After nearly a decade of reading and enjoying the stories on your site, but never contributing one of my own, I would like to share a little slice of life – I think it should fall under the “Bad Business” category, although I don’t want to be too harsh on the waitress involved, as her antics made me giggle all the way to work this morning.
I have a habit of going out for breakfast once a week, on Wednesday, in a place halfway between my home and the office. It’s mainly a small retail bakery, but it has a few tables where they serve breakfast and sandwich lunches. As I go there quite early, the place is never very crowded, and there is only one shop assistant behind the counter, who is also the waitress.
This morning, it was even more quiet, as my fiancé – who doesn’t usually join me, but he did today as he has a day off work – and I were the only customers. I noticed at once that the usual shop assistant/waitress wasn’t there, as the only person in the shop was a girl in her late teens, who looked rather grumpy and worse for wear. As soon as we stepped inside and headed for one of the tables, she came up to us and said rather abruptly “Good morning! I should warn you: our coffee machine is not working, but we have tea.” We thanked her for the warning, sat down and ordered our breakfast.
The girl then disappeared into the kitchen, and came back with the bread rolls we ordered in a wicker basket, which she placed in front of us. She then informed us, in a peculiarly conspiratory whisper, that she would be returning shortly with plates, cutlery, butter, ham, cheese and tea, and warned us that our table would be quite full. After a while, she indeed returned with said items, which still left plenty of room on our table. Nevertheless, she urged me, friendly but firmly, to please remove my phone from the table, because it would be a shame if it should fall because of all the plates and cutlery and tea mugs etc. I found this a rather peculiar request, but proceeded to put my phone in my coat pocket, to which she nodded approvingly.
The girl then kept standing by our table rather indecisively for a few moments, before asking “Would it please be okay for me to take my smoking break now?”. My fiancé and I were rather surprised, as that would mean she’d leave the shop – and the till – unsupervised, but told her we had everything we ordered and we would be fine, so off she went through the back door of the shop.
A few minutes later she had to return, as a customer had come in. Her first words to this customer were “Good morning, please don’t mind how dreadful I look… rough night”. The customer, who didn’t seem to know this girl either, was a bit taken aback, but proceeded to order, pay and leave the shop with a puzzled expression on her face.
Our bizarre little waitress disappeared again into the kitchen, where she started a heated argument over the phone, which continued for over ten minutes. By that time we had finished our breakfast (nothing wrong with the breakfast, by the way, it was great as usual), and were waiting by the counter in order to pay. A few minutes passed, but finally she noticed us, and – still on the phone – returned to the shop, shouting into her phone “don’t hang up on me, but shut up now, I have customers who want to pay”, before slamming the phone down on the counter, attempting to smile, and saying “I forgot to ask you before, but did you want any jam with that?”, pointing at our table with the empty wicker basket, empty plates and empty tea mugs. We assured her that breakfast had been delicious, and that we did not suffer from any lack of jam (which we didn’t order anyway).
After we had paid our bill, she thanked us and said that she was very, very disappointed in her boyfriend. I told her we couldn’t help overhearing that this was indeed the case, gave her an encouraging smile, and told her to “hang in there”. Before we could turn around and walk to the door, she added, with growing anger in her voice, “You know, I worked all day yesterday, which is much more than he ever does, and yet I still found the time to arrange for heaps of presents and surprises for his birthday, but when I called him last night after work he told me he was too tired to meet up! Too tired, I tell you! I mean, that’s supposed to be the girl’s line, isn’t it? Guys aren’t supposed to use that line on girls! But I told him straight, you bet I did! I told him good night and sleep tight and I’ll see you tomorrow then, but just so you know, I told him, I will still be horny tomorrow, so you’d better not be touching yourself tonight, Mister, because I can tell if you have, and there will be hell to pay if you can’t get it up!”
At that point my fiancé and I simply had to rush out of the store, before bursting out laughing and asking each other “Did I hear that right? Did this really happen?”.
Luckily we’re not easily shocked or offended, but I can’t help wondering whether the rest of today’s customers will be treated to a similar performance, and how they will react. 0404-12
=8-O is all I have to say this morning.