As an over-protective pet parent, I’m very conscientious of where I bring my dog. If he’s not invited, I frequently don’t go places. (Seriously, he’s way more outgoing than I am.) So, because my little rescued dog is awesome, my sister allows dogs at her house. Seriously, my 2 year old nephew wants to be Mort and my 5 year old nephew is fine with him.
My sister just had to host her in-laws. Her step-father-in-law is okay, but her mother-in-law (Wendy) is not my favorite person. (This means I don’t get an invite to the bbq Sis hosts while they are in town. I have a total “I don’t have to go” party and have sushi and chocolate cake and Mort and I have a dance party in the living room. My poor parents have to go.)
Sis’s in-laws live in Spokane part of the year and Jacksonville the other part of the year. They drive across the country with their dog, SusieQ, and only stay at friends and family homes as they travel. (I can kind of understand that — my dog was fine in the hotel room if people in the hallway were quiet. That wasn’t a fun overnight when a drunken party came down the hall.) So, the in-laws and SusieQ arrive at my sister’s house. Sis has to host them two weeks a year as they cross the country. And did I mention the in-laws don’t like kids, or noise, or, well, anything? (I’m a single adult with no kids and wouldn’t try to stay at her house over night. Kids are loud and my sister believes that children should be less disciplined than I would prefer. They are her kids and it’s her house, so it’s her rules.)
Now, SusieQ, much like Mort, is a rescue. The story Wendy tells is that SusieQ was abused by children and can’t be left alone with them. Err, ok. My nephews are 5 and 2. They are a handful. They are all over their house and loud. This is the way Sis and BIL have raised them from day 1, so Wendy should know this by now. She constantly tells Sis to corral the boys for SusieQ’s sake. Remember, she’s getting free room and board for a week; either suck it up or stay elsewhere, right?
Well, this year brought an added twist : SusieQ is sick. How sick? Bloody diarrhea sick. Yep — poor SusieQ had bloody diarrhea in every room on the first floor of Sis’s house. Now, my heart is breaking for SusieQ as I write this. No one wants to be sick while travelling, least of all a pet. It’s just not fun. Now, I’ve mentioned I live two towns over and have an amazing vet. Sis offered to call and get his name. Her mother-in-law pooh-poohed that idea. “SusieQ will be fine”. Poor SusieQ was sick in at least three rooms as I type. My sister hadn’t analyzed the guest suite yet. You know how guest rooms are in modern houses these days — they have wall to wall beige carpet. Yikes!!!!
Sunday morning, her step-father-in-law had the car packed to drive to a friend’s house in Georgia by 6 AM. He and Sis’s Mom-in-law whined that Sis didn’t serve breakfast until 7:30 that morning. There is a 24 hour McDonald’s just down the street would have been my suggestion. (So, the in-laws are now taking the poor dog to another person’s home!!! Who does that?) I hope SusieQ makes it to her vet in Florida, but I feel badly for her and the homeowners’ carpet. 0626-15
I think this is another case of a story submitter being offended on the behalf of someone else with no evidence that the sister is similarly put out by her mother-in-law’s behavior. Dear OP, life is complicated enough without carrying the burden of being offended for someone else. In other words, MYOB.
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My In laws would complain about my kids all the time, too noisy….turn the damn tv DOWN…etc.
Meanwhile, they had three very ill mannered, go to the bathroom anywhere in the house they please dogs.
Two were quite old, the German shepherd was just a bully.
The in laws thought it was just “darling and hilarious” when the dog would jump on my kids and pin them to the wall. My kids still flinch when they see a German shepherd dog.
It’s not funny or cute when a huge dog has a 7 year old backed into a corner, teeth bared and growling.
However ….their house, their dogs…..we stopped going there after many, many pleas to reign their mutts in were met with laughter and “oh, for God’s sake….the dog is just PLAYING!!!”
After realizing if they wanted to see their grandkids, they had to come to OUR house, where no dogs were allowed, and the kids could play and laugh and…Well, be KIDS!
“I think the tv IS at an acceptable volume, Mom” and “well….the kids are probably laughing “like that” because they think something is funny!”
While my folks aren’t perfect, dealing with my husband’s parents was exhausting.
What may be an acceptable volume to you, can be very troublesome to others. Even people in their 50s can have problems with background noise, loud tv or music etc. It is a medical condition. You can’t discern conversation from the background noise. It was very disrespectful to make a parent uncomfortable, when they mentioned the loudness. You were the hostess, and ignored their reasonable request. Your home sounds like chaos. Sure, kids are kids and get rowdy, but when adults are trying to visit, tv is too loud for THEM and kids are rowdy, it is not a pleasant visit. Growing up, we would say hello and talk to the adults, then after a bit we were sent outside to play, or somewhere away from adult conversation (especially). We did not hang around doing our playtime, while adults were discussing adult issues (marital problems, gossip, financial issues, etc.). We were all on our best behavior when we had guests, and did not run around like we may have on a normal day at home. It seems you took the opportunity to make a point to your in-laws, MY HOUSE MY RULES and that is so childish, regardless of the issues at their house, this was your opportunity to shine as a hostess.
What may be an acceptable volume to you, can be very troublesome to others. Even people in their 50s can have problems with background noise, loud tv or music etc. It is a medical condition. You can’t discern conversation from the background noise. It was very disrespectful to make a parent uncomfortable, when they mentioned the loudness. You were the hostess, and ignored their reasonable request. Your home sounds like chaos. Sure, kids are kids and get rowdy, but when adults are trying to visit, tv is too loud for THEM and kids are rowdy, it is not a pleasant visit. Growing up, we would say hello and talk to the adults, then after a bit we were sent outside to play, or somewhere away from adult conversation (especially). We did not hang around doing our playtime, while adults were discussing adult issues (marital problems, gossip, financial issues, etc.). We were all on our best behavior when we had guests, and did not run around like we may have on a normal day at home. It seems you took the opportunity to make a point to your in-laws, MY HOUSE MY RULES and that is so childish.
@Schnicklefritz: No, what my house sounds like is a home where my four kids can laugh and play, and not get screamed at by their grandparents for doing so.
These are the same two people who kept the volume at their home up to the max, so, the volume wasn’t the issue (our tv was only up to 40 or so out of 100), it was something for them to bitch about.
And childish or not, you best believe “my home, my rules”.
I notice while you’re quick to take up offense at the tv volume, you made no mention of their mutts pinning my kids to the wall and jumping up on them at THEIR house.
Hospitality goes both ways no?!?
We asked them many times to keep their dogs in check, and were rudely refused EVERY time, we stopped going their because of their dogs terrorizing the kids and myself and husband on a few occasions. They thought it was hilarious when the dogs went after us.
So….unless you’re going to make this a valid and balanced argument, I stand my ground.
My kids are and were very well behaved, and were watching tv and playing at acceptable levels on those occasions.
One person’s “chaos”, is another’s house full of happy laughter and relaxation.
P.S. this is the same in law we took in when she broke her ankle, and when my son reached into a bag of cheetos on the table for everyone to enjoy, she grabbed the bag shut around his wrist (he was 7 or so) and said “if you touch MY food again, I’ll break your fingers!!!”
Nope. You are in MY house with….MY son…..MY Cheetos….MY table.
I believe you were saying something about “childish”?!?
Oh well….as long as OP’s sister doesn’t mind bloody diarrhoea all over her beige carpet….
Sister probably knows what MIL is like. She probably makes MIL clean up after SusieQ if any do-doos happen.
Did the in-laws at least clean up after the dog?
I’d hate to see what Wendy and SFIL’s car looks like if SusieQ was travelling with them!!
OP says they never come over when MIL is in town. For her to be privy all of these goings on I’m guessing her sister is giving her an up-to-the-minute play-by-play through phone/text or venting all her frustrations as soon as the parents were out of town. So, it’s very possible that she is offended and put out by her MIL’s behavior but cannot vent her frustrations directly to her husband’s mother.
I disagree that the OP has no evidence that this bothers her sister. It is her sister. I doubt OP would know all of these details if her sister hadn’t complained to her about it. Honestly, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be upset about a dog pooing violently all over their house and carpet. Not only would I demand they take their dog to the vet or leave, I will bill them for the professional cleaners to come fix my carpets.
Agreed! I don’t think it’s a stretch to be offended when one hears of crazily offensive behavior!
I think I’m with the OP on this one as far as you don’t drag a dog with bloody diarrhea across country and wait until you get to your vet in Florida. Bloody Diarrhea is usually a sign of something significantly wrong with the dog and any animal welfare group would seize an animal that had a condition like this that was ignored this long.
I’m with you. I hope it wasn’t hemorrhagic gastroenteritis or parvo. That poor little dog.
Exactly! If the in-laws are staying with friends for a week at a time, who knows how long it might be before they reach Florida!
Bloody diarrhea on the carpet? I hope Wendy offered to clean it herself or pay for a professional cleaner. Also agree that taking a sick pet on a cross country drive while being a houseguest is not very nice, to either the pet or the hosts. The OP may not have a horse in this race, but I can see why she (or he) is appalled.
I feel like this is dog abuse – they should have cancelled their plans once SusieQ was so sick. The fact that the dog couldn’t control her bowels and they didn’t immediately take her to a vet, and they continued their travels – that is awful. Your sister’s in-laws are awful people who should no longer have a dog.
I found this hard to follow with all the extra info about having a dog dance party and all. But I assume the point is that LW is offended on behalf of all the people whose houses are going to be pooped in.
I’m far less concerned about that than about the fact that this dog is supposedly so important to the ILs but they can’t alter their schedule to take the dog to a vet? Poor doggie. 🙁
Yeah….OP’s dog was irrelevant.
I think all of that information was irrelevant and distracted from the story. However, I think the OP was trying to show that she is a dog lover and didn’t resent SusieQ just because Susie is a dog.
Admin, anyone would be upset in this situation. Who likes having a sick pet foul your home? The last the in laws could have done would be to put diapers on the pup, or offer to pay for cleaning if accidents happened anyway.
I have to wonder what happened to their car, or if they were able to understand their dog’s behavior well enough to pull over every time.
Furthermore, it was irresponsible of them to refuse veterinary care for a pet with blood in its stool. I hope she’s okay.
Ah, I meant “least” the in laws could have done.
I definitely agree this is a case of “offense by proxy”. Having said that – if Wendy was my MIL, I would have made it clear a long time ago that she was a guest in my house, my kids LIVE THERE, and if her dog doesn’t get along well with children, either she can leave her at home, or she can stay at a hotel – if she can find one that’s pet friendly. And if poor SusieQ is that sick, I would be making sure she was confined to a room or rooms where clean-up would be easy – AND I would have the MIL do the cleaning. Sadly, it sounds like the OP’s sister has decided to put up with Wendy for the sake of family peace.
“If he’s not invited, I frequently don’t go places.”
How very…limiting….of you. Sounds like it’s time to take a deep, long look at your own life as you’re missing out on a great deal of it. If you think I’m wrong, just substitute in the word “kids” or “child” for “Mort” as in “If my kid isn’t invited, I don’t frequently go places.” Doesn’t that sound strange? It should.
Since the OP mentioned that her dog is more outgoing than she is, I suspect that OP is not a very social person, and uses the dog as an excuse to not go out – especially to places she really doesn’t want to go.
I don’t actually like going to parties etc. I mean, once I’m there, it is often (not always) enjoyable or at least tolerable, but I tend to look towards those kinds of things with more dread than anticipation. When I read the story, I actually thought that was a great way to limit the amount of invitations one felt obliged to accept.
When I had kids, I usually didn’t go places where they weren’t invited either. I didn’t make a stink about it — after all, I’d rather stay home anyway. However, I live on a farm so there aren’t many people I could ask to babysit, and of those, if they could not drive themselves, it would mean me either leaving the kids home alone while I drove the sitter home (which would be an hour if I had to run back to town) or else wake them all up, put them in the vehicle (because you can’t just wrap them up like sausages and let them sleep on the floor/seats anymore like they did with us when we were kids), and haul them around with me. All in all, it was just a huge hassle.
I have plenty of friends who refuse to go to events if their kids aren’t invited.
In fact, one of my friends actually threw a complete hissy fit because I told her that the wine and cheese tasting I was hosting at my apartment was for adults only. She felt it was beyond rude of me to invite her and her girlfriend to an event that their 6 year old daughter wasn’t invited too.
As a single adult, I just didn’t have anything in my apartment to entertain a 6 year old while the adults were tasting wine and cheese pairings.
So if someone feels the same way about their dog, I’m not all that surprised.
Lerah99: your friend had a fit because you didn’t want a six year old at an event whose primary focus was alcohol???? Did it occur to her that if she and her girlfriend were both imbibing, they’d be driving home under the influence with the six year old in the car?
Totally agree. There was something off about this whole post to me and you nailed what it was. The tone it started out with.
Yeah, I love my little furry rescue dog, but he’s perfectly fine staying home while I go out with friends.
Do I have this wrong, or was the OP not there and this was the sister telling her the story? If so, it sounds like the sister was annoyed by her MIL’s behaviour and OP is submitting the sister’s experience to the site. Am I confused?
Nobody has a problem with their inlaws. They have a problem with a spouse who won’t stand up for them. Where was your sister’s husband when it was time to clean up after the dog and serve his parents breakfast? He has to learn to set boundaries for his parents, such as telling them to take their sick dog to a vet or find a hotel room. Next time they announce that they’re breezing into town to stay for a few weeks, he should be the one to tell them no.
I didn’t even notice that until you pointed it out. Why was it the DIL’s job to get up at 6 am to serve her in laws breakfast, and not Sonny’s?
These two seriously sat around for 90 min twiddling their thumbs when they wanted to get on the road because they were waiting for someone else to cook them breakfast? Wow. I do feel sorry for OP’s sister.
Forget the son, why couldn’t the early-rising in-laws make their own breakfast? What able-bodied adult can’t make toast, or pour cereal? It sounds as if they wanted to get on the road early, AND they wanted to have an elaborate hot breakfast, AND they wanted their daughter-in-law to cook said breakfast. Well, that’s too much to ask. They could have made their own breakfast, on their schedule, and left when they wanted to. They could have planned for a hot breakfast and gotten up earlier, or they could have slept a bit later, and then had cereal or toast or something quick. Alternatively, if the “hot breakfast, cooked by DIL” was the priority, they should have waited without complaining about it. Even then, they shouldn’t have assumed she was going to cook for them. Good hospitality doesn’t necessarily involve waiting on guests hand and foot. It’s perfectly fine to point guests towards the breakfast foods, and tell them to help themselves whenever they wake up. In fact, if I was staying at someone’s house, I’d prefer that, because I’m vegan, and I hate making people feel put out. So, best possible outcome, I sort myself out, and they either see me having a fairly “normal” breakfast that happens to be vegan (for example, peanut butter toast, fruit, and coffee), or I get done with breakfast before they’re up, and we start our day without any drama.
Yes, they should have made their own breakfast, or eaten out while on the road. But if they feel entitled to a hot breakfast served by their host (at their convenience), why is it the daughter in law’s responsibility, and not their son’s?
Given the examples the OP lists, I imagine this is just the tip of the iceberg that the OP’s sister has had to deal with regarding her inlaws, and I agree with L.J. above that context clues from the submission suggest OP’s brother in law doesn’t do much to stand up for his wife.
My aunt with the two toy poodles, also expected us to wait on her hand and foot. Breakfast was usually somebody or somebodies felt like running something over a frypan and the coffee was on, and most of the traditional breakfast makings were set out, and you could jolly well sort your own. She put her breakfast order in after sitting down and expected one of us to pour her coffee and put bread in the toaster for her, and make her eggs just so.
She got told the bread is there and the toaster is there, the coffee pot is there, and the eggs being made are scrambled (your choice was how much you wanted) and the hashbrowns were by the spatulafull, you had to bring your plate to the stove for doling out (I was scrambling and doling, my other aunt who owned the kitchen had served several and needed to work on meat prep for lunch, so I took over-I was old enough to do this…) She was rather put off but got her rear back up to get what she wanted and she managed to take a fingernail off getting her toast out of the toaster (how she managed that I do not know). Didn’t kill her.
I couldn’t agree more. I don’t think I would ever let my mom say something to my fiance about when breakfast should be ready, because they are my parents, and any weird concerns should be adressed to me. Also because if my parents are staying with us, I would be the one cooking anyway.
I really think that this boils down to a bigger but more simple problem. Having house guests that people in the home are not really compatible with can be tricky. When the conversation starts to turn into “weeks”? That’s just seems like trying to put a fire out with gasoline to me. I have no problem with house guests, but moderation is the key there. I can count on half a hand the number of people that both my fiance and I would be comfortable staying with/having at our house for more than a couple of days. She might tell you that it is less than that if you asked. So frankly, I think the etiquette failure here is of the husband for not telling his family that perhaps two weeks is a bit much.
Especially when it’s two weeks EVERY YEAR when they go from Spokane to Jacksonville!
The letter said 2 weeks each year; I’m thinking it’s a week in one direction and another week on the return trip. The IL’s also stay with “friends and family”, so now I’m curious: do they stay a week at each stop? How many stops do they make? The LW said they “live in Spokane part of the year and Jacksonville the other part of the year”, but it sounds more to me like they live in Spokane part of the year, Jacksonville part of the year, and with friends and family the other 2-3 months.
Essie I re-read the letter, and I think you’re right. It is probably a week each way. That would still be way too much for me with a house guest that I wasn’t particularly thrilled about having.
I’d say that for me, in a non-emergency situation, two or three nights is about the longest I think its reasonable for one partner to ask of the other for their guests to stay, if they know that the partner and the guests don’t jive well in a living situation. Also, that would be my limit for people traveling with pets or kids unless both of the hosts specifically feel otherwise.
Purely grammatical point that has nothing to do with the story: you do not feel badly; rather, you feel bad. You use the adjective “bad” to describe your feelings (a noun). To use the adverb and say you feel badly means that you’re bad at physically feeling things because, for example, you have no fingers.
Yes! Not relevant to the story, but I have a friend who does this all the time!
I agree with Administrator, not only because it is someone else’s issue, but because the solution to many of these situations is: Learn to Say No.
Sister and her husband chose to accept the in-laws and their dog staying for 2 weeks. If Sister is complaining to OP, she and her husband need to stand up for themselves.
I have a sister who has tried a couple of times to inflict herself on me without an invite. The first time it happened she had visited one weekend, then called to tell me she would be coming again for the next weekend. I told her that due to my heavy workload and needing to use the weekend for all my “stuff”, I couldn’t handle it. The second time she called to tell me that she was coming for a weekend visit with her boyfriend. I told her that, due to my small house having only my bed and a sofa in the living room, I couldn’t accommodate them. They stayed at a motel. People need to learn to say “no”. Then you don’t have the stress and resentment of feeling imposed on.
I love my cats, my horses, my donkeys, my chickens,my ducks, and my turkey, but I don’t take any or all of them with me when I travel. I pay a friend to come over and take care of them for me.
To arrive at someone’s home with any of my animals in tow would strike me as a burden I would not wish to put on my friends. To have my animals damage their belongings and to perhaps injure their small children is beyond belief.
If other people choose to take their animals with them, and their friends/family permit it, that is their business and not mine.
In the ILs defense, the visit is not the ultimate destination; they’re moving back and forth between houses and “stopping by” on the way; there wouldn’t be much point in having a pet if you’re going to hire a petsitter for half the year.
The “I don’t have to go” party seems very mean spirited.
I am not a huge fan of my sister’s in-laws either. But I can certainly manage to deal during the 2-3x a year our paths cross for my sister, BIL, and niece and nephew’s sakes.
I don’t know that mean spirited would be the best way to describe the “I don’t have to go party.” I mean, it’s not like she’s inviting a bunch of people over and gossiping about her family. While I haven’t called it an “I don’t have to go party”, I have done the same thing before when my folks were going to dinner with a family friend and I ‘conveniently’ had to work late. I picked up sushi on the way home, ate that and candy while watching tv by myself and had a grand old time. For an introvert, which I get the feeling OP might be, that can be the best kind of party, with nothing mean about it.
To me, that would just be called “Tuesday”….the cake and dance party seems like she is reveling in avoiding people she dislikes.
If you don’t want to go, just don’t go. I smell a lot of dramatics.
The OP wasn’t invited, and anyway, she’s not REALLY having a party; she’s going to dance around to music and eat cake with Mort, who I gather is a dog. I don’t think she’s literally going to bake a special cake that says “I don’t have to go to my in-laws’ house”; it’s probably just going to be something generic, since there are tons of recipes for cakes that you can mix up in a coffee mug and “bake” in the microwave. There’s no reason why the OP couldn’t also do that on a regular Tuesday, if she had the house to herself. I don’t think that that’s mean-spirited, because honestly, by the strict definition of etiquette, it’s perfectly fine to invite or not invite whoever you want to your home (although, excluding certain people, including relatives-by-marriage, can hurt family relationships). However, there’s no etiquette rule that says that non-invitees have to be sad about not being invited. So, the OP is free to dance around with her dog, or go to the movies, or do whatever she wants on her free evening.
It could also be a turn phrase. I know that I have said “Woo hoo! Totally going to throw a party!” when something happens that makes me happy or relieved. Doesn’t mean I am actually having a party. It means that I am happy or relieved. Just a saying.
Well since an invitation is not extended to the writer, there is no sucking up or dealing with it to be done. What’s wrong with having your own party in your own home when you’re not invited to go somewhere you don’t want to be? It’s not mean spirited to have that private party, only to announce the reasons for it to any of the involved parties.
“This means I don’t get an invite to the bbq Sis hosts while they are in town. I have a total “I don’t have to go” party and have sushi and chocolate cake and Mort and I have a dance party in the living room”
My impression was the OP is not *invited* to the party, due to some reason involving the MIL. I took the “by myself party ” comment to mean OP is making the best of a bad situation. I mean really, she’s excluded from her own sister’s house when the MIL is there too? There’s definitely some drama we haven’t heard about.
I think it’s fine for the OP to write a submission, she knows quite a few details that I think she’d only know if her sister was telling her. People send in stories that they hear from someone else all the time. If the sister asked for advice, maybe OP can help her develop a polite spine by passing on some comments from here.
My parents bring their dogs when they come to visit me (from a small town so they have limited kenneling/pet sitting options). They are both sweet and wonderful dogs, but one of them sometimes gets anxious pees when she’s stressed from traveling. It can be a little annoying at the time, but we’ve come up with a simple solution. After my parents leave, they use some of the money they saved from not kenneling their dogs and not renting a hotel to have my apartment professionally cleaned. The OP here may have ‘insider knowledge’ this doesn’t occur, or she may not have any idea of the arrangement they have.
This submission was written in a very odd manner that was hard to understand. More of a face-to-face conversational manner. My head was spinning trying to figure out what it was about.
Wendy; GET THAT DOG TO A VET STAT!
I cannot stand people who do not take care of their animals.
I’m guessing the OP’s sister has been complaining. Listen sympathetically, make the right sounds and don’t care too much. As the admin said, she could have said no.
The only part of this that bothers me is the bloody diarrhea. If that’s accurate, and I bet it is, that sounds extremely serious. I mean, maybe the dog is on medication but… yeah. Not cool.
It can occur for a variety of reasons, one of which is a change in feeding. I had this problem with my dog when my parents babysat him the Friday after Thanksgiving. They gave him turkey and when I took him home he had bloody diarhea. The way it was explained to me by a vet, dogs have bacteria in their intestinal tract. If you change their food too much, the bacteria get screwed up and the dog can get sick. If you know what you’re doing, you can treat it yourself by giving the dog Pedialyte. If you don’t know what you’re doing you take the dog to the vet. My dog ended up being on an IV for a day, then being on a bland diet of rice for a couple days. I never told my parents that the dog got so sick, I just made sure they understood in the future to only feed him his dog food.
So, yeah, In-laws’ continuing the trip without taking the dog to a vet was risky.
If I had a sister in this situation I would suggest that she lay down some ground rules and if MIL couldn’t stick to them or respect them she doesn’t stay.
Admin, my outrage is for SusieQ. The dog is sick, and needed vet care URGENTLY. If it was sick before they left they should have taken it to vet before leaving. They were TWO WEEKS at the Sis’s and that was enough time to engage a vet there to give the dog care. The rest of the story is well, it could be some meddling, but. The biggie and the biggest loser is the pet in this case. That is the part that sticks and is the most abhorrent.
Not only was the dog sick, but the dog’s owners know she gets bad anxiety around kids, and brings her along to a house with two rowdy young kids anyways. Yeah, the MIL may demand that the parents corral the kids, but if she doesn’t (or can’t) the dog is still going to suffer. Wendy and her husband sound like pretty terrible pet owners.
It’s difficult to take in a story when it’s written by someone who seems to be in junior high school, not well acquainted to the real world and addicted to drama.
I can imagine that the sister needed someone to confide in to get through a stressful visit with her in-laws but I would guess she would be mortified to find that her confidante was sharing her story with the rest of the world.
But it is anonymous. Or is the OP really the sister in this story and she is trying to make it more anonymous?
We have a saying in our home. It’s no longer a secret once you tell someone.
Admin, I do see the angle you are coming from with being offended by proxy but we are talking about an ill animal who clearly needed medical attention and was suffering. Not taking a sick dog as ill as this to the vet must be animal neglect? If I had a sister who was in a similar situation to the OP’s sister I would advise hypothetical sister to put her foot down and tell her MIL to take the dog to the vet or she contact the RSPCA and report her for neglect.
Years ago a friend of mine had a neighbour (whose now moved thankfully) who kept two very big Alsatians. The neighbour was neglecting them and I advised that he report this man to the RSPCA. Guess what, they visited and the owner decided to rehome them. I have to say I think anyone whose sister or other relation would be quite offended at this scenario.
I agree with others that SusieQ needs a vet and I hope the dog is okay.
Otherwise I recall Miss Manners had a great line for use on houseguests who complain about the quality of their accommodation:
“I’m so sorry I can’t accommodate you to the standard you expect. Do let me book you a hotel room.”
(Note: ‘book’, not ‘pay’.)
Sounds like this would be an excellent one to use when the in-laws complain about the kids.
Thats a perfect response! Yay for miss manners
On a sidenote, SusieQ? What an adorable name
That poor dog! I hate having to go anywhere when I’m sick and I can imagine how SuzieQ feels.
As for “offended by proxy” this reads more like concern for the dog who has bloody diarrhea. I’m not sure what the original poster can do, but I’d suggest she tell her sister to insist on a vet visit right away and for the in-laws not to wait to get home to Florida. The dog may not live that long. Bloody diarrhea sounds serious.
I’ve posted this one before, I think….
My husband’s new boss brought her spouse and her sick English Sheepdog to our new home years ago.
Our yard had just been seeded, and it had been a very rainy week.
They just “couldn’t bear to leave Kirby home, because well…we don’t know WHAT he got into but has had diarrhea all over the house!!!”
Yes….the logical solution is to bring a sick dog to MY house!
Her being my husband’s boss made “take your sick pooch the hell home!” particularly difficult.
This dog, (don’t get me wrong, he was a beautiful dog, and I felt bad for him) went outside every 15 minutes, and I was never really sure if I was cleaning up mud or diarrhea every time Kirby trotted back in.
His owners never once offered to help me wipe up the floor each time he went out, and I was silently thanking the stars we didn’t have carpeting by that door.
We have two cats we adore, but would never take either of them to someone else’s house when they are sick.
Then again, these folks were invited over at 6:00, and didn’t leave until almost two am…..clueless doesn’t even begin to cover it.
As offensive as this story could…. if it was my house. The sister needs to learn to chat in her head “not my monkeys, not my circus”.
I’d hate it for her but stay out of it.
So, we are just going to make this about who’s right it is to be “offended” by carpet stains, and ignore the fact that this dog is obviously very ill, and the in laws are completely irresponsible (at best) for not getting that dog to a vet immediately? They should be reported to the nearest animal welfare society.
I actually think the writer does have an issue for concern here. Bloody canine diarrhea throughout a house with 2 active toddlers/small children whom the LW loves? That sounds not only tragic to the dog, bring sick, but potentially a major health concern for those kids! Goodness only knows the bacteria the dog is depositing throughout the children’s home.
And even if the bacteria is not a risk to humans, it sounds like the LW is pretty close to her sister and brings her own dog there – so it’s a legitimate concern that her own pet might be exposed. It’s not unreasonable to be ticked a third party is creating a situation rendering a place you visit no longer pleasant.
As a dog owner, I know blood in a dog’s stool is not as bad an omen as it is in humans (heard this from a vet when I panicked and brought my dog in immediately upon this exact same sign.) It can be anything from ‘he ate something weird and is straining too hard and breaking blood vessels’ to ‘he has hookworms’ (which might be kind of gross considering it was on the carpet and I think hookworms can transfer to humans.) Despite this, the fact that the bloody stool was happening for so long should’ve warranted a trip to the vet – if it was maybe only in one bowel movement and it was fine after that, perhaps it could’ve warranted waiting until they got to their vet in Florida to check up on. However, having it last so long and with diarrhea certainly needs some kind of vet care ASAP. Hopefully the dog turned out to be OK.
Sis should’ve at least tried to ask MIL to confine the dog somewhere – like the laundry room.
what kind of dog was Susie Q my mom gave mine away for free don’t know where it’s at I’ve been searching since May please let me know thank you