Hi Jeanne! I saw your Dating Game story that was posted today and it jogged my memory to submit one of my own. About a year ago I finally decided to get back into the dating game after enduring the heartbreaking end of a four-year relationship. At the recommendation of some friends I posted a profile with a few online dating websites and struck up a conversation with a woman that lived in the area. As time passed we exchanged phone numbers and then agreed to get together for dinner.
We were trying to decide where to go and she asked me if I had ever had sushi before. I told her that I had only had sushi twice, with mixed reviews, but I figured why not, I’ll try it again. She assured me that she knew the perfect restaurant, that she’d been there before and loved it. She also assured me that she would choose some things that she knew I would like. The night of the date approaches and I am exceedingly nervous. We meet at the restaurant, exchange pleasantries, and then go inside and have a seat.
We order drinks and the sushi menus arrive, at which point I defer to her based on her previous statement that she loved the restaurant, loved sushi, and would order something I’d like. She proceeded to say, “Oh…the last restaurant I went to had combos, they didn’t just have rolls on the menu.” Okay, sure, but maybe she has an idea of what kind of fish/seafood to get in the rolls. I ask her for some guidance, and she says, “Oh, I’m sure whatever you get will be fine”. She also had no idea how big a sushi roll was so we ended up with a giant platter of sushi of which she took about three bites before announcing that she was full.
The rest of the date went fairly poorly though nothing compared to some of your other stories and not necessarily for etiquette reasons (she liked to try and figure out how I wanted her to answer questions rather than just being honest). After I paid we parted ways amicably enough, but am I wrong for feeling a little frustrated that she gave so little input into the meal situation? Admittedly, four-year relationship aside, my dating history is far from extensive despite being almost 30, so maybe this sort of thing is normal? 0607-12
The start of courtship and dating is a lot like an awkward dance. Both people are trying to figure out who is leading and who is following, there are lots of stepped on toes in the process until things work themselves out. Assuming they ever do work themselves out. When a man asks his date what her preferences are, and she waffles in her answer, she’s not helping him learn her likes and dislikes, she is not communicating effectively so that he gathers information that he can use to build a relationship. It can be frustrating because he’s running blind and inevitably he will do something, totally innocently, that was not to her preferences. Meanwhile the date is trying to yield to HIS preferences in the hopes that he will take the lead in this dance. I truly think some women use this as a test to see what a man’s leadership style is.
There are women out in the dating world who are like that empathic bride in a Star Trek: Next Generation episode, where she awakens from her protective stasis and says, “I am for you, Ulrick of Volt” , to become the woman Ulrick always wanted. She adapts herself to whatever she *thinks* the man wants from her in order to become the woman he is seeking. Problem is, there are men who want an independent minded woman with opinions she’s not afraid to say so the, “I am for you, Scott of the Internet”, isn’t going to work. Keep looking.