Two years ago, I married a divorced man with a big extended family. While many of his relatives – none of whom I’d previously met – came to the our wedding, some couldn’t, including one brother and sister-in-law. We did receive a wedding gift from them, an obvious regift set of candles, one of which was broken. (This could not have been a ‘We wanted to send you something even though we can’t afford it’ gift. They have two homes, and the husband, although retired, is on the board of a very chi chi private college.) I thought the gift was odd, but sent a very appreciative thank you card anyway.
It was several months after our wedding that I finally met this brother and his wife at another family event. Now the brother is just about the warmest, most charming person you could ever hope to meet. But his wife refused to shake my hand, or even make eye contact.
We were at another event last month, and again, she acted like I wasn’t there. I am basically very shy and socially inept, so I’m reluctant to ask her what the problem is.
I’m a middle-aged woman, not some young hottie who drives men wild, so it’s not as if she has anything to worry about. I am nobody’s idea of a trophy wife. I did not break up my husband’s marriage. I’ve met his ex, and she has always been friendly and hospitable to me. And the rest of his family has been very welcoming.
We should be invited to this couple’s grandson’s christening in another month or two, and I dread having to feel like I’m some horrible person that my sister-in-law can’t stand being in the same room with.
My husband won’t say anything to her, and her husband seems not to notice.
Any recommendations?? 0802-13
Why, why, why are you giving this woman such enormous power over you to negatively affect your mood and perception of all family functions? Why can you not focus on the “very welcoming” attitude of the entire rest of the family? It’s as if you are trying your darnedest to only see the one rotten apple in the entire orchard of lovely fruit. Unless you want to fertilize the seeds of family drama, I suggest ignoring her and concentrate on being grateful that the rest of the family are kind, welcoming people.