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Gossiping Rude Guests

This incident was the first time I had met many of my partner’s friends, and boy oh boy did it leave an impression. I’m still fuming about it 2 years later!

We were invited to a wedding in a resort town that, while in the same state, is too far away for most attendees to make a day trip. It was an expensive city to stay in, so the groom’s cousin opened his home to anyone who needed accommodations. My partner and I accepted his offer very graciously along with a few other good friends of my partner. It was a great deal and they would all be able to carpool from the venue.

We arrive at house and see a couple (who are close friends with my partner and supposed to be staying at the house) speaking on the lawn. They say that we shouldn’t even go inside-that there is no way they can stay in this house and they will be staying in a motel 2 hours away from the venue. They go on to say the house is dirty beyond belief and they cannot imagine how anyone can live there and that they would never be able to sleep in that house without vomiting. We were shocked. What could be in this house that people would want to stay 2 hours away??

We walk inside to the house and find that it is…. perfectly normal. Someone obviously lived there; it wasn’t a hotel, but it was very clean, well-cared for, and they had taken pains to make sure guests would be comfortable. All personal items were tucked away out of site, every bed had new, pressed sheets, and each bedroom had extra blankets, towels and toiletries neatly arranged. It was cleaner and smarter looking than the house I grew up in. We tried to spread the word that the house was just fine but the offending couple had already called everyone else who was supposed to stay and told them not to go!!!!!

Unfortunately it didn’t stop there. Then they spent the entire wedding reception gossiping about the groom’s cousin and talking about his “pig-sty of a house.” I was furious. I didn’t know these people but they were friends of my partner so I bit my tongue and curtly said, “I think the house is very comfortable and it was very kind of him to let us stay there.” In the end, of the 8 people who were supposed to stay at the house, only my partner and I could “stand sleeping in the stable” (their words). The house became a running joke of the wedding.

After the wedding, we bought our host a lavish gift and promised to host them any time they are in our city. Crybaby that I am, I broke down weeping on the ride home and told my partner that I would never socialize with the gossiping couple again. He wholeheartedly agreed and we politely refuse any invitations they extend to us. Now I just have to avoid them at group functions. 1117-15

{ 79 comments… add one }
  • Weaver November 23, 2015, 4:31 am

    How utterly bizarre! OP, did the couple in question seem verly fussy in general? Did they complain about anything else? Or did they just fixate only on the state of the house for some reason? (Pressed sheets on the beds? Neatly arranged toiletries? The horror!)

    I think it was jolly nice of the groom’s cousin to open up his house like that, and, if anything, he seems to have gone above and beyond in making guests comfortable. There are only four reasons I can think of for the complaining couple’s behaviour, but frankly they all seem rather far-fetched.
    a) The couple have some other vendetta against the groom’s cousin, and decided to take this opportunity to attempt to hurt or embarrass him;
    b) The couple are ridiculously fastidious, and themselves live in a home covered entirely in plastic wrap (how slippery that would be, lol);
    c) The couple have a weirdly mean and twisted sense of humour, and decided to mess with everyone for their own amusement;
    d) Their is bigotry at work, and the groom’s cousin is of a race, religion or sexuality that offends this couple’s delicate sensibilities, and prejudices them to view a pleasant home as dirty, just because of its owner.
    All these theories seem unlikely, though, especially as the couple were at the time close friends with your partner, so presumably he would have known about such things beforehand. I suppose the private vendetta is the one your partner was least likely to know about, but then, why would the cousin invite the weird couple to stay? Unless he was trying to be the bigger person and extend an olive branch, or perhaps the”vendetta” was so petty, and based on such an imagined slight, that it was only in the couple’s heads. Obviously something was going on, but I’m at a loss to explain it.

    At any rate, OP, you seem to have behaved impeccably throughout, and I’m glad your partner agreed with your stance and backed you up on it. I hope the groom’s cousin wasn’t too hurt by the strange curtailment of his hosting duties, and I hope you get the opportunity to make good on your promise to host in return.

    Honestly, I’m still shaking my head in bafflement at this one.

    • Weaver November 23, 2015, 5:00 am

      Sorry, that should have read “overly fussy in general”, and “There is some bigotry at work”.

      • Elizabeth November 23, 2015, 7:39 am

        Yes, I also had the immediate thought that it might be related to bigotry of some description. But how very strange the whole encounter seems.

    • Goldie November 23, 2015, 10:42 am

      I’d rule (b) out right away, because they went to a motel, and motels are not exactly known for their cleanness. Either there’s some personal backstory here, or (c) it’s an elaborate prank (the kind I would NOT approve of, going back to a recent thread on pranks!)

      • Amanda H. November 23, 2015, 11:09 pm

        Except that motels may have a perceived reputation for cleanness if only for the fact that they employ housekeepers to (hopefully) clean the rooms between guests.

    • Green123 November 23, 2015, 3:15 pm

      D) was my first thought – were the hosts a same-sex, unmarried, or mixed-race couple that the rude gossips had an old-fashioned bigoted objection to?

      Or were the gossips just neat freaks of the highest order?

  • LeeLee88 November 23, 2015, 5:45 am

    I’m just really hoping none of this straight-up slander made it back to the groom’s cousin. I am really glad that your partner agreed to cool the friendship; these people are Class A jerks! To stand on the front lawn of their host’s home and say such awful things is beyond the pale – even it were actually a mess inside – I couldn’t imagine being so mean. You’re well rid of these people, good grief!

    • Goldie November 23, 2015, 10:38 am

      Came here to make this comment about OP’s partner – at least the silver lining in this is that OP was able to confirm early on that the partner is a good guy; and made new acquaintance of another good person (the groom’s cousin.)

      I can think of at least one ex who, in a situation like this, could’ve easily responded with “No, Bob and Mary are good people, it’s all in your head, you’re making things up, you’re blowing things out of proportion” and continued to be friends with Bob and Mary. Very cool of OP’s partner to be objective and distance himself from the vicious couple!

  • just4kicks November 23, 2015, 7:13 am

    How rude and bizarre.
    What’s wrong with these people?
    In my opinion, I think you did a nice thing by commenting on how nice the house was, given the same situation, I probably would’ve said the same thing in defense of your gracious hosts.
    ….And also would avoid them in the future, as you stated you and your partner would.
    Really strange to me they would do that.

  • Dominic November 23, 2015, 7:38 am

    What I don’t understand is why the other four people would take the offending couple’s word as law and not even stop by and check out the house where they were to stay. As others have mentioned, clearly there was more going on here than we are aware of.

    It’s too bad there wasn’t someone who could have shut down the awful behavior during the wedding reception.

    • abby November 23, 2015, 8:31 am

      Well, to be fair, if the gossipy couple had been telling the truth, it would have been awkward for the remaining four to show up, have a look, then tell the host thanks but no thanks. They probably figured better to just take the fussy couple at their word and be out the money and convenience, then risk offending the host.

    • Goldie November 23, 2015, 10:39 am

      I don’t understand that part either! What kind of a junior-high school clique are they?

  • Weaver November 23, 2015, 8:19 am

    That puzzled me too, Dominic. If one of my close and trusted friends called to give me such a warning, I would probably heed it, but to be honest, curiosity alone might’ve driven me to at least check out the house, before moving onto a hotel if necessary. Something very odd seems to be going on with the gossipping couple and their relationship with others.

    I’m hoping that most people at the reception would shut down the behaviour, if they encountered it, in a similar way to the OP. I certainly hope it was a pleasant reception regardless of all this nonsense. A weird situation all round.

    • abby November 23, 2015, 3:02 pm

      But then what would you have done if the house was indeed very disgusting? Tell the host that you weren’t staying there after touring his house? That’s a pretty obvious snub.

      If the other couples went straight to the hotel, they could always make up a lie to the host about why they chose to change their plans last minute. Once they’re at his house, they’d then have to explain WHY they were leaving.

      • Weaver November 28, 2015, 5:09 am

        Yes, that is a good point. I would have been so curious though!

  • abby November 23, 2015, 8:29 am

    They pressed the sheets?? Wow, that host went far and beyond what I would have done as a host. So did the other four people even check out the digs, or did they just go straight to the motel?

    I got news for your fussy friend of a friend- that house was probably far more sanitary than the hotel he stayed at.

    • manybellsdown November 23, 2015, 3:46 pm

      Seriously, pretty sure the only time I’ve ironed a bedsheet is if I was using it for sewing.

      • just4kicks November 24, 2015, 1:49 am

        I agree with both of you.
        I would scrub the toilet any day over ironing, I don’t know why I just don’t like to iron.
        My husband’s and son’s shirts and pants don’t take long to iron, but I wouldn’t iron sheets, especially enough for the guest room….that in itself must have taken a really long time.

        • just4kicks November 24, 2015, 1:50 am

          ….guest ROOMS….

          • Athena C November 24, 2015, 5:08 am

            I just set up my guest room and put brand new sheets on the bed.

            Still wrinkled from the package.

            I am not ashamed.

      • Goldie November 25, 2015, 9:21 am

        Right! Pretty sure last time I ironed a bedsheet was when I was still in high school and lived with my parents, who were into that kind of stuff.

        I force myself to iron clothes maybe once a month. Must be all this ironing I’ve done as a chore when I was a teen, because now, for whatever reason, I cannot stand ironing. Luckily, almost everything comes out of the dryer pretty much wrinkle-free! My hat is off to the hosts in OP’s story!

        • just4kicks November 26, 2015, 7:10 am

          @Goldie: Me too….my mom still irons her sheets when she washes them, call me lazy, but I really don’t see the point. After a few hours of sleep, they are wrinkled anyway.

          And, I’m also a big fan of getting the wrinkles out in the dryer, unless they are my husband’s work pants and dress shirts.

          I saw something on tv not too long ago which works really well.
          Put the wrinkled items in the dryer with a handful of ice cubes, sounds dumb, but it works really well with the items I tried it on!!!
          Thank you to the “Hack my life” program and videos, some REALLY good tips on that show.

  • Tara November 23, 2015, 8:49 am

    I’m a very messy person. It was even worse when I first moved out of my parents’ house at 19 because while I knew how to do chores, I hadn’t learned how to keep house (the daily things you do to keep things neat). My boyfriend I was living with at the time wasn’t a clean person either, so you can probably see where this is going. Our apartment was an utter disaster most of the time. Not QUITE as bad as those hoarding shows, but close. We had 2 cats too, and the litter boxes were in the basement where we couldn’t get to them easily (out of sight out of mind), we had no washer or dryer, so there were piles of dirty clothes (we went to the laundromat once we were completely out of clean clothes, so maybe every 6 weeks), the place smelled like cat pee, always dirty dishes in the sink, and there was trash everywhere. My mom cleaned it twice when she came over to visit. Once I moved out into a clean place I got much better at keeping it clean, and each subsequent home was kept cleaner than the last as I got better at keeping up. These days I still fall behind on laundry once in a while, and sometimes it gets a bit cluttered, but the litter box is kept fastidiously clean, the floors clear and clean, and the fixtures and counters are wiped down regularly.

    I’m only airing my dirty laundry here to make a point… when I lived in a pigsty my boyfriend I had friends who kept CLEANER houses, but they were still messy. I thought they were perfectly clean, although looking back they were pretty gross (dirty floors and counters, but at least they had clean dishes and laundry was contained to baskets). I have a friend who is very picky about cleaning, and thinks my home is a disaster now. I’ve seen his home, and it is literally always sparkling and spotless. Not a single stray piece of laundry, never a dirty dish in the sink, nothing out of place. So I’m thinking what happened here is that the home they were to stay in that was “obviously lived in” was somewhere around where I keep my home now. The OP may have grown up in a very dirty house, and seeing the house they were to stay in was sanitary was good enough for her. The horrible people spreading rumors on the lawn probably grew up in a prissy level of cleanliness, along with having never been taught not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

    • missmiminute November 23, 2015, 8:32 pm

      I have to agree. To me it seems the OP is accustomed to potentially unkempt homes (she mentions perhaps growing up in one) so this home may have seemed clean in comparison, but perhaps was dirty to someone very tidy. I come from a very, very messy family – my father is a hoarder and my sister became the same as she grew – and I am now very tidy, and hire a cleaner, as I am traumatised by my experiences in dirty homes. Even so, I may have been uncomfortable in the couple’s home but I still would have stayed. I’ve faced this situation before and just sucked it up. The gossiping couple was very rude.

    • just4kicks November 24, 2015, 1:57 am

      @Tara: my mom kept a SPOTLESS house when I was growing up, and when I was old enough to do chores, got in trouble a LOT for not doing them correctly.
      Now that I’m in charge of keeping my own house clean, well, I let some things slide.
      I wouldn’t say my house is a pig sty, but with four kids, two cats, and a husband who doesn’t pick up after himself, I would call our home “happily cluttered”.
      For example, half of our family, myself included are in the middle of a very bad cold.
      I have no problem leaving a few dishes in the sink until morning, and there is as we speak, a full laundry basket on my bureau of folded clothes that I just didn’t feel like putting away before bed.
      My mom? She wouldn’t be able to go to bed unless the house was ship shape.
      Different strokes for different folks.

      • Goldie November 25, 2015, 9:25 am

        Did we have the same mom? I got in trouble for that too. Our home was spotless too.

        Me, as long as there are no bad smells and I don’t stick to any surfaces when I touch them, and there is nothing lying around in plain sight that a visitor might not want to see (dirty socks in the living room, intimate toys on a counter, that kind of thing…), the house is clean enough for me.

        • just4kicks November 26, 2015, 7:16 am

          @Goldie: I think we do have the same mom!
          My mom used to do “white glove” inspections on my dusting, I missed many school dances and football games because I didn’t do my chores correctly!
          ….And they STILL have a couch in the living room no one is allowed to sit on, it’s “just for nice”.

          Happy Thanksgiving, my sister! 🙂

  • clairedelune November 23, 2015, 9:07 am

    I guess the joke is on the other couples who blindly followed the lead of these nasty saboteurs and spent a lot of unnecessary money on a hotel instead of taking the time to find out for themselves how nice the accommodations actually were.

    • admin November 23, 2015, 12:54 pm

      What is disturbing about this story is the power of persuasion and people’s willingness to believe a bad report without verifying it themselves.

      • lakey November 24, 2015, 1:46 pm

        I agree. In my experience, when people are overly fastidious, or gossips, or mean spirited, others tend to know that, and take what they say with a grain of salt. The gossiping couple in this story were being very mean. Usually when people behave like this it isn’t an isolated incident and others know their reputation.

  • AnaMaria November 23, 2015, 9:29 am

    It really seems like there was some kind of grudge against the groom’s cousin. If this couple wanted to blow all their money on gas and a motel, that’s their choice, but to spend the entire wedding weekend trying to make him look bad and persuading others to not stay there (couldn’t other guests decide for themselves of the house wasn’t live-able??)? What a waste of what should have been a fun wedding vacation!!

  • starstruck November 23, 2015, 9:51 am

    I think I would have called them out on it and asked, what exactly did u find wrong with the house? And spread the word about how nice it actually was

  • Michelle November 23, 2015, 10:05 am

    What completely disgusting behavior. OP stated that the house was clean, comfortable and they had all the toiletries and linens they needed. It has to be some sort of discrimination or bigotry- the beds had pressed sheets! I’ve never stayed in a hotel with pressed sheets. Don’t most hotels just wash them with bleach, dry them and put them on the beds?

    I am glad that you checked the house for yourself and decided to stay, as well as giving the host a nice gift and offer to host if he comes to your town. I think cooling the friendship with the other couple was smart. It reminds me of the Maya Angelou saying “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them”.

  • Elisabeth November 23, 2015, 10:15 am

    Obviously you can’t expect hotel-level accommodations at a person’s house. I’ve seen some houses that I would definitely never sleep in, but the way OP describes this house it’s just a normal, cleaned-up house. I would be curious as to whether there were any pets or cooking smells in the house since these can majorly throw some people off.

  • Dawn November 23, 2015, 10:28 am

    The would be hosts had to know SOMETHING was going on. The gossips went into their house, left it, stood out in their yard in obvious distress and then left. And then, other than the LW and her partner, no one else showed up. They must have been so humiliated.

  • manybellsdown November 23, 2015, 11:09 am

    This is something I am super paranoid about. I’m not particularly tidy. I certainly don’t live in filth, but I’m always worried someone is going to think my house is disgusting because the microwave needs to be cleaned or the floor in the entryway is dirty or there’s a box of junk lurking in a corner.

    I would have been devastated to hear something like this (it’s making me anxious just reading about it happening to someone else!) I wonder what the cousin thought about everyone canceling? He had to have overheard something if so many people were gossiping about it through the wedding!

    • stacey November 23, 2015, 5:28 pm

      Anxiety can really get to any of us, so I sympathize! For what it’s worth, I believe that others think of us far less often and in far less specific terms than we might believe. So- if you’re happy with your house and everyone who lives there is too, the rest of the world is irrelevant. You’d tidy up before hosting a big group if needed, but otherwise, why worry?

  • NostalgicGal November 23, 2015, 11:11 am

    I think the offenders ‘were there first’ and didn’t want to share. So they did that so nobody else would even want to stay. I hope it’s fully around the back channel what these people did and they’ve been deleted from invite lists and more.

    I used to travel to and also host out of town events where you got ‘crash space’ where available. It may have meant floor with sleeping bag or the couch and you could have quite a few sleeping there for the night, but. That was part of it. You didn’t have to rent a motel, the crash space was at civil habitable levels and you were there for a night or two. Most brought their hosts SOMETHING.

    This just so sounds like couple#1 got there first and didn’t want to share the space so shame on THEM.

    • HotMango November 23, 2015, 1:54 pm

      But the first couple didn’t have to share because they didn’t even stay. They left the free, perfectly adequate accommodations in exchange for a hotel miles away.

      Their behavior perplexes me.

      • manybellsdown November 23, 2015, 3:49 pm

        I think she means that they were hoping to scare other people away, but the plan was borked when the LW decided the house was fine. So then they went to a hotel. Although it still doesn’t make sense that they would keep talking about it through the wedding!

        • SororSalsa November 23, 2015, 7:50 pm

          Well, they couldn’t exactly spread the word that their plan was thwarted by OP making their own decision. Perhaps they chose to be nasty gossips at the wedding because they were annoyed they had to pay for a motel.

    • Goldie November 25, 2015, 9:27 am

      Hah! You may be on to something here!

  • Dyan November 23, 2015, 11:11 am

    oh how rude, I don’t blame you one bit for not talking to this fussy nasty couple…what is wrong with people

  • shhh its me November 23, 2015, 12:00 pm

    I think OP did the right thing but this is so bizarre.

    I’m just trying to guess at possible reasons , I doubt there was something OP didn’t notice and the wording doesn’t match my hypotheticals very well.. One reason I can think of a person saying this is if the saw some sign of infestation that OP missed ,ie a ton of mouse poo in their room or dozens of dead rats around the house before OP got there and miraculous that cleared up the rodent issue. The other legitmateish reason I can think of is pets, some people have a real issue with pet hair, cats on the kitchen counters or pets having accidents. Neither of these match OP description or what the gossipy couple said.

    The single reason that people should not stay and should warn others I can think of is “OH by the way we have bed beds. We had an exterminator come yesterday, but we are not sure if its handled yet.”

    In theory , if 4 couples are suppose to stay with a friend and that friends place is uninhabitable , should the first couple to arrive warn the others ? is it worst to have 3 people cancel before they get there or walk out?

  • behindbj November 23, 2015, 12:01 pm

    My initial thought is that they wanted the entire pleasant house to themselves and the OP blew that out of the water by actually going in to see it. Once done, they had to “save face” somehow and keep the charade going.

    Odd, in any case.

  • stacey November 23, 2015, 12:52 pm

    The actions of the couple objecting to hospitality offered are so egregious as to require a response. Since you are in no position to teach manners to others and your own conduct was flawless, the only course of action remaining for consideration would have been how best to mitigate the damage. You cannot police the conduct of the offending parties, but you might have chosen to notify the groom (either during the event or after the fact). He would have the most standing as the event’s host (and since his own family were hosting his guests, he would have standing to object to their unreasonable complaints and their efforts to sabotage both his family member’s reputation and the conviviality and peace of the wedding weekend.) It’s a pity that anyone would engage in this conduct. It’s absolutely unsupportable that they should be permitted to get by with no more than a modest objection. They deserve the frostiest of interactions and the scorn of their hosts and those who were taken in by their lies. I suspect that the gathering of their friends in an alternate venue is what this selfish couple had in mind with this bizarre behavior. Stupid, selfish and short sighted conduct, in my opinion!

  • ColoradoCloudy November 23, 2015, 2:06 pm

    I am going OT here, but I need help with the use of the word ‘graciously’ as used in this letter. It reads, “My partner and I accepted his offer very graciously…”.
    Is the OP saying that the offer was gracious, or that OP and Partner were gracious in accepting the offer? I am assuming the former, but I may be wrong. This is something I have seen a lot recently, and I am wondering if I have been missing the correct use of the word. I never thought to use that word in that way – I would have said “gratefully” or something like that, indicating that I was grateful for the offer. Is it correct to use ‘graciously’ as a synonym for “politely”? I looked up the definition, and polite and kind are certainly listed there, but the intent of the word doesn’t really seem to match “polite” as much as a sort of benevolence.
    I am truly curious – what does everyone think?

    • JD November 23, 2015, 2:46 pm

      Me, too, CC. I think “gratefully” is the appropriate word here, but maybe the meaning has changed from how I used to hear “graciously” used.

    • Meegs November 23, 2015, 4:18 pm

      Ha! Good to know I’m not the only one who noticed this. Some people like to add in extra words to make it seem like they have a vast vocabulary but often miss the mark because they are trying to hard and end up not making sense. Not saying that’s what the OP was doing but….

    • Kat November 23, 2015, 4:51 pm

      I think it was meant to be “accepted his offer very gratefully.”

      You CAN speak of people accepting hospitality graciously, but in that case it generally indicates that they behaved themselves while as a guest in someone else’s home, didn’t make messes without cleaning them up, showed an appropriate amount of gratitude, and in general made themselves as unburdensome a guest as possible. Normally one wouldn’t say this about THEMSELVES, however, as it would come off a bit arrogant, as in “I of course was perfectly behaved!” A HOST might say it of her guests, however.

      This is one of those commonly confused phrases, like saying “for all intensive purposes” instead of “for all intents and purposes.”

      /end grammar nerd.

      • ColoradoCloudy November 24, 2015, 9:38 am

        I’m so glad I’m not the only one!

      • Jessica December 8, 2015, 12:08 pm

        On a side note, I have to add, it really annoys me for some reason when people say their kids ‘run a muck’ instead of ‘run amok’

  • Calli Arcale November 23, 2015, 2:14 pm

    I know someone who is . . . amazingly persnickety about household cleanliness, and who seldom stays at any house twice because no house is up to her standards. BUT she does not ever voice this publicly. She is gracious to the host, and stays for the full duration agreed upon, and never spreads any sort of nastiness about the house, because she knows most people don’t share her particular sentiments on the matter. It took her staying at three different homes of people in my circle to figure out what the common denominator was that had her refuse to stay at any of our places again. (And she was never rude about it. She just preemptively arranged other lodgings before we could offer, thus neatly avoiding any etiquette entanglements.) She stays at hotels most of the time. And if you have very high standards that a home does not meet, that is how you handle it. Provided the place isn’t actually health and safety hazard, nothing there is gonna kill you. Just smile, be gracious for what has so generously been offered, and count your blessings.

  • daphne November 23, 2015, 2:36 pm

    Does the couple have a financial interest in the hotel that was 2 hours away?

  • Gabriele November 23, 2015, 3:29 pm

    I wonder if the undirty duo felt they ‘had’ to stay there so went through the motions but really wanted to stay at a pricier place where they could party with their ‘select’ friends.
    Perhaps the hosting couple weren’t interested in partying, might not have welcomed people getting drunk (or who knows what else) in their house.
    Hotels mean no house rules…and no one to tell tales.
    And, if the house rules guidelines offended the potential ‘guests’ the digs about how dirty the house was could be a way at getting back at them.
    Me in a snide aspect of my personality might have wondered out loud: “Hmmmm. I doubt hotels could be any cleaner than X’s house…I wonder what they were up to in their very private rooms? What didn’t they want to share?”

  • Cat November 23, 2015, 3:51 pm

    I would be so tempted to accept an invitation to the home of the gossiping couple, pull out my white gloves, and begin testing their home for cleanliness, beginning with the top of the refrigerator. It would be such fun to go through their house, running my white gloved fingers over every surface and tsk tsking everything. I’d enjoy turning to them and saying, “I am terribly sorry, but, until you get this place cleaned up, I”m afraid we can’t stay for a visit.”
    I wouldn’t do that, but it would be a lot of fun to put the shoe on their communal foot and see how they like it.

  • wren November 23, 2015, 4:18 pm

    The couple on the lawn behaved horribly. If the house was not up to their standards, they should have simply said they prefer to make other arrangements, thank the would-be hosts and leave quietly. That they went as far as they did with their vitriolic talk has me itching to warm my hands at the fires of e hell which the lawn couple is obliviously fueling.

  • abby November 23, 2015, 4:42 pm

    I’m confused by this line- “The house became a running joke of the wedding.”

    If the Gossipers spent that much time trashing the owner and his house, did they give no details? Did they just say over and over that it was unlivable and disgusting without citing any examples? Because I’d think the average person would be like, how so? in response to their story. But since the OP doesn’t list any examples, I’m going to assume OP didn’t hear any (other than very generic “dirty” comments). If they gave examples, it would probably clear up whether they were extreme neat freaks (as in, the Gossipers checked the baseboards for dust and crumbs), or just completely lying about the state of the house for reasons we don’t know.

    • InTheEther November 24, 2015, 10:06 pm

      Oh, it’s amazing how much someone just throwing a fit for attention can go on about their feelings and why things are so horrible without giving any concrete details. Concrete details would deflate their argument, so they just steamroll over it with hyperbole and volume.

  • Shannan November 23, 2015, 5:01 pm

    Man, I was thinking it would turn out that the Rudes had only said that so they could have the place to themselves. That said OP I think saying wahat you said was totally appropriate. Just telling people basically that you found the house to be very comfortable was a great way to cancel out the Rudes and convey that you have no idea what they’re talking about.

  • Cleo November 23, 2015, 5:02 pm

    Is it possible that the gossiping couple always wanted to stay in a hotel but couldn’t convince others to share the costs of renting a room/apartment/motel (like a hotel room with three bedrooms sort of thing). They went along with the house stay plan because that’s what their friends were doing then at the last minute made up the dirty house story to get the others to do what they wanted in the first place.

    To be fair to the other couples, if one of my friends warned me away from staying somewhere I would probably believe them (though I would need to hear the whole story). That said if one couple said it was dirty and another said it was clean I would have at least gone to check it out for myself. If it really was dirty then I’d just come up with an excuse about my allergies (genuine issue for me) and move to stay with the gossips.

  • Ashley November 23, 2015, 10:26 pm

    I started a new job recently and don’t get to check this site as early in the day as I used to, wow. I feel like I missed a ton of stuff!

    I agree that this is rude and odd. I’m genuinely curious what they found so utterly repulsive about this house that staying two hours away was favorable? Wasn’t there even one hotel closer than that?

    Idk, part of it might be that I’m pretty simple. As long as the house I’m staying in is neat, I’ve got clean sheets and access to clean towels, and it looks like the bathroom has been cleaned in the past week, I’m basically set.

  • JO November 24, 2015, 6:00 am

    Wow. I would hate to think what they would say if they saw my place! Anyhow, OP, how incredibly frustrating that must have been for you. Who knows what is going through the minds of people like that.

  • Emmy November 24, 2015, 8:50 am

    I wonder if this was the woman who looked at a house we were selling a few years back. DH and I were trying to sell our house and when we would hear somebody was coming to look at the house, we would straighten up. One day after we had a prospective buyer, we got a comment from the realtor showing the house that the buyer didn’t like it and a few comments on how she can’t believe how cluttered and messy it was. It was just a normal house and I really thought it was very rude of the real estate agent to rely these obviously false comments of her malcontent client. The comments made it seemed like it was a house on a hoarders show than a lived in but clean house. (We had several people look at the house before it sold and not one other person said anything remotely like that).

    • Devin November 24, 2015, 9:55 am

      While I’m surprised the realtor relayed the message along to you, unless this was something more than one potential had commented on, many buyers are used to seeing houses that are ‘staged’. Meaning the previous owners already moved out and the realtor has decorated it to give it a certain look. Since no one actually lives there, there is none of the ‘clutter’ you see in a house that someone actually lives in (no toothbrushes in the toothbrush holder, no coats on the coat rack, no TV or remotes in the living room, no sponge and dish soap at the sink).

      • Goldie November 25, 2015, 12:53 pm

        You’re right – we were in the market for a house twice and both times, all the houses we saw were staged, except one. That one house had all the toothbrushes, clothes etc in place. There was also an old lady in the basement rec room watching TV. I didn’t care. I was looking to buy the house, not the grandma; and I’m old enough to understand that grandma is not a package deal that comes with the house! But I can see how it could’ve looked unusual and puzzling to someone. Oh well!

    • nannerdoman November 24, 2015, 11:24 am

      Emmy, did this woman think that the “clutter and mess” were features of the house that she was obligated to buy??

  • AJB November 24, 2015, 10:09 am

    OP here!
    After telling this story on here I asked my partner again what he thought the issue with that house had been in hindsight. He sighed deeply before responding “That’s just how they are.” He went to college with these people so I defer to his judgment, but I don’t know if that gets us any closer to an answer!

    It wasn’t a brand new house, by any means but it was clean and tidy. No pets, no weird smells, no children’s toys or dishes anywhere. All around very odd!! My personal theory is that one half of the couple never wanted to stay there in the first place and pitched a fit, so they talked themselves into believing it was not possible for them to stay.

    Joke’s on them, though, because they stayed 5 people to one room in a motel (everywhere was booked) and at breakfast the next morning we were told that one person in that cramped room snored all night and kept everyone from getting any sleep.

    • TaterTot November 24, 2015, 2:19 pm

      Thanks for commenting, OP! You’re right about the joke being on them. It looks like they got some payback for their nasty gossiping.

    • Goldie November 25, 2015, 9:29 am

      Instant karma. Got to love it!

    • Weaver November 29, 2015, 12:27 pm

      Thanks for updating, OP. I agree that the joke was on them, and I love the karma they got, ha ha! Their behaviour really was odd, not to mention incredibly rude, my goodness. I think you’re right to cool the friendship.

  • AE November 24, 2015, 2:15 pm

    I’ve got to admit, I’d have been tempted to take some nice pictures and put them on mutually shared social media. “Here’s my sweetie relaxing after X’s wedding at Y’s house. We’re so lucky they had a spare room!”

  • Becca November 24, 2015, 8:28 pm

    I certainly know that “cleanliness” can be in the eye of the beholder, that’s for sure!

    My mom was straightening up my house awhile back (just a few stray dishes in the sink, running the broom over the floors, throwing out the almost full trash can). So I messaged my boyfriend, laughing saying “My mom is cleaning my house right now, I’ve got it made!”. The response was “But…what is there even to clean?” He is from the messy side of the tracks, which actually doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t mind other people’s messy houses, my best friend has multiple kids, she’s always apologizing for the “mess” when I stop by. I don’t even notice it because unless I’m stepping on stuff or it smells like poo, I’m not concerned. I don’t live there, that’s not my stuff, why would I care if I was just spending the night?!

    Those people seem really nasty, like deep down, their heart is just rotted all the way out. What kind of horrible stuff could that cousin have ever done to them to be so crude and nasty. I don’t even mind them not spending the night themselves but to message everyone else, that’s above and beyond. Then you add them making it a joke at the wedding itself. If I were the groom, that wedding would be the last time those disgusting people ever were seen at another one of my important events! To treat someone’s cousin that like, how gross can you get, argh. If they had something against that cousin in the first place, why would they have shown up at all? Nasty.

  • InTheEther November 24, 2015, 9:53 pm

    I’ve seen plenty of people who are just happy being absolutely offended. I don’t really get it, but there are people out there who cannot just be pleased or even apathetic about something, they HAVE to be upset. Even if it means searching, nitpicking, and in the most extreme cases, imagining things.

    I suspect this was the true issue. The way they acted is indicative of it. They hung around the house for who knows how long badmouthing the place rather than just going ahead to the motel. They jumped on the OP to tell her their horror the second they saw her. They just had to make sure EVERYBODY knew what a trial they’d been through. The extensive use of hyperbole. It’s the older version of a toddler throwing a tantrum for attention. The fact that someone else was getting well wishes (bride & groom) and gratitude (cousin for putting people up) was just too much for them to handle.

    OP’s partner could’ve easily not been aware of this trait (or it’s severity) simply because he’s never been on the receiving end where he could verify facts and the wedding making them act out more than usual.

    So good decision avoiding the overgrown toddlers.

    • InTheEther November 24, 2015, 10:15 pm

      Just read OP’s response, so the partner has seen at least lesser examples of this behavior. I’m nearly willing to bet money we’re talking about things like having imaginary issues with their food at restaurants, finding issues with any service they get, etc. Anything that would have people flock around them to try and placate them. The rest of the group may just be used to going along with it since this type of person also hates being called on their BS and doing so makes you a target.

      • Devin November 25, 2015, 9:03 am

        I think you both might be spot on. Drama llamas!! When something doesn’t revolve around them, they have to find a reason to bring the attention back to them. ” Can you believe WE were expected to stay there.” “Can you believe WE had to pay for a hotel room.” “WE are going to have to drive 2 HOURS to the hotel after this.” “WE are embarrassed for them.”
        I have an acquaintance like this. After going to brunch with her one time, myself and the mutual friend decided there would be not more dining out with her. 2 dishes had to be sent back because they were not to her liking, and the second dish brought on tears so much so she needed to ‘take a walk’ to calm down.

        • Goldie November 25, 2015, 9:32 am

          What. WHAT. Crying over a dish that she had already sent back anyway? So much that she needed to take a walk? Was this person sober? I have not seen that much crying even at funerals, TBH.

  • Dear! December 1, 2015, 3:29 pm

    How sad! Even IF the house were supposedly filthy, why not politely excuse yourself from the situation, give the hosts some sort of polite excuse, and not say a word to anyone else. It is horrible when people meet genuine kindness and generosity with disgusting behavior. I don’t blame the OP and her partner for not interacting with the offensive gossips. They would be sure to talk badly about anyone once their backs are turned.

  • Kristine May 18, 2017, 1:34 pm

    About 30 years ago I worked in the laundry of a very nice (Expensive) chain hotel. FYI… Some guests & maids were not so nice – you wouldn’t believe some of the DISGUSTING stuff that came down the chute, bundled in sheets & towels on a daily basis.

    Anyway, they had a long skinny iron that you fed sheets into. Folding the hot sheets before they wrinkled was NOT fun but it was a paying gig & I really needed the job.

    A few months ago my hubby & I took the Behind the Scenes Tour on a cruise ship (TOTALLY the best & most interesting excursion we have ever booked on a cruise). In the laundry, in addition to washing machines & dryers someone could stand in, they had a iron the size of my living room. THAT one did the folding as well. It popped out perfectly ironed & folded sheets every 20 seconds or so. I was VERY impressed.

    Sadly, my hubby refuses to get me one. We will just have to make do with wrinkly sheets straight from our pathetically teeny tumble dryer (Hint: if you just use one set of sheets per bed until they wear out, you NEVER have to fold them!).

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