In my party hay day season of my life, a mere five years ago, my idea of partying was going out with my friends and dancing. I am not a big drinker at all and am the type of person that will dance for 6 hours and drink half a cocktail for the whole night.
It would annoy me when I would go out with my friends, who were much heavier drinkers than I, and they would all take turns buying rounds of drinks. It went something like this: if there were 7 people it would be assumed there would be 7 rounds of drinks consumed. Everyone was expected to pay for a round of drinks. 7 people = paying for 7 drinks. My problem with this was that, as stated above, I would drink half a drink at most for an entire evening but yet I was expected to buy 7 drinks. $8-10 vs $55-60.
I got around this by always being designated driver. It worked perfectly.
Now as I’ve settled into married life and the partying days are somewhat behind me I find myself in a similar and unexpected dilemma.
We are newlyweds and have made friends with other couples. We all get together in a big group and go out to dinner a few times per month. Sometimes there are as many as 6 or 7 couples there. It’s always a lot of fun until the bill comes.
See, my husband and I are on a pretty strict budget as we have just bought a fixer upper house. We set our budget for an evening out in advance and we are good at sticking to it. Neither of us drink but most of the couples do. Typically 6-7 bottles of wine will be ordered throughout dinner – sometimes expensive wine. That works out to about one bottle per couple, so no one is getting trashed or anything, but the wine bill adds up! When the bill comes it is assumed and expected it will be divided evenly, even though we didn’t consume one drop of wine and everyone else did.
We have gone to dinner expecting to spend $50 and end up spending $150.
As this isn’t the first time I’ve run into this type of situation and it seems to be common when socializing, I ask you if there is a polite way to get out of this? How can we make it clear that we won’t be paying for expensive wine that we aren’t consuming without being rude?
Has anyone else experienced this?
I would love advice please! 1012-15
It appears there are expectations on all sides. You expect to spend no money on alcohol and your friends expect that everyone will chip in to pay for all the alcohol. The answer sees simple to me. You and your husband need to have a discussion with these friends as to what exactly are the expectations and that since neither of you consume any wine that you not be expected to pay for something you do not imbibe in.