I have a very good, close friend. I’ll call him Mordechai. We met as part of a D&D (Dungeons & Dragons) group that was formed by a mutual friend. About a year into our friendship, he started dating this woman, I’ll call her Siobhan. Upon first meeting her at a biweekly game session, I cordially introduced myself and shook hands with her, as I genuinely wanted to get to know her. She gave me a sweet smile and we traded jokes back and forth throughout the night as the game dragged on; I figured I may have found a new friend in Siobhan.
All was not well with the two though, it seemed. A few months pass. Another mutual friend, who here I’ll call Phelan, kept telling me of fights the two were having and how they were starting to fall apart. Apparently the chemistry between the two fizzled. But the next week? Siobhan and Mordechai were side by side with one another, though the warmth I saw between them the night I met her was all but gone. I figured they were simply trying to work things out and said nothing of the matter, though it was awkward trying to talk to him (about game matters) while she was still in the room.
Eventually, the two broke up, but I kept things friendly with Siobhan through Facebook (birthday wishes and the like), and even bought her a set of glow-in-the-dark dice for Christmas; not the cheapo stuff either, but imported, tough dice that wouldn’t chip or fade. Mordechai informed me that she greatly appreciated the dice. Siobhan and Mordechai may have broken up, but they tried to keep something resembling friendship; didn’t last long. Whatever chemistry they had simply disappeared.
Siobhan is renowned within parts of this shared social circle (and the metro area, if rumors are to be believed) for throwing grand Halloween parties every year. A few weeks before Halloween, the notice goes up on Facebook, and she says in big bold letters “ALL MY FRIENDS ARE INVITED!” As one of her friends on Facebook, I got to see it within a half hour of it going up. Seeing that a good chunk of mutual friends would be attending, and hearing through Phelan (who knew her better than the rest of us, Mordechai excluded) that she would likely be okay with me coming, I RSVPed as well, a few days later though. At this point, I simply wanted to get to know Siobhan on her own merits, as opposed to getting to know her as a girlfriend of a close friend. I hear nothing from Siobhan about my RSVP.
Admittedly, I slack off a bit and I remember the next part of the event notice only a day or two before the party: “Call/message/txt for directions!” Not knowing her cell or any other means of communicating with her, I ask for directions to the party through a FB message. My mail notifier goes off a few hours later and this is what greets me:
“Jessica sweetie, you do know that I broke up with Mordechai, right? I don’t think it would be good for either of us if you were to come. Sooooooo sorry.”
I need my mother’s help in getting my jaw off the floor. When I go to reply to both a.) explain myself, and b.) apologize for possibly inconveniencing her, I notice that she a.) removed the “ALL MY FRIENDS” line from the event, b.) made the event private, and c.) de-friended me. In hindsight, good riddance to bad rubbish and all, but at the time, I was extremely hurt, and my Halloween plans were all but dashed. Another night of watching football and eating leftover candy, though my better half made it all right again with some macabre romantics that, for one night, made me forget about Siobhan.
When I brought it up with Mordechai, he was appalled at what happened and kept apologizing for the actions of a grown-@$$ woman. Phelan admitted to me at a later time that her behavior in the incident was par for the course, when he wondered why I wasn’t at this party, my RSVP having gone unchallenged until 24-48 hours before said party would start.
I only feel sad for Siobhan that she seems to have enough friends in her life. As for me, whenever I plan a party or big gathering using Facebook (the only way to keep in touch with some of my sometimes phone-less friends), I do so through private messages intended only for the invited and never through the “event” app, not even private. Last I heard of Siobhan, she was courting a woman and extremely unhappy with life, and for some reason she started losing friends. Hmmm. 0104-11