The Contents Of My Grocery Cart Are Of No Concern To You

by admin on April 9, 2013

Reading today’s grocery store story (http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=3759) reminded me of my own grocery store horror story.

It is important to note for this story that I am a large woman (5’4” and 330lbs).

About 3 years ago I was in the grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving.

In the bakery section there were two pumpkin pies in the cooler plus an entire 4 shelf rack of pumpkin pies sitting next to the cooler.

When I came arrived in the section, there were two people in front of the rack grabbing their own pies, so I grabbed the two pies out of the cooler.

Almost immediately woman came charging toward me and started yelling, “Look at you! You don’t need any pie! Give me those pies! My family needs those pies!” She then actually started to reach into my cart to grab them.

I pulled my cart away and said, “There are more pies right there”, pointing towards the rack of pies.

She stopped trying to grab the pies in my cart but said, “I’m just trying to look out for your health, dear. You really don’t need one pie, much less two. You should grab some nice fruit for dessert instead.”

She then grabbed a pie off the rack and wondered away.

I wish I had thought of something appropriately cutting to say to her, but mostly I was just trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.   0408-13

I’ve had that happen to me once.  I was 7 months or so pregnant with Dear Son and while in the frozen food aisle of our local grocery store one day, I had put two cartons of ice cream in my cart only to have a total stranger, a busybody, scold me for my food choices, reach into my cart and actually remove the ice cream and put it back in the freezer.   The interesting assumption about her actions was that the ice cream was for me.   I dislike ice cream and rarely eat it. It was for my husband.

The problem with this kind of encounter is that it catches you so off guard and there is no decisive comeback that springs instantly to mind.   The belief that they have a god-given, entitled right to dictate your eating choices is just mind blowing sometimes.   The greedy shopper in this story cleverly used a vile guilt manipulative tactic to deprive another customer of a product she thought had run out.  No pies left?  Attack the overweight customer to shame them into relinquishing one of the prized pies using the OP’s possible insecurities about her weight to busybody shopper’s own advantage.

But while that is egregious enough, it’s the actual trespass into the grocery cart as if they have a right to physically manipulate your buying choices that astounds.    Dear OP, at the first transgression into your cart, I would have also stopped her with, “Excuse me? (Firmly said) What on earth do you think you are doing?”

“I need pies for my family and you don’t.”

“Your lack of holiday meal planning and shopping does not constitute an emergency on my part.”   In other words, if someone chooses to not bake and waits until the last minute to shop for a holiday meal, the rest of the world is under no obligation to deem this an emergency they must somehow, willingly or unwillingly, resolve for you.    (This really should be another standard Ehell phrase everyone memorizes to use.   Don’t get pulled into someone’s self contrived drama just because they lacked the foresight to plan well.)

“You are fat and don’t need them.”

“You are presumptuous and rude.   Have a nice holiday! “

{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }

Mae April 9, 2013 at 1:55 pm

I’ve been checking back, reading the comments and stories and I am shocked at the nerve of people!

I think most people consider me fat- 5 foot 6 inches and 220.I have seen a few looks and had a couple of people make snide remarks, but never has anyone lectured me on the contents of my shopping cart or actually taken something out. As many other posters have stated, all weight problems are *NOT* due to unhealthy food choices.

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MsDani313 April 9, 2013 at 2:21 pm

I will accept my ticket into E-Hell but I would have slapped her hand. She had no business reaching into your cart. I can’t stand when someone claims they are saying something to me because they care. Clearly you don’t care about my feelings because you have stomped all over them. I am a large and lovely lady and I enjoy my life to the fullest. Do I enjoy fruits and vegetables? Yes, but I also enjoy ice cream and brownies! And I have every right to enjoy any food I like.

I was shopping with my almost 37 week pregnant cousin. She was having a hard time walking but wanted to shop anyway so I told her to get on one of the motorized carts. We did some shopping and as a joke I put all of the cookies and ice cream in her basket. We were shopping for 2 separate houses and her baby shower at the time so it was a lot of snacks. Lo and behold a woman comes up to us and begins to tell us that we should be ashamed of ourselves and that we wouldn’t be so fat if we ate better. (My cousin doesn’t look pregnant when she sits but when she stands you can see the roundness of her belly and her pregnant lady sway as she walks. Im just a thick and curvy girl who loves brownies) The lady then reaches into my cousin’s basket to grab some items. Ever tried to take food from a pregnant lady. Not a smart idea.

People who feel entitled to tell other people how to run their lives are everywhere. At the grocery store, at the gym, at work and everywhere between.

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WildIrishRose April 9, 2013 at 3:45 pm

And then there are the people who WANT someone to say something, just so they can be snarky right back.

Years ago, shortly after I started a new job, I went into the office break room, and a pregnant co-worker was in there smoking. First words out of her mouth: “Go ahead, say it. Start preaching at me about smoking while I’m pregnant.”

I looked at her for a long minute and said, “You’re a grown adult. I don’t care what you do.” Surprised her!

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WildIrishRose April 9, 2013 at 3:57 pm

The Elf is spot on that thin people get comments too. When I was young I never cracked 100 pounds, and people were ALWAYS making remarks about it. One of my college professors actually made a stupid joke about anorexia nervosa. I’ve never had an eating disorder, but I didn’t find that comment funny at all. And I would like to have had a nickel for every time someone told me I should go on a diet of chocolate malts and cupcakes.

It’s probably safest just not to comment on anyone’s appearance at all!

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LonelyHound April 9, 2013 at 4:02 pm

OP, I am so sorry about this! That woman was rude and vile. It was a holiday! Most of the strict dieters I know are a little relaxed on those days. No one should have to put up with that for any reason, not even if she thought you had grabbed the last two pies. If that was the case I would have told her those pies were mine and if she wanted her family to have pie they have canned mixes or she can make it from scratch. As for her comment you should be eating fruit instead I would have responded with something like, “Fruit? What a great idea! You should take your own suggestion. as for me I am going to pay for my pies now.”

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Michele Newell April 9, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Annie, I shop the same way you do! *high five* I’ll do nearly anything for a bargain. :-)

I only mention this because it relates to my story, but I’m naturally skinny. (I can’t blame anyone who hates me for it.) When I find nonperishable/freezable food reeeeally on sale, I often buy what I’ll use over the next six months or so. My cart sometimes ends up looking like we only eat tortilla chips and butter! Since I rarely buy veggies other than onions and potatoes at the one store, I often end up hearing charming comments from women who are positive I “can’t be keeping any of that down.”

Conversely, at the store where I mainly buy produce I tend to get unsolicited dietary advice. Stuff like, “You wouldn’t be so skinny if you just ate some meat/pasta/potatoes!” What’s really jaw dropping is that I’ve seen bigger women get praised like a child for buying a cart full of “real” food! Are people really that unaware of the plethora of chronic illnesses that make maintaining one’s weight difficult at best and impossible at worst?

So, smaller people can’t buy food without comment, larger people can’t buy food without comment… Remind me, who exactly is allowed to eat these days?? And when did it become normal to loudly analyze the contents of others’ carts?

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CookieWookiee April 9, 2013 at 4:57 pm

I had something similar happen to me once. I was nearly 100 lbs heavier than I am now (which is still pretty heavy), which exacerbated a knee problem I was having. My doctor had told me to avoid stairs so I wouldn’t over-strain my knee (see the vicious cycle there?), so I took elevators and escalators whenever I could. One evening my husband and I were getting on the ferry to go home, and we usually sat on the lower level so I pressed the elevator button to go downstairs. A young man and a young woman pushing an enormous baby carriage got in line behind us. The elevator dinged and the “down” arrow very clearly lit up. We all got on and the elevator descended. I noticed then that the young woman had this unpleasantly surprised look on her face, like she expected the elevator to go in the other direction. The doors opened and the two of them (and the carriage) didn’t move. Since my husband and I had boarded first, we were trapped behind them, so I politely said “excuse me.” She turned to me with this really ugly look and pushed the carriage out of the elevator and then, to my shock and horror, started screaming at me about how lazy and disgusting I was and that “if you took the stairs you wouldn’t be so FAT,” punctuated with very foul (and unimaginative) invective. Mind you, this was in front of an entire boatload of people, and I started crying and managed to sob out “but my doctor told me not to use the stairs because of my knee” as the abuse continued. She finally stalked off with the young man in tow. Through my tears I did notice some sympathetic looks from fellow passengers, but I spent the whole rest of the ride humiliated and crying. To this day I have NO IDEA what I could have said in response to such cruel and vicious remarks.

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Shalamar April 9, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Heh, PM, maybe you’re right. If Mayo Guy was after a little somethin’ somethin’, however, he was doomed to disappointment – nothing makes me furious quite so fast as someone telling me what to do.

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Kendo_Bunny April 9, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Well, of course that’s acceptable. We fatties aren’t really people, with real people feelings!

I can’t count the number of glares, stares, angry looks, disapproving sniffs, and outright lectures from strangers I have been treated to because of my status as an obese woman. The frosting on the cake of horrible is that I became obese from a severe eating disorder that left me nearly catatonic – I packed on almost 100 lbs. because I was all but bedridden from malnutrition, and was drinking gallons of Mountain Dew to try to stay upright long enough to go to school. Yet teachers have still cracked eating disorder jokes in class (since when is it acceptable to joke about deadly mental illnesses?), and people still find time to take me to task for having so little self-control as to be fat. I want to give each and every one of them a Death Glare and tell them that I had the “self-control” to starve myself for three solid days, go do heavy labor in the hot sun, eat like everything was normal at the after-party, then throw it all back up again and starve myself for another two days. Only that isn’t “self-control”, that’s a mental illness that 10% of sufferers die of.

Judgy McJudgersons – KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES. What if we shamed people for being hateful, overbearing, nosy busybodies? If fat-shaming worked, there wouldn’t be a single fat person anywhere.

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lakey April 9, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I have low to normal blood pressure. I was in a restaurant once and when I started sprinkling salt on my pork chop a woman at the next table told me that “that is the worst thing you can do.” I was taken aback and didn’t say much of anything. I wish I had had the presence of mind to tell her to mind her own business. I’m not a ten year old and I don’t need strangers telling me how to live.

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The Elf April 9, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Michele Newell “Remind me, who exactly is allowed to eat these days??”

Men. As unimaginable as it is that somebody would do publicly comment on someone’s grocery cart or worse reach into it, it’s even more unimaginable that someone would do that to a man! I’m sure it’s happened to some guy somewhere, but I doubt it’s with the same frequency. Also, note that most of the people doing the commenting are women. Part of that is statistics – women are more likely to be the “shoppers” for the family than men – but also because women can be really hard on other women. I think one of the best things we can do for feminism is just let ourselves be for once. Quit over-analyzing, quit preaching that one way is better than another way (i.e. “Mommy Wars”), quit sniping behind each others backs and to our faces.

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Marozia April 9, 2013 at 7:41 pm

I’m sorry that you had to experience the vulgarity of people in a public place. The nerve of some people!! I would’ve told the old biddy to mind her own business, but a cold, icy stare and walking away sounds good in this case.
People should stop peering into someone else’s backyard and worry about the weeds in their own.

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Kate April 9, 2013 at 8:21 pm

It absolutely baffles me that some people are so incapable of minding their own business! I don’t think I could ever tell you what someone next to me is buying at the supermarket, because I don’t care and it’s none of my business.
I was quite skinny as a teenager and I once ordered a Coke with my meal at a cafe. The server said “Oh, you mean Diet Coke. You don’t get to be that skinny if you drink Coke.” I was like, no, if I wanted that I would have said so!

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NostalgicGal April 9, 2013 at 8:23 pm

My classics have started now that I’m on a medically mandated vegan diet. (genetic cholesterol 4 digits and I don’t ge along with the medications so it has to be drastic diet control… and it has worked, I’m only in the ‘borderline high’ and almost at normal).

My DH is ‘unrestricted’ and I will shop for both of us, and often prepare two separate complete meals for us to eat together.

The one health food store where I get a lot of my dietary staples, I have now numerous stories of loading cart with ‘my’ food then browsing the hard protein (meat) for my DH, and getting one good reaming out by one or more ‘vegetarian police’ and had food taken out of my hand, out of my cart, and otherwise past harrassed and into almost altercation. (manager has been directly or indirectly involved many times, I have learned what is the ‘off times’ to visit the place to minimize issues!)

I usually will tell them that simple truth, That stuff IS mine, this (take package back) is for the love of my life, who can eat it, enjoys it and I will lovingly prepare it for him. I am a *medically mandated* vegan, I’d rather have (hoist package) than (point at cart) and since (you) don’t look like my doctor, who is the person in this world that can get on my case about how much I weigh or what I eat, get your hands out of my cart. (and yes I grew up on a farm, we raised our own food and I do know where it comes from)

If someone is smoking, drinking, preggers… that’s their life and their choices. If it’s food, same thing, if they want to eat it, it’s theirs. IF ASKED my opinion about something I will give it, else it’s your choice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pox onto the busybodies that think that your cart is their shopping ground too. May they end up in that dorky polyester suit putting cans on shelves and doing cart duty in howling monsoons and pelting blizzards…

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NostalgicGal April 9, 2013 at 9:05 pm

I did particpate in one shopping cart scenario…

It was a several years back and I was in big box warehouse grocery store as it had been payday so I could stock the shelves. I had a partly full cart, and I had a leftover from college days… I liked eating spaghettios from the can after they were refrigerated (put whole can in for a few hours, open, and scarf). I also had a show and deadline and was doing many weird hours of work, so I stopped to pick up several cans of ‘the old standby 2 am snack’.

A few cartlengths behind me, I had passed a woman about my age with a lad of maybe four, in the cart, and he’d been asking for lots of things… including spaghettios. ‘Why do her kids get spaghettios when I don’t get any?’ I heard the boy try another tack on begging. I whip my cart around and hunch down over the handle so I’m eyelevel with the young lad. “I don’t have any kids.” I announce “These spaghettios are for ME.” His eyes get big. I continue. “I’m a grownup and I can decide what I want to eat because I’m a grownup, and I’m getting some spaghettios for myself. When you get to be a grownup you can decide what you want to eat for yourself, but until then, your Mom Gets To Decide What You Are Going To Eat.” Kid has blinked several times. “That’s the way it is.” I straighten up and head off the way I was going before, to continue shopping.

I catch mom’s expression which was serious relief and gratitude, and I hear her take it up with him as I walk off “… so she doesn’t have any kids… and until you grow up and leave home, I get to decide if you get spaghettios or not…or donuts….”

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MichelleP April 9, 2013 at 10:39 pm

OP, my heart breaks for your experience. These stories are all leaving me shaking my head.

I’ve always been a large woman, and used to be very self-conscious about it.
At work at Mcdonald’s once, I went on break. Went up to a register to purchase my food, one of my managers was running that one. I don’t like potatoes, including french fries, so I usually purchase two small sandwiches. After I gave my order, she said, “You gonna eat both of those?” Eighteen and self-conscious about being overweight, and her being my boss, I didn’t say a word.

One experience stands out more than others: my (now ex) husband went out to Pizza Hut. We ordered a meat lover’s pizza. The waitress commented, “No vegetables? That’s not healthy!” These days, I’d tell her to do her job and mind her own (insert expletive here) business and then leave, but at nineteen I didn’t know what to do or say.

@Marozia, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!

To anyone criticising overweight women, kiss my fat patootie.

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DragonJane April 9, 2013 at 10:45 pm

Even though I’m fat, I haven’t had any comments on what’s in or not in my cart. I did have one weird experience though:

I try to avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup. One evening, I was in the bread aisle, reading the ingredients labels on bagels. It was pretty quiet, just me in the aisle. I admit, I can be oblivious to other people, but I’m certainly happy to move if someone says “Excuse me” or whatever.

A man and woman entered the aisle. He grabbed a pack of bagels and said loudly, “Look, I can just grab food without having to read everything!”

Um, okay?

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Melalucci April 10, 2013 at 1:55 am

CookieWookiee, I wish your husband would have chewed that lady out for talking to you that way! I’m sorry you went through that.

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Joni April 10, 2013 at 6:54 am

NostalgicGal, what a cute story! And I’m sure the mom appreciated it because oftentimes kids are more likely to believe/listen to a complete stranger than their own mothers (sad but true).

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delislice April 10, 2013 at 7:21 am

Several posters have responded to the unfiltered rudeness of other shoppers with explanations …
“They’re not for me,” “I’m pregnant,” etc.

Nothing wrong with explanations. Sometimes, though, the rude person doesn’t deserve one. I’m a big gal and I’ve been fortunate so far in that no one has ever criticized my food choices in the grocery store. If they did, however, I think my response would be a frosty look and a quiet, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” They don’t deserve the courtesy of an explanation of any kind.

Most of the time if there’s processed food in the cart it’s for our teenagers, but if they’re rude enough to call me out on the Ritz crackers and the Pop-Tarts, let ‘em go home feeling virtuous. I don’t owe them anything.

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Nicky April 10, 2013 at 7:55 am

I have had two stories that spring to mind.

First one was when i was about 22, and I was pretty thin (UK sz10), in a supermarket with a friend who was petite and skinny. We were buying a huge pizza and a load of incredibly unhealthy snacks for a girls night in. A very rude man commented that we shouldn’t be eating any of that or we’d never get boyfriends. My friend immediately told him ‘it’s ok, we’re lesbians and we’ll just throw it up later anyway’ with a massive smile on her face. He actually looked appeased at that, which was a bit disturbing!

Second, and my favourite: went to what I guess would be a UK version of a big box store, as we bulk buy toilet paper and other household stuff. On this occasion i had about 15 9-roll packages of toilet paper in the trolley, a large box of chocolate bars, and a huge jar of curry sauce, that was it. The man in front of me at the till turned and looked in my cart, then said to me ‘man I’d hate to be your plumber’. He was only joking and luckily I found it funny!

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CookieWookiee April 10, 2013 at 8:47 am

Thank you Melalucci. I’m sorry it happened too! I think my husband was more concerned about taking care of me than responding back. And tbh I think it really would have been more up to me than him to say something, since the comments were directed at me, not him, tho DH isn’t exactly a small guy (6’2″ and built like a tank) and unless she was psychic I have no idea how she knew we were taking the elevator for my sake, not DH’s. I’m also equally baffled as to why the lit-up down arrow didn’t clue her OR her companion into the direction we would be going before they got on. I guess some people are just very unhappy and need to take it out on others.

To the OP–I love how the Fat Shamer figured out all by herself that you would be alone eating those two pies on Thanksgiving, since OF COURSE overweight people don’t have any family or friends to celebrate holidays with. Why would anybody love you or want to spend time with you when you look the way you do? Surely if polite society shuns you enough you’ll finally get your appetite under control and slim down. Cuz that’s how it works. :-/

Sometimes I really hate people.

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Lo April 10, 2013 at 10:03 am

DragonJane,

As someone who reads the labels on everything she buys this would have frazzled me badly. I can spend a lot of time picking things up and putting them back and comparing them with other items based on ingredients. I don’t make a scene, I don’t block the aisle, I just move quickly, scan the ingredients and then come back and look at whatever I’m weighing one particular can/bag against. I’ve never had anyone comment. This is for my health.

And then sometimes when the OCD is particularly bad I will spend five minutes at a time picking up can after can checking meticulously for dents and squeezing the sides until I find one I feel is “safe” to buy. I’m on meds but they’re not perfect. I do expect that eventually someone will call me out on this and I’ve practiced saying, “Sorry for the inconvenience, I have a psychological disorder,” and then moving aside to let them get what they need. The blunt explanation is meant to head off any other questions and/or insults. Nobody wants to tangle with a crazy person.

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Cerise April 10, 2013 at 11:20 am

The Elf – my husband and I have both had comments made to us when buying baby food meat for a sick cat. A woman once told him, “Haven’t you ever heard of vegetables?”

He explained it was for a cat and that was that. I got the ruder version of the same speech from another woman who screeched, “Is that all you’re going to feed your baby!? What about the vegetables! What about the fruits!?!? You’re killing your baby!”

I turned around, smiled and said, “My baby is a 17-year-old cat with 2 teeth and a thyroid condition. I don’t think he’s gonna go for the strained peaches, do you?”

She just about melted into her groceries and that was that but the nerve of some people just galls me.

The worst one occurred when we were adopting a cat. Marco’s ears were frostbitten in the past and healed with a lot of scar tissue – he looks like an environmental Scottish Fold.

The adoption had been pre-arranged. The rescue group brought him to Petco with other animals needing adoption. Our goal was to finish up the paperwork and take him home.

As I was standing at his kennel, doing just that, an older man walked up with a little boy in tow. He stopped at Marco’s kennel and said to the kid, “See that cat? He’s no good.”

I bristled but said nothing. The man said, “Look at his ears. He’s no good. Nobody’s going to adopt him.”

That did it. I looked at the man and said, “I’m adopting him.”

The kid wandered off to look at the other animals and I was glad because his grandfather started lecturing me: “But he’s no good! Lady, look at him! You can have a better cat! He’s got problems!”

I nearly swallowed my tongue and wasn’t sure how to respond until he looked at Marco in the kennel and said, “No good. No good at all.”

I may have earned my ticket into ehell for this, but I don’t care. The man was so rude and insistent that I smiled sweetly at him and said, “I hope when your grandson dumps you off in a nursing home in ten years, that’s what he tells them. “The old man – he’s no good.” And when he doesn’t come to visit – that’s his excuse. The old man is no good. Now get away from MY cat.”

He looked like he was getting ready to explode – turning redder by the second – but one of the rescue workers intervened and told him to go mind his grandson, because he was pestering the animals. The guy stalked off after giving me the Evil Eye – while I just stood there smiling a sickly sweet smile.

Once he was out of earshot, the rescue worker started cracking up and gave me a big hug. She’d been Marco’s foster mom for over a year and had always wanted to say something to people who made comments about him but didn’t want to get her rescue banned from Petco.

We completed the adoption and took Marco out in our carrier. The old man and his grandson were near the doorway when we were leaving and the old man screamed, “I told you that cat’s no good! Why don’t you listen to me!? You’re going to be SORRY!”

We just ignored him, took Marco home and have never been sorry. : D

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Shalamar April 10, 2013 at 11:21 am

NostalgicGal, your heart was definitely in the right place, but if I’d been that mother, I wouldn’t have been grateful. I would have been thinking “I’ll discipline my son myself, thank you.”

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Shannan April 10, 2013 at 12:05 pm

All these stories share a common thread: people think they can just look at a situation & automatically know everything there is to know & comment. I’ve been yelled @ for things before & when I go to say something in defense (or smart-allicky Depending on my mood, they recoil with “well I didn’t know!!” So I end up saying something like “well that didn’t stop you from yelling @ me like you knew everythng!!”

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Mary April 10, 2013 at 4:52 pm

Dragon Jane, he would hate me since I have to read every label for my daughter’s food allergies!

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NostalgicGal April 10, 2013 at 8:15 pm

@ Joni, thanks

@ Shalamar, it could have gone either way, and it was the spur of a moment. It seemed to have gone over with the mother in a positive way. If she later cursed me after I went around the corner, so be it.

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Marozia April 11, 2013 at 4:42 am

To all you large ladies on this forum, I LOVE YOU ALL! I am also overweight (I’ve lost 10kg recently, and still going). Good for you, for standing up to these shopping-cart bullies.
To all the food bullies out there, thinness as well as obesity are not just ‘lack of self-control’. Some may be due to medical conditions. So MYOB and carry on with your own lives and we will carry on with ours.

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Lou April 11, 2013 at 11:35 am

I impressed myself with a witty comeback in the pub recently. It was my round, ordered a pint for the OH and a vodka and tonic for myself. The barman (all of 19 years old, by my guess) eyeballed me and said ‘Is that slimline tonic?’. I thought this was a cheeky way of putting it (‘would you prefer regular or slimline tonic?’ would have been better) so I responded, ‘No…why, do you think I need it?’ Never seen anyone blush so hard in my life!

I never drink diet soft drinks because I find the artificial sweeteners leave a horrible aftertaste, so I tend to have the full-fat version once or twice a month and stick to water the rest of the time. (to illustrate, I think of myself as a fairly medium-sized person for my height – 5’11 and UK size 12-14, which I think is a US 8-10). Obviously I can’t expect someone to automatically know my preferences, but to assume that I wanted the diet option seemed quite far on the rude and presumptuous side, to me – hopefully he won’t make that mistake again!

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Lisa April 11, 2013 at 6:26 pm

I find it quite sad that the ladies on here feel the need to justify their food/drink choices even now (I only eat it every once in a while, I only drink full-fat versions once or twice a month, I got it for the whole family, not just for myself…) Even in a thread about shaming and horrible rude behaviour, people still sem to be embarrased about themselves, most likely due to the comment they received.
You don’t owe anyone an explaination, you’re just givin power to those comments if you do that.

Also, men saying ‘you won’t get a boyfriend then” and stuff like that ARE doing that for pick-up/sexual reasons. It’s a line, not a rude comment. Like bait, to see if you react. It’s actually advocated in pick-up books. Insulting a girl makes her interact with you, and/or wanting to prove that she’s NOT stupid, ugly, anything. It’s a very nasty form of manipulation and guys who use it are quite vicious/pathetic. The guy who looked appeased at the lesbian comment no doubt had sexual thoughts to go along with it.

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EchoGirl April 11, 2013 at 11:20 pm

Similar thing happened to me, though not food-related but still under the MYOB category. Thanks to some local marathon, all the buses downtown were temporarily rerouted and the detour maps were less than clear, so I missed my bus to get to work and was going to be late. I was pretty new at the time and still in the BE PERFECT, NEVER BE LATE phase so I called a cab. I was trying to explain the intersection where I was and which corner I was on but it was a weird intersection with like five corners so finally I said pick me up in front of X bar which was 20 feet from where I was standing and a well-known place for college student to get plastered, and take me to my job in the aptly-named University Research Park five miles away.

Cab shows up in good time (for which I was grateful, I was pushing it), and the first thing the driver says is “X bar to Research Park, quite a change in atmosphere, isn’t it?” I was too shocked to say anything at the time, but if I had it probably would have been something like “it’s a landmark, not a lifestyle statement.”

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Dezrah April 12, 2013 at 10:32 am

This reminds me of a story my mom told me about when I was very little. I have no personal memory of any of this, so all these details are secondhand.

My family is all naturally thin. One day when we were out shopping an overweight woman walks by and I say something to the effect of “Mommy, look at how fat that woman is.” The woman almost certainly heard but didn’t do anything more than glare in our direction and move on. My mom was pretty embarrassed and explained to me that we don’t talk about other people’s bodies. Why not? Because God makes people in lots of different shapes and sizes and it’s rude and can make people uncomfortable to talk about it. I’ve always been an introspective person and found this information very intriguing.

A few days later, we were out shopping for clothes. At one point an enormous woman, probably larger than I’d seen in my life up to that point, walks by. Apparently my eyes grew wide in amazement. I didn’t say anything just yet, but my mom could see the wheels spinning in my head. After a moment or two, I turn to her and say, “We don’t talk about other people’s bodies, do we.” She nods with a meaningful look. “That’s right. We don’t.”

All my life to this day then I have always sought to respect and interact with people the same regardless of size, shape, race, gender, age, disability, etc. By now this is obviously something that just comes naturally, but if all these other comments are something to go by, this is generally a learned trait that sadly seems to miss large portions of our society. I think it’s truly fascinating to know the story of how my own enlightenment came to pass.

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NostalgicGal April 12, 2013 at 11:25 am

I have sewn for many ‘well built’ ‘generously proportioned’ or ‘well defined’ people. I have gone back and forth the last few decades between many different sizes including the ‘W’ class. I’ve had an issue of a large stomach that makes me look 8 months with a mack truck and instead of being mad about it for some shows I wore a badge button that says Sorry I’m Not Epecting …! and very gently and kindly reassured the other person that it wasn’t out of line for them to ask; it’s just the way I’ve been. I have a very good friend that unless she eats less than 800 calories a day she is going to be very large and she fights a continual struggle on keeping her weight OFF and her nutrition balanced… I’ve also known people that had a stomach stapling and eat a piece of pecan pie for their ‘meal’ (shake head). Their life. Busybodies just need to go buzz off and do something else. There’s many places that could use all that extra energy, too bad we can’t direct them there to volunteer and burn it off constructively.

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Kimberly April 13, 2013 at 8:34 pm

More than once I’ve been checking a bag of chips or chocolate bar for peanuts and some joker will make a “still unhealthy” comment. I usually reply – Just want to make sure I’ll keep breathing after eating it – with a teacher stare.

(I could have bought the same thing yesterday – I still check the labels after a nasty reaction while driving on the HW due to a change in recipe )

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manybellsdown April 14, 2013 at 6:01 pm

@MichelleP – ahahaha yes, because slapping some bell peppers and olives on *Pizza Hut* is going to make it healthy? I don’t think she thought that comment through!

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Enna April 15, 2013 at 11:32 am

This is very bad behaviour I feel sorry for the OP. I hope the OP put more pies in the cart then saw the same lady at the checkout!

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Hannafate April 18, 2013 at 3:56 pm

I have a standard response for people who get into my business like that. I give them a flat look, and say in as deadly a voice as I can, “Didn’t your Mother teach you not to mess with psycho killers?”

Because, these buttinskis know NOTHING about you. For all they know, you will stalk them out to their car, follow them home, and burn their house down. They’ve been lucky if all that has happened to them so far is people bursting into tears.

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Enna April 20, 2013 at 9:21 am

It is shocking!

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ClassicSunrise May 21, 2013 at 11:50 pm

I don’t think anyone else’s diet is anyone’s business. If a person wants to eat nothing but junk food and potato chips, it’s entirely their right to do so; however, if I saw a pregnant woman smoking, I would definitely say something. It’s one thing to poison your own body but to do it to an innocent baby who has no choice to be expose to those toxins, well, I think that’s despicable.

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RedWitch July 31, 2013 at 5:54 am

OP, I think its horrible what you had to go through. I’m short, with hidden disabilities, I’ve had people trying to me feel inferior about my occasional lack of ability. This is my favourite response: “Whatever”, then turn away quick smart. It’s very difficult for the other person to continue their rant (I mean without looking seven kinds of idiot) if you very clearly have stopped listening. I hope all these responses help, and you don’t have to go through a situation like that again.

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