The Family Photograph That Excludes, Part 2

by admin on September 8, 2013

I had to think long and hard about whether to post the second half of this story.   Frankly, MIL sounds like an internet troll and DIL “Tami” her willing accomplice to play an interesting spoof on Ehell readers. So many opinions touch on inflammatory themes trolls love to exploit, i.e. anti-Catholicism, homophobia, anti-breastfeeding, etc.   Can someone really be that obnoxious?  Yes, I’ve met a few over the  years.   Second, assuming this story is true, I realized that the pages of Ehell had become a battleground between these women who apparently have no ability to constructively resolve their issues face to face.   Some serious family counseling is needed.  Therefore, I’ve decided that I have let both women say their peace (Tami’s statements can be read in the comment section of the first part) and I will not be approving any further messages from these two embattled women.

I’m the woman who posted the story about my daughter in law crashing my family photo.

Some background on her.
She and my son got together when they were teenagers. They ‘fell in love’ and now they’ve been ‘married’ for 3 years.  When my son was 13 he decided he wanted to own his own contracting firm. He helped my husband on some of his jobs and realized her liked the work. However he was a bit more ambitious. However now he’s 29 and still works for someone else. He does make good money but she is the one who told him to stay in his current position.  After they got together she was over here or he was over at her house. I’d come home and there they were, on my couch, hogging the TV, and eating junk food constantly. I had to turn Sunday into family days just to spend some time without her there. She of course decided to retaliate with having my son over to spend time with HER family once a week.  Then they wanted to get an apartment together while they were in college. However I put a stop to that since my husband and I footed the bill for my son’s schooling. He did a trade school in two areas-contracting and landscape. Then he also took some economics and business courses at a community college. She got an art degree and is now a high school art teacher. She doesn’t make much yet she just bought a new car. My son must have paid for it.

Then their sham of a wedding took place. Completely tacky and on a beach. They had no bar whatsoever because she has relatives who would have taken advantage and gotten drunk. But they had a non-denominational service on a beach instead of a Catholic ceremony in a Catholic church so their marriage doesn’t even count. Now she’s pregnant and refuses to baptize the babies when they get here. Some nonsense about letting them choose their own faith when their older. I’m going to have to find a way to convince my son or take them myself. I’m not letting MY grandbabies go to hell because their mother is a heathen. It’s bad enough that they will be bastards in the eyes of god since their parents aren’t really married. 0905-13

Another thing! She won’t let me in the delivery room to see MY grandbabies come into the world. Her mother is upset too, she’s not allowed in either. In fact, she’s said she won’t even let us know when she’s in labor, they’ll tell us when the babies are born. THEN we have to wait at least TWO WEEKS to meet them. Too bad. She might be able to keep me out of her hospital room but i’m camping out in front of their house and will see those babies the second they get home. She’s also being completely selfish and breastfeeding just so I can’t feed them. She won’t name either baby after me. Not even a middle name. Some nonsense about giving the babies their own identity. That doesn’t even make sense. She refused a baby shower because she thinks they are ‘greedy’. She is having a party a few weeks after the babies get here instead with immediate family only. As in parents, grandparents, and siblings. I already invited my sister and her family as well as a few of my friends. If she has a problem with that then she can leave. To top it all off my granddaughters will have a green nursery. I warned my daughter in law that she was going to turn my grandbabies into tomboys or maybe even lesbians but she just laughed and said, ‘Well, what’s wrong with that?”
She’s practically forcing my grandbabies to be huge sinners on top of being unbaptized bastards. 0905-13

{ 156 comments… read them below or add one }

Mary September 9, 2013 at 6:33 am

The actions of the OP definitely sound too crazy to be real and if they are real I think the DIL and son are justified in cutting off all contact.

By the way OP, baptism in the Catholic Church doesn’t count if its done in bad faith, such as a grandparent going behind the backs of the baby’s parents and having the baby baptized.

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Lo September 9, 2013 at 6:53 am

Because I have a hard time believing that this letter is real I’m only going to address one part of it and that is something that I can definitely seeing a person who has a serious shortage of compassion and common-sense saying.

” They had no bar whatsoever because she has relatives who would have taken advantage and gotten drunk.”

This is a serious issue that some families have to deal with. There’s no crime not having a bar at a wedding and while it’s unfortunate that some people feel pressured not to (I too would bristle at this because I think that wine and weddings go hand in hand), sometimes a dry wedding is the best choice to be made for the safety and sanity of the family. If there are alcoholics in the family who can’t keep away from an open bar and have a history of causing trouble at family events, if the bride or groom is struggling with sobriety, or maybe even the parents, any person who’s comfort is of paramount importance to the couple basically… these are all reasons why the couple may decide to have a dry wedding, they are all valid and should never in any way reflect poorly on them.

If this letter is indeed true the bride should be lauded for making this choice instead of condemned for it. She is sacrificing something that has been traditional at weddings throughout the ages for the peace and sobriety of her family at an important life event. Rather than look at this as, “How awful that this family can’t even be trusted with liquor” why not frame it as, “how selfless that this couple is putting the family’s needs first.”

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AnnaMontana September 9, 2013 at 7:08 am

I really, really, really want to believe this is an internet troll….but I know way too many psycho ‘mommies’ to believe this is faked.
Unfortunately, I think in this case the MIL is just a cruel, pathetic, whiny little girl, complaining because her Son doesn’t see her as the be all and end all any more.
Grow up!
Also, does this mean my totally irreligious, non-faith, civil ceremony-style vintage wedding isn’t REAL? Cos it sure seems like it’s real, especially the bit where I have to change my name and everything else!
Please, MIL, let me know, cos I’m just dying to find out!

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Roslyn September 9, 2013 at 7:14 am

This is some serious hate. The ONLY thing that helped with my husband’s nutter of a family was distance. They are so busy being wackos that they don’t have time for us. We live a peaceful, enjoyable life and no longer concern ourselves with them.

It’s a shame, I used to be jealous of his big family get togethers. Then, as I watched the dynamic I realized it was all a shame, these people have deep issues with each other and they were pretending. As the years have gone by it has crumbled into a nightmare and we just keep away to protect ourselves from being sucked down into the void.

To the daughter, Tami, get away, get far away. You can’t fix this level of hate.

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Steph September 9, 2013 at 7:19 am

I was suspicious of the first post. “Tami’s” comments and now the second post has cemented that this is indeed a troll. The writing style of the “mil” is completely unnatural and trying far too hard to be inflammatory. I don’t doubt that “Tami” and the MIL are the same person. I just don’t understand the purpose of trolling.

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Abby September 9, 2013 at 7:29 am

“It is the same email address and ISP of both the original OP and the follow up OP.”

So both came from the same computer…however, I don’t think they were written by the same person. OP #1 is, let’s give credit where it’s due, very subtle, while coming across as hostile. Yet, not so completely over the top that someone would say, there is no way this is a real post. The follow up, on the other hand, was overly satirical. If I had to guess (and I am quite the internet detective), I’d say OP, based on a somewhat true story, was written by a friend of “Tami’s”, on “Tami’s” computer, and when said friend wasn’t available for a follow up, “Tami” took a crack at filling in herself and completely missed the mark on mimicking her friend’s overall tone and subtlety.

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Junely September 9, 2013 at 7:30 am

I hope it’s Adventures in Trolling. I really do.

Then again, I recall my father’s favorite misquote of the science fiction author, Arthur C. Clarke. Dad always said, “People can not only be crazier than you imagine, they can be crazier than you CAN imagine.” It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if it were true.

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Jenn50 September 9, 2013 at 7:33 am

Yup, I feel trolled. I agree with those who say this follow-up is written to cast MIL in the worst possible light.

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Shannan September 9, 2013 at 7:34 am

My MIL would be apologizing for calling my babies heathens & bastards, or I will be calling the police if I see her even ATEMPTING to see my babies.

This is absolutely the trashiest thing I’ve read about.

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Mae September 9, 2013 at 7:51 am

Either this is a troll or the most clueless, selfish and hateful MIL/person in the world.

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Karee September 9, 2013 at 8:02 am

I’d say delete this post, Admin. It’s not real. Even the writing style is different from the original post last week. Don’t feed the trolls.

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Kiki September 9, 2013 at 8:08 am

Complete troll, here. I was willing to believe the previous story and even the “DILs” perspective, but this is over-the-top ridiculous. You’ve had your say now go get a life and find a hobby.

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Teapot September 9, 2013 at 8:18 am

This new post has the some voice as Tami’s response to the first post. The dead giveaway is that the word however is used way too much in both.

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tinkytinky September 9, 2013 at 8:33 am

It may be a troll…..or it could be my MIL, for I have seen my MIL do almost every one of the items mentioned to her children/DILs/SILs. There is a reason that the saying goes “the truth is stranger than fiction”. If it’s true, I feel sorry for the DIL and hope that her and her DH give the MIL the cut direct as soon as possible, if for nothing else than her and her family’s sanity!

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hakayama September 9, 2013 at 8:43 am

Just because the OP sounds like caricature, it does not mean that she’s not everything she says she is…
Let me remind you of the several websites that are forums for mostly DILs: “Mother in law stories”, “The DIL Society”, “I hate my in laws”. I highly recommend
Some of the complaints are about inconsequential issues. However, too many case histories involve individuals that are beyond help other than heavy medication, padded cells or deserted islands.
Let’s keep in mind that, according to the mental health folks that keep track of those things, 15% of the population is emotionally/mentally “off”. Someone “in the know” insists that it’s more like 20%. Translating it into real life, it means that ONE in FIVE individuals is out of balance. Slightly to severely. So it should not be surprising to some across those disturbed specimens on a daily basis…
My own in laws were good people, but I’ve come across live specimens that fit, and exceed, the “mold” presented by today’s poster.
An otherwise very gracious and correct acquaintance was most disappointed that her granddaughter would breastfeed her infant son. She so wanted to be able to bond with him through bottle feedings. ;-) Their living 500 miles apart did not matter. This is also the woman who provided that prepubescent granddaughter with “hooker in training” type of outfits so that she would not become lesbian…
“Truth is stranger than fiction” is an expression that has some merit…

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Library Diva September 9, 2013 at 8:46 am

Aside from everything else in this post, what parent still holds a child to his or her middle-school career goals? I wonder if my parents are secretly bitterly disappointed in me for not earning that Academy Award yet.

A lot of people want to own their own business until they find out what-all it entails. A lot of the work involved is out of your own specialty. You may love construction and contracting. You may have much less love for doing taxes, accounting, marketing, advertising, employee management, location scouting, etc. Or, the son in this story (if there’s any truth here whatsoever) may have simply made a decision, along with his wife, that now is not the right time. But this whole post is ridiculous. I genuinely hope it isn’t real. Otherwise, I feel very sorry for the poster. She is going to drive everyone away with this attitude, sooner or later. She’ll lose her sons and won’t have a relationship with her granddaughters, and it will strain her marriage because her husband will be caught in the middle. OP, if you are real, which is stronger: your hate for your DIL or your love for your son and granddaughters?

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Jinx September 9, 2013 at 8:49 am

Seriously agreeing with Admin here. This has *got* to be trolling.

On the tiny, scary little chance it isn’t:

Dear OP/MIL: your actions are so horrifying, the internet believes you’re trolling us. We believe this is a made up story about a horrific MIL. Correction… horrible, selfish, self-centered human being.

I absolutely want to believe no one like this could ever exist. On that scary, slim chance you do… get help. It’s absolutely you.

To the troll/person posting as the “MIL”: Congrats at creating an evil Cruella DeVil inspired character we could all rally against due to the absurdity. How could we not? It’s much more productive to read stories about real people, though. If this is a troll, you possibly need help, too. Not the most malicious troll act I’ve ever seen, but there’s not a lot of “lulz” value in what you’re doing either.

Long story short: Whoever the OP is, stop what you’re doing. Everything you’re doing. It seems like you’re kind of a crazy person any way I slice it.

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Wild Irish Rose September 9, 2013 at 9:05 am

Stupid, ridiculous, and non-productive.

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just4kicks September 9, 2013 at 9:09 am

I’m not interested in feeding the trolls either, but, if this is real I take offense to the “tacky beach” wedding. My husband and I wanted a destination wedding when we married. Due to the failing health of relatives on both sides we had a lovely sunset wedding at a local park officiated by the Mayor of our city. Fast forward to our 10th anniversary, my hubby arranged for my folks to look after our five kids for three days so he could take me on a little anniversary trip. When we got to the shore, my DH presented me with a beautiful new diamond engagement ring, AND a surprise vow renewal on the beach at sunset. He spent six months setting this whole thing up and I was surprised and very, very touched. It was completely lovely and romantic. Also, my five kids who weren’t baptized will be glad to know they are bastards. I’m truly hoping this is made up, and if it’s not, well God Bless you, Tami. You’ve got a long and tedious road ahead! I did get a kick out of Tami is only breastfeeding to spite the MIL….really?!?

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Lynne September 9, 2013 at 9:12 am

Every single word of this post reads as ridiculous over-the-top trolling. Do you really have nothing better to do, OP?

If my mother behaved the way this lady does toward my spouse? Yeah, I’d cut off all contact with her to protect my wife and kids (or husband and kids). Way to alienate people. The responses read a bit too much like the same hand, and I guess the OP must be really bored.

Wait… now I’m bored too. Right. Back to real life :)

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The Elf September 9, 2013 at 9:17 am

Janos: “This all just screams troll, no mother in law would talk like that for REAL :/”

Sadly, I know a person who would talk like that for real. But he’d never send something into a site like this because he needs no validation for his opinions.

I agree this is a troll. But there really are people out there that intolerant and hateful. Be lucky you haven’t encountered any of them.

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Nestholder September 9, 2013 at 9:18 am

This is patently a troll. It’s a troll who reads eHell regularly. Possibly even one of our members.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

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Another Sarah September 9, 2013 at 9:18 am

Ok, I believed the first story but this is ridiculous.
Even the first half of this post doesn’t match the second – we’ve gone from “she’s holding my son back by telling him to stay at his job” to “A green bedroom will turn you into a lesbian” in the space of 3 paragraphs.

I’m with the contingent who thinks the first post was true but this second one is Tami using MIL’s email. No way this is true

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Cat September 9, 2013 at 9:36 am

Not only is she worthy of being a Troll, she is an uneducated Troll. The marriage is valid according to Catholic doctrine, but illicit. The children are certainly not bastards and, even if they were, the child is not held liable for the sins of a parent-or I’d be worried about her son.
Ms. O’Hair went all the way to the Supreme Court to ensure her boy was not indoctrinated with Christian beliefs. He became a born-again Christian set on saving his mother’s soul. Good luck with making your kids believe what you want them to believe.
Her demands for control of her son’s life make me feel that she has major mental problems. Spewing hatred does not win you friends or influence with an adult son. Were I her daughter-in-law, I would seek a restraining order before she shows up with a gun.

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badkitty September 9, 2013 at 9:45 am

Well, she’s either an internet troll – in which case it’s a good thing admin shut her down – or she’s a real-life troll and it’s a good thing her DIL isn’t trusting her with the babies since she’d probably cart them off to her home under the bridge to fatten them up before eating them.

Either way, this is an individual in need of serious professional help, of the sort an internet forum can’t provide.

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Daisy September 9, 2013 at 10:03 am

I’m going to go with “troll” because I shudder to think that someone can be this ignorant and hateful in real life. Thanks, Admin, for shutting off the tap on this bitter spew of nastiness.

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PrincessButtercup September 9, 2013 at 10:16 am

Could be troll but sadly could be real. It has happened before and will happen again.
Mom clearly needs to grow up and cut the creepy strings. When you battle a wife for your sons every affection, you look like a creepy mother who got confused about appropriate boundaries.

And your son did not buy her a car, they are joined (even if you ignore the marriage, they still have a domestic partnership and you looking to get rid of her means you want your son to be an adulterer) so _they_ bought a car with their shared finances.

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Pam September 9, 2013 at 10:18 am

Yep – agree, this is goofy.

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Michaela September 9, 2013 at 10:23 am

This reeks of troll. I have serious doubts that any of this is true.

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Tina September 9, 2013 at 10:25 am

I think this may have been written by someone other than the mother-in-law, but I have a feeling it is a list of everything the daughter-in-law has heard he MIL say. A lot of it sounds like things I used to hear in the past coming out of the mouths of too many people I know. :(

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Ashley September 9, 2013 at 10:26 am

Wow, I usually read Ehell at work in the mornings, but I spent two days this week in the hospital and the rest of the week recouping at home, and now it’s Monday and I’m back at work. Seems like I missed a lot….

Anyway, I gotta call troll on this one because I know there are awful people in this world but this just SCREAMS troll…

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getrealgirl September 9, 2013 at 10:28 am

This woman is off the rails overbearing, entitled, nasty, and hateful. To be clear, I’m talking about the MIL. I certainly hope this is made up, the utter misery of dealing with someone like this in actuality is just too depressing. I’d be seriously contemplating a move to somewhere very distant from this harridan.

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Stacey Frith-Smith September 9, 2013 at 10:28 am

Troll, and not a clever one. Insults are too general and enumerated complaints too broad in scope by far to be those of a mere “hater” since the labels roll without much embellishment. Sad.

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Lilac September 9, 2013 at 10:33 am

This sounds to me like the DIL is speaking in the voice of the MIL–or at least the voice she hears–exaggerated or not. Perhaps after years of hearing “you aren’t really married” and “my son must have paid for that” she has finally snapped and decide to impersonate the MIL to garner some sympathy via the internet. The complaints of the MIL read like a list of failings the DIL has had said to her face and heard whispered behind her back (or told to her by her husband) for years and years.
Side note–both sets of my grandparents were Catholic but my parents chose not to baptize my siblings and I and to not raise us Catholic. My (now ex) MIL, upon hearing this said if she was my grandmother she would have taken us to get baptized in secret. She is normally pretty reasonable but that sort of thing runs deep I guess. I am an atheist and have raised both my kids without religion. I think she prays for them a lot :). She also tells me what a fantastic mom I am so she isn’t too bad lol.

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Chicalola September 9, 2013 at 10:38 am

If she is really like this….I feel horrible for the poor DIL!!!!! Yikes! I wonder if she realizes how horrible she sounds? Why on earth would she expect support from this group? She comes off as a selfish baby….the MIL of horror stories! Her son made the decision to marry her, she doesn’t have to go along with the MIL’s Catholic beliefs. I also do not believe in baptizing babies….and it’s horrible she would try and have it done behind her back!! And using breastfeeding as a way to keep her away???? REALLY????? Oh Tami……I just feel so bad for you.

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Mich September 9, 2013 at 11:30 am

Screams troll to me……..BUT shows shades of my sister’s MIL.

I think that that is what is so bothersome, that so many here have just a shred of doubt because we know someone where these attitudes are not that far off base.

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Filiagape September 9, 2013 at 11:33 am

This can’t possibly be real.

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Dee September 9, 2013 at 11:43 am

The two submissions are very different in style. The first one, while showing the OP to be very rude/insensitive, seems to still be written by someone (at least partially) in touch with reality. The second one not at all. Tami’s comments also seem to be lucid; this makes me wonder if the first submission is authentic, Tami’s comments are authentic, but someone else using the same computer/IP address decided to have some fun and go to town. The first submission does not mention the DIL’s advanced (twin’s?) pregnancy; surely if the DIL was that big it would have been mentioned in context of this family picture. The OP mentions the DIL’s clothing but not her massive belly? Odd. Everything seems too disconnected to be real. But then, truth IS stranger than fiction.

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Brenda September 9, 2013 at 11:47 am

I think it’s trollish, but I also think it may be the daughter-in-law writing in. I’ve known people like the mother-in-law, but I can’t see that kind of person writing into a forum like this or writing like this. It sounds like things that have been said to the DIL, maybe by multiple members of her husband’s family, and she’s gathered them up and posted them here.

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ferretrick September 9, 2013 at 11:47 am

Troll for sure-I’m on Team Tami is writing both the posts and the comments. She may be basing it on wildly exaggerating things her real life MIL has said/done, or the story is completely fictitious, but either way I don’t believe MIL could actually submit two such tone deaf letters.

Another clue is that in this letter the MIL is so over the top religious, yet she doesn’t capitalize God in the 2nd paragraph.

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Calli Arcale September 9, 2013 at 11:59 am

Does Poe’s Law extend to etiquette advice boards? I’m going to say “yes”, based on this. On the slim chance that this is legit, OP, you need to think seriously what it means when you’re so messed up that people think you can’t possibly be real.

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Sarah Jane September 9, 2013 at 12:06 pm

Agreed…the accusations, complaints, and name calling are just too over-the-top to have been submitted by someone truly seeking sympathy for her plight.

OP? Tami? Where are you now?

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EllenS September 9, 2013 at 12:15 pm

This is beyond a troll – this is satire! Anybody who is self-aware enough to articulate all these thoughts in a continuous stream, and relate them to each other, would have to hear themselves and either change or shut up.

People who maintain that level of self-centeredness do so with the aid of heaping helpings of denial and self-justification.

I’m sure there are MIL’s out there who feel and think all these things. But I just don’t believe they would be able to express them in an itemized list, it’s much too straightforward.

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Bill September 9, 2013 at 12:16 pm

I certainly believe people like this exist. Some day I will submit my own absolutely insane story. The reason this reeks of troll to me is the phrasing and word choice in the follow-up letter. It reads more like someone doing an impression of a crazy person, than the crazy person herself. They’re saying things they know to be inflammatory, not because they believe them, but to spark a response. All the things listed, may very well be true. But, if they are, the post was written by DIL to get sympathy about her crazy MIL.
Many months back there was a thread in the forums that was a good example of, either a real crazy MIL, or a spot-on impression of one. This one is less adept.

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asp September 9, 2013 at 12:32 pm

this is such an obvious troll post it’s ridiculous. ugh. waste of time to read.

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Justine September 9, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Get your son to a doctor immediately! It sounds like he was born without a backbone! (end sarcasm)

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kingsrings September 9, 2013 at 1:49 pm

I have to believe that this a phony story written by a troll as well. Everything they say has the tone of trying to bait people, for one. And the story getting more heated and shocking as it goes along. In addition, like Kate said, it “coincidentally” hits all the issues that are known as hot button issues on Etiquette Hell. Yes, I do believe that someone out there has way too much time on their hands.

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Kirst September 9, 2013 at 1:49 pm

If this isn’t trolling, the mother in law is the most unChristian Catholic I’ve ever heard of.

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Mariam67 September 9, 2013 at 1:54 pm

There is no way this person isn’t a troll. Absolutely no way.

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HM September 9, 2013 at 1:57 pm

Hmm… I know a woman who not only started mean half-truth rumors about the people she was in conflict with, but quoted herself doing so to me, who knew the whole truth–quoted herself saying “My landlords want to shoot my dogs” when I knew her landlords had requested that *one* of her dogs (which had bitten someone) not remain on their property after a certain date. She seemed to think I would sympathize rather than ask her why on earth she was lying to people.

So… yeah… it’s *possible* this is not a troll.

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