betty said that was fine, since she was soooo busy with her classes. She seemed quite happy with the arrangement.
So Marcy was more than happy to take on the MOH duties. Later I found out that Betty was going around behind my back telling everyone what a witch I was for “demoting” her from being MOH, and how her feelings were so hurt, and I was such an awful person. Again, keep in mind she did not want to be the MOH anymore!
I just sort of let this slide, and anytime any of the future in-laws asked about it, I told my side of the story. It was really all I could do. She also told me I wasn’t allowed to have green and brown as my wedding colors, because those were the colors she had chosen. At the time she was dating a dead-beat pathological liar, with no engagement in sight. They were constantly breaking up and getting back together.
Similar shenanigans went on for some time, until I finally decided to confront her about it. I said that I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings and I had thought that she didn’t want to be the MOH anymore. I reminded her she was the one who didn’t want to be MOH anymore, and that I had only “demoted” her at her own agreement.
At that point, she told me she didn’t want to spend the money for a dress, and that she would “rather spend the money on toilet paper.” (Even though I knew for a fact that her father was going to buy the dress for her.)
I told her that was fine, and that I hoped she and her mountains of toilet paper would be very happy together.
She was not invited to the wedding, and we haven’t spoken since. Basically, looking back on the whole relationship, and at her as a person, I see now that she was just a spoiled little brat, and the minute she did not get all the glory without doing any of the work, she hated you. She is the same with her parents (gloms onto the one with lots of money, even though she has actually told me that she has considered murdering him because she hates him so much!!! and ignores the other parent, who is a very loving and kind woman.)
I suppose I am just thankful that I was able to see her for what she was in advance, and that I didn’t have to have her around to spoil the wedding! 12-16-08