Several of our local colleges and universities have started the new academic year today so in honor of this, I present a college roommate story. Muwhahahahaha!
I have a story to submit for the Neighbors section, although it is about my college roommate. We’ll call her Ann. In my freshman year, Ann and I met and become friends quickly. We had a lot in common (or so I thought) and really enjoyed each other’s company. We enjoyed each other’s company so much that we agreed to be roommates the following year.
Fast forward to the following August… Ann calls me to tell mme that she has to take the semester off (academic probation) but will be back in college for the January semester. I was a little surprised by this, as I had thought that Ann was a bookworm like me. (My interim roommate was a bit of a problem, but thatâ€™s a whole different story.) Back to Ann…
Ann arrives on the first day of the January semester before me. We were excited to see each other, and started off the semester well. About a month or two into the semester, I started noticing that random objects of mine were going missing: my little magnetic box of multi-colored paper clips, my socks (I wear a size 4, Ann wears a size 10, so I thought the missing socks were weird), a kitchen knife, some Tupperware, food, and MONEY! Over the semester, over $200, in increments from $1 to $20, had gone missing. I contacted my Resident Advisor who suggested I try to set up Ann in some type of theft sting. I knew it wouldn’t work, though, so I never did it. Although, under my Resident Advisor’s guidance, I searched through Ann’s drawers when she was gone, one day, and I found my paper clips and socks. Unfortunately, this was not sufficient evidence to have her removed from the room.
Later, I asked the girl who was my interim roommate if any of her belongings were missing. (We stored our stuff in our rooms during the winter break. Ann had arrived at school before me and before my interim roommate had had the chance to move her stuff to her new room. Therefore, Ann had had plenty of opportunity to rifle through our stuff.) My interim roommate told me that, yes, some of her stuff was missing, like her razor and some shampoo.
By March, I noticed that a lot of our common friends were giving me strange looks. I was completely clueless about why. Finally, one friend told me that Ann has been telling people that I “stole” her boyfriend. I think a little back story is necessary at this point. Ann does not have a boyfriend. I’ve never met him; I’ve never answered the phone to his call (she did not have a cell phone) on our room telephone; never seen a photograph of him; nothing! Not only did Ann fabricate a boyfriend, but then she told people that I was sleeping with him!!! As much as I was horrified to hear that people thought I was stealing someone else’s boyfriend (an act I would *never* commit), I was even more horrified to find out that the man with whom I was supposed to be having “relations” was named Snake. Yes, Snake. I am ophidiophobic! My friend told me that he didn’t believe Ann’s story because he knew I would never sleep with someone named Snake.
Also, Ann had been spreading rumors about me, saying that I was a mean roommate. She said that if she ever came back to the room late at night, I would sit up in bed and scream at her for waking me up. I’m a pretty deep sleeper (all those years at boarding school, when you had to learn to sleep through anything!), so I’m pretty sure I never screamed at Ann for returning to the room late. I have no recollection of waking up to yell at her. Ever.
By the end of the semester, Ann had been kicked out of our college. The academic probation had been turned into a permanent fixture. The following semester, I ended up sharing a room with the girl who had been Ann’s roommate the previous year. I found out later that Ann had been stealing from her, too! She told me that she hadn’t told anyone because she wasn’t 100% positive that Ann was the culprit.
After Ann left the college, friends of mine told me that whenever I was out of the room, she would take great pleasure in sitting on top of my pillow and passing gas. Nice.
Sincerely, Ophidiophobe. 0804-09
What kind of “friends” witness someone taking delight in purposely flatulating on your pillow and wait months to tell you anything about it?