Faux Pregnancy Update

by admin on July 16, 2014

Faux Pregnancy OP here.

Unfortunately the situation has gotten worse. My soon to be MIL bumped into me and my mother…at Target…in the baby aisle. So in her eyes this confirms that I’m going to produce a grandchild before Christmas. Never mind that I’ve been talking about how I’m so excited about nephew #3 since November. My big sister just had him btw. He is gorgeous. We were getting a welcome to the family gift for the new addition. We also got stuff for the older boys, as well as the usual things one buys at Target. But no. I must be getting things for ‘my baby’.

Also I’m the youngest of my generation at 18. My older sister is the oldest at 34. My various cousins are 21-30 and some are in serious relationships, engaged, newlyweds, and one is pregnant and having her shower in a month. But again no. I must be pregnant myself.

Jeez….this woman will not take a hint…or a flat out statement.

Another little tidbit I need help with. 6 years ago my grandmother(dad’s mom) died, and it was devastating to everyone who knew her. We’ve slowly moved on, my grandfather included. He started taking dance lessons, met a woman, and is now engaged to her. We’re all very happy for them. However I’m confused as what to call her…both in addressing her and introducing her. My grandfather is actually my step grandfather, but seeing as my dad’s biological father walked out when he was young, he’s the only grandpa I’ve had. (Mom’s dad died when I was 2) So is she my step-step grandmother? Also I feel it would be disrespectful to call he grandma, and auntie seems weird. Do I just keep calling her by her name? 0716-14

My husband refers to his step mother and introduces her as his “bonus mom”.  She’s the only grandmother on husband’s side of the family that our children know so she’s always been called “Grandma”.

{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }

Chocomoholic July 17, 2014 at 8:02 am

Re: the grandpa thing… I never knew my grandfather (my mom’s dad) because he died when my mom herself was only 11. My grandmother re-married but to a man my family hated so I never got to know him either. He passed away when I was 8. Then my grandmother was single for a few years, and met another man that she ended up marrying when I was 12. At that point I was old enough that for me, having never had a grandfather on my mom’s side, I didn’t feel comfortable calling him grandpa. So I’ve always called him by his first name, but my younger cousins do call him grandpa.

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Wendy B. July 17, 2014 at 8:27 am

Wait, I’m confused…haven’t you yet sat down with in-laws and told them flat out that you are NOT pregnant, or are you still just waiting until they figure it out?

This will not end well.

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DanaJ July 17, 2014 at 10:37 am

Yes, she has. Repeatedly. They refuse to believe her.

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Yvaine July 17, 2014 at 11:03 am

IIRC, she has told them multiple times, flat out, and not been believed.

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A different Tracy July 17, 2014 at 1:16 pm

This woman is really that anxious for her son’s 18-year-old fiance to be pregnant?

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Nicole July 18, 2014 at 1:10 am

As far as how to refer to the OP’s grandfather’s new lady, how about “Barb”? Or whatever her first name is. OP is an adult, and no title is necessary in this case. Welcome the woman into the fold and just call her by name.

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Zepheera July 18, 2014 at 2:23 am

My family never had special names for different grandparents. We called both sets Grandma and Grandpa when speaking to them, and if we were talking about them to someone else, we specified Grandma “Last Name”. It probably helped that they lived halfway across the country from each other, so no family interaction overlap aside from parents.

When my mom’s mom passed away, my grandfather married her sister about 9 years later. We called her Great Aunt Grandma Mary!

Honestly, for the not-baby, I’d be tempted to get a noterized dated letter saying that you are not pregnant delivered to her with proof of delivery. Then when her delusion bursts, you have proof that you didn’t mislead her. Obviously, this is an extreme measure and you would only do this if you think FMIL would get vindictive when you don’t pop out a grandchild.

Best wishes!

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don't blink July 18, 2014 at 6:23 am

Grandpa’s new wife…introduce her as ” This is my Grandfather’s wife, Ellen.” And as for your mother in law…you have done all you can. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink :)

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DanaJ July 18, 2014 at 10:42 am

And cross your fingers that in 7 months when the OP still isn’t showing, the MIL doesn’t conclude that she must have lost the baby, and then start tragic rumors.

(Logic of teh crazy: “Of course! That’s why she kept telling people she wasn’t pregnant! It must have been a high-risk thing. She knew she might miscarry and so wanted to keep the baby a secret! Of course, of course!… Oh, poor thing.”)

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Enna July 19, 2014 at 6:18 am

I like the idea of talking to your grandfather’s bride to be. You want to respect her feelings and status in the family and your life. She likewise should (I know this is an assumption here but if she is a reasonable lady) feel the same and want to respect your feelings.

Your MIL thinking you are pregnant is a concern. If I was in your situation I would talk to my (in my case hyperthetical) husband about the best way forward. You might have to consult other family members and ask them for support. You are not pregnant. You have never said you are pregnant. Maybe your step grandfater’s bride to be might be a good source of support?

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Enna July 19, 2014 at 6:21 am

P.S I would also talk to my GP about this kind of thing and possible ask him or her to write a letter saying you have never been pregnant according to your medical records. He/she doesn’t have to disclouse any other medical information. That and a negative preganacy test might be a way to jolt MIL into reality.

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EchoGirl July 19, 2014 at 1:26 pm

My grandfather remarried ~ 6 months before I was born. Until I was 13, my brother and I called her by her first name. Then, when it came time for me to thank my family at my Bat Mitzvah, I asked her if she would mind if I called her “Grandma [Name]” and she was so touched she cried. It was amazing for our relationship.

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Ginger0630 August 14, 2014 at 9:14 pm

I think you can call her by her first name. I’m sure she would prefer to be called that anyway.

I had a step grandpa and step grandma:

My father’s father died and his mom remarried. I only knew the step grandpa, since the death & remarriage happened 20 years before me. I called him Papa. I never thought of calling him anything else since he was the only grandpa I knew on that side.

My mother’s mother died when she was very young and the father remarried. They had a child. I always called the step mother Grandma and the child Aunt. Again, all the death & remarriage happened way before I was born.

As for the in-laws that refuse to believe that you are NOT pregnant, I would get nasty about it. Why don’t they believe you? Being polite is done. Pee on a stick and show them. Have a drink in front of them. When you don’t have a big belly and don’t give birth, will they believe you then?! Ridiculous! I really hope your fiance is putting them in their place and telling they need to stop.

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Miscellaniac September 15, 2014 at 12:02 am

We have odd family dynamics. I’m my husbands second wife. His first wife was a few decades older than he was when they met, and had already established a family. Her youngest, A, was 11 when they met. DH was the only male influence A. had so he became dad. She had a child (T) at a very young age who grew up calling him Poppy and his ex Grandma. Fast forward a few years: DH and his ex have been exes for awhile,but A and her family consider DH as still their dad and grandpa. I enter the scene. We date for a couple of years and then get engaged and plan our wedding. I meet A and her family for the first time the day before the wedding. At the reception dinner T comes up to me, and in her sweet way asks if I’m going to be called grandma now. I said “No I can’t take that away from your grandma” “good” she responded “cause I’d feel weird”. I gave her a hug and said she could call me whatever she wanted.

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