First off, my boyfriend is adorable and we are very much in love. We have lived together for two years and have sort of both realized we are likely to be together forever. So much so, that after we had been together for about 8 months, he decided I was the person he was going to marry and he was going to ask me one year after that day. However, for some reason I can’t quite work out, he changed his mind in the intervening year. Which would have been odd enough, except for the fact that he told me he had changed his mind and had decided not to propose.
I mostly put it out of mind in the beginning, thinking that there isn’t much point worrying about it. Until about a year after he told me about his change of mind when I started to get confused and a bit upset. We ended up talking about it a few weeks before Christmas when he was sort of dismissive and said that of course he loved me and that he was wanted to propose soon so I should just be patient.
Then on Christmas Day (not expecting anything) we went to his parents’ house for lunch and then came home to unwrap our gifts to each other. After opening a few small gifts like a mug from him, he turns to me and smiles and says, “I’ve saved the BIGGEST gift for last”, and out of his pocket he pulls a small gift wrapped box. My heart is pounding as I tear off the wrapping paper, and open it up to see that he’s given me a pair of earrings. Which are quite nice and well appreciated, but it was certainly an odd way of presenting them after the discussions we had had recently.
So now I’m pretty fed up with the whole issue. He has said that I only get one chance to have someone ask me to marry them so he wants to make it special, whereas I just think everything has gotten a bit out of hand and no proposal will live up to the hype he has managed to create. I guess I just need to be grateful that I get to be with somebody who is mostly a wonderful and caring being, and only occasionally a bit of a twit. 0210-15
There is something “off” about this submission and I look forward to the Ehellions to read it and see if we alldiscern the same thing.
Just from the very small amount of information you provide, it paints a portrait of a man who is frivolous with his words at best and at worst, someone who does not stand by his word and who doesn’t appear to care what the effect of his words are on his supposed beloved.
The other thing that bothers me is that despite your belief that you are both destined to be together forever, apparently he does not share that conviction at this time. Once my husband determined that I was the woman he knew he could not live without, he did not procrastinate in proposing marriage. If a man sees you as a valuable treasure that cannot be lost, he takes the steps to make sure he keeps that treasure. If a man were to tell me he cannot propose until it is the perfect “special” situation, that would hint to me he has created an impossible hurdle to marriage as a means to forestall having to ever make the commitment. Particularly when he claims this “special” proposal is for my benefit…why haven’t you realized that you never asked for a “special” proposal yet he is using that as an excuse to wait, possibly indefinitely, to ask you to marry him? I don’t consider that kind of behavior “wonderful”, “adorable” or “caring”.
I think you have a conundrum. You can either choose to continue living with him with no expectation that he will ever propose or you end the relationship in the hopes of finding a man who will value you above pearls such that he eagerly looks forward to making you his wife.