My partner and I are friends with another couple, “Jane” and “Bill”. They are both essentially nice people, but Jane is always making tactless and offensive comments to people. She really doesn’t seem to think about what she says before she says it, for example yelling out to everyone at a party that someone has left a bad smell in the toilet. Recently, my partner has been out of work and money is very tight, naturally. Neither of us has bought any clothes apart from underwear or socks for at least a year or more. Jane and Bill are well aware of this fact, although we try not to talk about it when socializing. However, it hasn’t stopped Jane from commenting on how my partner is wearing that same shirt all the time or how I am always wearing the same shoes. These are literally our only “good” clothes for going out, otherwise it’s free t-shirts and track pants. It’s getting quite hurtful to be reminded every time I see her that “you guys haven’t even changed your clothes!”. I think she is trying to be funny, but it always falls flat. We are both struggling with feelings of depression and self doubt over our financial situation so her comments appear to me to be very rude and thoughtless. Am I being too sensitive, or should I say something to her? What would be the best thing to say? 0419-14
I see you are in Australia and not wanting to presume, I’ll ask if there are thrift shops in your area? If so, try scouring the racks for great deals. My entire family routinely checks out the thrift stores where they have found some amazing designer clothing in excellent condition and bought for a pittance.
The next time Jane comments about your attire being so repetitive, I would don my best “twinkle in the eye” humorous expression and inquire, “Jane, do I hear an implied invitation from you to take me shopping and buy me a new outfit? I’m available next Saturday! Just think of what fun you’ll have outfitting me in new clothes!” Of course Jane will sputter and deny she implied any such thing. But that should shut her up and if it doesn’t, you pick up the theme of the implied invitation again, “I’m pretty certain I heard an invitation from you to buy me new clothes somewhere in your comments.”
As for the “someone left a stinky in the bathroom” comment, in our house we stopped that silliness with the following comeback, “Whoever blamed it, shamed it.”