I’m looking for some advice on whether I am the victim of poor etiquette or just being overly sensitive. I am a social person but I also have a polite spine. I am not afraid to say no to a social activity if it is not conducive to my schedule or an emergency arises. In recent weeks I passed on two dinners. One was a fundraiser connected to my work, we had plenty interested in going and a limited ticket budget so I passed so some of the new staff members could attend. The other was dinner with a group of girlfriends that I was excited to attend but unfortunately became ill so I stayed home to rest and keep my germs at bay from others.
Following each of these dinners I received messages from people who went saying “You missed a great time!” My first reaction was to feel hurt. I did want to go to these dinners but stayed home for good reasons, is it fair to rub it in that I couldn’t partake in the fun? I am always sensitive to others who aren’t included no matter the reason. I think it is okay to share how much fun you had but not to say how much fun the others missed.
Am I too sensitive about this? Perhaps over analyzing the meaning of the message? Or is it reasonable to be offended that others brag about what I missed? 0502-13
It would have been better if they had said, “You were missed! We had a lovely time but your absence was felt.” That conveys the thought that they were thinking of you, and encourages you to come the next time because they enjoy your company.
I, personally, would not take offense and prefer to view it as they are awkwardly expressing their belief that you would have enjoyed the evening with them. I’d rather have someone acknowledge in some clumsy way that they thought of me and how much fun they knew I would have had, then the alternative which is completely putting me mentally on the shelf without a further thought.