Some Dates Are So Creepy

by admin on July 23, 2009

I went on a date with a casual acquaintance of my sisters.  It was sooooo bad I really did expect a Candid Camera film crew to pop out at any second.
 
It started with him asking if we could drive my car since his big SUV got horrible gas mileage and we were driving to Las Vegas over an hour away.  I said that would be all right and he jumped in the drivers seat and demanded the keys.  When I said I would drive he got all indignant and said HE was taking ME on the date so he would drive (him saying that is important later in the story).  I was young, naive, a little shy at that time so I let him drive. 
 
We drove to Las Vegas to see the 4th of July fire works show.  He drives into a residential area and we stop at his cousin’s house to “say hi”.  Turns out his cousin had some free tickets to the show through his work and we are there to score free tickets.  The hitch is the cousin’s wife didn’t know anything about it and had wanted to use the tickets so after much very uncomfortable talk between my date and his cousin we are given two tickets and asked to just leave.
 
Since the fireworks wouldn’t start for a couple of hours we decide to go to a casino then go to dinner before the show.  We go to a casino and I go to the window to get some quarters.  My date calls out over his shoulder, as he’s jogging away, to get him $20 worth of quarters too and he’ll go stake out our machines.  Um … okay.  When I find him and give him the quarters he tells me he’ll pay me back when he gets a chance to break a $100.  Fine.  We play until we’ve lost all the quarters then he tells me to go back to the window and get $20 more in quarters.  I tell him it’s his turn and he needs to break his hundred to pay me back anyway.  He decides we’re leaving and walks off toward the door.  I chase after him because he has my keys and he doesn’t look like he’s kidding about leaving me.
 
After the casino we drive around looking for a place to eat.  He pulls into Red Lobster and we go in.  As the hostess comes up to seat us he snaps at her to get him a menu BEFORE we’ll sit down.  She does and he opens it and exlaims loudly that it’s too expensive and we’re not eating there then pretty much throws the menu back at the hostess, wheels around and walks out.  Again, leaving me standing there to chase after him.  We go through the whole routine again at Sizzler but we get to sit down there.  The waitress takes our order and he orders first.  When she asks what I’ll be having he cuts me off and tells her I’ll be having the salad from his dinner.  I cut him off and tell her I’ll be having the salad bar and an iced tea.  He sat there glaring at me from across the table until the waitress came back with our drinks and his salad.  Then I went and got my salad.  When I got back he informed me how rude I was for just assuming what he could afford for dinner.  I told him he could deduct the $6.99 from the $20 he owed me and he shut up but continued to glare and sulk.
 
We head to the fireworks show and are only there ten minutes when he declares this is “stupid” (the fireworks hadn’t even started – it was the pre-show entertainment while they waited for the stands to fill up and it to get dark).  He gets up without saying anything and leaves me there again.  I realize he is walking toward the parking lot and chase after him again.  I try to get the keys back as I’m tired of getting left and am seriously concerned he might actually steal my car and leave me stranded over an hour from home.  He won’t give them to me and actually threatens to leave without me if I con’t get in the car.  So I get in the car and we head out of town.  We stop at a gas station and he starts the gas pump then goes inside.  He’s in there so long the gas pump kicks off so I get out and hang the nozzle back up and get back in the car.  He’s taking forever then I see him with his arms full of chips, soda and snacks and he’s signaling to me from inside the store.  I figure he wants to know if I want anything so I go in to tell him I don’t.  What he wanted was for me to pay the clerk since it was MY car we were filling up (we could have easily made it home on the gas already in the tank).  The snacks were all rang up with the gas.  I told him HE was taking ME on this date and so far he owed me about $13 so he could pay for the gas otherwise it would be ME taking HIM on the date and I knew that just wasn’t acceptable to him because that’s why he had insisted on driving.  I went and sat in the car.  He just stood there gaping at me for a while then paid the cashier and got in the car.
 
On the drive home I began to feel very, very ill and had to ask him to pull over.  I was so sick I couldn’t even get the seatbelt undone fast enough to get out of the car and ended up violently throwing up out the open door.  As soon as I was finished I laid back against the seat to try to pull myself together as I was having chills and felt faint.  Staring straight ahead he says, “Well, that was a waste of a $6.99 dinner.”  I couldn’t believe it.  I didn’t have the energy to verbally spar with him so I pretended to sleep the rest of the way home.  As we approached my house he turns and asks me if we can go out again the following weekend.  I told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again and he started whining and asking why.  He thought we’d had a really good time! 
 
Sorry this was so long but the agony of the date just went on and on and on and …..  07-18-08

There are points in this story that it gets really scary.   This man sounds very dangerous and in hindsight, the best course of action should have been to obtain police assistance in gaining ownership of the car keys and leaving Quido to find his own way home. 

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

kt July 23, 2009 at 10:48 am

wow, that guy needs a slap of reality

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Alexis July 23, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Creep alert! Someone who barks orders at you is to be avoided, not obeyed, much less dated. A man who’s gender stereotypes are so rigid as to believe that ‘the man’ always drives, even when it isn’t his car, is a controlling jerk who will have very exacting standards to which he will hold you, and be free with his critisism when you inevitably fail to meet those standards, which of course will never apply to him. I wouldn’t have given him the keys in the first place, but having done so, I would never have run after him or allowed him to threaten to leave me where I was and DRIVE HIMSELF HOME, WITHOUT ME, IN MY CAR!! I agree with Jean, the writer should have stayed put and called the cops and reported the car stolen if he did indeed try to drive off without her.

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Ling October 20, 2009 at 6:23 am

What an idiot! If you can’t afford dinner for two, then YOU don’t eat and your guest does. As HE was taking HER out, he should be the one not eating, if anyone.
If you only can afford Wendy’s or McDonald’s, then go there instead of sulking at a pricier place.

I agree with the others, she should have stayed at the fireworks and reported the car stolen.

I can’t believe that he actually thought she would go out with him again, after he scolded her for throwing up the food he so “graciosly” bought for her. Like she did it on purpose…

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MrsAdorkable March 26, 2010 at 11:52 pm

Wow, I don’t blame this poor girl for falling ill after a night with such a CREEP. I sincerely worry for his mental health (perhaps he has asburger’s?) and any future dates that have to suffer through his antics.

I also agree that the best thing to do would have been to involve the authority’s when he first threatened to desert you and STEAL your car.

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Mom March 27, 2010 at 7:26 pm

OK, Mrs. Adorkable, I was with you until you said maybe he has Asperger’s. I know people with Asperger’s. While some of them may have social issues, they are not controlling morons. This guy is simply a jerk – plain and simple.

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Max May 8, 2010 at 4:15 pm

I agree with Mom, Mrs. Adorkable. My son has Asperger’s and he would NEVER treat anyone this way. He may be socially awkward, but this guy was just creepy. And possibly dangerous.

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yojiji June 26, 2010 at 11:01 pm

Seriously, why is it whenever someone is a jerk it has to be Asperger’s? It’s become an excuse for poor manners and rude, inconsiderate people.

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Seabright16 August 16, 2010 at 2:23 pm

I actually dated a guy who was like this. It was scary and I ended up emotionally abused. I remember going to Home Depot to find a light bulb for a new lamp that I had bought and the shape was something odd. I was having trouble finding it and asked for assistance and realized that it just had a different name. My boyfriend called me stupid and that really bothered me. I am not stupid. I am very educated and just couldn’t find what I was looking for. He always insisted on driving my car (his car was a bucket of bolts and he never had enough money for gas). I walked away from him after the comment and he was mad that I didn’t want to hold his hand walking to the check-out. When we got out of Home Depot, I told him that I wanted to go to the Pet Store which was just down the lane. He told me, no, I wasn’t going. I was shocked. I told him he wouldn’t determine where I could or could not go. He said if I ever insulted him again in public by not holding his hand, that he would leave me there and drive home alone. It was my car and my keys! I had to basically pry them out of his hands! Getting out of that relationship was the best things I ever did, but my self esteem is still recovering.

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Psyche October 26, 2010 at 3:09 pm

What a sweetheart *sarcasm*. I hope you learned an important lesson: never let your sister set you up on dates!

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Shayna January 15, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I have no words. I really don’t.

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Hollanda, UK April 17, 2011 at 5:43 am

With regards to AS, I have it. I am uncomfortable in certain situations…I hate meeting new people for the first time in formal situations, for example. Socially I have managed to “train myself” into behaving acceptably, even though I may not feel comfortable. I have to see a door or a way out before I can fully relax. I make blunders constantly, such as forgetting people’s names and blurting things out before thinking. However, anyone who knows me *really* will know I never try to consciously upset someone or manipulate people. I can see why strangers would come to that conclusion though – sometimes I do come across as just rude. However, I don’t tell people willingly I have AS – not that I am ashamed, but I don’t like to use it as a free pass. I get frustrated at myself sometimes, but try to use situations as learning tools of what not to do in the future.

The OP’s date IMO does NOT have AS. He just sounds like a creep and I would have called the Police. In addition, most people with AS wouldn’t actually socially manipulate someone like that – the way he took the car keys and walked away AGAIN suggests a certain calculated way to get the OP to do as HE wanted. That is not really something that figures in my world. If something doesn’t go right for me, I don’t think “Oh, let me try this, THIS will make sure I get what I want.” I just kind of accept it and more often than not blame MYSELF for a failed situation rather than try and make someone else do something because it suits me at the time. :o.

Explaining my thought processes sometimes is hard because I am not always aware of them. I mean sometimes I do or say things impetuously and when asked for a reasoning behind what I have said or done I don’t always HAVE one. Trying to look back and pinpoint why I thought whatever was a good idea at the time can be impossible since I have little concept of how people “should” think and feel. Life is constantly hard for me and everyone around me, but I try my best to remain steady and in control of my feelings. Contrary to popular belief, I CAN sympathise and empathise with people and I do understand that I have the power (as everyone does) to hurt others. When I know I have upset someone it makes me feel awful and ashamed of myself. I feel I have let myself down if I don’t deal with a situation JUST SO and can obsess about things over and over again. I am 32 now and let me tell you, living with this godforsaken thing doesn’t get easier. What DOES get easier is keeping it under control and reminding myself that whatever happens I am lucky. I have a supportive family and friends network and an adoring fiance. Yes, I am lucky.

I hope that has given you guys an insight.

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MM October 7, 2011 at 12:52 am

I’m a little bit late to this party but I really wanted to comment.

Guys who treat a gal like that, oftentimes, become abusers. He tried at every chance to control, take advantage of, and manipulate the OP. The clincher was the “that was a fun date, you wanna do it again next week?” He’s looking for someone to push around and probably tries this with every woman he dates, until he finds one that for goes for it.

OP, you are fortunate that you recognized this man was horrible and didn’t get involved. I feel truly sorry for any woman who isn’t as “spine-y” as you, one that for whatever reason gets into a relationship with him. He’ll take her money, he’ll become jealous of her friends and family, and who knows what he’ll do if he gets what he wants… and later starts to lose it all.

Of course he may never be worse than what he exhibited to the OP. But why take the chance? This isn’t bad etiquette, this is dangerous behavior. The more people that recognize it and don’t accept it, the better. You never know if you’re saving someone a lifetime of horror… or worse.

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