Hello, I’m hoping you or your readers can give me some advice about how to handle my new problem. My husband and I have recently informed our families that we’re expecting out first child in the summer of next year. Everyone is excited on both sides, but my family has decided that they don’t want to know the baby’s gender until the birth. (We haven’t even decided if we’re going to find out or not.) Now, this seems simple enough, but it’s not. Their request means a great deal of restraint on our part, and my husband’s family as well. It means if we find out, we wouldn’t be able to tell anyone of the baby’s gender. Our families and friends are all on social media to keep in touch with us, and if we inform his family especially, even through personal messages or phone calls, it’ll end up all over the site and my family will see. But it would also extend to our conversations, having to leave out any gender specific words, and also to any potential baby celebrations there may be. We’d have to hide any pictures of any party if it’s gender themed or if anyone brought gender specific gifts. Not to mention if my family attended the celebration and saw everything in person I’m sure I’d hear all about it. Now, remember, we haven’t even decided if WE want to find out which is still a ways away, but it seems like my family has tried to make that decision for us due to the impossibility of their request which they make known every time we talk to them. (And, one person in particular keeps saying, “Don’t do it!, every time we talk.) I’m pretty much at a point to tell them to stuff it and deal with whatever decision we make in regards to our child. Any advise on this situation would be greatly appreciated. 1125-13
I believe personal information is the possession of its original owner to do with as they wish. That is why I believe it is wrong for people to break other people’s news or share information they have not been released to pass on to others. The gender of your unborn baby is your news, your information and you decide when that information will be public. It is your first official decision as parents. Your family is putting a burden on you to constrain your news announcements and conversations in a selfish desire to fulfill their own expectations. They have no rights to your news and information unless you grant them that power (which I suggest you don’t). If you don’t mind knowing the gender of your baby or that this information is known prior to his/her birth, your family has an obligation to honor and respect your parenting decisions. Cave on this one and you can expect further expectations from your family to modify your life choices and parental decisions to suit themselves.
I have the reverse situation where my pregnant daughter does not want to know the gender of the baby and has no intentions of telling anyone prior to the birth even if she knew. One has to honor that right for them to make decisions as parents of their own families.