I’m concerned that a potential upset may overshadow the joy of an upcoming occasion, but also wondering if I’m overthinking it.
My son is turning 1 (first child), and we are holding a small family-only “party” for his birthday, but where we draw the line at family-only is the issue. Husband’s family is very small, mine is very large.
With husband’s family being so small, 90% of family gatherings on his side include his only aunt and uncle.
Because our son is so young and won’t really grasp the concept of a party in the first place, and he’s neither used to nor fond of large crowds, we intend to have a small party which includes only his direct Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins – that’s still 12 people as it is.
However, that would leave out Husband’s only aunt & uncle who usually come to family gatherings held by husband’s side (they’d be great-aunt/uncle to my son, and therefore miss the cut on the invite list). We’ve only had both sides of our families together twice, our wedding, and one massive Christmas which didn’t work out too well for varying reasons.
I’m pretty sure that great-aunt will be upset if we don’t invite her, but equally we have to draw the line somewhere, and I feel that inviting husband’s aunt & uncle but none of my own doesn’t seem right either.
What do you think? Should I just invite them for sake of avoiding upsetting great-aunt, or stick to my guns and simply explain we drew the line at “great-anything” since he’s so young? 0313-16
1. Don’t get caught up into believing that a party is a must-have milestone in the life of an infant and toddler. You are setting yourself up for your child and the families to have an expectation of you hosting a party for every birthday. A cupcake after dinner is plenty of birthday drama for a 1-year old.
2. Your math is confusing. If I speculatively calculated this correctly, your family outnumbers your husband’s by about 3 to 1 so when you create a cut off that excludes a specific generation, you will automatically decrease the already small number of husband’s family while your side really loses nothing. It appears to me that even if you did invite the grandaunt and uncle, this would still not increase your husband’s family number enough to equal the number of people from your side. Frankly, it makes you look petty and ungenerous.
3. What does your husband have to say about this?
4. I could go on at length of the foolishness of knowing ahead of time that an action will upset a family member.