Baby Sprinkles

by admin on July 28, 2015

I found out about a new trend in Baby Showers from another blog (don’t worry they were laughing at the idea) called a “Baby Sprinkle”. I thought it was something “classy” moms said when the baby pees on them. I was wrong. It’s when 2nd, or 3rd (or 4th….10th) time mommies have little baby showers. Basically it’s a 2nd chance gift grab from moms who were happy with the first shower. I know the Ehellions would like to get their hands on this!

And they even have adorable little invites on Etsy!   0724-15

Update: I removed the image initially published with this post because the Etsy.com shop owner used an invitation that was for an actual, real event with real people named. There are dozens of “baby sprinkle” invitations available on Etsy as seen here.

{ 115 comments… read them below or add one }

Mal July 28, 2015 at 6:28 am

“I thought it was something “classy” moms said when the baby pees on them.”

This made my day! Thank you 🙂

As for the idea… I guess it’s a little less tacky than having a full-blown baby shower for the second child but it’s still tacky.

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Skaramouche July 28, 2015 at 9:10 am

Hehehe, Mal, I had the opposite reaction…it’s something really tacky trying to masquerade as something classier. To me, the subtext read like this: “we know she’s already had a shower for the first one and we know people also know it so let’s acknowledge that fact, call this a “sprinkle” and hope that with the cutesy poem, people will find us innovative and classy. But of course, the guests better still bring proper gifts.” 😛 😛

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deer July 28, 2015 at 10:50 am

It is still a full-blown baby shower, just with a changed name. There are registries and a diaper raffle. If a mom just wants to celebrate having more than one child, just have people over for a party without asking for gifts or wait until after the baby’s born and have a meet-and-greet (and play with the older child/children to give them some attention).

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Abby S July 28, 2015 at 6:57 am

Any reason we didn’t block out the phone number or address on this one? Is it fake?

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admin July 28, 2015 at 7:02 am

The photo is linked directly to a product for sale on Etsy.com. I’m sure it’s a fake address and phone number.

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Abby S July 28, 2015 at 7:46 am

Oof to the folks on Etsy. That’s a real address at least.

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Matt July 28, 2015 at 7:11 am

When I see a piece of doggerel on the invite, I know it’s going to be tacky. Anyone ever encounter an exception to that rule?

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tessa July 28, 2015 at 7:11 am

The diaper raffles are new to me. I’ve been invited to 2 showers where you are encouraged to bring a pack of diapers and have your name put into the raffle for a prize. This is on top of whatever gift you are bringing. As for a sprinkle….if there will be food and female chatter, count me in. I’m always game for buying a cute baby outfit. 🙂

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Lynnette July 28, 2015 at 7:22 am

I don’t think they are necessarily tacky or a gift grab. People are just as excited about their 2nd (etc) children as they are their first. I think it really depends on how it is done. I was under the impression that people mostly used them when the person was having a baby of a different gender than previously had. I threw one for my sister when she was having a girl after having two boys. We only invited about a dozen of our close family and friends. It was a surprise, she wasn’t registered anywhere and we just told people who asked that she already had all the big stuff, so maybe just some girl-specific items like pink onesies or dresses. She got mostly clothes and some toys. Added a lot of pink into a house of blue.

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AnaMaria July 28, 2015 at 1:25 pm

Agreed, or if the family is new in town or something, it can be a fun way for the community to show that they care. The church I grew up in always threw baby showers if 1) it was a first baby 2) a family joined the church and then had another baby or 3) if there were exceptional circumstances, like a family in a rough financial spot or an unexpected baby after the parents thought they were done and had gotten rid of all their baby stuff. I have participated in “Sprinkles” where a group of close friends got together for cake and gave the mom-again a card and a gift-card to Target or something similar.

At any rate, baby showers are supposed to be about your community supporting you as you transition to a bigger family. If you think it’s a gift-grab, then decline the invitation. Showing up with a plastered-on smile, a gift you resent having to give, and getting a free meal doesn’t make you any better than the supposed gift-grabber.

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TightlyKnit July 28, 2015 at 5:37 pm

I am in complete agreement Lynnette! When my sister has her second, I have every intentions of throwing her a baby party. We’re in complete agreement that no gifts should be given (unless it’s another gender like you mentioned), but it’s a fun ‘welcome to the world occasion’ and an excuse to get the family together!

The expectation of gifts for a ‘sprinkle’ is what I think makes it overly rude. However, as the second child it was upsetting to find out it was only my sister’s birth that was celebrated with a party. So from then on my family has a tradition of having a ‘baby party’ for each birth.

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Ulla July 29, 2015 at 1:47 am

Personally, I think baby showers should not be counted as specific child-related party. Everything I’ve heard about showers seem to point that they are really for the parents, not for the baby. Gifts given are, while children stuff, something that will be more or less used by the parents when they are taking care of the baby. So they are gifts for parents, not gifts for the child. Guest of honor is the mother or both parents.

Now nothing would stop a parent (or other family) to throw a party in the honor of the kid. That would not be shower and guest of honor would be the kid, like it would be with birthday party. (For example around here where child christening has been combined with naming the child for a longish time, most people usually have either christening or naming party for the child bit after it’s born.)

Of course if one wants to have gift grab, party thrown for the baby might be disappointment for the parent. At least here, one generally doesn’t get stuff you could use in your daily life so much. Many opt to bring the child stuff that could be even something the kid would use as adult. Or as older child. Some obviously bring clothes and toys, but strollers are really not for the child, so they are not part of the “deal”.

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Kimstu July 31, 2015 at 12:20 am

It’s great that parents are just as excited about their subsequent children as they were about their first.

It’s when they expect other people to be equally excited about continuing to give them baby supplies that their attitude slides over from “great” to “rude”.

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abby July 28, 2015 at 7:24 am

I don’t have a problem with “Sprinkles” provided a couple things- 1. Mom to be has NO involvement in the planning- that means she does not provide a guest list, she does not register, etc. , and 2. the guest list is limited to very close friends and family members. I don’t think it’s appropriate to invite acquaintances and second cousins and old college roommates that have not been in touch for years (I once received an invite via Facebook for a shower for someone I hadn’t spoken to in nearly a decade who lives several states away. I can only conclude the hostesses raided her facebook friend list).

I am pregnant with my second and my friends threw me I guess what would be a sprinkle. We had plans for brunch and then to my surprise, when I got there they had balloons and gifts (although very small scale, no big ticket items, mostly just cute little onesies and clothes).

If a group of the expectant mom’s friends or families decide amongst themselves they want to have a little party I don’t think the guest of honor is obligated to decline, but there should be no presumptions of gifts, and no one who didn’t already express interest in coming should be invited, as that could be seen as a solicitation of gifts.

That said, formal invites are going out, the mom to be registered, so I guess my conditions above are moot.

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Asharah July 28, 2015 at 7:33 am

Sis used to say in her circle first baby got a shower, second baby they treated Mom to lunch. I asked what they would do for a third one (nobody had one yet). Her response, “We’ll buy her a sympathy card.” LOL!
I do think most people want to buy a little something for a second baby and also like an excuse to throw a party.

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TaterTot July 28, 2015 at 11:06 pm

Bwahahah! Thanks for the laugh about the sympathy card! Your sis has an excellent sense of humor.

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Rose July 28, 2015 at 8:06 am

And here I thought a sprinkle was just a comedy sketch.. Garfunkel and Oates, anyone?

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Ashley July 28, 2015 at 1:13 pm

Oh gosh I’d LOVE to hear them write a song about this!

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Meegs July 28, 2015 at 8:10 am

First of all…Cale? Seriously? That’s a name?

I agree that “sprinkles” are tacky in general but I did go to one once that was actually really nice and fun. It was for my best friend and it was hosted by her mother-in-law (yeah, I know…) It was basically a fun pool party with music, cocktails, delicious snacks, etc. My friend is extremely well-liked and everyone who attended was really happy to be there. There were no extravagent gifts, just small token things. Some people, such as myself, even got things for the mom instead of the baby (I got my friend a gift certificate for a mani/pedi).

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Powers July 28, 2015 at 2:37 pm

“There were no extravagent gifts, just small token things.”

That’s all a shower should be anyway.

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JO July 28, 2015 at 3:28 pm

As a matter of fact, yes, that is a name. In fact we considered it when naming our son. Just because it isn’t something you would choose does not mean it is not an acceptable moniker. That was terribly rude.

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AIP July 28, 2015 at 4:22 pm

Could I ask the etymology of the name; it’s not one I’ve come across, although it’s not dissimilar to Cole (short for Coleman, the Anglo version of Cóil/Colm/Columba(nus))

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JO July 28, 2015 at 8:24 pm

It is actually a variation of Caleb. I admit it is an unusual name, but I met someone once with that name and always liked it.

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Meegs July 29, 2015 at 8:01 am

And I don’t think that just because you like the name my question was automatically rude.

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JO July 29, 2015 at 9:33 am

“Seriously? That’s a name?” Doesn’t sound at all like a real question, but a sarcastic comment.

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JO July 28, 2015 at 8:11 am

I’ve been invited to many of these. Usually I decline to attend, and bring the mother/parents a small gift in the hospital, or shortly after they get home.
I have attended two which I thought were done well. They were not ‘titled’ a baby sprinkle, but phrased as a gathering to celebrate the impending birth. There were no registries, but most guests brought a pack of diapers or a new outfit; things that wear out. Both parties were small; I think no more than 15 people, host and honoree included; basically only siblings, parents and aunts were invited.
I was invited to one that made me literally cringe; it was for a fourth baby (all girls), the mom was throwing it in her own honor, and she had an extensive registry which included such things as a $500 crib and $300 stroller/car seat set. I opted out of that one.

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Fawn Leibowitz July 28, 2015 at 8:15 am

Sprinkles have been around for quite some time. My sister’s friends threw her a sprinkle for her 2nd child and he is almost 10. I believe they just gave her clothes and small gifts, nothing big like like people may get at a baby shower.

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Ladyxaviara July 28, 2015 at 8:24 am

I’m currently 8.5 months pregnant, and hearing about all the gift grabbing nonsense and pure tackiness on pregnancy forums is alarming.

In addition to the sprinkle, there is now the “push present”; where moms expect extravagant gifts for giving birth. One woman was hunting she would kick her husband out of the birthing room if she didn’t get a certain $2000 tennis bracelet.

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Powers July 28, 2015 at 2:37 pm

Is that a threat or a promise?

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L.J. July 28, 2015 at 3:16 pm

I find them disturbing because it seems like he’s paying her for birthing a child for his family line.

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LadyV July 28, 2015 at 3:23 pm

The whole concept of “push presents” almost makes me ashamed to be a woman. What makes anyone think they deserve an expensive gift for doing something that thousands of women do every day? As far as I was concerned, my “gift” was my healthy, beautiful son!

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admin July 28, 2015 at 4:06 pm

I had two c-sections…I think I need to be compensated for those. “Gut gifts”? “Scar stash”?

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LadyV July 28, 2015 at 4:41 pm

I like “scar stash ” – I should get one of those too!

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JO July 28, 2015 at 6:35 pm

I just laughed out loud!!

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Chicalola July 29, 2015 at 6:45 am

The first time I heard of that, my friend received it as a surprise. One of those mother necklaces, really sweet, and wasn’t expected. Too many people expect things now. What’s the point of presents anymore….they are never happy and usually give their list of demands.

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Michelle July 28, 2015 at 8:27 am

If it’s a mom I know I’m probably going to give diapers, bottles and bibs anyway, so I wouldn’t feel the need to have a “baby sprinkle” to do so. And if it’s pretty much a diaper, bottle and bib type thing anyway, why did they need to register?

To me it seems like it’s just party for the sake of having a party. I don’t understand why you need a shower or sprinkle every time you have a baby. At what point have you accumulated enough items that your friends and a family do not have to buy more?

If you want to have a party to celebrate a friend or family member’s pregnancy, just call it a party, no mention of gifts. You’ll get gifts anyway and then it’s a nice surprise.

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Mary July 28, 2015 at 12:59 pm

My push present was my husband going out the evening and buying a bouquet of pink flowers with the card addressed to both myself and our new daughter along with a can of Mountain Dew since I had given up caffeine for the previous nine months.

Second daughter was a cheeseburger and fries after he saw the look on my face when I saw the hospital dinner.

No additional gifts were necessary. We had two healthy girls.

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Karen L July 28, 2015 at 4:19 pm

Your husband sounds like a keeper. Does he have a brother?

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Mary July 28, 2015 at 10:08 pm

Sorry, no. He was the only boy. I apologize also because somehow this ended up under the wrong comment. It was supposed to be a reply to the push present comment.

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Kate August 1, 2015 at 11:45 pm

Your husband sounds wonderful.

If I give up caffeine for my entire pregnancy I probably won’t have a husband (or a job) by the end of it. I am one cranky woman without coffee.

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Marozia July 28, 2015 at 3:30 pm

@Michelle, it’s basically an excuse for giving a party. Some people can’t live without giving a party for every single occasion, and a Baby Sprinkle is no exception. Some people live for these things.
To me, it sounds like a gift grab. Nowadays, you can walk to the corner store and buy bibs, nappies and bottles!!!

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cattlekid July 28, 2015 at 8:50 am

I get the idea of wanting to get together and celebrate a baby….but why a gift-giving occasion? Can’t the host just send out invitations for a tea or other get together without making it about gifts?

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another Laura July 28, 2015 at 8:56 am

My husband is a teacher, and his school “automatically” throws a shower for any expecting staff, so when our second daughter was due, we had a co-shower with another teacher whose wife was carrying their first child. Since it was completely out of our hands, I didn’t feel guilty. I would have been bothered if family or close friends had thrown me a “sprinkle” though.

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PM July 28, 2015 at 8:57 am

From the wording, it sounds like the mom is saying she has enough stuff, she’s just asking people to come and celebrate the baby. That’s the opposite of tacky.

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admin July 28, 2015 at 11:42 am

Then why the gift registries?

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CorVonn July 28, 2015 at 9:25 am

I really liked the idea and wording of the firest part, another celebration among friends. And the “Addison has plenty to share” implies no gifts…. Until I got to the bottom and saw the registry info.

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MaryB July 28, 2015 at 9:41 am

My sister gave me a a full blown surprise baby shower for my second child, because my kids are 11 years apart. It was nice to have some new stuff for the new baby and that were up to current safety standards. I didn’t plan on having a second child and had donated all the baby stuff to my sister who then passed it along to her SIL.

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Mary July 28, 2015 at 1:00 pm

I think with an eleven year wait between kids, a second shower is completely acceptable.

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lakey July 28, 2015 at 9:51 am

The excuse often given for having a baby shower, or sprinkle, for a second or third baby, is that the parents still need diapers, or consumables, or that the baby may be a different gender.
This argument seems to promote the idea that friends and relatives are supposed to supply the new parents with the stuff they need.

I can see doing in under certain circumstances, such as multiple births, or friends and family knowing about serious financial issues. However, every time some new gimme idea comes along, it seems to end up promoting the attitude of people being entitled to have their needs and wants bought by others.

If someone is close to me I usually give them a baby gift after the birth anyway.

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DGS July 28, 2015 at 9:52 am

Meh…it’s slightly better than a full-blown shower for a second baby (or 3rd or 5th or 10th) that some have, including all new “big-ticket” items (double stroller, new car seat, high chair, etc.) Off topic, I thought that the idea of a sprinkle wasn’t new; that a sprinkle was something of a smaller shower – e.g. a shower hosted by the Mother-to-be or Bride-to-be’s co-workers at work, for example?

But yeah, pretty terrible. I wonder what various gift-grabs will be called for all manner of occasions…”New Job Precipitation”? “Second Home Typhoon?” “Retirement Tornado? (where perhaps, the retiring celebrant is pelted with presents)

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MamaToreen July 28, 2015 at 1:36 pm

When my parents moves they had a “Hey, T, come and get your junk out of our house, you moved out 5 years ago!” party

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Margaret July 28, 2015 at 9:56 am

It’s not a fake. There are registries in this couple’s name.

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admin July 28, 2015 at 11:41 am

Foolish Etsy store owner used an actual invitation to a real event with real people’s names to market her product. I’ve removed the individual image but linked to the numerous examples of”baby sprinkle” invitations that are available for purchase on Etsy.

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Devin July 30, 2015 at 10:19 am

I’m curious, what was on the registries? Cute little items like bibs and pacifiers, or car seats and other ‘big ticket items’. That’s the big hint if its a little party or a true gift grab!

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barbarian July 28, 2015 at 9:57 am

If they already have one or more children, why are they registered for gifts at stores and why would that be on the invitation?

I thought sprinkles were supposed to be low-key events. This invitation in its format doesn’t look much different from a regular shower. It would not inspire me to attend.

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Anna July 28, 2015 at 10:01 am

I’m not particularly shocked. I’m currently pregnant with my first and my friends are generously planning a shower for me. I know someone else who is having a full on shower for number two, and I know plenty of others on two or three who are having small “sprinkles.” I also know first time mom’s who are hosting their own shower so it can be the way they want it. Any attempts to introduce these people to the rules of etiquette are met with a brick wall of statements like “every baby should be celebrated” or “if I want it right I need to do it myself.” My personal favorites are the ones that claim they are not doing it for gifts and yet have no problem including the registry info. I don’t think this particular rudeness is going away anytime soon.

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kingsrings July 28, 2015 at 12:35 pm

I’ve also heard of mothers showing baby showers for themselves. The number one excuse seems to be that nobody else is stepping up to throw them one, so they have to do it – after all, how else are they going to get all the baby supplies? The second excuse is that if they throw it, then they have total control and can have it exactly as they want it. The thought that any friends that throw it for them would most likely acquiesce to all the mother’s wishes on what she wants for the shower doesn’t register with them apparently. I can’t believe these mothers can do this and not feel any embarrassment at all. No shame at all!

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Jazzgirl205 July 28, 2015 at 1:40 pm

I had 4 showers when I was pregnant. I did not submit a guest list to any of them and I did not have a registry. 3 of them were small – different circles of friends or ladies with whom I had volunteered. The 4th one was a big shower in a ballroom for extended family, old family friends, in-laws, and anyone who would be offended at not being invited to a shower (yes, those people exist). Even without a registry, I got all I needed and some very beautiful handmade things which I am saving for my future grandchildren.

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Shannan July 28, 2015 at 10:02 am

My church has done this several times. We don’t call it a sprinkle shower though. We just phrase it as a diaper shower. It’s given by our entire church so the mother nor her family members are involved in hosting. If it is some giving soul’s idea (other than family members) what is wrong with it? Why is it considered tacky? The last 2 questions really are questions. I’m asking to learn something.

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Dee July 28, 2015 at 1:08 pm

It isn’t tacky for the mother-to-be to be the guest of honour at a shower if she had nothing to do with it, but it is tacky for relatives to throw her a shower and/or for there to be a shower for every single baby that a person has. There are, of course, circumstances where people might be quite eager to go to a shower for the second/third baby, etc. but generally a shower is only thrown for the first baby. And even then it is not necessary for any shower to be given, as they are basically parties for the sole purpose of guests giving gifts. But the items given for the first baby are usually perfectly usable for the next children and if they’re not then it is only the parents’ obligation to buy replacements. Shocking, I know.
And if the parents are lamenting the cost of disposable diapers and wipes then they are welcome to not use them. The whining is just a symptom of entitlement and that is always tacky.

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Shannan July 28, 2015 at 1:40 pm

Sorry, that’s “the mother nor her family members are NOT involved in hosting”.

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wren July 28, 2015 at 4:00 pm

It is neither wrong nor tacky to show you care about your church family with fellowship, gifts and deeds. I completely understand the spirit of what you’re talking about and in my mind it’s not wrong at all. IMO the issue is that the OP doesn’t like it when full-blown serial baby showers (or “gift grabs”) are cutely called “sprinkles.” Whether a sprinkle glows good or bad under the glare of correctness is beyond my ken.

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Lisa H. July 28, 2015 at 10:08 am

I wonder why they just don’t call it what it is; a baby shower. What defines the difference between a shower and a ‘sprinkle’?
Me personally, I don’t mind 2nd or 3rd baby showers. To me it’s about celebrating a new birth, so I guess I don’t see it as a gift grab, but I am less inclined to go all out on the gift as the parents probably still have things left over from the previous babies.

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ErinAnn July 28, 2015 at 10:09 am

Some people are very insistent at throwing a shower for every baby. I had a friend insist on one for my second child, even though I said I didn’t need anything (my first two are girls). She insisted, so we negotiated that it would be after the baby arrived so that people could enjoy the baby, and she threw a “book shower”. A couple people still gifted clothing, but it was lovely to get an entire library of favorite books from seasoned mothers.

Another friend asked about a shower for my third (a boy). A friend had given me her entire infant boy wardrobe, so i honestly didn’t need anything and told her so. We left it at that. I do regularly see showers for every baby.

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MamaToreen July 28, 2015 at 1:38 pm

See, I never had a baby shower. (I only have 1 child) I got a small gift basket from my co-workers, and was ordered to register by DH’s aunt. I registered for a few moderate items and a lot of small things, and almost all of it arrived in the few weeks afer DS’s birth.

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lkb July 28, 2015 at 10:15 am

Yes, “Baby Sprinkle” is a tacky name. I also understand and generally agree that a second baby shower is frowned upon for subsequent children.

However, I think a case can be made for such “baby showers” (that’s what they are), in certain circumstances. I am one of many moms I know who had children many years after the first batch. (In my case two children about two years apart, then several miscarriages but no survivors for eight years.) I did not ask for a shower, neither did another mom I know of in similar circumstances, but neither of us had any baby goods left after having moved in the interim. I see nothing wrong with a baby shower in such an instance.

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Daphne July 28, 2015 at 2:17 pm

So, to make a long story short, a second shower is frowned upon for subsequent children unless they are your children? 😉

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Amanda H. July 28, 2015 at 4:30 pm

That’s not what lkb was saying at all. They were saying that if there is a many-year gap between children, then showers make more sense because the family has probably gotten rid of all their baby things already.

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Daphne July 28, 2015 at 10:59 pm

I understand fully what Ikb said.

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WillyNilly July 28, 2015 at 5:10 pm

No, she’s saying 8 years and a move later, a second shower for a third child is not unreasonable. And quite frankly I think many people would agree those circumstances would warrant another shower. Many new friendships would gave been made, families would have changed, and probably only the most sentimental items would have been kept.
If anyone is offended by a third party inviting them to such a shower being thrown for a mutual friend they can simply RSVP “no”.

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Daphne July 28, 2015 at 11:00 pm

Yes they can.

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DLarson July 28, 2015 at 5:11 pm

I believe she was referring to the 8-year gap between the first two and the third in which she had given away all of her baby items. (She also specified that she did not ask for a shower.) And there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with that – as several others have mentioned above.

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Daphne July 28, 2015 at 11:02 pm

Except that etiquette dictates that there is something “wrong with that” and that is what this thread is about.

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lkb July 28, 2015 at 6:33 pm

Not at all. I guess I wasn’t clear. What I mean is they are not acceptable unless there scan extenuating circumstance, such as such a long time between pregnancies the parents no longer have any baby items. Such was the case for me, and as I said, another mo
m in my circle.Neither of us asked for one, but our friends were very generous. We both paid it forward with other families in the years since.

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Daphne July 28, 2015 at 11:04 pm

My understanding is that in terms of etiquette, more than one baby shower is not acceptable.

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another Laura July 29, 2015 at 4:04 am

I think it could be equally rude to refuse a shower hosted by well-meaning friends. Especially if it is a surprise. Would it not be a breach of etiquette for the guest of honor to shriek in horror and in a scathing voice decry “one mustn’t have a shower for a second child! You’ll all burn in ehell!” Then indignantly march from the room.
Are there never extenuating circumstances? Family lost all babythings in fire/gave them all away because they thought they were “done” and are now surprised to find they are not only expecting, but it’s twins, and dad just lost his job. I realize that would be a lot to happen to one family at one time, but not beyond the realm of possibility.

Daphne August 8, 2015 at 5:03 am

@another laura, I agree with you.

Cat July 28, 2015 at 10:24 am

This puzzles me. If they acknowledge that they have all that they need for the new baby, why are they having a “sprinkle”? I would show that I care by offering to help with the older child, do some cooking, hire a cleaning lady for the first couple of weeks, send flowers to the happy mother, or anything that would help the new Mom.
I would think that taking the older child to do things the older child wants to do while everyone gushes over the newborn would be a bigger help to the couple than sprinkling them with anything.

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Lex July 28, 2015 at 10:41 am

“(don’t worry they were laughing at the idea) ”

So it’s acceptable etiquette to mock others? Regardless of whether you think an idea tacky or not, it’s not classy to glory in the tearing down of others. No it’s not a terribly polite idea and the oblique ‘shower’ reference does seem a bit gift grabby, but it IS a nice idea to celebrate the coming of another baby.

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kingsrings July 28, 2015 at 10:55 am

What’s wrong with this? I would think it was wrong if they were asking for items that they already have, or should already have from their previous child or children. But they’re specifically asking for disposable items here like diapers, wipes, and bottles, things that will always have to be provided as new. And as long as the parents aren’t throwing their own shower.

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Raven July 28, 2015 at 10:59 am

Tacky. “Just a sprinkle to show us you care.” Yuck. If I care that much, I’ll make sure to still buy your new baby a gift/bring you food/visit you/whatever. I’m not going to do a second round of guess-the-melted-chocolate-bar because you’re a gimme pig. (Actually, I’m not even doing a first round of that. It’s super gross and a waste of good chocolate.)

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admin July 28, 2015 at 11:32 am

The premise that I care that much would be that I would freely give gifts without having to be prompted to do so.

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Raven July 28, 2015 at 2:00 pm

Precisely!

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Lara July 28, 2015 at 11:06 am

You know, if the friends or family of the mother to be want to do this for them, I don’t see the problem with it. Would asking for it be greedy? Yes. But ungraciously refusing people who love you and want to do something nice for you and your child to be–especially if it’s been long enough since the first baby that your stuff is either worn out, given away, used up, etc.? Why should women feel obligated to do that?

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MsDani July 28, 2015 at 11:12 am

The address is real and the area code of the phone number is for that area sooo…they may be real.

It may not be traditional in every family to have a shower (or sprinkle) for every baby born but for mine we do celebrate every child. We get together as family (or friends), eat, play games and share advice and stories. Yes we also bring gifts but there is no pressure to bring anything. I think there is a fine line between etiquette and shaming those who are different. If you don’t like the notion of baby showers or sprinkles please feel free not to attend.

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Ashley July 28, 2015 at 11:17 am

I know someone who has had full blown showers for all of her kids and each time I get the invite I think about writing “THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!” on the RSVP and mailing it back to her but I just decline instead.

This sprinkle idea is interesting to me only in the sense that you can never have enough bibs and diapers and burp cloths and things of that nature, but to actually plan and have an event? Too much. If people want to send a little gift to show they care, they can do so perfectly fine on their own without having to attend some invitation only event.

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Daphne July 28, 2015 at 2:20 pm

100% agree with you Ashley!

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Willynilly July 28, 2015 at 10:38 pm

I have never understood the idea “that you can never have enough bibs and diapers and burp cloths”. Of course you can. When I was pregnant I tried asking seasoned moms for a good number and many said this, to my frustration. Many non-parents said this as well.

A few practical ladies gave me good advice though, and I thank them… and still I have WAY too many bibs and burp cloths. Honestly in my experience you only need 3 bibs or burp cloths per baby/per days between laundry, and the 3 per day stage is over very quickly and soon becomes 1 or less a day.

From my perspective, the best gifts to give are consumables (infant Tylenol, colic drops, teething tablets, diapers/wipes, etc) or clothes for 9-12 months and 18 months+ (those are the ages (between birthdays) when the gifts dry up, but its still difficult to get out shopping with an infant). Or even better, gifts of food for the family – knowing dinner is taken care of relieves a HUGE amount of stress, which makes for better parenting.

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Daphne July 29, 2015 at 6:57 am

So then hopefully Willynilly a number of “Sprinkles” will relieve your HUGE amount of stress.

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Willynilly July 29, 2015 at 3:03 pm

I have no idea what you mean by that Daphne, but it comes across as quite angry and attack-like.

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Daphne August 8, 2015 at 5:09 am

So willynilly you have “no idea” what I mean, yet you feel attacked. I’m not sure how I should respond to that.

Amanda July 28, 2015 at 11:17 am

I desperately wanted to have a small party for my sister when she was pregnant with her 2nd. I really enjoy showers and the gathering of women. I just wanted to celebrate the new life. My mother and grandmother convinced me there was no way to do that that wouldn’t lead to an expectation of presents (it might be possible, but not with our family) so I sadly didn’t. However, when you have the registration listed right on the invitation, it’s pretty clear there is an expectation of presents, which I do think is tacky. I might still attend and bring a very small gift. Like an outfit (and I love buying newborn outfits so that’s not a hardship).

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PJ July 28, 2015 at 11:25 am

I’ve often bought little gifts for a 2nd, 3rd, etc baby as a way to celebrate or express some enthusiasm for the new addition to a family. I want that to remain my choice, not become an obligation. So, yeah, trying to make this a legitimate “thing” is tacky. Why not just “hey, Lauren is going to be tied up with a new baby soon, let’s all go out to lunch with her before that happens?” That would be more than enough for me to see that my friends are thinking of me.

I suppose the sprinkle idea may be a compromise between full-blown shower and nothing at all, but why is a compromise even needed? (I’ll come clean here and say that I also disagree with 2nd, 3rd, etc bridal showers, too, especially followed by housewarmings, etc).

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Michelle July 29, 2015 at 7:49 am

I agree. Friends and family are going to want to celebrate the new baby and you are going to get gifts, so there is no need for a full-blown baby shower/sprinkle.

I also agree about the 2nd and 3rd bridal showers and housewarmings. A coworker has been married 3 times in the 13 years I’ve worked with her and she expected and was given a bridal shower for each marriage. I gave a gift at the 1st and declined the 2nd and 3rd. Husband 2 and 3 were adults and they were combining households. They didn’t need the newest pattern of salad bowls.

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just4kicks July 28, 2015 at 11:36 am

Okay, at first when I saw “big sister has plenty to share”, I thought maybe this won’t be so tacky…..
Then I saw the TWO registries at the bottom. Definitely tacky.

We had three boys, and then our beautiful daughter last.
A baby shower was thrown for me for our oldest son, which was very nice.
I had a problematic first pregnancy, so they kept close watch on the others.
We knew what the gender of each of our children was very early on.
Lots of hand me downs with the three boys, in fact all four of them used the same crib, stroller etc.
My folks and other relatives did buy (in addition to things we bought ourselves) items such as a new diaper bag and other small items that take a beating and couldn’t be handed down.
When I told the family we were expecting our daughter, I found out (accidentally) from my husband that a baby shower just for a girl baby was being tossed around by the in laws and my folks.
I politely (SEVERAL times) turned it down and asked to please not have a shower.
Who cares if a baby girl sleeps in a blue sleeper or uses a blue blanket that’s still in very good shape?
We did buy, and were given, some very nice “girly” frilly and pink outfits, and a pink winter coat and hat set.
But mostly, under the age of two, my daughter wore her brothers hand me down jeans and pants paired with a cute girly top or sweater.

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Goldie July 28, 2015 at 12:05 pm

Hear, hear! I have two sons who had a lot of older female cousins/family friends who had daughters. Money was super tight for the first few years after they were born. So they wore a lot of pink outfits for the first couple years of their lives. Everyone survived. Big deal.

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just4kicks July 29, 2015 at 3:00 am

My step daughter, who is moving to a different state for grad school soon, stopped by over the weekend to give her little sister (who is 11) bags and bags of clothes, jewelry, perfume etc.
My daughter was tickled pink, and is happy for her whole new wardrobe.

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Kate August 1, 2015 at 11:48 pm

In my family, clothes were handed down from me, to my (female) cousin, to my younger sister, and finally to my male cousin.
Worked out very well except for the time he was dressed in a jumper stating “100% Girls Rock!”.

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Angel July 28, 2015 at 12:16 pm

Not crazy about this idea. I have heard of diaper showers before and I have no problem with those–but anything that has an actual registry I don’t know. My girlfriend had one of these parties for a 4th child. In her defense, she and her husband thought they were done :-). I made her a cute diaper cake and put some little toys on it, washcloths, stuff that can wear out or be consumed. She already had clothes but most of them had already gone through 3 or more kids (some were hand me downs to begin with). So in that case, a few new outfits or onesies would not be out of line. In any case, if I am close to the mom I will celebrate. If you have a sprinkle it should be for the nearest and dearest. No huge parties or fancy invites. Ugh.

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lolkay July 28, 2015 at 12:35 pm

Unpopular opinion, but I don’t look down on a 2nd time around baby shower/sprinkles idea. Especially if the second child is a different gender than the first. (I’m not a mother so please don’t think I am in for the idea out of a selfish need to gift grab)

My close friend had a baby shower in 2011 for her first, a baby girl. It was an intimate event and at the home of the paternal grandparents. Overall a nice time.
Then she had another just last summer for her second (and last) who was a baby boy. This was slightly bigger one, but I think it was better that way, since they struggled for help more with the baby girl yet this time they were able to afford a bit more due to her husband’s better job and a better support system with loving friends and family.
They aren’t selfish or “gimme” types, either. I think its all about how it was carried out.
The toddler and baby are healthy and happy and thats all that matters in the end, right?

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thoughtful July 28, 2015 at 12:58 pm

My wife and I moved between baby #1 and baby #2. Wife had a whole new group of friends here who threw her a restrained and classy shower.

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flora July 28, 2015 at 1:15 pm

Maybe I’m old school but I was taught that a baby shower isn’t for the baby. It’s to welcome the new mom to motherhood. Which is why only the first baby gets a shower. Now maybe, I could see a small exception to this rule such as, it’s mom’s second baby but dad’s first. (In which case a new dad shower would rock! I wish I saw more of those.) Or maybe, if there’s a large age gap between the second to last child and first. However, overall no, sorry, a “sprinkle” is tacky.

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JD July 28, 2015 at 2:06 pm

A young woman I knew had a child with her first husband, but they split when the child was less than a year old. Then she got with another guy, and was very soon pregnant by this guy. The family of the father-to-be threw a baby shower for her when she was seven months along, which of course was all wrong, as families don’t host showers. The baby she was carrying was the same sex as her older child, who was only about 20 months old at the time of this shower. Yes, she still had all the first child’s newborn stuff, but she needed new everything! I was invited to this second shower, which was capped by the dad-t0-be proposing in a cringe-worthy attempt at a romantic proposal, in front of all of us. She said yes, but sounded less than enthusiastic, just for the record. They had another child when the second one was only a year and a half old, and I was invited to that shower as well, which I declined to attend. All of these were full-on showers, with registries and silly games. And of course, they were divorced in a couple of years and now they are each having a baby with his or her next spouse. I will not attend those showers, either. You know, as admin says, if I’m close to a couple, I’ll bring a gift or food or provide help with subsequent babies without the prompting of yet another shower or even a sprinkle. I’ll do it when and because I want to, not because they are entitled to my hard-earned cash merely for having had children. If merely having kids entitles one to getting presents for each and every birth, then these greedy new moms owe ME some presents– I had kids, too, and they haven’t brought me a present yet! 🙂
That said, I know several young mothers who would be shocked to have a shower for a second or subsequent child, and embarrassed, too. Close family and close friends will drop off food or small presents when the next baby arrives, or take the older child or children off a weary mom and dad’s hands for a little while, and these new parents will be hugely grateful. Thank heaven, there are still people who understand manners and don’t feel entitled.

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misplacedmidwesterner July 28, 2015 at 2:21 pm

I have been to several of these. In each case for second babies. Usually of opposite genders. The most recent one I went to specifically said no gifts, just a pack of diapers and food for the freezer. Honestly, she was a really good friend and I would have done at least that anyway. About 8 women all brought diapers and freezer food. A few brought small outfits. I brought a hat I was going to knit anyway and a book in addition to the food. None of the sprinkles I have been to involved registries. I like the low key diaper/food sprinkles. Great chance to see friends, gab, and celebrate.

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Daphne July 28, 2015 at 2:25 pm

Does anyone else think that maybe we are on the right path by calling it a Sprinkle, and not a full-on Shower? Perhaps calling it a Sprinkle instead of a Shower could suggest that maybe, just maybe, people are starting to realize that 2nd showers are tacky?

Good news perhaps? 😉

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Vandalia July 28, 2015 at 2:31 pm

I didn’t realize this was a widespread issue. My church throws a baby shower for every. single. baby. Drives me crazy. If YOU want to get baby number four something, then by all means, go for it–but don’t throw a shower and obligate others. Luckily, with every candle I collect on my birthday cake, I gain strength to ignore unreasonable societal expectations. (I also have to give credit to this site for helping me learn how to set boundaries.) I don’t attend these type of showers. Full disclosure: I’ve never had baby fever. Babies are cute and all, but I’m just not into them. Maybe I wouldn’t mind these showers if I were baby-crazy, but I doubt it because I dislike wedding showers too, but I love watching people get married.

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Michelle July 29, 2015 at 7:57 am

Same here. Love babies, not baby showers. Love watching people get married, not bridal showers.

Also wondering whey they are still called “bridal”showers? I know in the “olden days”, brides got household items and they were pretty much expected to do all the cooking and cleaning. With many women working outside the home these days, men are doing more housework (I hope). I think they should be “couple” showers because men need soup ladles and kitchen cloths, too.

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Lady Anne July 28, 2015 at 3:07 pm

When my children were born, you didn’t know what you were having until the doctor heaved the little one onto your tummy. I did not have a shower (or a sprinkle) when my second baby came along. Luckily it was a second girl.

I can honestly see the theory behind a *small* gathering when you know the second baby is not the same gender as the first, but to me that would be an e-vite or little note card kind of thing. With a computer, you can make up your own invitations. And absolutely NOT to be thrown by the mom-to-be!

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Cashie July 28, 2015 at 3:19 pm

As a 50something year old mom, I see nothing wrong with showers and sprinkles. I only wish I were invited to more , but my entire and extended family is baby free. Once in a while (not often enough) one of my grown children”s friends will have a baby and I’ll be invited to the shower. I am one of those every child is a gift believer. I also feel that we often sit too much in judgment of new mothers, who have so many competing responsibilities as it is. Let’s cut the baby shower some slack. 🙂

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Kimstu July 29, 2015 at 8:53 pm

If people just want to throw parties for their pregnant friends/relatives, no matter how many kids they already have, that’s great. You can have a lovely lunch or tea or other kind of party where you generously offer hospitality and sociability, without calling it a “shower” or any other name that connotes expectations that guests will bring gifts. Believing that “every child is a gift” should not be used to spread the expectation that “every pregnancy is an appropriate opportunity to solicit gifts”.

And I disagree with you that these forum discussions are an appropriate place to cut anybody or anything “some slack” on etiquette issues. This is EtiquetteHell.com, not WhoCaresAboutEtiquetteTechnicalitiesAsLongAsYourHeart’sInTheRightPlace.com. The fine points of etiquette technicalities are precisely what we come here to discuss.

Posting on EtiquetteHell.com to say “let’s not be so fussy about ‘proper’ behavior” is kind of like posting on a Formula 1 racing discussion board to say “these competitors are all driving much too fast for safety”. It doesn’t come across as thought-provokingly wise or insightful: it comes across as simply missing the point.

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L.J. July 28, 2015 at 3:28 pm

I think some people like the attention and the ego boost of being the star of the show. They twist and turn every which way to get that. So they have a big white wedding each time (“It’s the groom’s first wedding.” or “The groom had a small wedding with his first wife, doesn’t he deserve a big wedding?”), a second shower (“It’s a different sex than the first.”), a third shower (“My friends wanted to give me a shower, it would be rude to decline.”), and a fourth shower (“Every baby deserves to be celebrated. Btw, I’ve registered at Victoria’s Secret this time, because I don’t need any more baby stuff.”)

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Tara July 28, 2015 at 4:44 pm

I don’t see the problem, ONLY IF the mother didn’t request it or have anything to do with the planning. If someone else wants to throw another baby shower for her, she can request for them to not do that, but they’ll probably go ahead with it anyways. Now some people would say you just don’t attend a party like this you asked someone to not have, but I think you might as well go and keep the peace. No one is required to buy a gift for these parties, so if they didn’t want to get the mother something for a second kid they could just decline the invitation.

But if the mother requested a party or God forbid arranged it herself, yeah, that’s pretty rude.

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Jays July 28, 2015 at 4:57 pm

Add me to those who see nothing wrong with “sprinkles,” whatever you call ’em, done right.

A family member of my husband (someone with whom he was pretty close), who was out of the country when we married and when we had our first son, moved back to our area. I also became very good friends with her. When we announced No. 2 was on the way, she wanted SO badly to throw us a shower/sprinkle for him, as she missed all the prior festivities. Nothing tremendous, no huge presents (we didn’t need much), but a smallish group of friends and family and her own distinct party-giving style. (Which is unique and awesome. 🙂 )

I found out later that my MIL shut her down HARD, lecturing her on her lack of etiquette. (“Second showers are RUDE!”) She was very disappointed. And I, personally, would have loved such a party … and was even more angry MIL got involved.

Sometimes when these thread get started, I feel like I see a lot of people who just seem to love pointing out how high and mighty and … etiquette-y, to quote Phineas & Ferb … they are. On the whole, I find that far more disappointing and rude than a much-loved relative who wants to throw a party for someone she cares about. If you look down your nose at it, don’t go.

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Asharah July 29, 2015 at 7:32 am

I think that falls under the heading of it can be ruder to tell somebody they’re rude.

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Miss-E July 29, 2015 at 7:51 am

She could have thrown you a party and just not called it a shower. The word “shower” gives the impression that gifts are meant to be provided. Why not host a brunch or something to celebrate you? She could have games and cake and all of that but nobody would be under the idea that you were expecting presents.

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