My boyfriend’s grandparents, who live across the country from us, have a timeshare in the Bahamas. They usually visit the islands for two weeks each spring.
They were kind enough to invite us last year, but we had a schedule conflict and could not go. They are planning the upcoming spring trip now, and have asked if we’d be able to make the trip out this year. We’d absolutely love to go, but are wary of spending a week with the boyfriend’s nephews and (new) niece.
Boyfriend’s sister, “Alice”, and her new husband, “James”, are very nice people whom we get along with very well. The issue is Alice’s three sons from a former relationship. The 12-year old is relatively well-behaved. The 11-year old has severe ADHD that is not well controlled by medication or therapy. During their last visit to us, the 11-year old knocked over furniture, would scream for no reason and dart out of the room (or once, almost into traffic), jump off stationary objects in public (stranger’s cars), and randomly hit and kicked people. His mother is mostly oblivious to this behavior.
The 6-year old is even worse, in my opinion. He’s been the “baby” of the family since he was born, and has often been cared for by Alice’s grandmother. He has no manners whatsoever, finds it amusing to scream into people’s ears while they are having a conversation, and had to be physically restrained from punching another child (a stranger) during a Chuck E. Cheese visit last year in an attempt to steal the other child’s game tickets.
Finally, to my question! Is there any polite way to ask if Alice’s children will be there at the same time we will? I’ve made several attempts to frame this question to Alice or the grandparents, but can see how any and/or all of them may sound rude or offensive. “We’d love to go, but don’t want to visit when the kids are there” sounds awful, even though its true. We are getting pressure on schedule from the boyfriend’s grandparents, and I’m afraid of appearing aloof or ungrateful at the offer. 0816-12
Due to your status as the girlfriend, I would strongly recommend that you make no further attempts to ask questions but rather leave this piece of conversation to your boyfriend. They are his family and he needs to be the one interacting with them on this matter.
Boyfriend could frame the question as being interested in he and you wanting to be there alone with the grandparents in order to spend more quality time with them. Or commit to going BUT wait to make reservations until it is known when Sis and kids will be there and then schedule your appearance to overlap the kid visit by a day or two but leaving the remaining days there as child-free.