And We Thought The Cyber Shower Was Bad…

by admin on March 10, 2014

Hot thread on the Ehell forum!   

An expectant mother takes presumption and entitlement to new lows.

{ 78 comments… read them below or add one }

WifiGal March 11, 2014 at 12:10 am

MamaMootz and tinkytinky, godsandgoddesses I loved their return snarky poems!

Yep new low.


JO March 11, 2014 at 5:27 am

What? Just, what?

I think I’d be tempted to send a postcard back:
“Babies sure do cost a lot,
But it’s not my job to fund your tot.
Gifts and good wishes friends and family will send,
And that is where the generosity ends.
You ask for strangers to send gifts and cash?
Never have I seen a practice to brash.
I cannot accept your request for money,
Gimme pigs get nothing from me, honey.”


The Elf March 11, 2014 at 9:39 am

*stands and applauds*


Cecilia March 11, 2014 at 9:58 am

Awesome, just completely awesome.


Lara Nelson March 11, 2014 at 1:48 pm

If there were a “like” button, I would have hit it.


NostalgicGal March 11, 2014 at 2:42 pm

[LIKE] Made my own button!


AS March 11, 2014 at 9:42 pm

@JO –
that poem of your is… well, how do I put it… too grammatically correct!!! 😉


Marozia March 12, 2014 at 1:43 am

GO JO!! I’m with you.
What an entitled gimme pig!!!


Elizabeth March 12, 2014 at 4:33 pm



Kat A. March 16, 2014 at 7:57 am

Love it! But, in case someone decides to copy and paste your fabulous poetic response, I should point out the small error so it can be corrected.

I believe that you meant to write “so brash” or “too brash,” not “to brash.”



Mary March 11, 2014 at 6:44 am

That is so bad that due to the fact that she is a friend of a friend and I wouldn’t have contact with her, I would be sending an etiquette book to the baby. With a note that says ” this is so baby can learn proper manners and etiquette since it’s very obvious baby will not be learning manners from his or her mother”.


Green123 March 11, 2014 at 7:09 am

Oh. My. Word.

As a Brit I find the idea of baby showers bizarre in any case, but this is just… *speechless*


Linda March 17, 2014 at 9:01 pm

I, too, find showers to be little more than legalized extortion.


Charliesmum March 11, 2014 at 7:41 am

Entitlement aside, that poem was so eye-gougingly bad it was practically painful.

I do feel sorry for that baby, I really do. It sounds like the MTB doesn’t really want to be a mother, and she certainly doesn’t sound like she is at all prepared for all the things motherhood entails. I’m sure she pictures a cute, cooing, perfect little angel, and will not react well to the puking and mewling parts of parenthood.


Jinx March 11, 2014 at 8:14 am

Would it be inappropriate to send a congratulations card with the attached “shiny penny you requested”?


JGM1764 March 11, 2014 at 9:57 am

That’s the first thing that popped into my head, too.


Huh March 11, 2014 at 8:19 am

I loved the poems, everyone!


Teapot March 11, 2014 at 8:21 am

Oh. My. My blood pressure just went off the charts! Gimme pig doesn’t seem enough. We need a new name for this kind of greed. Gimme elephant? Gimme whale? The rest of my ideas would cause my eHell privileges to be taken away forever.


AS March 11, 2014 at 9:44 pm

OH!… let us keep our insults to just one animal! Why insult elephants and whales too?

Poor pigs. I bet they have a better sense!


Wendy B. March 11, 2014 at 8:34 am

I LOVE Jo’s answer! Yes, please, please send that and tell everyone what happened!!!


Lo March 11, 2014 at 8:49 am

My fantasy and not-etiquette-approved version of this scenario goes that I reply note with $20 attached saying, “Hope this is more to your liking. Here’s this offer: take this money on condition that you don’t ever invite me to anything again.”


Snarkastic March 13, 2014 at 3:57 pm

That’s one evil fantasy in which I share.


flora March 11, 2014 at 8:55 am

I’d be tempted to answer this one in haiku

No no no no no
no no no no no no no
no no no no no


The Elf March 11, 2014 at 9:38 am

Internet win!


manybellsdown March 11, 2014 at 11:42 am

+eleventy for this haiku.


Lacey March 13, 2014 at 12:41 pm

Hahahaha I lol’d – that might be the best one.


Lacey March 11, 2014 at 9:01 am

Hahaha Jo and Jinx, I love your ideas! I really have no words for this. Would it really not be ok in this case to tell someone they were rude? Isn’t it doing them (and society) a favour to point it out in a case as blatant as this?


DGS March 11, 2014 at 9:06 am

Spoiled brat gets no loot,
She thinks she’s a hoot,
Her poem is crappy,
Her conduct is shabby.

Babies need lots of stuff,
Their parents should do enough
To provide what they need
For their precious one’s needs.


Wild Irish Rose March 11, 2014 at 9:16 am

All I have to say is that I find this whole thing cringingly funny, especially Jo’s poem. If I were actually manners-free, I might be tempted to use it sometime.


Pam March 11, 2014 at 9:21 am

Maybe you need to let them know that you have yet to receive your Christmas present from them… Doesn’t “gimme gift giving” go both ways?!?!? Yikes. Very sad that people could actually think this is ok.


Politrix March 11, 2014 at 9:30 am

LOVE the haiku — brilliant!
Myself, I’d go with an irreverent limerick:

Though the words that I write may be few
I have only one wish… make that two:
First of all, kiss my a**
And may it come to pass
That your kid does NOT turn out like you!


The Elf March 11, 2014 at 9:38 am

The jaw, it drops. Wow.

I would save this for the lulz, but I would not only never send a gift/check, but I would also make sure to avoid her in the future. (Not that it sounds difficult, being a friend of a friend of a friend).

If you really can’t afford the things babies need (and from what I understand from seasoned parents, that isn’t actually all that much), then maybe you shouldn’t be having a baby. Don’t breed ’em if you can’t feed ’em. After all, there isn’t a “starting school” shower, or a “grew three shoe sizes this year” shower, or a “needs braces” shower. Expenses are only going to get bigger as the baby grows!


JGM1764 March 11, 2014 at 9:59 am

How on earth does anyone think this is ok?


Cecilia March 11, 2014 at 10:05 am

Just when you think nothing could could shock you….

The one to the friend who did attend, bring gifts and still got a tacky, gimme poem- oh hell no. She went to the tacky party, brought a gift, probably sat through the whole thing, oohed and aahed at the appropriate times and now they are asking for *MORE*??

I love all the response poems. It would be so tempting to send one back. I bet she would faint at the thought that someone doesn’t want to give her baby (& her) stuff.


op March 11, 2014 at 11:06 am

Ok . . . WOW!!! My jaw is on the floor. This really does take the cake. Please send Jo’s poem!!!


monkey's mommy March 11, 2014 at 11:32 am

My response to her would land me in ehell along side her. But I love love love Jo’s response!


WMK March 11, 2014 at 11:53 am

Well, that takes the cake.


edy March 11, 2014 at 12:43 pm

Your poem was terrible but in my view
It’s still not half as awful as you.

You’re having a baby, well cheers to that!
But that doesn’t excuse you being a brat.

I have no interest in sending a penny
Or cash or checks or gifts-o-plenty

But if you think bad poetry entitles you to stuff
You can send some to me, if you have enough.

I’d love a car, a boat, a bike
Also, here’s some stores I like:
1. store1
2. store2
3. store3

Cash and checks are welcome too!
I may not be knocked up, but I’m just as special as you.


JO March 11, 2014 at 6:35 pm



Bibianne March 12, 2014 at 9:04 am

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3


Shyla March 11, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I love the replies that people are making up. It’s good to have a sense of humor. I think this falls under don’t engage the crazy. Esp the really really crazy.


Rodinne March 11, 2014 at 4:18 pm

You had a lovely party
Because a baby’s on its way.
And you got a lot of presents
On that very special day.

“But,” you cry, “it’s not enough!”
You demand your friends give more.
And call them out on Facebook.
It’s behavior we abhor.

We all know baby hormones
Make a mom-to-be insane
But you’re being really greedy,
If you’ll permit me to explain.

Yes babies are expensive.
Everybody knows it’s true.
But providing for their children
Is what all good parents do.

Your friends and kin are happy
To share in all your joy
They gave their gifts to show their love
For your brand new girl or boy.

But the stroller, crib, and car seat
Have to come from Mom and Dad,
Just like your parents bought you
All the baby stuff *you* had.

There will be a whining infant
In your life soon enough.
But not you! You’re the adult.
And now’s the time you should grow up.


JO March 11, 2014 at 6:37 pm

Yes, yes, yes! Love it!


AthenaC March 11, 2014 at 7:07 pm

I like your reply poem the best.


Stacey Frith-Smith March 11, 2014 at 10:59 pm

Very well put, indeed!


Meegs March 12, 2014 at 7:55 am

You have won the internet for today!


LonelyHound March 14, 2014 at 4:37 pm

I love this reply!


Kat A. March 16, 2014 at 8:09 am



Timothy March 11, 2014 at 6:02 pm

My poem is not as good as the other ones, but might as well.

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Why should I support your baby, when I barely even know you?


Catrunning March 12, 2014 at 12:46 pm

I need to remember this one! I would just leave out the word “even”, as it flows better without it.

I occasionally receive invitations to showers of every variety honoring people whose names I do not even recognize. If I need to google someone’s name or go into Facebook just to find out who they are, then I am certainly not going to be interested in financing that person’s baby or their new married life.

It seems like some people are so greedy that they blast out invitations to everyone they have ever met, no matter how remotely connected, in hopes of collecting more loot. I must be getting old, as the showers “back in my day” were attended only by one’s very close circle of friends and relatives. We would have been way too embarassed to invite mere acquaintances or “friends of friends”, like we are seeing now.

I can’t figure out whether it is pure greed for “stuff” or whether it is the need to feel “important” being surrounded by people like a celebrity. Whichever, it just does not work.


JO March 11, 2014 at 6:41 pm

Best part about the poem responses is, should the MTB try to protest or tell anyone how rude she thinks *you* are, she’s really only calling herself out on her own crass behavior.


crella March 11, 2014 at 7:43 pm

Brilliant poetry, love them all!


Cat March 11, 2014 at 8:03 pm

I would consider taking a formal approach, “My dear Ms. X, I seem to have received an invitation and then a poem for some event you were hosting. I am terribly sorry, but I do not recall meeting you. Perhaps you have confused me with a friend of yours. Sincerely, (Ms.) X SSS.”


Stacey Frith-Smith March 11, 2014 at 8:18 pm

Friendships are not meant for cash,
Nor gifts extorted, naught so brash!
The joy of these- your kith and kin,
Will melt like wax, not seen again.
You must not ask for gifts and grub,
Like pigs in summer’s virgin mud.
Of hugs and cards and wishes too,
Your loved ones all may send to you.
Some might choose a token gift,
Others give a wish and kiss.
Your role is not to be the mob,
Your friends not to extort or rob!
A name exists for those whose favors,
Are traded, bought, and it’s not savored!
Your shame may not be long in coming,
If loved ones all you keep on dunning.
How much the cost to be your friend?
To be invited back again?
To sit and sun in your august sphere,
Is beyond the reach of mortals here.
Dragons in caves guard piles of gold,
But more than these you hoard and scold!
Sit in silence, see how to amend,
for you should be a better friend.

**Sorry the punctuation is askew.


JO March 13, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Love it.


DGS March 12, 2014 at 7:14 am

Rodinne, best poem ever! LOVE.


Anonymous March 12, 2014 at 7:20 am

I think Rodinne’s poem is my favourite. 🙂


just4kicks March 12, 2014 at 7:44 am

Oh. My. God. What a spoiled brat! ….And the kid will probably one, too. The nerve!!!
Wait until little precious turns 16….


just4kicks March 12, 2014 at 7:45 am

….probably BE one, too….oops


PM March 12, 2014 at 7:53 am

And I really hate the “Well, I’m just a mama bear, my kid comes first!” excuse. It gives reasonable mothers everywhere a bad name.


B March 12, 2014 at 7:57 am

I heart you all so much.
So. Much.


BH March 12, 2014 at 8:25 am

I think all of these poems should be printed and sent to the MTB. What a lovely book they would make


Pamela March 12, 2014 at 9:43 am

That woman is definitely a gimme pig but the posts here and in the forum make a lot of you sound like mean girls. I was wondering how long it would be before that thread got locked.


The Elf March 12, 2014 at 1:43 pm

As long as no one actually sends a catty reply (however funny), we’re not mean girls. It’s just armchair quarterbacking from the anonymous internet to an anonymous submitter about an anonymous mother to be.

(Haven’t read the responses in the forum).


Pamela March 14, 2014 at 8:41 am

The Elf,

Nice defense but it’s mean spirited, whether or not that woman ever sees these responses or the ones in the forum.

Have a nice day,



Rebecca March 12, 2014 at 11:22 am

If she’s a mama bear, of all the nature documentaries I’ve seen, I’ve never heard mention of bears going after other bears for donations. They look after their own.


Mouse March 12, 2014 at 11:37 am

Roses are red
Muffins have bran
Your poem is lame
The lines don’t even scan


Calli Arcale March 12, 2014 at 11:58 am

Oh my word, that truly astounds. I thought I’d seen it all here, but that tops every single one! I mean, I’ve heard of gimminess, but this one is truly a level above the rest because of how oblivious she is to the inappropriateness of it all.

Beg the world for gifts,
Gifts are given, but I ask . . .
What will *you* give him?


Cough March 12, 2014 at 12:05 pm

Pamela, sounds like you’ve got a case of “If the shoe fits…” syndrome.


I send good wishes to you and your baby
But I won’t send material goods, and maybe
you should really learn some manners!
For Mom and Dad should be better planners.
Being a parent comes with resposibilities.
YOU should always provide for your babies.
It’s boorish to harass strangers and friends.
It’s your behaviour that will bring a relationship’s end.


Brit March 13, 2014 at 5:38 pm

Er…it’s really rude to imply that Pamela is a gimme pig too, just because she didn’t like the poetry. She has a right to her opinion. And the moderator agreed with her.

Personally I thought the poems went on way, way too long.


Jazzgirl205 March 12, 2014 at 12:10 pm

I know the MTB was extremely rude and I’m not making excuses, but – she must not have any real friends to not know how real friendship works. I am always shocked and pleasantly surprised when someone does something nice for me such as giving me a party or a gift. It would never occur to me to request they ante up for more. When I was expecting, people gave me parties and people I barely knew sent me gifts. I had an internet friend from England whose mother (who never met me) knitted me the most beautiful baby sweater and cap sets in different colors. The generosity was amazing. I asked for nothing. Most people are happy whenever a birth is imminent. It’s really sad that she felt she had to resort to this bad behavior.
IDK, my brother died 5 mos before my dd was born and I didn’t discover I was pregnant until very late. I guess so many people were so happy for me because it was the first thing my family got excited about since the death.
The things is, people will show you love and support without you having to force it. To force it is to destroy it.


Enna March 12, 2014 at 1:29 pm

Wow this is bad. I hope the op sneds all the suggested poems to this lady as a gift.


Simone March 12, 2014 at 4:01 pm

Dear mother-to-be,
Taking care of your baby
Is not my duty.

Parents are the ones
who should provide for their kids,
not friends and strangers.

Buy your own diapers,
Clothes, toys, and other such things.
Or don’t breed at all.

Don’t dare demand more.
That will earn you a ticket
to Etiquette Hell.


JGM1764 March 12, 2014 at 4:50 pm

My favorite response poem on the forum was the very short and simple:

“I do not accept invoices
For your life choices.”

But tempting as it would be to engage the Momster-to-be, silence is golden. I’d ignore it completely.


JJ March 12, 2014 at 4:51 pm

I would have sent that expectant couple a cheque for one penny(and written in nice dark pen so they could not edit over it either). One frickin penny and then I would have wrote right on the cheque : I hereby give this cheque to (insert mom to be’s name) to buy a clue.


kingsrings March 12, 2014 at 6:44 pm

The MTB knows she’s being rude, so she tries to hide the rudeness by being “cute” by putting it in poem form. It’s the same thing with couples-to-be who try to hide their rudeness of wanting cash-only for presents by coming up with similar poems. Becoming a parent definitely gives some people an enormous entitlement complex.


La March 12, 2014 at 7:52 pm

This kind of thing just seems so much tackier when written in verse. Please stick to prose. Better yet, don’t do it.


Anonymous March 12, 2014 at 11:12 pm

Stacey’s poem is pretty good too. I kind of want to write one, but it’s after midnight here. I’ll try when I’m more awake.


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