Texting Trespasser

by admin on October 4, 2012

I work second shift and typically get home around 11:30 pm. I own a single-family home with a tiny front yard, no back yard, and a patio like area where I have a lawn chair and a plastic table. Today I pulled into my driveway after work and saw a guy sitting on my lawn chair texting.

As soon as he saw me, he got up, said, “I thought the house was abandoned. Last time I was here it was abandoned. I’m sorry.”

Lawn furniture in front of house. New roof. Tended boulevard with wildflowers. I’d lived here for sixteen years. Abandoned. Why does he need my patio to sit and text? “Last time I was here”? He’s done this before?

I gaped at him. He apologized and couldn’t get away from me fast enough. He was embarrassed, but I think it’s because he got caught by the homeowner inconveniently returning home.

Incidentally, there have been neighbors, usually with a small child, who notice one of my cats sunning in the window and stop and say hi. This is fine, and I will tell them the cat’s name and that the cat loves the attention. This guy didn’t have that excuse. 1003-12

{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }

Cat Whisperer October 9, 2012 at 1:52 am

Addendum about the neighbors: when we were burglarized, we’d been living in our house for about 4 years and we really didn’t know any of our neighbors at all well, just to say “good morning” or “nice day, isn’t it?” once in a while.

Coincidentally, about two weeks before the burglary, Deparment of Defense security people had come around to talk to the neighbors because they were updating husband’s security clearance. Husband has the kind of security clearance where every so often DoD has investigators come around to ask the neighbors questions like “Do Mr. and Mrs. Cat Whisperer seem to have a lot of foreign people coming to see them? Do Mr. and Mrs. Cat Whisperer seem to have a lot of money to spend?” and other similar questions.

For security reasons, husband had to report the burglary to DoD even though it was obvious that it had nothing to do with his security clearance. DoD sent an investigator out, who asked some of the neighbors some questions.

About a week after it happened, our next-door neighbor saw me and asked me how things were going with the burglary. I told her not so good, it didn’t look like anyone would ever be caught.

She gave me a funny look, and said: “Do you know what everyone is saying about you guys?”

I had no idea what she meant. “What people are saying about us? What do you mean?” I asked.

“With those people who came around asking questions about you before the burglary, and who came back again…you don’t know?” She said.

“Know what?” I had no idea what she was getting at.

“People are saying that you and your husband…that you work for…” And she just looked at me, this really weird look like she was half afraid.

It finally dawned on me what she was getting at. “Do you mean people are saying that we’re spies or something like that?” I asked her. And she nodded, “Yeah, that’s what they’re saying.”

All I could do was gape at her. My husband and I might charitably be called the most boring people you’d ever want to meet. Husband is an engineer and I’m a technical writer [now retired], and we were aerospace wage-slaves for whom the burglary represented the greatest excitement we’d ever had in our lives [thankfully!]. Husband has a security clearance, but that’s not unusual for aerospace workers.

I told the neighbor this, and she was clearly very disappointed. Husband and I got some real laughs over this. It’s amazing what the rumor mill sometimes comes up with.

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MS June 22, 2014 at 6:00 pm

I have an very funny childhood memory about this. My parents purchased an old house in France and worked to make it inhabitable again. One day, I was playing on the lawn, next to the road when German army tanks arrived and started parking on it (there was no fence). I ran to my mom and she ran outside. The soldiers only spoke German but my mother speaks it fluently and she was very angry. Turns out they had old maps and on it it was written that no one lived there and they could park…

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