And Some Guys Wonder Why The Chicks Are Not Flocking To Them

by admin on June 7, 2012

Yeah!  A Dating Disaster story!  Haven’t had one of those in a long time.

When I was in college, my romantic life was seriously lacking. It seemed all of my friends were female, and all of their friends were female, and my major was female-dominated, so meeting men was not always easy. I decided to sign up for a dating site. I corresponded with a number of men, but nonw of them led to a date, until I received a message from someone we’ll call Sam. Sam was, on paper, everything I was looking for. I’m a bibliophile, and he was working on his Master’s degree in English. He liked nerdy sci-fi media and RPG games as well as going for walks outside and picnics. We had similar tastes in music, movies, and books. His messages were always polite and warm. When he asked me out for coffee, I gladly accepted.

When I arrived at the cafe, I bought my coffee and found him sitting at a table in the back, grading papers. He was a teacher’s aide, so I figured he must have come in earlier to get some work done before our date. I know that I didn’t leave him waiting for me to show up, because I was right on time. Well, we shook hands, introduced ourselves properly, and I sat down at the table. I asked him a few questions about how his semester was going, what he was studying, how it was being a T.A., general small talk like that. He sat there, still grading his papers, and answering in short, terse, one- or two-word answers. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and kept thinking that surely he just had to finish the particular paper he was working on, and then he would join in the conversation. So I waited; he finished that paper….and started on another one! I tried engaging him in small talk again, and once in a while he would look up and make eye contact while answering, but his main focus was clearly grading papers. I figured he might be overwhelmed with a deadline and asked if this was a bad time, and he said that no, it was fine.

I found myself looking at the clock more than I was looking at my date, which was only fair as it was still more than he was looking at me. After what seemed like forever, but was really only about 20 minutes, he said he had to go to class, and he started gathering up his papers. I was relieved because I had been trying to figure out a graceful way to leave (I know now that I could have just told him that I could see he was busy and wished him a pleasant evening and been on my way). On our way out of the cafe, he smiled, told me to have a nice night, and ended with, “We should do this again sometime!” I didn’t believe for a second that he was sincere. I’m quite sure he was just trying to be polite and follow social mores (although I dislike that particular ritual of saying that we should get together again when it was clearly not what either intended). This was confirmed by the fact that I never heard from him again.

I went home and shared with my roommates about my disastrous date. Even though I was disappointed, I also got a good laugh out of the situation. 0606-12

{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

Enna June 7, 2012 at 9:15 am

Talk about rude! Marking papers and only spending 20 mins with you as a date? He didn’t even spend 20 mins with you because he was doing something else. It annoys me greatly when people are rude by lying – when the OP asked if he was busy he said no it wasn’t as well as saying “we should do this again sometime”: that maybe a social norm but unless it is true he shouldn’t say it and it clearly wasn’t!

@ OP did he ever speak to you again?

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Lovelovelovesugar June 7, 2012 at 9:57 am

Love the title…and OP, at least you’ve got a great story to tell.

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Daisy June 7, 2012 at 10:15 am

Imagine yourself married to this guy, 15 years down the road, sitting sadly in the dining room as he ignores you while doing something more interesting and important. You dodged a bullet!

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whoopteedoo June 7, 2012 at 10:30 am

I can’t speak much on dating, but….I know people just like this guy. This guy *may* have been very motivated to meeting you, but was so nervous, or high strung, or just plain scared that they pretend to be doing something else rather than looking at you and talking with you. Just like when we were kids in school and a guy would like you, but he would punch you instead?

It could have been that he thought more of himself than he should have. Or wanted to impress you that he had a real job and that he was very much a part of the university.

But whatever. Thumbs down for him on etiquette.

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Cherry June 7, 2012 at 10:33 am

A 20 minute date? That has to be some kind of record.

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Vrinda June 7, 2012 at 10:37 am

I don’t think that when the guy said, “We should do this again sometime!” that he was being polite and following social mores. He was being phony. After the way he behaved throughout the 20 minutes he sat in front of the OP grading papers, he’d have to so self-absorbed to not notice his bad behavior and suggest they meet again sometime out of politeness. The OP should be glad he showed his true colors.

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Nikki_Bee June 7, 2012 at 11:14 am

Oh my god… what a strange man! At least you didn’t have any further awkwardness though I suppose, I’ve had some dates that were the other way round… first few dates were great, we talked for hours about absolutely everything. Came to the ‘sleepover date’ stage, and I was given the cat’s side of the bed, complete with hairy nasty pillow, and told the cat might try and sleep on me because I was on it’s bed. I was apparently unreasonable to then politely request the cat be shut out, and also for asking that he sleep on the cat’s side. Needless to say, sleep was all that happened, and I never saw him again. I still shudder remembering the sme;ll and appearance of that pillow!
Maybe he was really socially awkward and used the papers as a shield? Still, a polite ‘thanks for a nice date but I don’t think we’re very compatible’ never goes amiss!

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Namárië June 7, 2012 at 11:24 am

This is one of those situations where it’s perfectly polite to refuse to be “nice.” As soon as my coffee was done, I’d have stood up, said, “It looks like you’re pretty busy, perhaps we can talk again later,” and left. Whether we talked again would depend on how sincere his apology was. Why hang around and waste time on someone who is obviously not interested, or a jerk?

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AS June 7, 2012 at 11:30 am

I would have said that he was nervous, but even nervous people at least can say that I’ll be with you in a minute. What was he thinking a date would be? If he needed someone to stare at him while he is grading papers, he should consider getting a large teddy bear rather than going out of a date!

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Cat June 7, 2012 at 11:57 am

You were wise to meet him in a public place and that nothing worse happening than his grading papers. It was rude of him to do that but it was also obvious that he lacked basic social skills in dating.
When I was at college, there was a man who would call random rooms. He would say that he was new in town, didn’t know anyone, would like to meet you, etc.
Most women just said they had a steady boyfriend or were engaged, but a friend of mine agreed to meet him. She wanted me to go with her. No, I don’ t care to meet a strange man who calls women in a college dorm without having any connection with the college.
Another friend of hers did go along. When they met him and he saw the friend, he walked out without a word, got into his car, and left.
A week later my phone rang. He was new in town, didn’t know anyone, would like to meet me…I told him that I would be happy to suggest a psychologist who would help him with his social skills so he could meet women in ways other than calling college dorm rooms. He hung up on me.

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Sarah Jane June 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I’ve read that some guys like to act distracted and aloof so that women will jump through hoops to get their attention.

No, that’s not every guy, and maybe it wasn’t this guy…who knows? At least you got to know more about him this way. When I was single, I valued every date–good or bad–as experience.

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acr June 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I’m inclined to think that he decided the OP wasn’t “hot” enough to be worth his time.

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Stacey Frith-Smith June 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

@ACR- the point is- he broke so many social norms we’ll never know. For all YOU know, OP could be a combination of Sandra Bullock and Halle Berry. (Or whatever the current version of “hot” is). Strange dates are a rite of passage. My own was the assistant professor who was a persistent assistant, but that’s another story.

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abbey June 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

acr is on to something here. Male friends of mine who have gone on “blind” dates or irl meet ups from an online friend have told me they either bring something that looks like work or set up for a buddy to call them 10-15 mins into the meeting so if the lady isn’t attractive they can have an “oh this is an emergency gotta go deal with this right now so sorry” escape plan. I asked one of my guy friends once if that wasn’t a bit caddish and his response was that if the women wouldn’t use a 15 year old pictures of themselves he wouldn’t feel the need to set up an escape plan in advance and that if he was being a jerk he wouldn’t bother with the elaborate plan, instead when they showed up and were not attractive to him he’d just say as much to their face. Amazing us humans can manage to keep re populating with all these dating games we play. :<

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OP June 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm

OP here. I’ve come up with a million possible explanations for his behavior. Nerves, a social disorder, self-centeredness, trying to see how hard I’d work, stress over deadlines, lack of chemistry between us (I didn’t feel it either), or him not finding me attractive (I’m not much of a looker, but he’d seen pictures of me before our date). Any of these are valid reasons to not go on a second date with me or to keep the date short. However, I’ve yet to think of anything that would excuse his behavior, and I definitely recognized him for the boor he was. I’ve been on blind dates where I realized quickly that I had no interest in the guy, was nervous, or was distracted. On those occasions, I smile, make eye contact, make light conversation, wait for a suitable time to end the date, and then thank them. Like some of you have suggested, I took it as a learning experience and still laugh a little when I remember how painfully awkward it was.

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Rug Pilot June 7, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I always tell people I’m very expensive. You have to SPEND time and PAY attention. I guess this guy was too broke to do it.

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jena rogers June 7, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Abbey… ditto on the men who post the 15-year-old pictures… I’ve had several interesting experiences with blind dates… One in particular comes to mind. After “meeting” online once or twice, he expected me to hop on the back of his motorcycle (sans helmet) when we’d barely known each other… That same guy had met up with me at a coffee shop, though we did not go in; when I declined his bike invite, we walked around a bit. When we stopped at a fountain and sat down, he pulled out a thermos and poured himself a cuppa…. (he only had one cup). He took a non-emergent call about a building he was leasing. Obviously very self-absorbed. Like a few other posters, I also thought perhaps OP’s date may have just wanted an “out” in case he was not physically attracted to the OP. In that case, he may have decided that being perceived as rude and obnoxious was a better alternative to making nice and risking her getting the wrong idea. I don’t think that’s right… just sayin’.

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Aria June 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I agree with acr, and unless the OP was using a false or extremely outdated photo – unlikely in college! – it angers me. The only other option is that that man is a really strange duck.

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Justin June 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I kind of feel bad for the guy. It is entirely possible that he doesn’t have much if any dating experience and simply doesn’t know how to act. The way I interpreted the story was he was more socially awkward and unaware than malicious.

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Huh June 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

@abbey and acr, that’s what I was thinking, unfortunately. And I also hate the “we should do this again.” Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. What’s wrong with just saying, “Thank you for the evening” or “It was nice meeting you.” Those are more polite niceties to me than suggesting, hey I had fun and would like to repeat the experience, but not really meaning it.

I think some people, both male and female, are WAY too hung up on the physical appearance of someone and really need to take a better look at their character. (And the guy in this letter has bad character, from what we’ve seen.)

I don’t miss the dating scene!

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Just Laura June 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I was thinking along the lines of acr, mostly due to his behavior. I am not blaming the OP in this at all, as it sounds like she was perfectly charming.
Perhaps she was a little heavier than he expected, or much thinner than he preferred. Maybe she is tall and wore heels and he is an insecure, shorter male. She may have come dressed in hipster clothing, which caused him to jump to conclusions, or she looked too fashionable, making him think she’s high maintenance. (In college, a guy told my friends he didn’t want to date me. I was a cheerleader, and therefore I must have been stuck-up and unable to carry on conversations with ‘geeks.’ I guess he didn’t know about my Myst and Final Fantasy VII past times…)

Whatever the reason for his sudden turn-off, I’m glad the OP didn’t wind up with a man who doesn’t like to date any woman other than the ideal that’s in his head, and refuses to get to know the person inside.

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K June 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I know this seems really odd, but given that you approached him…are you positive that it was the right guy?

I had a really embarrassing, similar encounter. I set up a date with a guy on okcupid to meet at Starbucks. I walked into the coffee shop about two minutes after our decided meeting time, and saw him (or so I thought, I was looking at his profile and the pictures on his ad were not the clearest) sitting at a small table off to the side. I couldn’t catch his eye, because he was reading a book. I got my drink, headed over and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked startled, but I attributed this to the fact that he’d been absorbed in his novel. I smiled and said hello, and he said hello. I said down in the other chair across for him, and started making small talk (how was your day, how’s work going, etc.) The entire time, he was looking either trying to read his book, or pausing for a second or two to look at me strangely. Finally, after about 15 minutes of carrying on a one-sided conversation with someone who would obviously rather read, I told him that it was nice to meet him and I got up to leave. As I walked out the door, the gentleman walking in the other side grabbed my elbow and said, “I’m so sorry I’m so late, there was a 3-car pile-up on the interstate!” I looked up, and, seriously, almost doppelgangers. They looked very, very alike — same coloring, same height, same hairstyle and very similar facial hair. Needless to say, I was so embarrassed that I insisted we go somewhere else. We went for drinks, that was the only date that I had with that guy (the “real” guy), and it was fairly dull the rest of the evening, but it is still one of my most embarrassing dating stories!

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vanessaga June 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I’m going to go with him not finding her attractive. I am not saying that she is or isn’t but we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The fact that she never heard from him again seals it for me. He certainly was unforgivably rude but it could be worse: I had a friend who went on a blind date when we were in college. It didn’t go well and he felt the meed tocall her that night and tell her “by the way, you’re super ugly.” I always wondered why he felt the need to add the “super”.

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Cat June 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I have to applaud Nikki_Bee as the most polite person I can imagine. She’s agreed to a sleep-over date, is told she is competing with the house cat for its bed, is given a dirty,cat-haired pillow, and stays! Most women would have told him that she hoped he and his cat were very happy together and gone home.
I bet he’s the sort of fellow who calls a friend and brags about “sleeping with a woman” last night. This is, I admit, literally true. She was a woman and they did sleep.

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--Lia June 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

If my story didn’t happen 30 years ago, I’d wonder if we didn’t run into the same guy. I was in college and spending the evening with friends. The phone rang, and the man on the other end said that he was in town and his mother knew mine and said he should call me. (He knew my name and gave his.) He was in town (New Orleans) on business. He told me briefly about what he did and asked me to meet him for dinner. He said something about a business associate and gave the name of a fancy hotel. I didn’t want to leave my friend but felt that I should meet him since my mother asked me to. I didn’t want to commit to dinner so I made a counter suggestion. We could meet at a small coffee house I knew, and we should make it later, about 9:00 o’clock. I gave the information about the coffee house and how to get there from his hotel. I got the streetcar to the French Quarter and met him.

Right away, I knew I’d chosen the wrong place to sit and get to know him as there was live music playing that night, but I met him at his table, agreed quickly that it was too loud and said we could go for a walk. You have to understand that the French Quarter on a weekend night at that time was about the most wonderful place to be. It was filled with light and sound, people walking around, historic architecture, atmosphere, just a terrific place to visit. I thought we’d walk a few blocks, find a quieter place for coffee or a drink and talk. We started to wander. I was happily chatting. He took some papers from his pocket and walked as he read them. I was taken aback but did the polite thing and asked about what he was reading. He guiltily put them away. As we walked, I was ready to walk down one street, but he indicated another, so we walked that way. (All the streets were filled with people, so I wasn’t thinking about danger in dark corners.)

We walked and wandered a few blocks until he came to the hotel he said he was staying in. He motioned he wanted to go inside. I thought he’d forgotten something in his room, but he said I might come into the restaurant. I agreed. There, in the restaurant was the business associate waiting for us to have dinner with him. This was after 9 at night. I took one look, still didn’t understand what had happened, but realized that everything I’d said about wanting coffee and a chance to talk was on a parallel level of communication given that he wanted me to have dinner with his friend. No matter what I said, he had his plan in place and was ignoring me. I still don’t know what he had in mind. I did have the sense to say I couldn’t stay.

I left quickly and got the streetcar home. Maybe they thought I was rude . When I spoke to my mother later, she disavowed all knowledge and said my grandmother had set it up. When I asked my grandmother, she had no idea what I was talking about. I know it was one of them. Neither could ever understand why I would never meet any of the guys they wanted to set me up with after that. Their attitude was sort of “what’s wrong with her, try another.”

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Another Alice June 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Blech. Bad dates are the absolute worst. Both men and women seem to feel like dating is some sort of bizarre realm where we don’t have to act like normal people in a standard social situation – as if there are somehow different rules or a different game all together. One example of this is men and women thinking that, oh, if they don’t find someone attractive once in person, or they get nervous, or they whatever their issue is, they suddenly feel it’s okay to be a jerk. It’s a social situation with etiquette. Would they act the same way if meeting a colleague’s spouse at a work party? As in, “Oh, I don’t find her attractive/interesting/fashionable/whatever, so I’m going to just walk away and ignore her.” Of COURSE not! But for some reason, when it comes to dating, people think it’s perfectly acceptable to act rudely if it isn’t a love match. Nobody ever died from being on a boring date (as the OP proves by maintaining friendliness despite her date’s rudeness). And especially a coffee/drink date, it’s not like it’s lasting all night. A mature, stable human being can smile and be polite.

I’ve been through this so many times with men (though I know women can be the same way). We may have a perfectly nice, pleasant acquaintanceship (not sure if that’s a word), and the second they find out I may be interested in dating them or am nursing a small crush on them, whether from my asking them out or a friend hinting in passing, they do a complete 180 and treat me like crap. As in, if I attempt to say hello or something in a perfectly normal running-into-each-other situation, they avoid eye contact and dart away the second it’s possible. It’s totally immature and completely disrespectful. As I said, a mature adult can make nice conversation without it turning tawdry or full of “expectations.”

Anyway, my rant is for the purpose of explaining that maybe this was the dude’s problem. He’s just immature and was playing it cool, as if, “Ooh, I’m so busy,” and wasn’t taking it seriously as a dating possibility from the start. People are wondering about the OPs level of attractiveness, but I go another direction: Maybe he was just looking for a hook-up and realized that the fact that she was actually interested in him as a person made him run away? It sounds crazy, but I’ve seen it so many times that’s my first thought. I’m living proof that you can be nice and not date someone. I’ve had a couple of guys ask me out that were acquaintances and people I see often, and I would smile and say, “Oh, no thanks.” Eventually they got the hint. Did I ignore or avoid them? No. I would see them many times after, say hi, make normal conversations about their jobs or hobbies as I would anyone else, and they did not assume I wanted to sleep with them, nor did they relentlessly pursue me in a weird way.

As others have said, though, the OP dodged a MAJOR bullet! At the very least, he’s socially awkward, and who wants to be the half of the relationship CONSTANTLY holding it up?

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Frequent Flyer June 7, 2012 at 6:34 pm

He’ll make The One look even better, by comparison. Your story is good for a laugh.

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Dear! June 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Oh my. Sorry to say, OP, but this guy sounds like he used grading papers as an excuse in case he didn’t like you in person. When he saw that you two were not a match he tried to give you the hint to leave and then found an excuse to leave, himself. He was a bit rude, but ce le vie. Women use similar tactics all the time. You’ll find the right one, and it sounds like you can laugh about it already.

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Angela June 7, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I was wondering if he was a chronic procrastinator who had just realized that he had to get those papers graded tonight and for some reason didn’t call to cancel. Who knows? I don’t miss the dating scene either!

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Candra June 7, 2012 at 9:28 pm

@K- Oh my, that is hilarious and totally something I would do!

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Angel June 7, 2012 at 9:45 pm

My DH confessed to me that before he met me, he used to do internet dating. One particular date had, he was supposed to meet a girl at a local restaurant. He pulled into the parking lot and caught a glimpse of her from afar. She had told him what her car looked like, but when he saw her, obviously she had used an outdated photo because she was at least 50 pounds heavier. He drove off without talking to her. I would consider that preferable to sitting there and ignoring the person for 20 minutes. I’m not say what my DH did was right, but it’s better than wasting her time and his. I don’t really consider my DH shallow but he figured that if the girl was dishonest with him right from the beginning then he didn’t want to bother with her. I personally think that’s only part of the reason why he drove off, because he’s a guy and there’s always some degree of shallowness there. Oh well. I guess I’ll never know.

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Mabel June 7, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Oh sheesh!

One of my online friends is in that meeting date phase right now. She said she had a date last week or so where they were walking down this alley (as a shortcut from where they were, I guess). The date was nearly over and guy said she wasn’t cute enough, not nearly as cute as the girl who fixed them up (!!!!!) and he wasn’t going to call her, and walked away. Left her standing there!

For the record, I’ve seen her picture and she is adorable! Our entire chat room was outraged. I thought maybe he was ticked off because he had a crush on the girl who fixed them up and was disappointed she wasn’t the one with him, but that simply does not excuse his rudeness.

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Green123 June 8, 2012 at 2:46 am

I agree with Angela – I suspect your date is the kind of disorganised-but-think-he’s-organised guy who arranged a date and *then* realised he had a huge pile of papers to grade for a deadline and thought he could multi-task his way out of it! I think you had a great escape there, OP!

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Nikki_Bee June 8, 2012 at 4:02 am

Cat – I’m really not that polite, it was more that he lived pretty much in the countryside and I had no way to get home other than paying money I didn’t have for a taxi (last train had already left and we’d had wine with dinner so no driving). I did shut the cat out of the room when he went to sleep though. Urgh. After my dating experiences (there are many more horror stories), I feel very lucky to have my partner now!

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--Lia June 8, 2012 at 5:36 am

When I first heard about speed dating, it sounded so bizarre I couldn’t understand why anyone, male or female, would go for it. After hearing enough stories about people who got along great with email and phone calls but who take one look at the other person and decide they’re not interested, I understand speed dating. With speed dating, you meet face to face FIRST. Then, if there’s interest, you continue for a regular first date.

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Syd June 8, 2012 at 7:10 am

“I personally think that’s only part of the reason why he drove off, because he’s a guy and there’s always some degree of shallowness there.”
That’s a rather unfair and unnecessary generalisation.

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The Elf June 8, 2012 at 7:15 am

Whoopteedoo, I hear ya. That was my take on it too. I find it easier to converse with someone new when we have a common task or entertainment. Even if it is just waiting in line, that provides a natural topic for conversation and a natural end to the conversation. I’m not as shy as I used to be, but social crutches like that are still nice!

So I understand that the guy might have wanted papers to grade while he waited. Better than twiddling your thumbs, right? And I can understand finishing the paper he was on – aside from simply completing the task, it could let him ease into the conversation. And then he could talk about the papers or the class he assists. It’s a win-win! But when he didn’t put down the papers at all or direct his attention to her, he got an F in dating etiquette. His social crutch, if it ever was that, became a total hinderence to his goals.

Even if he hid behind the papers because he didn’t like what he saw, it’s still rude. If that was the case, he could have just called it earlier.

I have to laugh at your story, Nikki_Bee! In our house, there is definitely a “cat side of the bed” and woe be to you if you decide to shut them out. There will be blood; it might be yours. (But I totally would have washed the pillow case first!)

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Cat June 8, 2012 at 10:39 am

Nikki_Bee: I still think you’re wonderful. I would have let the cat have the bed and slept on the sofa until I could have found a way home. You have the patience of Job.

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anonymous June 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

“because he’s a guy and there’s always some degree of shallowness there”

Really not fair.

It’s an unnecessary generalization and it makes an assumption that lets men off the hook for bad behavior (“ah, he’s a man, they’re shallow, what can you expect?”).

I’m sorry, but no. Not nearly all men are shallow. My husband certainly isn’t, neither are my male friends. Plenty of women are shallow. It’s not a gendered thing.

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Mabel June 8, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Re Cat’s comment #10 about the guy who called the dorms, then turned and left without saying anything when she showed up with a friend:

That sound like a rapist. Totally. If your friend had gone alone she might not even be here now. o_0 Good on you for going with her.

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Angel June 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I’m sorry, most of the men I know are shallow to some degree. I said most, not all. And I’m not leaving women out of it either, quite a few women I know are shallow too. A lot of people in general place a lot of importance on first impressions and appearances, when most of the time they aren’t always correct. Sorry to offend anybody, it’s just something I have come across personally. In fact it’s one of the few things that actually bothers me about my DH! A lot of his friends are the same way. Hence the generalization. I have heard horror stories from friends (female) who have done online dating and after chatting online or on the phone with the guy, the guy asks how much they weigh! I mean seriously who does that? But I have heard enough of these stories that honestly, the fact that most guys are shallow is really the only conclusion I can come to!

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Angel June 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I just re read my post, I did give the impression I thought all guys are shallow. My mistake. In my experience most of them are–to some degree. Some guys won’t date anyone who weighs above a certain amount. Some guys won’t date a girl who doesn’t wear makeup. Some guys actually wait to get to know a girl before they decide if they want to date her. I have known guys like this but they are few and far between. Most guys I know have a physical “type” and stick to this. This to me is shallow. Not a very high degree of shallow, but shallow nonetheless. Put it this way, I have known more men who have a specific physical type and stick to this, than women who have a specific physical type and stick to this. Hence the generalization. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me because not everyone has had the same experiences I’ve had.

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delislice June 12, 2012 at 6:17 am

I agree with Angel. Years ago, before anyone had a home computer, there was such a thing as personal ads in your city’s weekly entertainment paper. I read them religiously for a spell. Virtually every ad placed by a man seeking a woman had at least one physical criterion listed. NOT ONE of the ads placed by a woman seeking a man had any physical criteria.

Now, this is the total opposite of scientific … but even at the time, I found it telling.

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waitresswonderwoman June 12, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I’ve done the online dating thing, and although I met a few nice gentlemen, for the most part it was horrible! It got to the point that every time I went on a first date, my friends couldn’t wait for the details because they knew I was going to come back with a crazy date story. All you can do is laugh about it and not take the dating game so seriously (some of them were pretty funny and my friends and I would be in tears laughing!). I’m just glad when I say “horrible”, I mean socially awkward or just plain weird and nothing bad ever happened to me. You have to be safe: meet in a public place, make sure someone know who you’re with and where, ect. But as for bad dates, it’s a jungle out there and all you can do is laugh about it and not take it personal. Good for you OP, you seem to have that additude. ……And ps- @Angel, even though your husband’s date’s pictures were less than accurate, I think him just driving off is incredibly rude. He agreed to meet her and should have at least had the consideration to speak to her, even if it was just to give her a polite “Thanks but no thanks”. I’m not trying to be rude myself, but as someone he did decide to date and go on to marry, does it not make you wonder if he would have even spoken to you if you had been a few pounds heavier when you firsrt met him, or if you should put on a 50 lbs yourself is he just going to “drive away “(you said yourself men can be shallow)? I really am genuinely curious as to if these thoughts crossed your mind. You seem okay with it, but that story would have bothered me very much. Please don’t think I’m trying to attack you personally or judge you (for all I know he could have been a teenager when that happened or is a different person altogether now), but I just think him doing that was very immature, rude and not only shallow but portrays him as someone with less than good character. I really hope he wasn’t in his late 20′s or older when it happened.

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siobhan June 16, 2012 at 9:39 am

vanessaga
I find it interesting that often the most judgmental guys have nothing to offer themselves in the attractiveness department. They seem to think they are quite the catch.
One friend met a guy who had the nerve to tell her that he had very high standards for women in the looks category. The stud actually had greasy hair, not a great build, and definitely not good looking. He must have had a magic mirror at home.

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