Assumptions That Divide

by admin on December 30, 2013

On my MIL’s birthday we received a phone call at 7:30 pm.

“Hi Katie, it’s Larry. I want you to tell Dave (my DH) that we are very upset with him. Today is his mother’s birthday and he hasn’t called yet.”

I started to reply, “No, he’s at a vendor supper and he’s going to call as soon as…”

“…he gets home,”  was going to be the rest of my sentence but I never got a chance to finish because FIL hung up on me.   I have issues with the way my in-laws do things but have kept silent except for one time. DH usually just lets stuff like this go but this was so uncalled for I’ve asked him to say something.   He will when we go up after Christmas.

DH had left for work at 8am so couldn’t have called before.    1217-13

Wow, what a shame your in-laws choose to create division between themselves and their son because he did not call to wish Mom greetings on her birthday in a timely fashion.  They made assumptions that pointed them to a negative conclusion rather than assuming the best.

 

{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }

Stacey Frith-Smith December 30, 2013 at 3:56 am

Well umm… Happy Birthday? Really, there is no easy way back from sticking your foot quite so far into your mouth as is done when demanding attention and gifts. You too can make your nearest and dearest flee from celebrating every special occasion that concerns you. See example above…

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NostalgicGal December 30, 2013 at 4:20 am

Let them be drama llamas…

If OP’s hubby had a cellphone, he could have found a few minutes to call earlier, but I’ll give him the benefit of doubt that he didn’t have five minutes to call his own from the time he left for work that morning.

Did he call after he got done with the vendor/business commitment?

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PlainJane December 30, 2013 at 7:04 am

I don’t really get the “my birthday is a Really.Big.Deal” attitude, as in scolding and copping an attitude if proper attention is not paid.

My adult children have forgotten my birthday and the phone calls after they realized it were a lot more fun than if they had called on the actual day. Shoot, on my last birthday, *I* forgot it was my BD until DH said “Happy Birthday” and it was a significant one, too!

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Jinx December 30, 2013 at 7:48 am

This seems especially odd to me, because in my family it’s absolutely normal to wait until after dinner to call people on their birthdays. Calling someone in the middle of the day just wouldn’t happen.

I think it’s because we all work, and we know that the others work, so calling during the day isn’t a good idea.

Both ILs seem like drama llamas, and I’m appalled that they decide to drag you into their 3rd grade ideas of interaction. What’s next? They’re going to tell you to pass a note to your husband after math class?

It seems like they both desire a sense of control and they are going about it in the most peculiar fashion. My advice to you would be to stay out of things like that as best you can. If they bring it up, say “that matter if between you and my husband and I don’t want to get involved”… unfortunately, it’s likely if they’re that keen on creating drama, they’ll take that as a slight as well.

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Mabel December 30, 2013 at 7:58 am

Can you say “drama queens,” boys and girls? I knew that you could. :P

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Green123 December 30, 2013 at 8:34 am

I find it hard to believe that in the age of the mobile phone, Darling Husband could not find a *mere moment* to call his mother and wish her happy birthday. I assume that in the 11.5 hours between leaving for work at 8am and OP getting a call at 7.30pm DH had found time to travel, eat, drink, and use the toilet as well as to work, so I’m sure two minutes on the phone wouldn’t have gone amiss, even if it was just ‘Hi Mom, happy birthday, I’m at work but I’ll call you at 8pm, OK?’

HOWEVER FIL was very rude. Assuming you will receive a phone call on your birthday is as rude as assuming you’ll receive a gift. And slamming the phone down on someone you know is never acceptable.

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Huh December 30, 2013 at 8:52 am

So your in-laws are in junior high? Because I think that was the last time someone told me to tell someone else that they were mad at them. I’m pretty sure they got told that I wasn’t their messenger.

I would probably tell DH in this case, just so he doesn’t walk into that unprepared, but tell him under NO circumstances to tell his parents that I delivered the message.

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haji December 30, 2013 at 8:58 am

Wow! This is so my FOO (family of origin) to the letter! Not that it matters, but just for my own clarification, did they call OP’s personal cell phone or the house line, hoping to reach either OP or her husband? The reason I ask is that, utter rudeness aside, their decision to call her personal cell phone shows a more aggravating pattern of behavior (triangulation) which is completely unnecessary. Their grievance was with their son, not OP, and should not have called her in such a way. And to hang up mid-sentence is beyond rude. If they called OP’s personal cell phone, I would suggest that she be involved in the discussion of why this behavior is rude and uncalled for, because to dump their vitriol over the phone to her is also a pattern of manipulation that needs to stop. A boundary should be set with them to that effect.

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Lo December 30, 2013 at 9:03 am

There is so much wrong here I don’t even know where to start.

This sort of manipulative guilting is the kind I hate the most. A birthday call may well be a chore for some people but should never be treated as such and your FIL has effectively made it into a thing to be checked off in a box before a certain time that day. How sad that they have so little regard for their son that they do not trust him to have a reason for not making the call when they expected it. The call itself IS a worthless chore without the sentiment and they have stripped of it the possiblity for such.

And then her husband calls YOU to drag you into it? And hangs up on you while you’re giving an explanation?

I would address this as 3 separate issues:

1. They need to grow up. Only your son can really address this with them. This is the bit about them throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get their birthday call. This I would stay out of.

2. You are not your husband’s keeper. This is the bit I would address with them. There is never any need for anyone to call a spouse and say, “tell so and so I am mad at them.” They’re his parents for starters and he’s not a child anymore.

3. Disrepecting you on the phone is unacceptable. You have a right to be upset about being hung up on. Your husband should absolutely back you up on this.

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ketchup December 30, 2013 at 9:10 am

How nasty! I don’t understand why some people insist on seeing insults everywhere, and never seem to try and wait for an explanation. It must’ve been quite frustrating to have to listen to this phone call.

This is my mother to a t.
The only thing you can do, is speak up. They’ll never change if you keep silent. I spoke up after one of my mother’s passive aggressive antics, and it helped! Good luck!
(Of course, it’s the husband who has to do the speaking. As they’re his parents.)

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DGS December 30, 2013 at 9:11 am

Yikes…what a situation of “assume” making an “ass” out of “you and me”. They just assumed that he didn’t call because he forgot his mother’s birthday? Does your DH have a history of doing that? Or, as it sounds like from the story, they are the type of people that thrive on drama and controversy?

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Cat December 30, 2013 at 9:23 am

This reminds me so much of the movie in which the mother of one of the characters calls her son at 5 am on his birthday to relate how they had to race to the hospital in the early hours for his birth. She does this every year to commemorate that he was born at 5 am.
Rather than complain, I would call before work, way before work, and cheerfully tell Mom that I just had to be the very first to wish her a happy birthday. Then I’d sing “Happy Birthday” to her, loudly. That’ll hold ‘em.

The real problem is that your in-laws are rude. I don’t have an answer for that one. Most rude people deny that their behavior is anything but genteel and will accuse you of being hyper-criticial and over-sensitive. Good luck with those folks.

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Jewel December 30, 2013 at 10:17 am

It seems to me that FIL wouldn’t have reacted like this if this had been the first time their son had treated his mother this way. For most people, it takes years and years of being shunted aside (ignored, forgotten, etc) on special occasions to finally snap and react “rudely”. Considering that MIL was down to simply hoping for a phone call (much less a card in the mail or a flower delivery), not receiving even that much was finally too hurtful to bear silently. The son knew his MIL’s birthday fell on the same day he’d be occupied from dawn to dusk, so why didn’t he plan ahead? Even a call the night before would have been better than what he did.

I’m firmly on MIL/FIL’s team. If Dave wants to sustain a close relationship with his parents he needs to make more effort.

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babaran December 30, 2013 at 11:24 am

The older generation gets very upset when their birthdays are perceived to be “missed” by their kids. Just go forward from here knowing this bothers her (does it really matter why? Who knows? Maybe she didn’t get her birthday remembered as a kid, or something….it just doesn’t matter, just know that it’s important to her) and make sure you all get on it as quickly as possible (like call the day before–send flowers the day before–take her out to eat the weekend prior to her birthday)

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Kirsten December 30, 2013 at 11:32 am

I think as soon as he said, “We want you to tell Dave that we are very upset with him,” is the time to say, “You will need to speak to him yourselves.”

What are you, his personal secretary? How incredibly immature of his parents. How pathetic to ring you at 7.30pm…and how interesting that your FIL seems to assume that Dave is not at home anyway. Or isn’t talking to him even if he is. Then he hangs up when you are still talking to him?

I’m sorry but these people sound about five years old. Please do make your husband speak to them. Whatever the story, it is not acceptable for them to treat you like that.

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Wendy B. December 30, 2013 at 11:35 am

I want to know the rest of the story…what happened when DH spoke to his parents?

Wow. Next time he should call at 5 a.m. and wish her a happy birthday. When the complaints roll in about the ungodly time he called, he can say, “Well, I wanted to be sure it was taken care of so no one called my wife and berated her later.”

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Katharine G. December 30, 2013 at 12:04 pm

@Jewel – We don’t know for certain that’s what has been happening.

Regardless, the FIL’s actions were rude. Even if pressed by another’s impolite behavior, you don’t snap at people over the phone and then hang up on them. I’m sure FIL is also aware that the immature “note passing” by calling his DIL and not his son is a remarkably passive aggressive manipulation., and designed to cause strife. “I want you to tell my son X” is a sure fire way to create a fight where there is none, either between the couple, or between the issuer and the couple as a unit.

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Kaymar December 30, 2013 at 12:07 pm

OP’s husband may not have a cell phone, or he may work in one of the many kinds of workplaces that do not allow them to be carried during the work day (public safety, transportation, places with high security). He may not be comfortable making phone calls while driving (I’m not). Ultimately, who cares? We are talking about GROWN ADULTS who called their grown son to yell at him and hung up on his wife. I can’t believe anyone is suggesting that they were in the right here.

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lakey December 30, 2013 at 12:09 pm

I just don’t understand adults getting this fixated on their own birthdays. If your adult children turned out well and have a good relationship with you, THAT is important. If your son doesn’t call on your birthday but is there for you in other ways, count your blessings.

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InNM December 30, 2013 at 12:10 pm

Considering that the in-laws have an odd way of doing things, I’m kinda learning towards giving the husband the benefit of the doubt, with the caveat that mor explanation is needed. It could be that a quick phone call would not have been enough, that MIL loves to have a 3 hour drawn out phone call on her birthday and the husband didn’t have the time. It could be the husband was running late, or the day was so jammed packed that even in the few moments of bathroom solitude between conference events he chose to arrange his thoughts rather than call his mom, which he was planning to do later anyway.
My personal pet peeve is people who cannot talk to you directly and dispatch another person, like their spouse, to act as their secretary. My sister (same father, different mother) does that ALL THE TIME to my mother. It so happens my mother is the executor of of father’s will. When my sister wants something, she’ll have her husband call incessantly and relay the message, instead of calling herself. When my mother calls her, no one answers, and then a day later, the husband calls back. (I don’t mind the day later part, but if my mother called person A, why is person B returning the call?) The passive aggressiveness of it drives me crazy.

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lakey December 30, 2013 at 12:14 pm

“I find it hard to believe that in the age of the mobile phone, Darling Husband could not find a *mere moment* to call his mother and wish her happy birthday. I assume that in the 11.5 hours between leaving for work at 8am and OP getting a call at 7.30pm DH had found time to travel, eat, drink, and use the toilet as well as to work, so I’m sure two minutes on the phone wouldn’t have gone amiss, even if it was just ‘Hi Mom, happy birthday, I’m at work but I’ll call you at 8pm, OK?’ ”

Exactly. He put in an 11 and a half hour work day. I’ve done that. And if you have to do this on a regular basis it can be pretty overwhelming.

There are people who look for reasons to take offense. As an adult I need to understand that it isn’t all about me.

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Wild Irish Rose December 30, 2013 at 12:29 pm

Oh, brother. I’m with PlainJane on this one–NOBODY’S birthday is THAT important. Not even mine. :)

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Anonymous December 30, 2013 at 12:37 pm

To all the people who’ve said that the OP’s husband could have “found a moment to call” during the day, maybe he doesn’t have a cell phone. Maybe he accidentally left it at home, or forgot to charge it. Maybe he got busy at work. Maybe his work has rules about cell phones–either an outright ban, or restricted to specific times. However, the thing that first came to my mind was, maybe he wanted to wait until he got home, so he could have a proper conversation with his mother, either on the phone or on Skype, so she’d feel special and important on her birthday, and not just another “to-do” in the middle of a busy day. So, the in-laws are just stirring up drama for no good reason at all.

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Honeybee December 30, 2013 at 12:39 pm

Isn’t there that saying “There is an age at which you can expect other people to stop getting excited about your birthday. That age is 12.”?

I’d be curious as to what was said when the writer’s husband spoke w/ his parents. Honestly, if it weren’t for the remarks in the original submission that indicate this is typical behavior, I’d be concerned about mental status slipping due to age.

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acr December 30, 2013 at 12:43 pm

@ NostalgicGal and Green123 – I think whether or not he had time to call was irrelevant. He could have had a million reasons for choosing not to call earlier – or no reason at all. Even if he knows that it is super-important to his mom that he call her on her birthday – 7:30 in the evening does not mean the day is over and the opportunity is lost. When I call family and friends to wish them a happy birthday, I don’t like to do when I can squeeze in a moment – I like to do at a time when I can have an actual conversation with them. So I will pick my lunch break or in the evening. Now, maybe they don’t have time for a conversation right that second, and that’s fine, but I don’t like to make birthday calls and have to rush off the phone.

And even if he chose not to call at all – FiL’s call was STILL rude beyond belief. If it bothers MiL so much, then FiL could call his son (not his DiL) and say, “Son, your mom was really hurt when you didn’t call.”

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NostalgicGal February 2, 2014 at 2:58 pm

Hey, I agreed that he probably didn’t have a minute to call his own from when he left for work until he got home at whatever time that was… I gave him that benefit of the doubt.

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Pen^2 December 30, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Wow, that’s not a great way of asking someone to call. So what do they want to happen next? They jump to think their son actually doesn’t want to call, so they guilt his wife to make him call begrudgingly? Who’d want that on their birthday? O.o

What about a, “Hi, it’s FIL here. I’m just calling to remind DH that it’s MIL’s birthday–is he free later tonight? MIL would love it if he called. Please pass this on. Thanks!” Same message, but it doesn’t jump to nasty conclusions and ruin in advance the very thing they were trying to bring about. Of course, instead, FIL has insulted him and been rude to his wife instead. Yep. Good one.

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ferretrick December 30, 2013 at 1:19 pm

“There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.” -Dave Berry

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admin December 30, 2013 at 3:59 pm

It is somewhat humorous and ironic reading the comments regaridng how adults should not be expecting other people to make a big deal about their own birthdays. Because the second I post an opinion that hosting your own birthday party at a restaurant and expecting your guests to pay for you and themselves is rather selfish and tacky, guaranteed there will be dozens of readers commenting on their right to have a great birthday celebration, even if they have to organize it themselves.

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Anonymouse December 30, 2013 at 1:21 pm

Jewel, I think you are assuming quite a bit there. Yes, maybe he could have planned ahead and called the day before, but calling at 8 when you get home from work is not unreasonable. And some people do react like this without any previous offenses. Maybe DH has always been so good at calling, sending gifts, etc. that the lack of a call this year was a shock to their system.

My grandma does this, but in reverse. She gets upset when we don’t answer her calls immediately. One time, when we took my sister out for dinner on her birthday, we came home to about 10 voicemails, each progressively more passive-aggressive, until finally it was her screaming about how “obviously you don’t want to talk to your dear old grandma!” (Bear in mind, this was the era before cell phones. We honestly had no idea she was calling.)

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June First December 30, 2013 at 1:26 pm

Perfect example of the benefits of managing expectations ahead of time. If he knows his mother wants a call on her birthday (which seems like a reasonable request) and he knows he’ll be stuck at work all day, then he should have called his parents the day before to let them know he’ll be calling in the evening so he’ll have a proper amount of time to talk with them.

To me, that seems to be the best way to put it: I wanted to have enough time to hear about your birthday and didn’t want our conversation to be rushed while I was at work.

@Green123 (#6) “I find it hard to believe that in the age of the mobile phone, Darling Husband could not find a *mere moment* to call his mother and wish her happy birthday.”

Not everyone works in a place that allows personal calls. Or he might have limited time during those breaks. I’m sure you know people who will call and “a few minutes” turns into “half an hour”.

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Margaret December 30, 2013 at 2:04 pm

This would be when I stopped answering any phone calls with the in-laws phone number on caller id.

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Gail December 30, 2013 at 2:18 pm

I am reminded of my mother who managed to take insult at the darndest things. Once during a phone call she complained to me in her usual “I’m a Martyr” voice that she hadn’t heard from one of my sisters all week. Then she casually mentioned that she’d heard Sis had been really sick all week with the flu. Really Mom? It didn’t occur to you to call her, see if she needed anything, how she was feeling? By the way, Mom lived a block away from my sister, and could have also walked to her house easily.

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HelenB December 30, 2013 at 2:26 pm

For those saying that OP’s husband was in the wrong — he didn’t miss calling on her birthday. There were many quality hours left in the day! If the call had come in at 10:30PM (for example) I might think that his mother thought she’d been forgotten, but 7:30 isn’t that late for most people (I acknowledge that some people go to bed earlier than others).

And, if he did have a cell phone, and had called her during the day, who’s to say she would have been home? OP might have gotten the same phone call, saying that it wasn’t good enough to leave a message and they expected a live call.

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Kara December 30, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t win…

There is a person in my life who is a lot like the MIL/FIL here seem to be.

Call her on her birthday? Not good enough. You are so cheap you couldn’t even send a card?
Send her a card? Not good enough. Why didn’t you call? A card is so impersonal.
Send a card and call? Not good enough. I miss you, why couldn’t you come over to celebrate?
Go over/take her out for a meal? Not good enough. You really think that it is okay to see a person on their birthday and not give them a present?

Argh. Eventually I just gave up.

She has never acknowledged my own birthday, so now I just follow suit and ignore hers.

OP, how do your MIL/FIL acknowledge your husband’s birthday? I would suggest that he do for them exactly what they do for him. That way your MIL/FIL really have no grounds for complaint.

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Sarah December 30, 2013 at 2:32 pm

I’m really surprised by the people who say he should have called earlier and that he should be ashamed for not taking “five minutes” to wish her a happy birthday earlier.

It was 7:30pm. That is not terribly late. There was still time to call on her birthday. It is ridiculous of her to be hurt and have her husband make a nasty phone call because he hadn’t called yet.

Yes, the poster’s husband may have eaten and taken time to go to the bathroom, but that doesn’t mean he needs to squeeze a five minute phone call in there. Calling at 7:30, or after that, isn’t missing the birthday. He had a plan for when to call but was rudely confronted before his planned time. FIL and MIL were wrong.

Although he doesn’t need a reason to wait, there are people who are offended by short phone calls (my MIL would have a massive sulk over the “Hi mom, happy birthday, I’ll call later” phone call suggested earlier. And plenty of people who have mobile phones don’t want to call while traveling, eating, or driving. Even if he had five minutes free time at work, not everywhere has great service, or he could have been surrounded by coworkers and didn’t want to be rude and speak on the phone in front of him.

I dislike how the “mobile phone age” means we must be in constant contact at all times. He had a plan to call his mother on her birthday and she was impatient.

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ketchup December 30, 2013 at 2:40 pm

Jewel, as you said; for most people… There’s no telling FIL and MIL are ‘most people’ themselves. My mother is very good at finding fault with others, and they’re for the most part innocent. Some people are that way. It’s as if they need this to prove their existence. Maybe OP can shed a light on this.

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ketchup December 30, 2013 at 2:42 pm

Addendum: even if FIL and MIL are right in thinking they’re neglected, they have no right to act this childish. Ever. It’s beyond rude.

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Rap December 30, 2013 at 2:53 pm

“I find it hard to believe that in the age of the mobile phone, Darling Husband could not find a *mere moment* to call his mother and wish her happy birthday.”

Of course, its impossible to consider that Darling Husband might know that a “mere moment” phone call just isn’t likely to appease his mother. Sorry, but I have a mom who makes an hour of every phone call. No matter how rushed I might be, and no matter how many times she repeats “And I know you’re busy so I won’t hold you” – I consider myself lucky if I get off a “short” call with my mom after 45 minutes. I completely understand wanting to call a parent when you have time to talk to them.

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Cherry December 30, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Wow, that was cowardly. They didn’t know DH was still out at work, so they just expected you to pass along their drama? Charming.

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delislice December 30, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Wow, Jewel, really?

Your theory sounds great on paper, but I promise you, there are people who can go straight to Wounded Martyr Land without ever passing through the intermediate stages. Years ago, my MIL managed to guilt my son into spending Thanksgiving with her — I, and our two primary-age children, were pointedly Not Invited.

Had we ever failed to visit her on Mother’s Day, her birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas? Nope. Had I always sent a card and brought a gift as well? Yep. She just wanted her little boy with her. Without the baggage.

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kylynara December 30, 2013 at 3:13 pm

Definitely not E-hell approved, but I’d be very very tempted to call her at 12:01 AM on the dot next year to wish her a Happy Birthday.

I will say I wonder if the FIL has been listening to the MIL complain all day long about the husband not calling and finally took it upon himself to call and share the misery. It doesn’t change much, but it would give me a bit of sympathy for the FIL A. Making the call, B. Not taking the time to ask if husband was there, and C. Hanging up abruptly. If he was stealing a moment away from MIL to make the call.

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Moonlight December 30, 2013 at 4:16 pm

Well, in the future, I would let calls from the in-laws go to voice mail. Why give someone the opportunity to be rude to you? It will also take some of the satisfaction away from your in-law at being rude. You can the decide if you want to call them back or let your spouse deal with it when he comes home. Clearly answering the phone won’t prevent misunderstandings so do what make your day the most peaceful.

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Lo December 30, 2013 at 4:31 pm

Admin,

Rest assured there are plenty of us who feel that birthday dinners can only be organized by the people whose birthday it is not. The exception being if the honoree is treating the guests to dinner.

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Marozia December 30, 2013 at 5:09 pm

What a bunch of attention-seeking, selfish, tacky drama llamas!
In this age of technology and mobile phones, why didn’t DIL & MIL call DH?

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bookwurm December 30, 2013 at 5:28 pm

Admin,
I don’t actually find that contradictory at all. If an adult wants to have a celebration of their own, how is that expecting others to make a big deal of their birthday? Yes, expecting your guests to pay for yourself, the host/hostess, is tacky, but how is organizing the event itself tacky?

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Kate December 30, 2013 at 6:28 pm

I personally prefer a ‘happy birthday’ phone call to come later in the day, rather than the 6am wakeup call preferred by some members of my family. Yes, it’s a nice thought, but I’m a sloth on my days off!

I would be so tempted to say “I am not his receptionist. Call your son directly if you have an issue to discuss”. However, it sounds like FIL won’t let OP get a word in!

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The Elf December 30, 2013 at 7:46 pm

That’s the way to score the *good* nursing home!

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Rosie December 30, 2013 at 7:50 pm

While I agree that FIL was very rude in the way he handled things, surely Son must have some idea after all these years that his mom would like a call on her birthday, and be able to plan ahead. It’s not rocket science to figure out a time to call that would let your own mother know you were thinking about her. There’s no indication given that she expected a gift, surprise party or anything over-the-top. A simple phone call to make sure she didn’t feel forgotten seems to be all she wanted. Granted, there may be family dynamics going on that none of us know about. But still. If you know it’s important, and you love the person, you carve out some small bit of your day to let them know you’re thinking of them, even if it means calling the day before and telling them when you’ll call on their birthday. As parents grow older, these small bits of connection mean more to them than they do to their kids. Also, depending on the parents’ age, they may not be able to stay up to receive a call that’s placed late at night. For all we know, Mom is in her eighties or nineties. Have a little common sense and try to accomodate someone who you know loves you and is only asking for a small bit of your time once a year.

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crebj December 30, 2013 at 9:08 pm

What Kirsten said. DH is an adult, and his parents can discuss it with him. If they choose to be rude to him, he can discuss it with them. OP is not a mule.

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NostalgicGal December 30, 2013 at 9:23 pm

ACR, I did give him the benefit of the doubt on, no, he couldn’t find a few minutes.
Most of the time even I can squeeze in a 2-3 minute call, but there are times I can’t… and I said so for the OP’s hubby.

And to Admin, I’ve agreed before… by reading here, I knew all the tacky and more. My 50th was the last one I really cared about and for that one (with my Red Hat Gals group no less) I threw my own party but. I paid for the food and there was a gift for everyone… their gift to me was just to come and eat and celebrate with me. I also invited a few non Red Hat friends; we all had a good time despite a few things that I just managed anyways (like no server, was supposed to be hired, caterer goofed, so I served my guests myself, etc). If I make it to 80, then some of the BigO’s might be worth noting, but.

It seems the MIL AND FIL were out of line on this one, and calling the OP to complain at what was still a reasonable hour of the night to ‘pass on their complaint’ was out of line. I hope the OP’s DH talked to his parents about this one! OP shouldn’t have to be the go between either.

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Angel December 30, 2013 at 10:17 pm

I don’t blame the MIL or FIL for being upset–I mean, the OP’s DH is definitely in the wrong here. Especially if he has a mobile phone. I find it hard to believe he literally had no time to call or text.

That being said, they were calling and addressing the wrong person. That was the rude bit. If they were upset, they should have called their son to complain. Not the wife. It puts her in awkward spot. Shame on them for this.

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