My Facebook Friend Is Not Really My Friend

by admin on February 13, 2012

Help me!! I am in the most awkward situation ever. A little background. I was in a wedding as a bridesmaid last year to a friend I was decently close with. I didn’t really know the other bridesmaids, who included one girl who was pregnant, and her two sisters. I didn’t know the pregnant bridesmaid well, but had seen her at 2 or 3 social events outside of the wedding events, so we were acquaintances. The sisters I was completely strangers with. The wedding included a TON of drama, like the bride trying to sabotage the groom’s bachelor party (which in turn jeopardized friendships with groomsmen I was very close with), personal problems her sisters were having, familly problems, etc. Throughout it all I tried to help and slightly pull myself away, but somehow kept getting dragged in. The wedding proceeded, much to the dismay of all the groomsmen, and a year later I have received no thank you cards for presents/bridal shower/bachelorette party and I have cut connections with the bride, as have many of the groomsmen after all the drama. Every now and then she’ll pop in and out and send a text about wanting to see me but never actually proposing plans or writing on my Facebook telling me she misses me. I have not spoken to or seen any of the other bridesmaids, either.

Here’s the awkward part. The pregnant bridesmaid is getting married and sent a Facebook event invite requesting everyone send her their addresses so she can send wedding invitations. At first I thought maybe she sent them to ALL of her friends (being an extreme gift hunter) but noticed the event was to a number of people way less than her friends list. Now, I barely even know the girl, met her fiance once, never have seen the baby (she gave birth), and haven’t even talked to her since that other friend’s wedding. I feel like she’s just trying to get presents (as was my other friend, who included her registry information in her invitation and actually asked me if I thought it was a good idea to write “cash only gifts please” on the invitation!!!!) Is it mean of me to not give my address? I don’t want to be invited! I feel like if I get invited and decline the invite, then I still have to send a present… which according to you is also wrong because gifts should not be expected by the couple.

Please let me know how I can handle this if I get personally asked for my address so an invitation can be mailed. I’m just so sick of random people inviting me to their weddings that I barely know so they can get more presents. 0207-12

Why on earth are you friended with a person you barely know and clearly have no interest in getting to know better?   Delete her off your friend list will solve a lot of problems immediately.

Ignore the request for an address.  Just because someone emails or posts something to Facebook does not mean everyone sees it.   And if you get pressured to give your address, and you do, and assuming you receive a wedding invitation, RSVP that you will not be attending.   It’s as simple as that.

{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }

Merriweather February 16, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I can’t resist posting my two cents on the Facebook “usage” issue. Facebook is a tool. We all use tools differently. Just as one person may only use a screwdriver for tightening a screw, another might use it to pry, pound or scrape as well.

Facebook is a tool, nothing more, and a user defined tool at that. Facebook “friends” may be only close family & friends and used instead of individual emails. They may be family and friends you keep more casual contact with, using it as a sort of year-round “Christmas Letter”. Facebook friends may be those acquaintances you share a specific interest with (either “real life” or “online” individuals). Facebook “friends” may be only those individuals a person hopes will enhance their career path, or social stance. Facebook “friends” might be individuals mutually befriended simply to move up levels in games like Farmville. They might be individuals you’ve carefully screened to let into your life, or they might be anyone and everyone you’ve ever come into contact with. Or they could be a mix of some or all of the above, or something else completely different. Facebook is what you choose it to be. No right, no wrong, no one size fits all. Customize it to fit however you want.

My only suggestion would be a strict personal rule – have those you want, who enhance your life in some way, and remove those who add stress to your life. If Facebook, and your Facebook friends, make your life better, that’s the sign that “you’re doing it right”.

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Gracie C. February 17, 2012 at 6:03 pm

@MellowedOne – hahaha – that’s hysterical about the girl in the bikini

@Merriweather – well said.

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Enna February 19, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Sounds a bit OTT for me. She may not be gift grabbing, she may not be. Just say you can’t go.

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erica September 10, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I love facebook.
I also think it and cellphones are going to be the downfall of society because people don’t REALLY connect anymore, in real life.

I have many friends who are not close friends…but….even though I can determine who sees my status updates there is NO way currently to control who sees pages you have “liked” or any comments you have added to other people’s status updates. They do not need to be mutual friends.

For instance (because it’s confusing without an example), I just “liked” etiquette hell’s fb page. Let’s say Admin posts about “gift grab sil goes ballistic”. I post… “wow, what a wackadoodle” to that staus update. Guess who sees it?
EVERYONE on your fb friends list. unless THEY have specified in the pull down menu that they do not want to see your “likes or comments”.
THEY get to choose what they see. Not the person whose privacy is being denied.

I had a friend who read an article online. It showed up in my newsfeed. I immediately called her and said…get on your fb page and delete that unless you want the world to know you were just reading something about the effects of anxiety meds on sexual desire. She was mortified…as most of her fb friends were a mix of church, close friends and general aquaintances!
Watch what you post…but more importantly be cautious about what you comment on and the pages you “like”!!!! There is NO privacy!

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