The Family Photograph That Excludes, Part 2

by admin on September 8, 2013

I had to think long and hard about whether to post the second half of this story.   Frankly, MIL sounds like an internet troll and DIL “Tami” her willing accomplice to play an interesting spoof on Ehell readers. So many opinions touch on inflammatory themes trolls love to exploit, i.e. anti-Catholicism, homophobia, anti-breastfeeding, etc.   Can someone really be that obnoxious?  Yes, I’ve met a few over the  years.   Second, assuming this story is true, I realized that the pages of Ehell had become a battleground between these women who apparently have no ability to constructively resolve their issues face to face.   Some serious family counseling is needed.  Therefore, I’ve decided that I have let both women say their peace (Tami’s statements can be read in the comment section of the first part) and I will not be approving any further messages from these two embattled women.

I’m the woman who posted the story about my daughter in law crashing my family photo.

Some background on her.
She and my son got together when they were teenagers. They ‘fell in love’ and now they’ve been ‘married’ for 3 years.  When my son was 13 he decided he wanted to own his own contracting firm. He helped my husband on some of his jobs and realized her liked the work. However he was a bit more ambitious. However now he’s 29 and still works for someone else. He does make good money but she is the one who told him to stay in his current position.  After they got together she was over here or he was over at her house. I’d come home and there they were, on my couch, hogging the TV, and eating junk food constantly. I had to turn Sunday into family days just to spend some time without her there. She of course decided to retaliate with having my son over to spend time with HER family once a week.  Then they wanted to get an apartment together while they were in college. However I put a stop to that since my husband and I footed the bill for my son’s schooling. He did a trade school in two areas-contracting and landscape. Then he also took some economics and business courses at a community college. She got an art degree and is now a high school art teacher. She doesn’t make much yet she just bought a new car. My son must have paid for it.

Then their sham of a wedding took place. Completely tacky and on a beach. They had no bar whatsoever because she has relatives who would have taken advantage and gotten drunk. But they had a non-denominational service on a beach instead of a Catholic ceremony in a Catholic church so their marriage doesn’t even count. Now she’s pregnant and refuses to baptize the babies when they get here. Some nonsense about letting them choose their own faith when their older. I’m going to have to find a way to convince my son or take them myself. I’m not letting MY grandbabies go to hell because their mother is a heathen. It’s bad enough that they will be bastards in the eyes of god since their parents aren’t really married. 0905-13

Another thing! She won’t let me in the delivery room to see MY grandbabies come into the world. Her mother is upset too, she’s not allowed in either. In fact, she’s said she won’t even let us know when she’s in labor, they’ll tell us when the babies are born. THEN we have to wait at least TWO WEEKS to meet them. Too bad. She might be able to keep me out of her hospital room but i’m camping out in front of their house and will see those babies the second they get home. She’s also being completely selfish and breastfeeding just so I can’t feed them. She won’t name either baby after me. Not even a middle name. Some nonsense about giving the babies their own identity. That doesn’t even make sense. She refused a baby shower because she thinks they are ‘greedy’. She is having a party a few weeks after the babies get here instead with immediate family only. As in parents, grandparents, and siblings. I already invited my sister and her family as well as a few of my friends. If she has a problem with that then she can leave. To top it all off my granddaughters will have a green nursery. I warned my daughter in law that she was going to turn my grandbabies into tomboys or maybe even lesbians but she just laughed and said, ‘Well, what’s wrong with that?”
She’s practically forcing my grandbabies to be huge sinners on top of being unbaptized bastards. 0905-13

{ 156 comments… read them below or add one }

gramma dishes September 8, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Yes. Definitely sounds trollish to me. It would be hard to believe anyone could actually be that intensely obnoxious.
However, as Admin said, there (sadly) really are people like that out there! I’m guessing that if there is any validity to this post at all, this is one Mother/ Grandmother to Be who will suddenly find herself the recipient of a very abrupt and severe direct cut by both her daughter-in-law and her own son. And if the story’s even half true, I can’t think of a more deserving person for it to happen to.

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Comradde PhysioProffe September 8, 2013 at 7:41 pm

There is no way this is not a massive troll.

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Angel September 8, 2013 at 7:47 pm

This whole story is almost unbelievable. Almost. I have two brothers and my mom has vented to me about some things, regarding their wives–not as extreme as that stuff but, it can be difficult for some moms to accept their child living a life that is not like theirs. In the OP’s defense though, maybe if the DIL would compromise and let the grandparents see the babies earlier than two weeks, they probably wouldn’t be freaking out as much about being left out of the delivery room. Just a theory. But all the other stuff just seems completely crazy–on the MIL’s part! Totally without boundaries! If my MIL camped out in front of my house–I’m not sure what I would do but I think the police might have to be called. I feel even more sorry for the DIL than I did before. She’s a braver person than I am, because if my MIL would have acted like this I don’t think I would have married my DH, let alone had children with him.

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Meghan Magee September 8, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Yeah, sounds like trolls to me.

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Jewel September 8, 2013 at 8:33 pm

No way is this real. “MIL” has to either be: a) an Internet troll; or b) certifiable and in need of in-patient mental health treatment.

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JoW September 8, 2013 at 8:40 pm

I’d like to know if the poster’s MIL was in the delivery room when the poster’s son was born. Heck, I’d like to know if the poster’s MIL made any of the demands the poster is making on her DIL. I do know that if she were my MIL I would move at least a 12-hour drive away.

I agree with Admin. This family dynamic is so far gone this site can’t help.

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j-wo September 8, 2013 at 8:48 pm

Yep, don’t feed the trolls.

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Abby September 8, 2013 at 9:10 pm

Agree definitely an Internet troll. Especially the part about how DIL is bad because she doesn’t want a baby shower. Admin, can you look at the IP addresses? I am guessing they are different but located in the same general area. Probably two bored roommates high fiving each other right this second over how many comments they can get. OP really upped the ante with the part 2.

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Jackie September 8, 2013 at 9:11 pm

I thought it sounded kind of fake as well. If it’s not, someone needs to cut the apron strings before the DS severs all ties.

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The Elf September 8, 2013 at 9:23 pm

If she’s an internet troll she certainly knows her business! She hit *all* the hot buttons! If not, then she is a mother-in-law to take all mother-in-laws. For instance, the swipe at DIL for not making enough money to buy her own brand new car and so her husband must have bought it for her. Duh! THEY’RE MARRIED! Even couples who like to keep their finances separate recognize household need like making sure they have reliable transportation.

I agree; if this family is for real, they need professional help. You know who I feel sorry for? The son/husband.

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Teacup September 8, 2013 at 9:37 pm

I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly. For my own sanity, I refuse to believe this is real. Troll all the way.

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Aje September 8, 2013 at 9:37 pm

Like admin, I would never have believed it until I met someone like that. Yes, these people exist.

However I´m starting to like the daughter in law more and more. To have a mother in law like this and stand your ground? I can even understand the smirky picture now. lol.

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Kimberly Herbert September 8, 2013 at 9:39 pm

Troll – and if on the off chance real seriously and dangerously off her rocker. FOrget two weeks the DIL and her DH need witness protection. (Anyone who threatens to have children baptized or taken to a church against the parents wishes never gets to see the kids.

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crebj September 8, 2013 at 9:54 pm

Certifiable.

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Otterpop September 8, 2013 at 9:55 pm

Wow, I got married in a non-denominational church 25 years ago and have 2 nearly grown daughter’s. Didn’t know we were living in sin and raising bastards for 2 decades. If this lady were my MIL I’d have trouble restraining my fist from her nose. Definitely a TROLL.

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Abby September 8, 2013 at 10:03 pm

So let’s review- DIL is a bad person because:
1. She wants her children to choose their own religion
2. She removes alcohol from a situation that could lead to bad drunken consequences
3. She doesn’t want people to feel obligated to buy things for her
4. She is treating her MIL and her mother the same so no one feels left out
5. She isn’t upset at the thought of her children turning out gay

So, basically all her complaints actually make Tami look even more saintly than Tami’s side did and the overbearing MIL look absolutely unredeemable. Gee “OP”, why not just tie “Tami” to the train tracks and twirl your mustaches villainously while you’re at it?

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Mer September 8, 2013 at 10:14 pm

Ye-es, I’d go with the troll too. If OP had read any of the other posts on this page, she would have had an hunch that it would not go down well. On the other hand I must admit that person who would on their own think this is okay would be too oblivious to see any opposing ideas.

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Ergala September 8, 2013 at 10:18 pm

And this is exactly why I said I smell a rat.

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Michelle C Young September 8, 2013 at 10:26 pm

Dear Lord, I pray that this woman is actually an internet troll.

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Michelle C Young September 8, 2013 at 10:28 pm

I have to admit, I love the “to top it all off” bit. Traditionally, something that “tops it all” is the best (or in this case worst) thing, and she chooses a green nursery to be the pinnacle of her complaints.

Wow.

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Michelle C Young September 8, 2013 at 10:34 pm

Can this be real? As the Admin says, she’s met a few over the years. I once met a woman who told me that at her father’s funeral, her in-laws actually tried to push her into the grave.

So, yeah, I can believe it. I just can’t *believe* it. Good grief!

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Anastasia September 8, 2013 at 11:05 pm

Troll. Several things are phrased in such a way that they are meant to sound offensive, and not as though the author really believed any of it.

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doodlemor September 8, 2013 at 11:10 pm

Trip, trap, trip, trap! This person needs to go back under the bridge!

Her post reads like she included every etiquette violation that she could remember. There just seems like to much detail to be true.

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RC September 8, 2013 at 11:18 pm

I feel the person who wrote that is a troll for sure.

One thing that worries me or makes me sad is this; that the person who wrote these replies is trolling, however the initial post (about the family photo saga) was genuine. Someone may have hijacked MIL’s story and posed as this awful troll…. Imagine being MIL and coming back and reading this follow up, that someone thought that of you, the homophobia and religious extremism and narrow mindedness….

On the other hand, it could just be true, it could be MIL. In which case, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore (meme, not seriously)

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KA September 8, 2013 at 11:18 pm

…wow.

I hope this isn’t true. I thought my MIL was difficult, this is insanity level.

Though since the super-religious OP didn’t capitalize “God,” I’m going to use that as evidence to reassure myself this is a batch of nonsense. Springer-level nonsense.

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Ellex September 8, 2013 at 11:38 pm

I think we got poe’d.

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rings90 September 8, 2013 at 11:55 pm

Parts of this sound like my Ex MIL. She was upset I wouldn’t sign the form promising to bring the possible kids up as Catholic when we got married. My ex wasn’t overly religious tho, I as a protestant knew more about his Religious Customs than he did. Ex MIL was a Total Religious Nut Case, like the OP is. My reasons for not signing was the fact that as the Mom, I would be responsible for getting them to church, Sunday school etc. Also she told her 2 Grandkids that their other Grandma was in Hell, because she wasn’t a Catholic. There was NO WAY I was going to allow her to bring up the religious training of my possible kids to be so ignorant and unrespectful of different religions.

My EX, cheated on me & her response was well since your not really married because you didn’t convert, he’s really not breaking marriage vows. She & her daughters would go out w/ him & his mistress as a family unit, as he called home saying he was working late. I hope she rots in purgatory. Thank goodness we didn’t have kids.

I don’t understand the breast feeding rant or the colour green rants at all. Most women who breastfeed don’t they also pump, so the babies can be bottle fed by the dad or the daycare?

Who cares what colour the nursery is? Green is a neutral colour, if you aren’t finding out the sex of the babies, green is a Great colour to go with.

On a side note, there’s no way I’d start my own contracting business in this economic climate. The wife has good sense to tell her husband this isn’t the right time to do that.

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David September 9, 2013 at 12:02 am

I think that Etiquette hell is being trolled. The differences in syntax between the first and second letters are glaring.

However, on the off chance that these two letters are really true:

OP, the children that are being born are the progeny of your son and your daughter-in-law. They, as the parents, will be the ones making decisions about who visits and when. They (not you) will also be the ones deciding how much contact you can have with your grandchildren.

It might behoove you to understand that you need to change your behavior to be more gracious.

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NostalgicGal September 9, 2013 at 12:07 am

This so sounds manufactured.

Though I do have a SIL who is still po’ed to high heaven that her younger brother could actually catch a wife and after 31 years of marriage I’m still not going away. (or so the simple gist from an older sister that had to deal with her recently over some things let me know).

I would say on these two especially this second one, there will be nothing the regular crew ehellions can do or say to help this situation; and Ms. Jeanne; might be best to close this one out.

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Cammie September 9, 2013 at 12:11 am

Either she’s a troll or the most hate-filled person on the planet.

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ERHR September 9, 2013 at 12:36 am

What has started off weird but straightforward has gotten completely unbelievable. I’m not even sure this situation is real, much less these identities. I don’t think anyone would speak about her own beliefs the way the above emails are written – ‘nonsense??’ ‘Tami’ said in the comments of the last post that she has access to her MIL’s email account, so even if the first submission from the MIL is real, these follow-ups could very well be written by the DIL attempting to make the MIL look even worse.

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Simmi September 9, 2013 at 12:46 am

GET A GRIP AND GET SOME COUNSELLING. You sound more and more like a horrible person with each word you write. I’m not surprised the daughter in law is cutting you out of so many things because you sound clingy and overbearing. Back off and give them space and give them time to grow their family. It’s THEIR family now, NOT YOURS. Who cares how they met? Who cares if they don’t name the kids after you. That’s THEIR DECISION because its THEIR CHILDREN.

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Jill September 9, 2013 at 12:58 am

There is no possible way this is real. Every single sentence is a punchline about crazy MILs. Seriously, there’s just no way.

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Anna September 9, 2013 at 1:06 am

Trolls, both of them. I suspected it with the first letter and it was confirmed, for me, by the post by the “daughter in law”. This is just icing on the cake. Trolls so rarely know how to spoof in moderation. They always have to go over the top.

I do believe that mother-DIL relations can be difficult, don’t get me wrong. But this looks to me as if someone has trawled through our Family and Children section, taking notes on all the issues that have cropped up there over the years, and then brought all the more extreme together in one post (plus follow ups).

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Cat September 9, 2013 at 1:23 am

Does anyone have a link to the original story? This sounds like the DIL posting on behalf of the crazy antics of her MIL.

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Melalucci September 9, 2013 at 1:31 am

I certainly think this post is a troll. Are you sure it’s the same person who actually submitted the first story and not someone pretending to be her?

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admin September 9, 2013 at 4:59 am

It is the same email address and ISP of both the original OP and the follow up OP.

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InNM September 9, 2013 at 1:40 am

In my limited experience, I think that the weirdest stories are usually the ones that are true because you can’t make this stuff up. Does the MIL come across as manipulative and completely irrational with a distinct hatred for her DIL? Yes. But how many Lifetime movies based on real life experiences have we watched with completely irrational people?
OP get thee to a clinical psychologist who specializes in family counselling and who likes a challenge. You think that you’re hurting your daughter in law by “standing your ground” and acting this way but you’re destroying your son by making his wife miserable. YOU ARE WILLINGLY CAUSING YOUR SON PAIN… and you claim to love him. Think about that. It’s not always about you.
DIL: If your MIL starts making an effort to do better, try meeting her halfway. Sometimes people can change but only if they want to.

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Janos September 9, 2013 at 2:02 am

This all just screams troll, no mother in law would talk like that for REAL :/

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admin September 9, 2013 at 4:58 am

I have a real life story pertaining to a family member whose behavior was so outrageous friends told me that if they hadn’t known me and seen the situation themselves, they wouldn’t have believed it. There are people in this world who are both hateful and stupid enough to expose it in rather spectacular ways.

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penguin tummy September 9, 2013 at 2:48 am

Wow, this woman has made someone else’s life all about her! She really needs to go to counselling by herself and with her family. I don’t know anyone that would have more than just their partner or trusted friend in the delivery room. Calling their wedding a sham is ridiculous, considering if the bride wasn’t Catholic and only became Catholic to marry the groom, that would be a sham! My grandma didn’t like that my partner and I weren’t married or that me or my siblings were not christened, but she was polite enough not to talk about it. She respected everyone else’s decision. She also would never demand to have a baby named after her, because she never really liked her name. This lady seriously needs to sort herself out

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Lex September 9, 2013 at 3:16 am

This sounds like troll-speak to me. If not, however, OP you need to grow up! Reading your post you come across as bigoted and opinionated.

There is NOTHING wrong with someone not sharing your religion and just because they didn’t have a catholic ceremony doesn’t mean they aren’t married – they just aren’t married in the eyes of the catholic church. Legally they are.

It is none of your business how she afforded her car – they are a couple so ‘her’ car is actually ‘their’ car so it is largely irrelevant how much your son contributed.

Breastfeeding babies is the BEST possible start and to demand that she bottle feed and deprive the babies of essential antibodies just so you can stick a rubber teat in their mouths and relive your own repressed motherhood experience is beyond selfish. They might be YOUR grandbabies but they her HER daughters and she has far and away MORE rights to them than you.

A Green nursery turning the babies into lesbians? PLEASE! What planet are you living on? Green is lovely restful colour redolent of outdoors and nature. I couldn’t think of a lovelier colour for a nursery quite frankly – although I rather like yellow too.

It may have been a long time since you gave birth but you should remember how tired and emotional you were and give her some space – I wouldn’t want my MIL in the delivery room looking at my private parts thank you and asking for 2 weeks grace with the babies is very sensible – they will have a lot to cope with. Going behind her back to have the babies baptised in your faith is unacceptable. If they were boys and you were Jewish would you take them to be circumcised too? Would you have them undergo FGM by force if it fitted in with YOUR beliefs? You are beyond selfish here.

As an atheist I do not believe in heaven and hell and for your Son and DIL to raise the babies in an open and tolerant family where they are encouraged to explore their beliefs and choose for themselves sounds wonderful to me – My partner and I will be doing exactly the same. It is wrong to force religion on people.

I am stopping here because your post has made me angry. I previously advised your DIL not to use the babies to punish you but quite frankly I’ve changed my mind and think that if she ever lets you within 100 yards of them you should consider yourself lucky. I only hope they end up moving to the other side of the country to escape you.

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Kate September 9, 2013 at 3:23 am

When the first half of the story went up, I was more than willing to accept there were issues and faults on both sides.
Reading this, if this is real, this MIL is a hideous person and I’m so disgusted by everything she has said – I frankly think she’s lucky her son is still willing to talk to her.

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Bill September 9, 2013 at 3:24 am

E-hell has been trolled.

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Kirsten September 9, 2013 at 3:43 am

No, I’m sorry but I don’t believe this for a second. It’s way over the top and not even trying to be convincing.

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jojo September 9, 2013 at 3:53 am

Personally, I can’t wait for the Thanksgiving update where Tami decides not to attend with the babies because she’s had enough of the OP and the younger son turns up with a very nice boyfriend of a different ethnic background.
Frankly, it’s nothing on the sort of shenanigans my aunt would get up to – she once called my primary ( elementary in the US?) school to make some rather nasty false allegations about my stepfather because she doesn’t like him.
Or my father-in-law who physically threatened his other daughter-in-law a couple of weeks ago. Or the drunken relative that took a shower at my great aunt’s wake and then fell asleep on the bed where she died.
Certainly, my own MIL is desperate for me to give up breastfeeding, it’s been her only topic of conversation since we convinced her that there wasn’t a chance in hell she was sticking a dummy in our kid’s mouth.
I write in my spare time. It’s all good material!

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Charliesmum September 9, 2013 at 4:50 am

I really hope this is a troll because otherwise I feel sorry for the OP’s children and future grandchildren. Imagine living with a person so full o bitterness and anger. Can’t be fun at all.

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Easily Amused September 9, 2013 at 4:53 am

Ugh. Very troll like, or just nuts.

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HollyAnn September 9, 2013 at 5:29 am

I believe that this mother in law truly does exist, BUT I don’t believe she is the one writing these original posts. I agree with the folks who suspect that the OP is really Tami or a friend of Tami’s. I have some awful in-laws myself who have basically disowned my husband and want nothing to do with our little children, so I know how this kind of thing can hurt.

Tami, I do feel bad for what you’ve gone through with your MIL, but please don’t use the Internet as a forum for bashing her. If there is any chance you can afford (money and time-wise) counseling with your husband to help you both cope with these issues, please do so. Counseling really helped my husband to get past his parents’ rejection and I highly recommend it!

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Kelly September 9, 2013 at 5:57 am

I, too, hope this is the trolliest of trolls, because if this OP is a real person and serious, she is obnoxiously self-centered and deserves to die alone and abandoned.

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Virg September 9, 2013 at 6:08 am

I have to go with a troll on this one. The articulation between the first MIL post and the second is so different that one person would have difficulty writing both if they had a mind to do it, so I’m left to think that either the first post or the second was ghost written. Given the number of over-the-top trolls in the second, I consider it much more suspect.

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Kate September 9, 2013 at 6:32 am

I agree that this is a troll, and it seems that someone went back and read every story on this website and included all of the controversial issues that come up between mothers in law and daughters in law. Did they also happen to get married on the Titanic?

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