I have been reading your wonderful blog for the past month and I love it, you have inspired me to tell my own tales of bad etiquette, many of them handed to me by my ‘good friend’ who, for the sake of this story, I will call Marcus.
I was at the tender age of 15, and just discovering rock gigs and joys of headbanging. A band I liked was soon coming to our nearby venue and I was excited to go, Marcus also wanted company so it was agreed that I would go with him so that I would not be alone (and more easily squashed against the floor of the venue.)
It is worth mentioning at this point that I am lucky enough to share a horse with a close friend of mine, as we split the costs of the horse, we also split the days we can visit him, making my time with him especially precious. The day of the gig was my ‘day’ to see the horse, but as the doors to the venue did not even open until 6-7 I explained to Marcus that I would meet him at around half 5ish to get a good space in the queue. Marcus said that he was fine with this.
Come the day of the gig, at around 2pm, I called Marcus to ask if he was in town could he see if there was much of a queue? He replied that there certainly was, I needed to get to the venue ASAP, the queue was huge and although he was near the front he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to save me a place if the queue got a great deal bigger. I freaked out, and begged him to save me a place to which he replied that he would but I really needed to hurry. I called my parents and asked if they could pick me up earlier and thankfully they were okay with this, I raced home, got ready as quickly as I could panicking the whole time, ran to the bus stop and finally arrived at the venue…
…to find all of 7 people-not even queuing- merely loitering around near the doors, and Marcus from grinning ear to ear.
“Where’s the queue?” I asked dumbfounded. “Oh, there wasn’t one, I was just lonely and wanted you to hurry up”, said Marcus, still grinning and looking incredibly pleased with himself.
I was so furious I didn’t even know what to say. I had cut short and rushed through MY time with my horse, inconvenienced my parents, panicked and stressed my way through getting ready, convinced that otherwise I would potentially be alone at a packed gig, because Marcus was bored and unable to wait on his own for a gig he showed up several hours early for. He had disregarded my entire day, plans and schedules to suit his selfish needs? Sadly I did not give Marcus a piece of my mind, as I was several years younger than him, still rather nervous and desperately did not want to spend the gig along. In years to come I realized what a self righteous, manipulative person Marcus could be, as he was often fully aware of how rude he was being, but felt that it was justifiable as long as he was reaping benefits from it.
Thankfully for me (and other friends who were also sick of Marcus’ behavior) he has since moved to a different city, although he still frequently messages me and other friends on Facebook expecting us to come visit him for the day (all as a big group paying a large sum of money for train fare, him coming to see us is apparently too troublesome) and throwing a monumental sulk when we decline due to other commitments. 0322-12
When people lie, I’m always amazed at the audacious belief they seem to have that either the lie will not be found out, or if it is, it won’t matter. Deliberate, intentional truth distorting and lying is a deal breaker for me. It’s very likely I will forgive you but it will take years before I trust you. I believe the willingness to tell lies is a crooked flaw in the character foundation that eventually reveals greater issues with integrity, honesty, and kindness.
Every one of us undoubtedly knows someone who is, for lack of a better descriptor, a sociopathic liar. They have told so many lies they cannot keep them organized or their story consistent. The ends justifies the means, i.e. Marcus lies to get what he wants at the moment and doesn’t feel any remorse since his ends were achieved. My observations over the years is that people with reputations of being liars are typically near-do-wells who cannot seem to grasp that their habitual lying is the basis for so many stunted relationships and poor job retention or advancement. Marcus apparently has not made the mental connection that his lying is isolating him from having substantive friendships or if he has, he simply doesn’t care.