I’ve got one that I’m pretty sure I handled poorly, but it got me thinking. When is this acceptable and when should you just look the other way?
I was flying yesterday, and was on planes, with connecting flights, for 8+ hours. When I was at one layover, I went into the bathroom. There was a long line, and I waited. When the time came, and a lady left a stall, I went in to use the facilities. Y’all. There was urine everywhere. She had obviously squatted, missed, and there was urine all over the seat and floor. Wet toilet paper was hanging over the edge of the seat. It was a disaster.
Well, I was tired. And I didn’t want to deal with it. And before I knew what was coming out of my mouth, I had spoken. “Ma’am, you forgot to clean up after yourself in here”.
The bathroom got quiet. There were still a lot of people in line. They were snickering.
The lady in question got very red faced and said that it wasn’t her. “But ma’am, you were the last one in here. Could you please take care of it?” She was obviously embarrassed, but she did go take care of it. I felt horrible. However. Urine. Everywhere. I should add that this was not an elderly woman. She did not appear to have any disability. She could obviously hold a squat. What I’m saying is, there was nothing apparent that would have kept her from cleaning up after herself. Further, she did clean it up pretty quick with no issue.
How should this situation be handled? I didn’t mean to embarrass her, but I obviously did. I feel like more tact would have gone a long way, but I’m at a loss for how to handle. Help? 1014-15
The possibility does exist that the woman before you was merely one of a series of tinklers who entered the stall, discovered it was a disaster yet out of desperation from waiting to use the facilities proceeded to add to the mess by hovering over the toilet. Think about it…if everyone has been waiting a long time to use a stall, would you have exited the stall to go find another one and really draw attention to yourself? I don’t think so. I think the women before you all squatted/hovered over the toilet to get the job done, obviously missed because women are not anatomically designed to aim their urine stream and then they left as quickly as possible. Me? I would have stopped at the stall door and said, “Whoa! That’s a mess. I’ll wait for the next available stall. Anyone see a bathroom attendant?”
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There have been times I’ve wanted to do as you did and literally regretted holding my tongue…
Line or not, I always make sure the stall I leave is as clean or cleaner than how I found it. Yes, sometimes they’re really gross, especially in airport bathrooms. I travel a lot (as in I fly once a month or so) and antibacterial Wet Ones are always (and I mean always) in my bag. Just a quick wipe of the seat, grab a little toilet paper to dry and you’re ready to go about your business. If you don’t have that a spritz of hand sanitizer or a dollop of it on a paper towel works just as well.
As for this lady. Whether she made the mess or not, I do not think it was acceptable for her to leave it. Adding to it and walking away is just as bad as creating a mess in the first place. The fact that she went back in and cleaned up suggests to me that she was the guilty party though. The polite thing on your part would have been to just ignore it, or do as the admin said. But the polite thing for her to do would have not left a mess for the next person. It seems everyone had their bad manners hat on that day. Understandable in an airport where many people are just stumbling along half asleep and grumpy. The only thing you can do now is try a little harder to hold your tongue in the future.
Then again, if someone called me out on a mess I really didn’t make, I would reiterate that I hadn’t made it and left.
This is the reason women shouldn’t squat to pee. We have sitting toilets, not holes in the ground. If everyone sat on the toilet, it would stay dry.
It was probably not a good idea to call her out, since you didn’t know if she was responsible for the state of the toilet.you didn’t want to clean up a mess that wasn’t yours, and maybe neither did she. I feel like if you are afraid of sitting on a toilet, and pee all over the seat, you should clean it when you’re done, or else it does become worse and worse as more people do the same.
Some people are just squeamish about sitting on a communal seat; fear of invisible germs, etc. However, it takes, what, 15 seconds to just cover the seat with toilet paper, which provides a barrier and can be flushed.
Seriously, stop hovering, ladies! You aren’t going to contract a disease through the backs of your thighs. If you’re that worried, put some toilet paper on the seat first. But hovering makes the bathroom truly disgusting for everyone. And if you do this AND don’t clean up, you are beyond rude.
But yeah, since so many people do this and the other woman might not have actually been responsible, calling her out was a bad idea (though I can see the temptation). I once used a bathroom at a grocery store, even though there was a PUDDLE in front of the toilet. I was desperate, so I peed anyways, keeping my feet off the ground the whole time. I would have been mortified if someone had come in afterwards and thought that was me. Admin’s advice is really good. If it was the woman, it calls attention to the fact that she made the bathroom disgusting for other people, but it doesn’t directly accuse her, in case it wasn’t.
I contracted ‘something’ from a work toilet seat where the back of my thigh touched the seat. My doctor gave me a dual-action cream to clear it up (saved money on having a lab test it). It looked like a rash, but was ‘furry’. I always squat.
Did the doctor say that’s how you got it?? That is horrifying. But even so, wouldn’t putting toilet paper or a seat protector down do the trick? I would assume that if you’re posting on an etiquette site you at least wipe the seat afterwards anyways, though!
The worst flame war I ever saw online was between sitters and “hoverers”. People are really intense about their preferred method of public-toilet urination.
I’ve seen similar wars between smokers who throw their cigarette butts on the ground and people who would prefer not to see the sidewalks, parks, and beaches littered with cigarette butts. Sadly, some people seem to think have they right to make a mess of public spaces.
The world is their ashtray.
Thing is though, the problem is not actually sitting vs hovering. The problem is hoverers who don’t clean up their mess. If you feel that strongly about not touching the seat, fine – but take the 2 seconds to wipe down the seat afterwards. It’s not that hard.
Or lift the seat. I’ve started doing this in particularly dirty public restrooms (if it’s clean I’ll just sit) and as long as you put it back down after, voila, problem solved. There’s no reason for the seat to be down if you don’t plan to sit on it.
I still just feel like hovering begets hovering. Knowing people have urinated all over the seat, even if they wipe it off, squicks some people out and then they are likely to hover too, and the cycle goes on.
I’ve never been in an airport bathroom that didn’t have the paper seat covers to use on the toilet. If you’re that worried about using a communal seat, go out and buy yourself a box of those covers and take them with you when you travel! Then you can use them on the plane as well.
THIS. They sell them at most of those discount stores that start with W or T. I had to buy them in college when I shared a toilet with 3 other ladies, because I am strep B+ and never knew when I would be symptomatic. While I always went right away for meds, nobody wants to sit on a seat that had that stuff on it. It was my mess, and my responsibility.
If you hover, it’s your mess and your responsibility! Yuck.
The worst is the ones who use the toilet seat cover like they should if they are paranoid about germs but then leave the toilet seat cover on sometimes with mess still on for someone else to pick and move. Gee thanks wouldn’t want you to touch any of your precious germs but do feel free to leave it for me or the next lady in the stall I love touching paper the germaphobe was to scared to remove after they used it. And they usually are the same ones who don’t flush either because goodness forbid their hand might touch the flusher and contact germs before washing their hands. Seriously I am with you. Ladies just sit down or if you must squat then clean it up after or take your toilet seat cover/flush the toilet lever when you are done.
I agree. I’m too distracted by the fact that I have absolutely no truck with hoverers. If these people had a bit more sense they wouldn’t need to hover as they wouldn’t have caused the problem in the first place. #ProudDraper 😉
I think you were more polite than I would have been.
How hard can it be to lift the seat when you are a squatter? I despise people who don’t clean up after themselves.
My sister got me this as a birthday gift: http://www.amazon.ca/Go-Girl-Lavender-Gogirl-Pink/dp/B002QP3XM4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1444907954&sr=8-1&keywords=go+girl
I had no idea these existed. I’m ordering right now! Thanks!
I love my Go Girl and I use it exclusively on camping trips and long day hikes. I’m not a hoverer/squatter after a knee injury, so this works wonders!
I agree with the admin. You just called out and embarrassed another woman that was just trying to use the bathroom and be on her way.
That poor other woman to be shamed into cleaning up others waste without proper supplies.
“That poor other woman to be shamed into cleaning up others waste without proper supplies.”
Only if it was “others waste” and not her own. She certainly could have said – “Not my mess, I’m not cleaning it up”. Admin had a theory about other people starting the mess, then this woman contributing to it; a theory is not a fact.
Hopefully something good will come from this whole kerfuffle – everyone reading this and everyone in that bathroom will hopefully now think twice and clean up after themselves.
The woman DID say that it wasn’t her mess and the OP didn’t believe her.
The opportunity was way out of line for assuming it was this womans mess. And pretty much a bully. A lot of people would have felt bullied in this situation and would have cleaned it due to peer pressure of a crowd. I’m appalled that any of you remotely agree with this bullying.
When you pee on the toilet seat, the only supplies you need to clean it up is toilet paper. She was shamed into cleaning up her OWN waste, which she should have done anyway without being prompted. If it had truly been someone else’s, she would have reiterated that she wasn’t the one who did it and she would have left. The fact that she felt guilty enough to come back is pretty good proof that she was the one who made the mess.
It will probably be a controversial opinion, but I don’t think you did anything particularly wrong. It is disgusting that many of our fellow humans seem not to be capable of using a shared toilet facility without leaving excrement or urine on surfaces that other peoples skin might be reasonably expected to touch. What on earth do these people do in the toilet that leaves such a mess? The state of public toilets leaves me sick. People should be taught from an early age to leave a shared facility in a pristine condition. It’s not fair to expect other people to clean up your excrement.
An email recently did the rounds in our workplace detailing that the Accessible toilet on the top floor had been left with Faeces SPRAYED on it and around it, and ‘deposits’ left in the sink…. SERIOUSLY. I know every single person working on that floor and the fact that someone did that makes me question whether they actually have eyes in their heads (I know for a fact that not a single colleague working in this particular building is vision impaired, so whoever did it and left it there had to have known it was in that state). I genuinely believe that we as a society SHOULD challenge people who treat public facilities in such a way – we are far too afraid of challenging disgusting behaviour so people get away with it and others have to clean up after them instead of them taking responsibility for their own mess.
You’re not alone – I agree. I’m thinking every person on that line will now give at least a second thought before leaving their urine on a toilet seat. Mind you, that second thought may not lead to doing the right thing, but …
Even if there was urine on the seat when the person ahead of the OP entered the stall, I am sure she didn’t sit on that seat which means there is a 99.99999999% chance some of that mess on the seat is hers now too. She could have opened up her mouth when she walked in but instead chose to add to the mess and leave it for someone else. So, she gets to clean up her own mess and the mess left by others that she just happily ignored. I see no problem with this. If the person using the stall after the first seat-pee-er had said something, no one would have had to be grossed out.
Kind of done putting up with people’s thoughtless, selfish and entitled behaviour – your right not to be embarrassed by your own choices and actions is non-existent … there is a social contract that shared facilities should be left as you found them or better, I see no upside in not asking people to comply. Act like a civilized human being or be embarrassed when a civilized human asks you to do so – pick one!
If cleaning supplies and gloves aren’t available, I think it’s a bit much to expect people to clean up feces bare-handed. You emphasized ‘sprayed’ as if it were an act of volition, rather than a result of a person making a mad dash for the toilet and not having time to get completely oriented as they sit down. A sign in each stall, indicating that cleaning supplies are available on a shelf in the bathroom, would help to address the situation, which I’m sure is a matter of embarrassment at making a mess in public and not wanting the whole office to know.
She also said “deposits left in the sink”. Someone does not accidentally poop in the sink instead of the toilet.
I think an embarassed person would have done their best to clean up gloves or not. I don’t want to touch someone elses feces, but if I manage to make a mess because of emergency urgent output, it’s not that hard to grab a handfull of toilet paper & wipe it up. The only scenario I can imagine not trying to clean up would be if I was so sick that I barely had the strength to drag myself out of the bathroom to find someone to take me home.
I’ve seen the “spray” before when I worked retail. It literally looked like someone had sprayed poop all over the stall. It was on the walls, on the toilet, on the floor, on the door. This was in the women’s restroom. I was pregnant at the time so I wasn’t asked to clean it up. Our manager went in to see for herself how bad it was….she came out and said she’d be cleaning it since we weren’t paid enough to handle that kind of situation. By the way she was a great manager. But yeah, it was absolutely vile.
I just flew down south and at the airport up here in the north the toilets were absolutely vile. You can tell when people have been hovering. Between that and the spray back from the toilets the stalls were absolutely gross.
Admin said: Think about it…if everyone has been waiting a long time to use a stall, would you have exited the stall to go find another one and really draw attention to yourself? I don’t think so. I think the women before you all squatted/hovered over the toilet to get the job done, obviously missed because women are not anatomically designed to aim their urine stream and then they left as quickly as possible. Me? I would have stopped at the stall door and said, “Whoa! That’s a mess. I’ll wait for the next available stall. Anyone see a bathroom attendant?”
This seems contradictory to me. You’re sure the writer would not have exited the stall to find another, drawing attention to herself. Which I assume means it’s so embarrassing or inappropriate or otherwise *bad* that you can safely assume she would not have considered it. And yet in the next breath you tell her to do just that.
I think most women have encountered this situation. I probably would not have spoken directly to the woman, but do much like Admin suggested- make a statement that the stall was a mess and that I would wait for the next one. My knees won’t allow me to do the “hover maneuver” so I would have to wait for another stall.
I think you were kind of rude. Even if she was the last one in that stall, you have no idea if she was the one who made the mess. It would have been better if you had just either grabbed a wad of toilet paper and cleaned up the mess or, if you didn’t want to do that, waited for the next stall.
Ugh, I hate “squatters”, they always miss and make a mess! No matter how careful you are, you’re going to make it unusable for the next person. If you’re that concerned about toilet seat germs (and the latest studies prove you don’t) bring your own toilet seat liners with you when you travel so you don’t end up making a mess for everyone else.
As far as this situation, I probable would have done what admin said, and waited for the next stall. After I was finished I probably would have looked for a bathroom attendant.
You assume that all squatters make messes, but that isn’t so. When you find a clean seat and a clean floor, it may well have been left to you by someone who squatted. I prefer sitting, but have used many facilities that require squatting and have seriously honed that skill!
I think the core issue is that some people feel entitled to leave messes for others to clean up, in the restroom and elsewhere, and the process that occurred to create that mess isn’t really pertinent.
I’ll tell you, I’m almost 50 years old and I almost never hover and I’ve yet to catch anything from a toilet seat.
My mother in law likes to say the only thing she ever caught from a toilet seat is a cold tush
Haha thank you, this!!!
That’s because it’s almost impossible to catch anything from a toilet seat. This is one of those false ideas that never quite gets shot down. It’s really gross to think about, I realize, but: urine is sterile. Sitting in it will NOT give you a disease, particularly on unbroken skin. Even the germs in feces die just a few seconds after they hit the air. To catch anything from a toilet seat, you would have to have an open, bleeding wound subjected to an impossibly fresh deposit. My apology for the ew, but it’s true.
To the point: I think it was rude to call out to the other woman; but maybe she learned her own lesson, to get a bathroom attendant before using. So, okay, you made a mistake, out of excessive fatigue. You’re human. This is not the same level of rude as, say, printing right on the wedding invitation that only cash gifts of $100 or more will be accepted.
Urine is not sterile! That’s been debunked. 😉
+1000
Uggg! I’m shocked and amazed that people actually, really do SIT on a public toilet seat. I’m a squatter and would never put my tush anywhere near that seat. In the most dire of situations I put toilet paper down. You are all probably right in that there is nothing I could possibly catch from the toilet seat but it is just unsanitary IMO. I can’t do it. Also, if by chance, I urinated all over the place (and in my own experience it is quite easy to hover over a toilet seat and get in the bowl) I would absolutely clean up after myself. I don’t even want the cleaning attendant having to do it. If I made a mess I’m wiping it up to the best of my ability.
I really don’t see how it’s any different than sitting on the toilet seat at a friend’s house. Unless you live alone and never have visitors, you’re never the ONLY person using a particular toilet.
I’ve often encountered gross toilets in situations where I didn’t have time to wait for another stall or there wasn’t a cleaner stall available. I don’t clean up a mess left by others–especially without any cleaning supplies or gloves!–I just lift the seat with a bit of toilet paper, hover, and then put it back down again.
You have no idea whether or not that lady was the one who made the mess. Humiliating her and demanding she clean it was rude.
That woman either made the mess or contributed heavily to it. Most women IMO, unless in desperate, desperate need, would have would have waited for a clean stall. Including me.
I have cleaned up drops (and only drops) from a toilet seat, but it sounds like this was a complete mess. There are so many offenders out there, that I definitely think people should bring it up. That woman won’t pull this cr@p again.
I think an airport bathroom is a very likely place for lots of people to be in urgent need, especially one with a long line. Between people needed to catch a contenting flight , the “seat belts on” while taxing and turbulence , going through customs, the impassible crowd while boarding and exiting, waiting for luggage , waiting for a shuttle to the parking lot etc . It’s realistic many people will be in the situation of both not having a bathroom available to them for hours and no other toilets available in the next 60-90 minutes.
Also, this is just an observational conclusion, when one stall is a diabolical mess its not common for the other stalls in the same bathroom or even building to be pristine.
You were mistaken to assume that the mess belonged to the woman just exiting the stall. I see this a lot: I enter a stall, it is a mess, I carefully do my business and do not add ot the mess (. It isn’t my responsiility to clean up the mess others, nor do I have the materials to do so.
Calling the woman out on what is likely very largely the mess of others was inappropriate.
How do you know it was that particular lady who made the mess?
I have IBS and Interstitial Cystitis, and sometimes I just CAN’T wait for a clean stall away from home.
I’ve come across some disgusting port a potties at my kids baseball games and clean up the best (and fastest) way I can.
….clean up someone else’s mess before I do my business, is how that should read.
I suppose that if it were me, I would exit the stall again and say something like “Oh, looks like that one’s out of order, it’s a bit of a mess.” If the next person in line wanted to brave it, then they’d be welcome to, and if the person that exited the stall beforehand was still there, maybe that’d hint to her (if she was the culprit behind the mess) that she should go clean it up.
Doesn’t directly place the blame on the person who just left in case she isn’t the one who decided that the area around the bowl was more appealing than the bowl (even though she’s probably at least partially at fault by virtue of leaving it a mess) and lets everyone else in line know that there’s a problem so that perhaps someone can find an attendant to clean it up. At most you may have to wait another minute or so for an open stall, so unless you’re doing “the potty dance” already, it’s a win all around.
I’ve encountered public bathrooms with faulty flushes that I couldn’t remedy by giving the toilet a second flush, and I’ve had no problem exiting the stall and asking the person at the head of the line if they mind if I go next because the one I just attempted to use is out of order. Unless the next person is extremely rude or desperate, there’s not really a problem with me re-joining the front of the line.
Sit on the seat, that’s why its there. I’ve sat on some pretty gnarly looking seats from years of travel and highway rest areas, you’ll be okay, ladies!
I think calling attention to someone like that is nasty and asking for a bad reaction. If I were the lady who just worked around a dirty stall, I wouldn’t use my manners when I told you where to stick it. If I were waiting in line, I would be ticked off you couldn’t suck it up or do as the Admin says and wait for another one to open up.
All around, you admit you’re grouchy from flying and are around other travelers in the same situation. Don’t start fights in public places and blame it on fatigue. I feel bad for that woman who couldn’t stand up to you. You’re not the bathroom mom, tell someone who works there. It’s frustrating and gross to abuse restrooms but it’s not your place to accuse others, you can assume all you want but you still did not see that stall before the last lady used it and could have just bullied someone into cleaning up.
OP: I love your candor! I don’t have much of a spine so I would not have taken your course of action, but bravo for calling her out on it. As the other poster’s said, she may have not been the culprit but how hard is it to wipe down the seat? I always do a check before I exit a stall….but that’s just me; I’m a bit OCD and proud of it.
I think your reaction, OP, was understandable. If the other woman was NOT responsible for the mess then why did she not warn others that the stall is so bad that they might want to wait for another one, thereby pointing out the problem and clarifying that she is not responsible for it? And if your reaction to it was so strong then how could the previous user not have the same, obvious reaction if it was in that bad condition when she entered it? Everything points to the previous user being the culprit. And, no, I would not have used that stall; I would have left in disgust, returned to the front of the line and declared my intent to wait for a “usable” one. And that would have been just as embarrassing to the previous user as what you did, OP, so I don’t see how she could have gotten away with her behaviour in any case. And I really, really don’t understand why women would choose to squat all of a sudden when this has never been necessary before. Fortunately, I’ve never encountered a serious situation such as this (yet).
I agree. I have never entered a stall that bad before and been able to hold back an “Oh my god!”. And unless it was the only stall and I was about to lose it right then and there, I have never used a stall that bad either. I turn around and say “That stall is filthy, I am going to wait for a clean and I suggest you do too.”
If I do use a stall that is that bad, I don’t clean it up (I don’t have gloves or cleaning supplies, or often the time for a big job like that), but I warn the next person. Doing so not only absolves me of the mess, it also keeps someone in a hurry from rushing right in and possibly stepping in something.
Even for the very squeamish I can’t see why you wouldn’t say something (short and bland) unless you were embarrassed, and had created or contributed to the mess.
Agree. I’ve seen it a thousand times (and have done it myself too) when a stall opens up, the first person in line looks in and goes, Ewww no it’s a mess in there! and gets back in line. Why didn’t that other woman do that? Could it be because it was not an ungodly mess when she entered it?
Also, if it was not my mess and I was called on it, no way would I have 1) turned very red (because why??!?) and 2) gone back to clean the mess after initially saying I won’t. I could’ve gotten an attendant or something, but going back to clean someone else’s bathroom mess is gross, and proves to the rest of the people in line that it really was mine after all… Which, in this case, I strongly suspect it was!
I’d have done (and have actually done so in the past) what the admin said – just commented something like “eww! It is messy!” and waited for the next stall. But I’m not sure how I’d feel like after long flights, and while waiting in between.
Now-a-days, I always carry a small pocket-sized packet of disinfectant wipes (like Clorox), and wipe the toilet seat before and after use. Though, I should admit that cleaning a whole messy toilet without gloves is gross.
I was once waiting at a Borders’s cafeteria in NYC. There was a medium-sized line, and a mother ahead of me had her son (5-7 years old). I was next in line when she came out, and she complained that the stall was messy (which she tried to make it sound like it was messy before she went in). Given that most of the puddles were on the seat, and had not been stamped on, I suspect that it was messy because her son didn’t aim properly. I understand mothers bringing their little sons to women’s restrooms when they are alone. But they should know to clean up before leaving the stall! And maybe remember to put the seat rest up for boys. I didn’t know what to do, and just went ahead and used the rest room (after wiping off the seat, and putting layers and layers of toilet paper on it; this was before I used to carry disinfectant wipes). That made me think, and decided that I’ll just not use the stall if I find it very messy. There is nothing to be embarrassed about not wanting to sit on someone else’s urine.
I have sometimes wondered what the folks who leave a mess in a public restroom do in their own homes. Is it the same horror that they leave for others in a public facility?
We had someone (I don’t know who it was) who did not seem to know that toilets flush. When she had to make a deposit, she did not flush the toilet. She got ten or fifteen brown paper towels, covered what she had done in the bowl, and left it that way for the custodians to clean. I wondered if she would have been more comfortable with a large litter box as only my cat does that in my house.
That’s just so – wrong! I can’t imagine what is going through that person’s head, but that certainly seems like a purposeful act to make someone clean the toilet. If she just left it, then the next person could flush it away. By putting paper towels over it, she’s guaranteeing that the toilet is now unuseable and clogged until the janitor is able to get in there and has to clean it out.
I know. It left me gaping. She did it over and over.
Same people who can’t bare to touch a toilet seat may not be willing to touch the handle to flush? :/ Ridiculous, but that’s the only thing I can think of.
I thought that, but why not just use toilet tissue to grasp the handle?
Because that would be logical, and some people just completely lack logical thought.
Maybe she was afraid that she’d be sprayed with E. coli-laden water from the toilet–since public toilets usually don’t have lids? It’s disgusting but I actually encountered someone (online, I’m grateful to say) shameless enough to admit that she never flushed public toilets for this very reason.
WTH, she must’ve clogged the toilet each time she did a #2. Poor custodians.
I worked as a janitor for a while, so while this is annoying, I just would have grabbed some dry toilet paper, wiped things off, and gotten on with my day. The time spent calling the woman out and asking her to clean it probably took longer than any alternative and I ain’t got time for that.
Agreed. I have many years of janitorial experience. I would have loudly said “seems some people don’t know how to use a restroom, I guess I’ll have to clean it up for them.” Then grabbed some paper towels and cleaned it up. The statement allows others in line to know why you are abandoning the stall so they don’t rush to use it and create a bigger problem, and also lays the seed of thought for everyone that if you don’t have common sense to just sit and then you cause a mess because of it, you may have an embarrassing moment if someone points it out.
It depends how bad the mess was. I’ll wipe off the seat and use it if there are just droplets on it, but there are times I’ve found a stall with pee ALL OVER the seat and even on the floor. In the latter case, I just exit the stall and use another one.
It would have been nice of her to give the ‘its not so nice’ heads up when she exited, but I have a feeling she wasn’t the sole contributor to the state of that stall. It’s a busy airport, she probably just had to go and that was the stall that opened up during her turn. Expecting her to ‘clean-up’ in a public bathroom what may have not been a mess she created is rude.
I’m not squeamish, so if I’m in a busy public place and I lose the clean bathroom lottery, I squat, try not to add to the mess, and give the heads up to the next gal (see also the post on runners bathroom etiquette). I’m not going to touch other peoples excrement, especially since many of those unattended bathrooms are also short on hot water and soap (sitting may not give you germs, but not being able to sanitize your hands after the bathroom is how hepatitis spreads).
For those of you who suggest going to find an attendant to clean up the mess, yes that’s a polite thing to do after you’ve done your business, if you have time before your flight boards. To say that the person who lost the clean bathroom lottery should leave the line, go find an attendant (busy, unfamiliar airport, who knows where that might be), and then come back to wait in line again. No, just no.
I do that also, on my way out of a messy stall will say to the next person “it wasn’t great when I got here, but I simply couldn’t hold it any longer!”
I totally agree with the anti-squatting comments. It is disgusting – women aren’t designed to squat without it going everywhere, even if they dont think that it is. You are essentially spraying your urine around and dirtying and grossing up the area around you, instead of peeing into the toilet where it stays.
And I don’t think that this woman would have cleaned up the mess if it wasn’t hers, so she must have been guilty. Would you clean up a stranger’s grossness upon being ordered to if it wasn’t yours?
I am a runner. And to cross train for running I do several sets of squats a day. I also have long legs. And years of camping and hiking experience (which means squatting in the woods to eliminate). I can easily hover over a toilet and not get a single drop of urine on the seat. I am confident many other women can as well, although very obviously not all.
But since it is absolutely unconditionally easily possible to do it is wholly wrong to assume the person before you must have made what sounds like a several person mess. It’s is especially obnoxious and beyond rude to then humiliate and peer pressure a stranger onto cleaning a public toilet facility for your personal benefit. If you think it’s no biggie to wipe down the seat with some toilet paper, you go ahead and do that, yourself.
Agree 100%. Nothing wrong with squatting if you don’t leave any stray drops on the seat (and BTW, it’s entirely possible to leave drops on the seat even if you sit!) — as long as you clean up after yourself (which I always do, both after myself and my kids), who cares?
OP is making a REALLY bold assumption that the huge mess was left by the previous occupant. To publicly call her out like some “bathroom vigilante” so that others are laughing at her is beyond rude, and TBH I kinda wish that other lady had been me. I would have had some choice words of my own for the OP, and told her if she thinks it’s so necessary to clean up after strangers in public bathrooms, SHE can do it.
Exactly, and not only is it quite possible to leave drops on the seat while sitting, a lot of toilets seem to have these power flushing mechanisms that end up leaving splashes of water on the seat, which is totally not urine and totally not the prior stall user’s responsibility or fault. Wet toilet paper hanging over the seat is a different issue, as that was very obviously leftover by someone (not necessarily the publicly shamed woman) who had lined the toilet seat prior to sitting/squatting. I’ve encountered many a dirty toilet stall. If you really need to go and really need to use it, you put your big girl panties on (or take them off in this case), clean up what you can’t deal with, pee, and then wash your hands with hot water and soap for a good 5 minutes. It’s certainly not going to kill you.
I think OP was completely rude. First, the presumption about who left the mess. Second, the nerve to demand that someone other than a bathroom attendant clean the mess. In addition, the fact that the woman went back and cleaned it is not necessarily an admission of guilt. When you have a mob of people who are staring at you thinking that you are a disgusting human being because you have just been publicly shamed, you do the only thing that takes away the shame and embarrassment. If that woman hadn’t made the mess, then she cleaned it on the off-chance that her next flight was with OP who called her out or anyone else who witnessed the scene. I would have done the same (and I wouldn’t have left the mess in the first place).
Totally agree! It’s astonishing that someone would accuse and shame someone like that without proof! It is quite possible that the lady listened out of embarrassment, not because she actually created the mess.
No one would clean up someone else’s pee just because a stranger told them to. That she came back and cleaned it when she got called out pretty much proves that she knew she was responsible for it.
What an interesting assumption.
Really? We have people on the message boards all the time who admit they do not speak up for themselves and go along to get along.
I know quite a few people who are easily bullied and would do it because they feared a woman brazen enough call them out would resort to making a bigger scene. We are not all as strong as you would like to think. It took me into my thirties before I’d stand up for myself when someone tried to pull authority on me who have no actual right to do so. This is the same assumption those use when false confessions happen 🙁
Exactly. People make false confessions all the time. They are psychologically bullied into believing they are guilty. Not hard at all to imagine this is what happened to the woman who ended up cleaning it.
Lift the seat!!
Hey, men do it, right? They lift the seat up so that when they pee, they don’t get it on the seat.
Women should be doing it as well. If you’re going to pee standing up like a man, lift the seat like a man. (and then, wipe up what you splatter on the toilet itself)
Not sure how it is in the US, but – here in the UK – I have a feeling it’s mainly all down to dodgy plumbing in the workplace or other public loos (n/a for airlines, but generally speaking).
How many times in my – otherwise swanky – office have I stood for twenty minutes trying to effect a blimming flush…???
No surprise that some people – when faced with the unflushable – load the pan with toilet roll to cover their “sins” and sneak out only when they’re sure no one is immediately entering afterwards…
Which only serves to block the system further – but what’s a weekly evening of calling the plumber out as opposed to someone else (who has no idea who you are) seeing your “leavings”…??
PS: Not putting myself into that category. Would rather fail and run than “cover up” the evidence.
A reply on here to one where they had two washrooms and like several men an two women, and one fellow would beeline for the gal’s and leave it a disaster despite being repeatedly asked to use the men’s so the place had to install locks and issue employees keys. One of their comments, some fellow at a business finally got fired, because he’d do his #2, too much paper, and clog it every time badly between amount and paper. It was a self flusher so he could have just ‘interrupted proceedings’ a few times to flush things away before he clogged it, but no. Management had to call a plumber in a few times a week. The fellow was talked to. It persisted. It finally came down to the office lease coming up and the building refused to renew unless all the plumbing/janitorial got added to their lease as being their responsibility. For the entire building. In the exit interview it came out his wife wouldn’t let him dump at home in their apartment (for the same reasons, clogging to where it took a plumber call) so he’d wait to come to work. Over about a year, he didn’t learn at work to stop and flush mid session to prevent clogs. (hey I can have some epics and I hate unclogging so I’ll stop and flush mid session-a really bad is 3-4 flushes but it beats the alternative.) I mentioned in the comments this is a fellow the one holer and SearsNroebuck might be more up his speed.
So does this mean we can finally put to rest the presumption that the men’s restroom is more disgusting.
😉
I agree with you, women’s restrooms are way more disgusting. I worked at Wal-Mart in my early 20s and made friends with the maintenance staff; the majority of the disgusting bathroom messes that they had to clean came from the women’s room.
Yes.
I had been suspecting as much. I haven’t had anyone female, other than myself, live in my household for the last 24 years. So, for the last 24 years, every bathroom in my every house and apartment has been a men’s room. No complaints whatsoever. (except for the 2-3 years it took the kids to learn to aim properly.)
Lol, my situation is the opposite, I’m the only male in a home with my wife and daughters. Though I have no complaints as long as used feminine products are properly disposed of.
I was custodial staff at several places. Sometimes they’d let it go a while before they broke down and got another janitor/janitress.
I’d clean the guy’s room, even with urinal long before I’d clean the woman’s. Both can be disgusting but trust me I’d rather clean the men’s.
Then getting married always arguments about why I kept rolling the little rug up all the time. Uh, bub I kept Unrolling it every time I went. No that puddle wasn’t his, then let me be gone for a night and he walked through a nice big cold one at 3 am from his visit at 1 am.
Got place with two bathrooms, one his, one mine. TP got hung the direction you wanted in YOUR bathroom (we had differing opinions) and on the rare time you used the other one you put the seat the way you found it when you were done). He complained after some time his ‘smelled’. I gave him all the cleaning supplies, I’d used it exactly twice. After three hours of erasing his lack of aimity and other things, his 2 am bathroom visits were a LOT more accurate. I didn’t even have to crochet one of my grandmother’s tank, lid, and droolie bib sets with the big 3D cabbage rose on the seat…. (those meant the fellow HAD TO HOLD things up and no leaving them up. ) …..
I don’t know if I like the way the OP handled the situation, but, with the stress and exhaustion of traveling, I know we’ve all hit that point where we just can’t deal with it anymore. I’ve seen much worse tantrums over things far less vile than a disgusting toilet.
Although, if I had been the lady in question and had been falsely accused of making the mess, I would have found a polite spine and said, “I found the stall that way, and I found a way to use it. You can either do the same or clean it up yourself. You choose.” Not blaming the “victim” here, just saying what I would have done.
I am seriously on the fence about this. I am not sure she was the sole culprit. However, is she was not, she knew the state of the stall when she went in. It was just as easy for her to do exactly what commenters are suggesting the OP do with the same amount of risk. I do think the woman was rude for leaving that mess behind. OP comes across as cranky to me with a dash of rude thrown in.
The ease of cleaning for either the woman or OP aside, I can fully understand why neither one wanted to clean up. I was in a well known bagel shop to have breakfast with my husband, and I was 4 months pregnant. Since, I was hungry and everything looked like the end all be all of food we let several people go past us to prevent my indecision for hampering them. One was a lady who looked very ill- I mean slate gray ill. After ill lady ordered she made a beeline for the bathroom and we ordered. After we ordered I waited for the ladies room (a nice gentleman offered to let me use the gents, but I refused as he was a gent and I was sure she would be out in a jiffy). She exited just as he went in. Boy do I wish I had taken him up on his offer! The lady before me had vomited in the SINK, and then left it there! Being pregnant my stomach threatened to rebel on, and I could not even get past the doorway the smell was so bad. A lady saw me exit and made to go to the bathroom. I took her aside and said she should wait for the men’s room as the lady before me had been ill in the sink, and the smell was awful. The ill lady in question had not informed me before I went in, and did not inform any of the workers when she left. I made sure I told the workers that the lady who used the restroom before me had been ill in the sink, and the room needed a cleaning. Then, since I still had to use the potty, my husband and I went home. So, I can totally see why someone would not want to clean up the bodily fluids of others.
Friend had one of those pickups with half seat behind and the door pockets with elastic that held everything. She was partying with few friends, they tried to make it home and front passenger said NOW so the gal pulled over and hit the power window down because this gal was not going to make it out of the belt. She put her forehead on the open window and barfed neatly into the side pocket. Lots of paper towels were stuffed in there, the next day when daylight was no longer fatal, she took the vehicle to one of those wash places where your vehicle goes on a track and you can pay a fortune for a full inside and outside detail, they polish the ashtrays kind of thing. So she’s paid like $120 for the EVERYTHING job. She’s standing at the tip box, leaning on it with a $20 in her hand. They cleaned everything to showroom clean, EXCEPT THAT POCKET. they refused to touch it. She gave them their tip instead, had to stop at the store and get heavy duty kitchen gloves and a whole bunch of stuff and spend a few hours cleaning that pocket out to her satisfaction. She said a whole bottle of febreeze at the end and three rolls of paper towels finally killed it. Yep, not everyone wants to or will clean up someone else’s barf no matter how much you offer….
So. Who squats then? If I read these comments, I have to believe squatters are like unicorns?
The story reminds of my colleague, a very boring and beige person, who had the entire department aflutter because one of the walls in toilets was disgustingly dirty with blood, probably menstrual. It was revolting, a disgrace, unbelievable etc. So, I went to check it out, thinking it must be a huge, wet stain, dripping off the wall, making a puddle and stinking even. I saw it. It was ONE single drop. I took a bit of paper, made it wet, cleaned it, and washed my hands. Everyone was mystified by how the filth had disappeared. And I just felt I didn’t have enough eyes for all the eye rolls I wanted to do.
I just Googled it. Urine is NOT sterile, although it was previously thought to be. But the other woman may not have made the mess. Sounds like it was more than a matter of running some TP over the seat and flushing. OP does not know the extent of the other woman’s need to use the facilities – maybe she couldn’t wait to use another stall. If OP didn’t want to use that stall “as is” or clean it up, no one was forcing her to do so. She should not have publically accused the woman or persisted in accusing her after she denied making the mess.
I ‘ve been in line before. If someone opens the door and sees a mess, she just says something like “”you don’t want to go in there – it’s dirty” and takes the next clean stall. Likewise, I say the same thing if I find a dirty stall when it’s my turn.
Eww. No, you should not use public humiliation to pressure someone into cleaning up other people’s body fluids, especially when they have no access to gloves, sanitizer, etc that a cleaning crew would.
I am in the camp that I normally clean something whether I did it or not. To walk out of the mess is nasty. Now, she may not have done it. At that point with everyone waiting I probably would have done what admin said or I may have used it and just cleaned it, I don’t know. But I don’t blame OP for requesting it to be cleaned.
I probably wouldn’t have called her out directly. More likely an annoyed “REALLLY???” when I looked in the stall, followed by a sharp look at the offender… and then I’d have cleaned the seat myself. Passive aggressive of me, I know, but where I’m from, some biyotches be cray-cray and you were lucky this one didn’t come back at you when you ordered her to clean out a toilet stall in front of a line full of people.
I paper the hell out of the toilet seat before I sit down. I call it “building a nest.” I’m a lousy hoverer, and even if I weren’t, I’d still be skeeved to have to hold on to a wall or possibly end up in someone else’s germs (or in or on the bowl) if I slipped or something. People who leave a mess are absolutely selfish creatures. I don’t mind that they want to hover – I totally get it – but for GOODNESS SAKE, PLEASE CLEAN OFF THE SEAT!! I always have to wad up paper to clean it up and it’s totally gross to walk in to and you hoverers can do that just as easily yourself and not have the person coming after you think you’re a disgusting pig person.
Btw, my “nest” provides the added benefit of being able to notice whether or not there’s toilet paper BEFORE you need it to clean yourself up.
+1 (I also make a toilet paper cover – I hate hovering)
Makes me think of a tip I learned recently. You know the sanitary papers that you put on the seat that are always falling in before you an sit down? My sister taught me to “sit and punch.” Sit first, punch second. Maybe this is common knowledge, but I don’t know how I’ve gone over 60 years fighting with those things without knowing this!
I had no idea. That would have made my life easier.
Omg thanks I did not know this! I probably lost hundreds of those covers over the years, mostly because the toilet would automatically flush while I’m adjusting the cover! This is a life saver, thank you!
I once put a note up at work in each women’s stall:
If you sprinkle when you tinkle
please be neat and wipe the seat.
Management took them down….
*lift* the seat.
If you’re going to pee standing up like a man, lift the seat–like a man.
Hey, I’m with you all the way, OP! Nothing annoys me more than someone who has to do the “hover” over the toilet. Newsflash: YOU people are the ones making the mess you complain about being so nasty!! Take a damn seat, pee, and move on.
I often walk into the restroom at work to the same scene. And we are professional women working in the corporate headquarters of a national children’s hospital!! Gross!
The pee on the seat is a life long peeve of mine. I truly dislike the prissy women who are just too special to bother to put toilet paper down, if they don’t want to sit on the seat. I wonder if Jane Goodall could offer any insights into this behavior.
Given the number of crazy people out there, though – and some of them are armed – I would never call out a stranger over such a matter. The OP here got what she felt was justice, but things could have gone horribly wrong.
Um, I hate to sound pedantic or like an sjw, but assuming “crazy” people are violent is really stigmatizing to those who have real mental illnesses that would never hurt a fly.
There are people who will pull a gun or knife and get violent if you sneeze at them wrong. Just don’t assume they’re mentally ill. Thanks.
Zipping past 73 comments at the moment.
They make lady urinals. You squat over the trough, on leg on each side and pee. Problem is women don’t now how to use these, and often try to sit on them and break them. They are also not for dealing with Auntie Flo, or needing to go #2. They are just the equivalent of a men’s urinal. Wish more places had them and more knew how to use them. Trust me properly squat over, (they are meant to be) they are a lot cleaner than several hoverers over a seat toilet. In the meantime, quit hovering and use a seat cover or wipe off and lay TP if you don’t want to sit on that seat? Do you do it at home? Who cleans that mess up then? I am on OP’s side on calling the last one to see the mess to at least try to do something about it. IF I have a pigsty to use I try to at least clean up the seat area…. and if it was clean and I made a mess, I clean my own.
We had one of those in the place I work in. I work in a small lab where the public come in for blood tests/urine tests. An elderly lady patient was required to give a urine sample, given a jar and taken to the bathroom. I was next in line after the patient and when I walked it, the floor was covered with urine and toilet paper, the pan not flushed. It was revolting. I reported it to the nurses’ station who had someone clean it up.
The patient was questioned and said that she had to hover over the seat as she didn’t ‘trust’ toilet seats because of infection and bacteria. She was also cautioned by the nurse that by doing that she was setting herself up for bladder and even lower back problems. So soiling our bathroom was more acceptable than setting herself up for a fairly-well-non-existent infection. It boggles the mind!!!
Maybe not more acceptable — but the argument that they thought she would find more persuasive.
I think the OP was incredibly rude as she had no evidence that the other lady was responsible for the mess. If she had SEEN her do it (unlikely, I know!), then that would be a completely different situation. Shaming someone in that way, without any proof, is bullying and unacceptable.
I tend to agree with OP. Yes, it’s not our place to educate others on manners. But creating (and leaving) a sanitation and health hazard to be faced by others is really objectionable. If you do the crime, you should do the time (cleaning up). The very least one could do is to call for a bathroom attendant if illness or disability would prevent tidying up. But if you’re not ill and you foul the facilities, simple consideration for others would prompt you to right the wrong.
I want to point out to OP, that while it was likely she did not have a disability, just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. You have no idea if she can squat or not, and it was so inappropriate to call her out one that. She may not have been the one to do it. To e-hell with you!
“Think about it…if everyone has been waiting a long time to use a stall, would you have exited the stall to go find another one and really draw attention to yourself? I don’t think so. ”
Oh yes I would have, and have done so many times and warned others in line what was in there. I’ve taught my kids to do the same. There’s no way on Earth I’m cleaning up that kind of a mess left by a stranger, much less doing my business in there.
I hate this. Especially if I go into an empty public restroom and the person before me sprayed. I mean…are you five? You can’t look and make sure you clean up after yourself? And I tend to not squat for many reasons, including wishing to avoid UTI’s, so I try to clean or cover or whatever.
I’d like to start putting up signs that say “Your mother doesn’t follow after you anymore. Act like a grown up or go home.” Of course, that is also rude.
Do I think OP was rude? Yes. Do I think the other woman was rude? Yes. There were no winners here.
How do you suppose squatting promotes UTIs?
If you google it, apparently scientific studies have shown that if you hover, it’s possible that you might leave urine in your bladder. This increases the chance of a urinary tract infection.
Personally I’m too lazy to squat or hover. It’s just easier to sit!
Don’t forget to factor in that sometimes flushing makes drops splash onto the toilet seat too. It’s still gross, but I just wipe the seat with TP and sit down.
Secondly, if I use a paper seat cover I like to just rip the center out completely and drop it in the toilet before I put the cover on the seat. Then it won’t get flushed prematurely and I’m at ease knowing my urine will go into the toilet and not dribble along the paper.